vicone

A woman complains about an emotionally abusive husband. He rarely has a kind word for her or the children; is short-tempered and frequently yells about having to put up with an ungrateful wife and kids. He contributes the barest minimum to food and mortgage, yet always has plenty of cash for alcohol and cigarettes. She knows he's been unfaithful in the past but has been willing to forgive for the sake of keeping the family together.

In another home:

A single parent has three children living with her. It's financially necessary for her to work during the day but, as two of the children are now teenagers (a boy, 13 yrs and a girl, 16 yrs), she's been able to juggle the needs of work and family fairly well. However, she's concerned about the growing lack of respect she receives from the older two children. They are openly sceptical and even mocking about any advice or guidance she offers,

Problems at work?

A talented author writes a revealing book, extensively researched, which contains many illuminating truths which, if accepted, would cause a fundamental shift in our perceptions and the way we lead our lives. The book warns that this knowledge has been suppressed for centuries by vested interests and it solidly denounces those who have sought to prevent the truth from being known to the public at large. Few copies of the book are sold.

Those are not scenes taken from a Jerry Springer Show. They do have something in common which we'll look at a little later.

At this stage, readers are probably squirming and thinking that the "secret" to be revealed here is probably about visualizing goals and lots of affirmations. It isn't. You'll have to read further.

For those of a religious or spiritual bent who believe it's enough to pray and hope for the best and that "God will provide", listen closely - it isn't enough, you have to learn how to ask!

Learning how to ask is not simply a requirement of those who might be considered religious; it is of benefit to anyone hoping for a better life, a better job, better relationships, or even simply wanting improvement in those many situations which provide daily irritation.

In earlier days (that is, ancient times), asking involved sacrifices of lambs, chickens and various other beasts, and sometimes humans. Virgins were especially prized as sacrificial offerings. This was usually accompanied by declarations of humility and much praise about the worthiness and benevolence of the recipient God. The Gods of those times apparently were considered to possess a number of human frailties which could be appealed to with displays of subservience, socially acceptable bribes and compliments.

As we've become more civilized, a number of these rituals have been found to be unnecessary. It's probably safe to say that, in recent years, there has been little call for virgin sacrifice, though others may view this differently.

Yes, the secret lies in learning how to ask and realizing that, in order to move towards those things we want, we have to prepare the way so that fresh paths will appear and we can approach what we desire. If the way ahead is blocked we'll be unable to see those paths, even though they are so close.

And, yes, sacrifice will be required but sundry animals and virgins are safe. The secret involves removing the blockage, the impediment to our progress and the sacrifice is a psychological one which removes obstruction so that we can see more clearly.

Many are spending hours with focused attention to their goals, meditate till they can hardly stand, and bathe in tubs full of affirmations yet still find progress to be slow. They are well-focused on the future while they cling to the present! If you try to lug present difficulties into a happier future, it doesn't work. You have to let them go and when you do you'll immediately sense the relief as the load is lifted and your journey forward becomes easier.

The blockage involves a perspective of your present conditions. How you see the present is prompting an emotional response which fixates your attention on the present difficulty.

In the first scene at the beginning of this post, the woman clearly has an insensitive, ungrateful and even "unworthy" husband. Many would share that opinion. He is also a skilled handyman who has carried out a lot of repairs on their house; lost his job a few months ago but never stops trying to find work; and he never fails to take the children to their weekend sporting events.

The second scene depicts children who are becoming increasingly rebellious and disrespectful. They also work part-time jobs to earn pocket money; never forget their mother's birthday or on Mother's Day; take care of their little brother while their mother is at work; and help an elderly neighbor who is too frail to mow her lawn.

In the third scene, the author was angry towards institutions which had for centuries prevented socially useful truths from being known. This anger was expressed throughout the book as many of their failings were revealed. The institutions also carry out many benevolent works and have funded schools, hospitals, universities, medical research and more.

Do you notice that, when we relate to people through their strengths rather than their failings, we not only see them differently but we respond differently. How many in relationship counseling can readily cite their partner's failings but struggle to recall their strengths and skills?

Being angry or resentful about present (and past) conditions keeps us anchored there. By learning to view the present from a different perspective we are able to see new paths that previously were obscured. It is like climbing a hill or a tree and being able to see further.

Honest feedback is greatly overrated. Yes, I know that statement will greatly shock graduates of numerous communications workshops, so I'll state it again: when bringing attention to the failings of another, offering honest feedback is greatly overrated. It is very often presumptuous, manipulative and harmful. Attempts to influence the thoughts of another - control how they think - though well-intended, are often misplaced and usually futile.

Moreover, they cause the person we are trying to help to focus more on what they don't want - their failings. When we relate to them through their strengths and skills, they can experience first hand what that feels like and learn from our example. It also builds trust. By demonstrating an awareness of their capabilities we help them shift attention towards the things they really want and to feel at peace with who they are; in particular, aspects of themselves they may not especially like. They are then more able to let go of those unwanted aspects as they pay more attention to their expanding strengths.

A few conclusions:

1. Make peace with the present so that you are comfortable even with seemingly intolerable conditions. When you feel good about where you are, new paths will present themselves. Try it, you'll see.

2. Habitually see people - and relate to them - through their strengths and skills. If we continue to draw attention to perceived failings, they remain conscious of these - and so do you.

3. When you're feeling anger, pause and consider how you can approach the situation through the strengths and skills of those who've provoked you.

4. Recognizing goals is actually the easy part. Anyone with problems is aware that they want something different. Also learn to feel OK with where you are right now; it makes it easier to let go.

For a beautiful future, make peace with the present. Ask for what you want in peace, not fury or desperation.


Do you have a favorite approach or technique that helps to make your life easier? How do you bring miracles into your life?

Ivan

keithoz88

hi ivan,

great wisdom man!
and a good reminder at a time of entering negotiations with difficult (and very successful) business people
ciao
keith

SusanPreston

That was very inspirational! Yes, I have recently looked more to someone's strengths then faults as well as my own (we tend to be the toughest on ourselves). One of the hardest things I am learning is to find gratitude and happiness in a situation even if it maybe one that you orginially say, " Do What?" It's all part of our journey that we call, "LIFE". I find embracing the situations that present themselves to me (whether they are good or maybe not so good), seem to lead to even more wonderful experiences. Thanks!

Ryan Dodson

Looking on the bright side of every seemingly bad situation really is the first step to getting what you want out of it.

Great post.

Tina Clark

Wonderful post.

My favorite is quoted above.

Miracles, Yes.

monyo

Great post about real life situations and how to deal with them.

Since this thread is about creating miracles...here are some of my thoughts on miracle manifesting....

Ask in Faith...be specific...believe that it will manifest...feel the feeling "as if" the miracle has already manifested and expect that it will manifest.
When asking God..the higher power...the universe for a miracle you also must be honest and persistent and come from a place of gratitude for what you already have. Believe that anything is possible.

Many people don't really know what they want out of life. You must have a clear vision of what you want in life and know that you are deserving. Thoughts of prosperity will attract prosperity and thoughts of lack will send the waves of blessings to someone else who is expecting miracles with open arms.

Life is miraculous. You are a miracle creation of God....a miracle maker!

God Bless,

Sonia

Traffic101

Hi, wow long post. Great thoughts.

For me, I recognize through ho'oponopono and God that everything bad in my life is within my capability to fixed and erased, "to let go." So I've learnt to be at peace in the moment.

I've learnt to be happy no matter what, to try not to judge, to try not to feel anger, to only live in the moment and to not worry because God will provide.

And you are right, asking is extremely important. But you need to know what to ask. So I ask that God help me let go of these problems and memories and help me be at peace. God will grant me this request and I am opened up to inspiration.

We all need to get out of these dark places and back to God, or the Universe. We need to be happy in the "now" and not when we are rich...or healthy.

Peace begins with me.

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intrepreuner

WOW. Great post. And you admired my work. High praise indeed.

Leaving the past....living in the present....to influence/create the future. That's how I try to do it.

We generally think of miracles as being out of reach, an occassional special occurrence, but your description is so profound it creates an immediate perspective on what a miracle can actually be and how we can create them.

Thanks Ivan,

Tim

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oyebaz

Great Thouths there, i must say.
recently i had a couple come down to mine, so i could complain about my husband and they could enpathise with why i am so disatisfied with my marriage. They left my home saying two things: forgive him for the wrong wrods he has said in the past that hurt you so much and love him in spite of it all. I thought that would be the hardest thing to do, but i chose to forgive and let go and i decided to not just to love him but to show him love. I found out immediately i did this that he responded positively to this and srated showing his love which was there all the time. I did not realise that he was waiting for me to unravel the love withing him.

I think it is great when we look outside our selves, our needs our desires, and start to focus on the other persons needs and desires. We will absolutely find that we are enoumously happier than we are when we are all aout how we feel.

If we could just let go and let love, we will find the peace and fruitfullness that i believe the one who made us ordained for us.

To your success
Oyebaz
greatescape-2008.com/cpa_1

vicone

Oyebaz, that's a lovely story, thanks for sharing it with us.

Sometimes people struggle with forgiveness but it can be a lot easier when we remember that we are looking for the BROADER PERSPECTIVE. That is, it's not about denying hurts or pains that we have suffered but learning to look beyond them and to appreciate the skills and strengths others possess which have faded in our awareness.

When we see only what disturbs us, that is what we respond to; our focus of attention is on those things we don't want and this limits the options that we can see - in effect, what is available to us.

When we consider the BROADER PERSPECTIVE in how we relate to others, and include an appreciation of their strengths and skills, the better feelings we experience enable us to consider options that otherwise would have gone unnoticed, and to attract experiences that otherwise would have passed us by.

When we look at difficult situations from a BROADER PERSPECTIVE, and can see beyond those aspects that evoke a traumatic response to include elements which arouse appreciation and, possibly, admiration, the inner peace THAT brings will also open our awareness to new possibilities to improve our lot - opportunities now accessible to us.

Ivan

RebeccaLynn

thanks for the post!

I use:

thework.com
the release technique/sedona method

really powerful stuff!

Orion777

Good post Ivan. Thanks.

Those who say it cannot be done shouldn't interrupt the ones doing it.

softtouch

Great post Ivan! :-)

An unselfish desire to help others or for others to be successful does
wonders for pulling in miracles. It has to be totally unselfish though.

If you outflow enough you will get an inflow. The universe is built that
way. If you just continuously desire things for your self, that's an inflow
and it will eventually stick and you will become anxious, then apathetical
and finally you will begin to feel there is no hope in getting anything
because there's just not enough to go around.

On the other hand, if you just do more for others your life will change.
I don't mean give up your self either, that's just as bad. Just a nice
flow to others in an unselfish way. Some kind words, a loving smile etc.

Just make that viewpoint change and watch the flows rush in!

Phil

Devin T

Keep it up Ivan!

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vicone

Thanks, Devin T, I'll do that.

I have more to release but at present can only do it as I take a break from all the websites I'm building in the lead up to Christmas. As the demand for products can be up to five times as great during Nov/Dec it's important to take advantage of the massive demand that is now starting to emerge.

Thanks, also, to all those others who've offered supportive comments.

Ivan

Amira

Great Post, and so inspirational.Reminds me of the book " Loving what is " by Byron Katie. Exactly what I needed to be reminded of today, when I was rampaging to myself how unbearable some situations are in my life.
THANKS

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Karen Blundell

Ivan, thanks for your post.

When you look for the good in a person who has hurt you in anyway, you have learned the secret to happiness and to ridding yourself of dis-ease...

forgiveness.

Not only do we forgive others who have hurt us, but we must also be willing to forgive ourselves. Sometimes, we are far too hard on ourselves, aren't we?

perfectlovehere

This quote, "Attitude of gratitude" keeps popping into my mind now that I've skimmed your article. Thanks for sharing.

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jameswatson2002

Well said!

Michael Bucker

Ivan, I have to say this is one of my favorite threads I have read in this room. I cannot add much to your post because it is complete in itself.

Here is one way I do cope with seemingly intolerable situations. Most of these situation are harming us because of the seemingly attack against us. I try to remember a few things. One you mentioned. I attempt to see their strengths.

Next I try to remember that most of the time a person’s problem is not really with you. Their ranting toward you is often just the straw that broke the camel’s back. The anger is from several issues they are dealing with.

Next as you mentioned if one wants to take a religious angle, Jesus said “father forgive them they know not what they do” Sometimes you feel like you are being crucified, If so the person doing it must not truly realize they are. So I can say Father forgive them they do not know what they are doing.

Since they do not know the real damage they are causing I can move on without taking it personal.

vicone

I was pleased to see people returning to this thread. That article is one of my favorites.

By happy coincidence, I recently decided to post some of my articles on a personal blog and this was one of the first articles I selected to post there. If you'd like to read a recently updated version of the article - where I've slightly expanded some points for the sake of clarity - you can see it here:

How Do I Find The Strength To Carry On?

I hope you enjoy it.

Ivan

watson229

Very inspirational post. These type of posts really give many things to learn whole humanity.

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Illuminart

This is what we need. A rational outlook on everything. Keep it up!

aeroturner

Read your post twice !! took more time to complete it..Great thought shared with us
Keep it up

Rohm

Great wisdom seldom preached.

Thanks.

copynight

Well written and masterful story telling. I loved the way you showed the 3 scenarios in completely different perspectives. Thanks for that, man.

ripslyme00

great attitude here, thanks exactly what I need, not in a real good money position atm

Roan

a terrific post! very inspiring. Make peace with the present is a good way to approach the NOW! You are not really living when you continue to think about the future, neither if you think in the past. Think in the now and create your reality that way, accepting and making peace with the present.

Judge Groovyman

I liked your first conclusion.

Sometimes my mother says "When we get ____ we'll finally be able to ____" but she never seems to make peace with her life right now.

Smiling1

Always lessons to be learned...

anwar001

I am glad I found this post. It is totally awesome. Forgiving others is so liberating, which can bring us lot of peace and end our anger and suffering the moment we can make ourselves forgive the other person.

Its not always easy to do so, but when you can manage to do it, magic happens.

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JohnDBrewer

Thank you so much for this post. I personally have not been to work for the last couple of months because of unbearable issues (Short-term disability). This has me thinking more and more about how I view things through my perception lenses.

John

Boxer123

Great Post, thanks for the share.

conanedo

"make peace with the present" very wise, thanks man

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hireava

It is really indeed an amazing post! I never thought about these real secret behind these miracles. Such an inspiration. Thanks for sharing!

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RHert

I remember as a teenager sitting with my friends as all of them complained about how controlling their parents were. They wouldn't let them go anywhere without knowing who they were with, where they were going, and when they'd be back. They continually checked up on them while they were out and made them promise to be home on time. After several minutes of listening to these complaints I finally spoke up. "At least you know they care."
Every one of them fell silent. They never complained to me about that again.
Seeing a situation from someone else's perspective brings about understanding and once you understand a situation accepting it and being at peace becomes almost easy. Understanding someone also helps when dealing with them. You know what they want and why and that is more than half the battle.

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SinSimon

I'll tell you my 2 secret rules how to create miracles:

1. WORK HARD
2. WORK SMART

creaver1

I agree with you, but "BE OPEN" is the third secret rule, without which rules number 1 and 2 usually don't work. You might say that the OP's post, a nice one, is about this third rule.

JimN

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Michael55555

There is a book called "A Course In Miracles". It talks about how to manifest miracles. There is a public domain version online.

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SDotSpells

You've got a great talent with words my friend. Thanks for the share. I agree with everyone in that article, but its tough to practice everyday...

Working hard and smart is a given....and being open can be difficult but is an absolute must to grow and prosper especially in the IM business.

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vicone

There is also a highly regarded work based on "A Course In Miracles". It is called "A Return To Love", by Marianne Williamson.

My post wasn't based on ACIM or Marianne's book, but I do respect them both.

Ivan

dugu56

Thanks for sharing your wisdom Ivan.
I especially liked: For a beautiful future, make peace with the present. Ask for what you want in peace, not fury or desperation.

Lin Raj

Thanks for the practical approach of life.This seemingly easy steps are inspiring enough to implement practically.