What About You

Dennis Gaskill · 02-09-2010, 03:04 AM

It seems like as a society we have become hypercritical in many ways. People are afraid to make mistakes for fear of being criticized or ridiculed. It’s important that you realize this…

Mistakes are not a character flaw!

Mistakes are merely outcomes that didn’t work out as we planned or hoped or anticipated. As such, mistakes are nothing more than the learning bridges we all cross over to reach the success on the other side.

Those who are afraid to make mistakes often have a history of an overly critical parent that mentally and emotionally, and perhaps even physically, punished them as a child for making mistakes. Or perhaps they had classmates that made fun of them, to the point of emotional scarring.

That was then...

Do not underestimate yourself, nor be overly critical of yourself. You must learn to be your own best friend, and that means being gentle and kind to yourself when you make mistakes.

Learn to recognize the good you do instead of doing or thinking things that validate any negative ideas about yourself that others instilled in you or you developed over time.

I want you to understand this…

Whatever you were told about yourself before you came to this point in time is history. HISTORY! Any disappointments others may have expressed in you is their problem, you are not here to live up to the expectations of anyone else. Their opinions are just that—opinions—and opinions only have as much meaning as YOU give them.

You are a singularly unique point of light in the world. Others may have tried to dim your light as you grew up, but it still shines. You are a wonderful creation. Give yourself permission to see yourself that way, and then begin looking for the good within you. It’s there, I promise you that.

You are as worthy of love, respect, and happiness as everyone else—believe it.

josephkerr · 02-09-2010, 03:16 AM

Wow. If I had a lighter it'd be swaying back and forth. Kickass post.

Emily Meeks · 02-09-2010, 03:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dennis Gaskill

Do not underestimate yourself, nor be overly critical of yourself. You must learn to be your own best friend, and that means being gentle and kind to yourself when you make mistakes.

Not too long ago I realized something: I've been my own worst enemy, but I'm also my greatest ally.

I'd be very hard on myself growing up. I wouldn't say it was constant, but I would beat myself up for stupid things I said or did, sometimes for things that happened years ago. I would think of the memory and want to bash my head into a wall. Once I realized though, that such an act would not erase that moment from history (not to mention give a nasty bruise, to say the least), there was only one other option: let it go.

Forgive and let go.

Even though I had my shortcomings, real or imagined, as I got older I began to realize my true potential. Sure, I never once applied myself in high school, but I graduated with A's and B's to my name. I mostly had trouble finishing work on time, but when I was working on something, school or otherwise, that mattered to me, I put everything into it. I finished what I started and got things DONE.

When I got into Internet Marketing, I realized I'd signed up for something a LOT harder than I'd initially bargained for (yes... I fell into the noobie trap, oh well), but giving up has never crossed my mind. I've had a few pitfalls, but I've learned from my mistakes and am applying what I learned in my new projects. I have a general outline of everything I want to do, the only thing left to do now is break it down into a day-by-day basis.

I'll still screw up every now and then, that hasn't changed >:P Now, I look at it differently. Instead of beating myself up about it, I ask myself, "What can I learn from this?"

Dennis Gaskill · 02-09-2010, 03:10 PM

Joseph, thanks for the kind words. That's one of the nicest compliments I've received about a post.

Emily, you look very young, but you have learned some valuable lessons already. Just asking what you can learn from a given situation is a huge milestone. Too many people never learn to ask the right questions. The better the questions we ask of ourselves, the more we will prosper in life.

Mr. Enthusiastic · 02-09-2010, 03:57 PM

Excellent, Dennis, thank you so much!

I did well academically, but in some ways that's held me back in life. In school the goal is perfection and every red mark-down shows how you didn't measure up. In life the goals should be improvement, and enjoyment along the way. Everything that hasn't crumbled is a reason to jump for joy. It ain't perfect but damn it, it stayed up this long!

I can often find that fear of criticism shut down one little change for the better that was in my reach. It might not be perfect! It might get the red pen of shame. I don't even realize that's what happened until I look back on the situation. Fear's greatest trick is to get us to think it's not an emotion inside of us, but a report on a terrible world outside of us.

At Awesome Possum's suggestion I'm reading Napoleon Hill's Laws of Success. I really like the section about the nature of the six fears and how to overcome them.

Some days I hold on to this saying from Henry Ford like a life buoy:
Failure is only an opportunity to begin again more intelligently.

Kenster · 02-09-2010, 08:40 PM

Excellent post and you are spot on.

My bet is that the people who make the most mistakes in IM are making the most money. More mistakes means more action. Everybody learns from making mistakes so put together...more mistakes = more action is being taken = more people are learning = more money

And the Henry Ford quote above...powerful perspective!

letsmakeyourbusinessgrow · 02-10-2010, 02:57 AM

This will be my first post after a month (laughs). After everything I've been through, the money I've lost, and the time I've spent looking back at what might have been, I know that the mistakes I made are part of who I am and can greatly determine who I can be, and I'm saying that with a big smile.

Why? Because after all the oh-how-stupid-of-me, I have learned valuable lessons that will mold me to become the person I have always wanted to become. Instead of sulking, I become bolder, more eager to stand up against what life has to offer. After years of knowing what I can offer, I become my own challenge and set the boundaries higher than what I know I can reach.

February 14 not only marks the big V-Day. For us, Asians, the 14th opens new doors of new beginnings: The Lunar New Year. And this year, I'm not only going to set new boundaries but, most importantly, I am challenging myself to fail and understand mistakes. As one of my favorite authors said, "Dare to Fail."

mbrig · 02-10-2010, 03:31 AM

Dennis, once again we are indebted to you. It can take years to develop the inner strength to not be concerned about the reactions of the people around us, usually "close" relations!

If only in our younger years we were taught "right go and try such and such today, I don't care how many mistakes you make, in fact the more you make the better. Just keep doing it until you are happy that you have succeeded and can do it"

Knowing that now, I wonder how many of us pass that sentiment on to the people (especially younger people) that we would consider to be in our sphere of influence?

If not, why not!

When we do make a mistake, it's easy hold your hands up, smile and say "guy's I just made a mistake" The people who care about you and are keen to inspire you and indeed be inspired by you will encourage you to get on and make another!

The rest, well draw your own conclusions, do you need those people and has the time come to stand up to them?

Back to you.

Best wishes

mbrig

kalios · 02-10-2010, 04:02 AM

If you afraid of making mistakes you are surely wont get far in your life. Risking is what take our life from a miserable level to a new high. Dont be afraid to make mistake. Everyone makes them. After all, humans are very good on making mistakes

shaunjamie2005 · 02-12-2010, 06:17 AM

Thank you for writing this. Every time I feel like I am being too critical of myself I will come back and read this. (which will be multiple times per week)

inetcadet · 02-27-2010, 12:08 AM

I think most of us fear to make mistakes. I think that is the reason why most of us dont feel comfortable speaking infront of public. Becuase we fear what if i made a mistake infront of audience.

mariozubair · 02-27-2010, 12:25 AM

i always take failure as my benchmarker..its ok to look back but only in a positive point of view.
Making mistake is the best teachers you can ever learn from.

thanx for the great post

linkbeasts · 02-27-2010, 03:01 AM

Good post the OP made.

Myself I say mistakes are often the best learning tool. No man or women who has ever achieved anything worth having has made zero mistakes along the way.... what separates the ones who achieve great things VS the mediocre ones is what one does once they make a mistake and what they do with the knowledge the gained.

cherylyeo · 02-27-2010, 10:33 AM

An over-protected childhood life will result in these group of people afraid of making mistakes. They are often seen as failure in social life and not successful in career life. I hope you can share these thoughts with some new parents so that they will be aware of such pitfall before they regretted for the rest of their lives and their childrens' lives.

02-09-2010, 03:04 AM	#1
Dennis Gaskill Senior Warrior Member War Room Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Wisconsin, USA. Posts: 4,113 Blog Entries: 2 Thanks: 2,405 Thanked 3,422 Times in 1,592 Posts Social Networking	What About You - Are You Afraid of Making Mistakes? It seems like as a society we have become hypercritical in many ways. People are afraid to make mistakes for fear of being criticized or ridiculed. It’s important that you realize this… Mistakes are not a character flaw! Mistakes are merely outcomes that didn’t work out as we planned or hoped or anticipated. As such, mistakes are nothing more than the learning bridges we all cross over to reach the success on the other side. Those who are afraid to make mistakes often have a history of an overly critical parent that mentally and emotionally, and perhaps even physically, punished them as a child for making mistakes. Or perhaps they had classmates that made fun of them, to the point of emotional scarring. That was then... Do not underestimate yourself, nor be overly critical of yourself. You must learn to be your own best friend, and that means being gentle and kind to yourself when you make mistakes. Learn to recognize the good you do instead of doing or thinking things that validate any negative ideas about yourself that others instilled in you or you developed over time. I want you to understand this… Whatever you were told about yourself before you came to this point in time is history. HISTORY! Any disappointments others may have expressed in you is their problem, you are not here to live up to the expectations of anyone else. Their opinions are just that—opinions—and opinions only have as much meaning as YOU give them. You are a singularly unique point of light in the world. Others may have tried to dim your light as you grew up, but it still shines. You are a wonderful creation. Give yourself permission to see yourself that way, and then begin looking for the good within you. It’s there, I promise you that. You are as worthy of love, respect, and happiness as everyone else—believe it.
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02-09-2010, 03:16 AM	#2
josephkerr Active Warrior Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: In a house. Posts: 68 Thanks: 39 Thanked 32 Times in 14 Posts	Re: What About You Wow. If I had a lighter it'd be swaying back and forth. Kickass post.
	"Cigarettes make the sun come up, whiskey makes the sun go down, and inbetween... you do a lot of standing around." -Warren Zevon "तत्त्वमसि"

02-09-2010, 03:10 PM	#4
Dennis Gaskill Senior Warrior Member War Room Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Wisconsin, USA. Posts: 4,113 Blog Entries: 2 Thanks: 2,405 Thanked 3,422 Times in 1,592 Posts Social Networking	Re: What About You - Are You Afraid of Making Mistakes? Joseph, thanks for the kind words. That's one of the nicest compliments I've received about a post. Emily, you look very young, but you have learned some valuable lessons already. Just asking what you can learn from a given situation is a huge milestone. Too many people never learn to ask the right questions. The better the questions we ask of ourselves, the more we will prosper in life.
	Three for FREE: Easy Web Site Money \| Marketing with Free Reports \| Profit Chains HTML Codes \| eBook Master Course CSS Made Easy \| Learn HTML \| HTML FAQ

02-09-2010, 03:57 PM	#5
Mr. Enthusiastic Enthusiastic Warrior War Room Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 815 Blog Entries: 4 Thanks: 222 Thanked 224 Times in 170 Posts	Re: What About You - Are You Afraid of Making Mistakes? Excellent, Dennis, thank you so much! I did well academically, but in some ways that's held me back in life. In school the goal is perfection and every red mark-down shows how you didn't measure up. In life the goals should be improvement, and enjoyment along the way. Everything that hasn't crumbled is a reason to jump for joy. It ain't perfect but damn it, it stayed up this long! I can often find that fear of criticism shut down one little change for the better that was in my reach. It might not be perfect! It might get the red pen of shame. I don't even realize that's what happened until I look back on the situation. Fear's greatest trick is to get us to think it's not an emotion inside of us, but a report on a terrible world outside of us. At Awesome Possum's suggestion I'm reading Napoleon Hill's Laws of Success. I really like the section about the nature of the six fears and how to overcome them. Some days I hold on to this saying from Henry Ford like a life buoy: Failure is only an opportunity to begin again more intelligently.

02-09-2010, 08:40 PM	#6
Kenster Krazy Kenster War Room Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Posts: 5,089 Blog Entries: 11 Thanks: 581 Thanked 1,888 Times in 842 Posts	Re: What About You - Are You Afraid of Making Mistakes? Excellent post and you are spot on. My bet is that the people who make the most mistakes in IM are making the most money. More mistakes means more action. Everybody learns from making mistakes so put together...more mistakes = more action is being taken = more people are learning = more money And the Henry Ford quote above...powerful perspective!
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02-10-2010, 02:57 AM	#7
letsmakeyourbusinessgrow Always better Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: SBFZ, Philippines Posts: 65 Thanks: 2 Thanked 15 Times in 10 Posts Social Networking	Re: What About You - Are You Afraid of Making Mistakes? This will be my first post after a month (laughs). After everything I've been through, the money I've lost, and the time I've spent looking back at what might have been, I know that the mistakes I made are part of who I am and can greatly determine who I can be, and I'm saying that with a big smile. Why? Because after all the oh-how-stupid-of-me, I have learned valuable lessons that will mold me to become the person I have always wanted to become. Instead of sulking, I become bolder, more eager to stand up against what life has to offer. After years of knowing what I can offer, I become my own challenge and set the boundaries higher than what I know I can reach. February 14 not only marks the big V-Day. For us, Asians, the 14th opens new doors of new beginnings: The Lunar New Year. And this year, I'm not only going to set new boundaries but, most importantly, I am challenging myself to fail and understand mistakes. As one of my favorite authors said, "Dare to Fail."

02-10-2010, 03:31 AM	#8
mbrig Active Warrior Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Derby UK Posts: 73 Thanks: 16 Thanked 10 Times in 10 Posts Social Networking Contact Info	Re: What About You - Are You Afraid of Making Mistakes? Dennis, once again we are indebted to you. It can take years to develop the inner strength to not be concerned about the reactions of the people around us, usually "close" relations! If only in our younger years we were taught "right go and try such and such today, I don't care how many mistakes you make, in fact the more you make the better. Just keep doing it until you are happy that you have succeeded and can do it" Knowing that now, I wonder how many of us pass that sentiment on to the people (especially younger people) that we would consider to be in our sphere of influence? If not, why not! When we do make a mistake, it's easy hold your hands up, smile and say "guy's I just made a mistake" The people who care about you and are keen to inspire you and indeed be inspired by you will encourage you to get on and make another! The rest, well draw your own conclusions, do you need those people and has the time come to stand up to them? Back to you. Best wishes mbrig

02-10-2010, 04:02 AM	#9
kalios Active Warrior Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 50 Thanks: 0 Thanked 21 Times in 2 Posts	Re: What About You - Are You Afraid of Making Mistakes? If you afraid of making mistakes you are surely wont get far in your life. Risking is what take our life from a miserable level to a new high. Dont be afraid to make mistake. Everyone makes them. After all, humans are very good on making mistakes

02-12-2010, 06:17 AM	#10
shaunjamie2005 Active Warrior Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Central Illinois Posts: 53 Thanks: 6 Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post	Re: What About You - Are You Afraid of Making Mistakes? Thank you for writing this. Every time I feel like I am being too critical of myself I will come back and read this. (which will be multiple times per week)

02-27-2010, 12:08 AM	#11
inetcadet Know Thyself Join Date: Feb 2010 Posts: 59 Thanks: 1 Thanked 6 Times in 1 Post Social Networking Contact Info	Re: What About You - Are You Afraid of Making Mistakes? I think most of us fear to make mistakes. I think that is the reason why most of us dont feel comfortable speaking infront of public. Becuase we fear what if i made a mistake infront of audience.
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02-27-2010, 12:25 AM	#12
mariozubair Active Warrior Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Malaysia Posts: 38 Thanks: 5 Thanked 2 Times in 2 Posts Social Networking Contact Info	Re: What About You - Are You Afraid of Making Mistakes? i always take failure as my benchmarker..its ok to look back but only in a positive point of view. Making mistake is the best teachers you can ever learn from. thanx for the great post
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02-27-2010, 03:01 AM	#13
linkbeasts HyperActive Warrior War Room Member Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Buffalo NY Posts: 116 Thanks: 50 Thanked 12 Times in 12 Posts Contact Info	Re: What About You - Are You Afraid of Making Mistakes? Good post the OP made. Myself I say mistakes are often the best learning tool. No man or women who has ever achieved anything worth having has made zero mistakes along the way.... what separates the ones who achieve great things VS the mediocre ones is what one does once they make a mistake and what they do with the knowledge the gained.

02-27-2010, 10:33 AM	#14
cherylyeo Active Warrior Join Date: Jan 2010 Posts: 41 Thanks: 5 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: What About You - Are You Afraid of Making Mistakes? An over-protected childhood life will result in these group of people afraid of making mistakes. They are often seen as failure in social life and not successful in career life. I hope you can share these thoughts with some new parents so that they will be aware of such pitfall before they regretted for the rest of their lives and their childrens' lives.
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