ManifestingWellBeing

1. Take time to communicate from your hearts, everyday, with no other distractions.
2. Be in integrity with yourself and your spouse.
3. Commit everyday to love and appreciate your partner and find ways to demonstate this to him/her.

fadorg

Now am sure anyone can get married and live happily ever after

You can only if you beleive in yourself
www.joyakinlolu.com

SandyDuPlessis

Having been married for 36 years and having friends who have been married for almost the same length of time, I am inclined to say that "bliss" is not really the right word. After all, a simple thing such as an unpleasant illness will likely damage that "bliss" even though it may be for a short while.

Having said that, the art is in giving what you want to receive without demanding a return.

Give trust
Give love
Give encouragement
Give moments of laughter
Give empathy
Give courage
Give hope
Give support
Give your ears so that you can truly listen
Give your mouth so you can communicate without hurt
Give ...

Look at at your life together as a challenge that you must face together. At times you will need to stand shoulder to shoulder facing and defeating the challenges and at other times you will need to stand back to back in order to protect one another from the various problems that may surround you.

There will be times when you find that your partner in life has fallen and that is when you need to be strongest. That is the time when you will have to stand tall and protect both of you, be you a man or a woman.

The bliss and harmony come in your later years after have have faced whatever life has thrown at you and are still able to stand together and say to each other that no matter what has happened and no matter what may happen you are still able to love, honor and respect one another and you will continue to do whatever is necessary to protect your marriage.

Sandy

enterpryzman

This may sound crazy but, I have learned that " Bliss " can be defined in many ways. That is the first question you need to ask yourself, what does it mean to you.

As for us, we have been best friends for 30 years, been married to others and divorced. We found that what we needing in companions we had in our friendship which led us to get married 12 years ago.

A big thing is you must like yourself of you can never love nyone else the way you need to do in order for it to work. That having been said, you MUST be willing to set your needs completely asside when needed by your spouse.

My wife, is 42 and seen in my picture with me. This was taken last month when we traveled to Switzerland for her to have possible life extending treatments for Pancreatic Cancer. She was diagnosed 4 years ago with stage 4, non-operable.

We are happy, in love, and want to be together forever but, we understand what we are faced with.....I guess I think the main thing needed to stay married is the continued ability to be forever variable and felxible in what you actually need and can give.

For me, I am my happiest when I can give everything in some way that helps Sherrie see or do something she may never get to do again, and I know she loved every bit of it.....brings a deep smile, watch the eyes...they are the window.

Sorry to ramble, I just think being Married to your absolute best friend and most trusted person on earth is something everyone should get yet so very few every do.


Peace to you all,
Michael

markcarraway

Im curious Joy, are you researching an article here?

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fadorg

Mark i think i am learning here, that part of what a forum is...right?

You can only if you beleive in yourself
www.joyakinlolu.com

DirectoryKing

Just act as though the other sex is your best friend.

LeeWise

I would probably rephrase to "harmony," but here's one that
we have suggested to many young people (63 year old here,
married 40 years):

Strive to win as a team. By way of example, strive to
win as a couple during disagreements and not just
win as an individual.

Another one would be: honor and promote the individual
strengths and desires of the other person. Seek for ways
to complement and encourage each other's expression of
what they value and who they want to become.

Build each other up with encouraging words. Watch the
words: wrong words can kill.

Ask forgiveness when necessary and, of course, forgive.

And from the husband's perspective, spend your lifetime
cherishing your wife.

Just a few thoughts...

Lee

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Herricks

I'm ont married but in a relationship w/ bf for almost two years and I can tell you the above is totally true. We follow those rules in our relationship, even though we don't live with each other and we are a much happier couple than some of our friends who are married or living together and unable to communicate honestly with each other.

In order to communicate honestly, you have to be honest with yourself in your thoughs and actions and be honest with each other. This takes work, a lifetime of work but if you want your relationship to work, you each ahve to commit to the job and work at it. And build your trust from this honesty. From there, everything, even bumps in the road along the way, you can overcome together. This has brought us closer to each other and our friendship has grown to love in more ways than people can generally describe it to be.

Good luck to all couples out there.

There's no place like home.

Herricks

Wow, Lee, that's really everything in a nutshell...couldn't have phrased it any better! I definitely will pass that onto my boyfriend even though he's halfway there...it couldn't hurt (at least I hope not.)

There's no place like home.

Jonathan 2.0

I think one of the secrets of marital bliss is being kind and loving each other.

Jonathan 2.0

Herricks

Kindness: You'll go a long way with this in mind...it's funny how tone of voice plays such a role in communicating effectively and making sure your message is reciprocated correctly.

There's no place like home.

tanya7zhou

Marriage has phases. The old adage says, "To everything there is a season and a time for everything"

So tolerate one another, bare with one another and MAKE SURE you check yourself when you begin to be too critical of your partner, most cases it is everything to do with you and you don't know it.

Stop looking at the splinter in someone's eyes when there is a log in your eye!

So love unconditionally and appreciate any weaknesses your partner has and help them to grow!

It's not over until it is Over!

daver99

Ben Franklin Quote " The key to a succesful marriage is keeping one eye open and one eye shut"

SOT

The secrets to marital bliss? Don't know as I don't have a blissful marriage. LOL. I DO however, have a successful marriage. We argue, clear the air, make up. We built the marriage on friendship as well as lust and in almost 19 years (Really that long?!) it's got a rock solid foundation. What make marriage successful? - view it as WIP. Work at it. Don't take it for granted. Marriage is not the same as wedding. Wedding happened just one day. Marriage is continuous, ongoing, for life. Friendship, respect, appreciation are key. And communicate - really communicate - I have to practically back my husband into a corner and force him to tell me what's really up sometimes as he's so good at misplaced anger. I think some people must enter marriage thinking "if all goes wrong I can always get a divorce". That is the way to a divorce.

Well that's my two cents worth!

Cheers!

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Mark Smith

i think the key to any relationshiup is true trust and unconditional loyalty!

Mark Smith

and communication!

theimgroup

Communication and Honesty and spice. Plain and simple. Keep the excitement alive. I've been with my wife 12 years and we still act like we are dating.

Shana_Adam

OK a relationship is a synergistic living form of energy.

Treat any relationship like a human being that has wants and needs.

A relationship needs A-I-D-A

Also like anything in life you get back what you put into it! The more you give the more you receive.

Phase space the relationship look at it from first, second and third person view so you can better deliver on solutions to problems and issues.

Top tips
never hold a grudge
Be open and honest
find out what the persons good intention is ie if they are angry at you for not doing the dishes

not doing dishes mans > they don't like a dirty environment > meaning they cant concentrate
if the dishes are done> they have a clean environment> hence they can relax> means they have peace

So their good intention was that they wanted peace! And they had no intention of nagging you and trying to control you or all the millions of different answers our mind will suggest

wisecrone333

Being married three times (third time a charm, coming up ten years) I would have to say that the "secret" if there is one is to work on your marriage every day - my hubby and I went through a lot of grief when we first got together thanks to exes and the like, and the children (we had three each) but now they have all grown and left home (at least temporarily) and we find outselves here together, just the two of us, well it was what we had spent all that time working towards.

The other secret we have is that I am the boss in the house, but only because he lets me be - basically we accept each other exactly as we are, don't try to change each other, and both us work on this (our relationship) every day. If you are considering spending any long term time span with a partner you have to firstly want to be with the person rather than need to be; and you have to know that the things about your partner that annoy you are something you are going to have to accept - if you can do that, you have a winning formula

My two cents worth
Lisa

David Chambless

3 tips.

1. Remember that when you say "till death do us part," your setting a goal.

2. They are going to be times that about all you do is work on staying married. And it's going to be hard work.

3. Always be the adult in the relationship, especially when the spouse is acting 10!

Married 29 years to the same woman. Seems like 3 or 4 months!

David

John M Kane

I feel marital bliss is a rare thing today.
MHO only from observing life.

With most movies plot lines about infidelity, murder,mayhem, or worse
respect of any kind towards others is rare in the media.
And the news making extra effort to keep the sheeple scared sh*tless, the stress is almost unbearable.
We become like the people we hang with and the books we read and the movies we watch.
With danger of getting banned I say a Godless society manifests itself pretty much like what we have today.

casestudykev

90% finding the right person for you (this rarely happens)
10% healthy relationship stuff i.e. doing projects together

Gregg Cleland

One partner sex kills (a lot of) relationships.

People have touched on a lot of common things but the one that stands out for me is sexual variety. Jeez, I could write pages about this, but it's unnatural to expect a person to only have sexual relations with one person for the rest of their lives. People have an in-built need for variety. You can have a really nice meal, but would you want to eat that for dinner for the next week?

I live with my absolutely awesome fiance. I'm not interested in sneaking around behind her back so I told her straight about the importance of sexual variety. She's happy for me to have a bit of rough, and if she wasn't I wouldn't be with her. But the best thing is that by me getting that variety, we have better sex more often. Win-win.

Oh, and since starting that arrangement I personally feel about 15 years younger. I'm pretty sure that being sexually constrained makes people age rapidly. Can you see any evidence of that around you?

I read a while back that swinging couples have a much lower divorce rate. Can you see why? Variety maintains interest. Remove 'cheating' from the divorce rate and it'd be pretty reasonable, lol.

Food for thought.

Please read the sig file rules

birdfood

My first reaction when I saw this thread title was "great product, what is the market like"

I'd pay good money for a good product that really does help you with marital bliss.

Marketing Laser Glasses

mrsmaxxx

I am very fortunate to have this kind of relationship with my husband of 16+ years. We both allow each other to go for our dreams and encourage each other. When mistakes are made we never get negative but say it was a learning experience and move on. We are still Best Friends and share nearly everything with each other and yet allow for each others privacy. We are, after all, 2 individuals who are choosing to become one.

swilliams09

Wow. I wouldn't trust most of the women I know to be right, most of them I have dated have been completely wrong about their own lives, much less about mine. When I was with my ex, everything she wanted to do only led to more chaos. This only applies to very smart women who have their act together.

The best thing I could say is never stop being the man. Never stop leading. Never back down when you know you are doing the right thing for your family. Take advice and consider it, but in the end make the best decision for everyone. Be proactive in every aspect of your relationship. From the bedroom to the finances to the children. Be the leader of your home the way God intended. A leader is responsible and gentle with his authority so don't abuse it and remember your goal is to take care of your family, not to dominate or abandon them. Stay strong, do right, and lead, don't follow.

The 13th Warrior

"Re: what is the secret of marital bliss?"

Wow, what an opening line, that door is W-i-i-i-d-d-d-e open, held open by an elephant.

I was hoping for some comedic levity here, sure bet that someone had a one-liner.

(Sigh..)...,Not to be expected.

Back to YouTube comedy channel.

The 13 th Warrior

The 13th Warrior

Highly perceptive quote here.

The dynamics of the individual, much less two working together is unique.

Even the one's that have that or claim of "bliss" really don't know all the factors of why it is working, they can only speculate and theorize to a large degree.

What works for some, may not work for others, you are talking about dynamics that are unique to individuals as well as couples attempting to work in unison.

There is a lot of wisdom in the above quote there because most individuals, by themselves, do not know themselves and what truly makes them happy.

Most of us either settle, or like kids, always looking for something that will give us THAT "bliss" or happiness, and it usually comes up lacking or is not what we thought it would bring us i.e., types of cars, house and its style or amount of rooms, furnitue, types of women or men, body types, personality types, other stuff.

Then , like kids, 10 minutes later, we dump the brand-new-toy in search of something else we "theorize" will fill that hole inside or give us the joy we crave.

Most have yet to define what really truly IS happiness, most standards are by what we see on t.v. shows, movies and commercial advertising.

Nothing to do with reality or whats natural.

The 13 th Warrior

Mr. Subtle

First of all, we are so far from being Godless it isn't funny considering we're in the Silicon Age. You might want to check the studies on the "Godless" Europeans who have less murder and crime rates than the God-fearing U.S.ians. (Now that's a hot enigma wrapped in a warm tasty conundrum for all to chew on.)

Secondly, I'm Godless (and don't believe in any of the 2,500 plus Gods in recorded history) and have been married (happily) for over 3 decades.

Mr Money Maker

People who love each other keep the romance always....it's also give and take, and sharing with each other. NO one should be number 1 in a marriage, but both should be equal.....and if you love someone enough then you care enough to always give the other person a chance to feel important and wonderful daily....it's not something you do once a day..but all day long

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The 13th Warrior

Here's another thing.

Not everyone should be married.

Not everyone should be a brain surgeon.

Look around, how many relatives, friends, associates and casual passersby have you seen that you would bet should definitely NOT have children?

Because something is desired, does not necessarily mean it is a need or that we should have it or aspire to seek it.

The 13 th Warrior

The 13th Warrior

Look at sports.

How many owners for how many years spent money and changed personnel to get that one team ,players, coaches, managers to all gel with the proper chemistry to win that Championship?

All-Star players with Hall of Fame skills assembled together on a team does not mean they will work well together to win the championship, check owners who tried to do that and failed miserably.

Working in unison for the equal fulfillment of all involved is a delicate , balanced, measured thing.

The 13 th Warrior

Sandycmy

The main problem for Divorce is --- Marriage ! LOL.

Exposure is the key -- to find the right person ( Mutual) -- and you got to earn it !

Still looking for an Average Lovely Girl .....................

Mike Murphy

A big one I recently uncovered (at a seminar with my wife no less) was realizing the differences between your personalities and then using the differences to your advantage as a couple.

Wife and I are total opposites in some ways. She's the passive, nurturing type and I'm the driven "just quit whining and get it done" kind of person.

Really knowing the other persons personality type and keeping it in the front of your mind when you speak to them is EXTREMELY important.

She could walk up to me and say "you've got 10 articles to write and a website to build...get in your office and get 'er done!" and I'd be fine with that.

She would have to be spoken to a lot nicer and more carefully to get the desired results out of her. Totally fine of course, but super important to know.

That was the most life impacting and important seminar I've ever been to.

Best of luck to you.

Mike

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moneycoach123

First of all you have to marry a friend or somebody that you genuinely enjoy spending time with. Agree to never argue over petty stuff like financial matters. Take time to be apart and enjoy the time you are together. Go out on dates and always respect that person...

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dolphin

Very interesting thread.
I've been married twelve years, with her for a total of 17 years. We went into a major decline with a geographic move that upset our economics, lifestyle and social networks. No harm done but the relationship went through quite a bit of turmoil that seemed insurmountable in the face of other challenges.
I tend to look for bodies of knowledge that seem to speak to my situation and see if they feel grounded, have integrity and match with what I know about the real world.
One of these sources is a website called reuniting dot info.
The short translation is that the author has done a study of the mating/procreative process in mammals and compared that to the bonding cycle found in a few mammal species and especially in humans. Her thesis is that procreative sexual pursuit works at cross-purposes to the bonding cycle. In other words, your genes would rather you find new partners and mate with them, and it ensures this by giving you a big dose of anti-sex brain chemicals whenever you do the nasty with a partner, really orgasm not just sex. Her books and website are all about harmonizing the procreative genetic urge with the bonding one in order to form lasting unions. My partner and I have found the information really helpful. She grounds it in biological research and also in ancient practices, so it covers a lot of ground.
Secondly, the Four Agreements by Miguel Ruiz lays out a relationship with reality that can help change any relationship for the better. It has for me, though it's more of a long term project.

Coach Ramy

Ask yourself everyday, What can I give to this relation-ship to make it a better and happier one?

hughdeburgh

I read once that there are essentially two levels of need for a relationship to have a good chance to last.

First, the partner's basic animal needs must be met. That means that if the sex and the finances don't work, the relationship will probably fail. These are generally hard rules to get around.

Second, if those two basic needs are satisfied, then all of the other fine recommendations made here come into play - respect, never taking other for granted, understanding and doing your best to meet their needs, and the ability to have fun together. I saw a quote on a movie that said you should pick a partner that you'd want to be in a foxhole with - in other words, someone who you'd trust with your life. I think that is good advice too.

Women sometimes need to remember their marriage after the kids come. Men need to respect and keep courting their wives throughout marriage.

Keep the excitement. Add variety to your life constantly. Keep growing as a person and celebrate and encourage your partner's growth steps as well.

I'm on 12 years now, and we still work at it.

Good luck to everyone!

Dan Klatt

Time away is the secret. I realize in a marriage the man and woman usually live together and that's what people expect. I've been with my girlfriend 9 years, 8 months, and it's still heart-warming, endearing and fantastic - because we live apart and have lives apart from each other.

From a more practical point for married people, I would modify that to "alone time", knowing that's quite different from time away.

Warmly,
Dan

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housefinder

Consider your spouse better than yourself in order to meet his or her needs.

Henry Blignaut

Hello, I have been married for 16 years without any regrets. The secret to marital bliss is respect your wife, and a very important factor is communication. If something bothers you, discuss the problem. Sometimes you have a heated argument, Never hit or get physical with your wife. She will definitely lose respect for you. Always treat your wife with little gifts and surprises. It does not have to be expensive, the cliche: " it's the thought that counts." It is very true. And never forget to tell her that you love her every day.

AnneE

39 years, wow. You've got me beat by about a dozen. I'll have to try your advice. I've never actually been wrong in over 25 years of marriage.

homenotion

I don't think any marriage or relationship has total bliss. That's not realistic and if you're looking for that it could be a let down. There are always going to be low spots and troubles but for the most part if you respect your partner, show them love and support You'll get through those low spots.

I do think that personalities have a lot to do with it. A selfish person that has no interest in anything but what 'they' want will bring trouble to the relationship. If you're married to someone that's fine with that, you're good, but most people will get tired of that eventually.

Ms. Liz
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rcjcal09

Communication and listening to each other.

bobsstuff

I think that the key to a loving and lasting relationship is
being best friends. Who in the world would you rather spend time
with than your best friend? When your best friend is your
spouse, you have have all it takes to enjoy a blissful
relationship.

Years ago my wife and I found a saying that fits us perfectly,
"Being married to you means my best friend is always there".

I would rather spend time with my wife more than any other
person in the world.

Since 1995, when I got downsized, we have had our own business
and have worked and been together close to 24/7. GREAT! Imagine
spending that much time with your best friend. Neither of us
function as well when the other is away.

We have been married 42 years and are still going strong!
Best Friends!

Bob Hale