aikay77

Hi friend,

I was just thinking about what topic to write on today and I said to myself, “Why don’t i talk about a recent challenge I’m currently passing through in my own life right now?

The truth is right now things arent that rosy for me. No, I didnt go bankrupt. I just got rejected by my own family- for dropping out of college.

I hated that school, oh my God how I hated being there. I hated the town, the lecturers, the students (except my close friends of course) and because of all that I was on self-destruct mode. I kept on doing things to get me expelled. I joined a cult, cheated in the examinations, beat up people, extorted money, sold drugs, and a whole lot more.

Yeah, I got suspended for a year and made the mistake of going back because my Dad threatened me. Then for the next three years, I wasted my life away, even writing my degree project but then I summomned up the courage to quit. And I did.

I turned my back on 8 years of waste, hatred and failure. But my family killed me, literally. My younger sister felt she was better than I was because she finished college and got a job in a bank. My father simply hated the sight of me. For over four months I was without money, and a hope in the world.

It’s been a couple of months since. My father still hates me. My sister still thinks the worst of me. I’m really suprised they havemt asked me to get out the house yet, which my sister pays for. And believe me I would gladly if only I had a place to go to.

I’m getting back on my feet though. I atteneded a seminar where I have learnt how to use my writing skills to make money selling information products. I am so ecited i can see the potential. and I’m placing my second newspaper advert tomorrow.

The worls is our oyster. Yes it is really.

No matter how many times and how much you are rejected, i want you to HAVE FAITH!

Don’t despair and don’t give up! Everyone will criticize you and tell you hurtfull things to bring your spirit down. They will call you an idiot, a bum and a nobody. But don’t get lost in it all. You can live through then pain and through the disgrace. Just follow these steps:

1. Believe in yourself

The greatest challenge you’ll face is keeping your faith in yourself. Don’t let anyone or anything make you lose your belief. Nothing happens unless first a belief in yourself. Without thisYou’ll succumb to the pressure and fail.

The truth is they wil say you will not be anybody worth becoming if you follow your heart. That’s a BIG lie! People who say this are only afraid to listen to their own hearts and will do everything in their power to make sure you too don’t.

2. Have a vision

The worst thing you can do when you’ve decided to damn the consequences and follow your heart’s desire is to not have a clearcut vision of where you want your life to be headed, where you want to be. You must have a perfect picture in your mind of what your life will be like when you have overcome your present hiccups. Otherwise you’ll just prove your critics right because without a clear vision you’ll fail. It’s as simple as that.

3. Look for a mentor- FAST!

This is what many people who have failed neglected to do. Look for a mentor, someone who has achieved what it is you want to do and ask them to spare a few minutes of their week teaching you the ropes. You have to ask nicely otherwise they wont budge.

A mentor will keep you focused and motivated and more importantly help you avoid mistakes in your race to the top. Having a mentor is the greatest secret of success that is never told. When you have a mentor, you will be much more stronger mentally and spirtually and cam face the rejection by your family and live through it to tell the tale.

4. Don’t hate them back

I made this mistake. but then I read a book which explained to me that I was hurting myself if I hated. So i stopped. I still feel the anger somewhat, but then I know that I cant hate if I want to heal. Yes, that’s true. you can’t heal, you can’t succeed and you can’t win if you hate. So no matter how many times they curse, you, taunt you, scream at you, do anything, DON’T hate.

Well, that’s it for now. If you’ll just follow these guidelines, you’ll overcome any kind of rejection. As the old saying in my village of Umudara, in Ihiala Town, of Anambra State, Nigeria goes, “Onye ajuru aju anaghi aju onwe ya.” That’s Ibo language and means “The rejected person shouldn’t reject himself/herself.” I hope you don’t, ok?

I wish you more love and success in your life.

Ronald

Alexandre Valois

Ronald,

In times like this, always remember those simple 3 letters.

VnV which stands for Victory not Vengeance.

Always strive to be the best you can be, for yourself.
Instead of wasting your energy with anger, focus on your goals.
Soon, you'll see the tables turn around...

aikay77

Hi Alex,

Thank you, man. Your words are really kind. I'll always remeber what you said VnV-Victory it is, not vengeance. Would love to be really cool friends with you.

DNAforAbundance

Hello my friend. I can relate. I won't go into details, but there was a point in my life that I had so much stress, I was up all nite with hallucinations. The next morning I got up and put on my running shoes. I told myself that I never wanted to go back to that again. I knew that was the first day of the rest of my life. It sounds like you are doing the right thing by getting in motion. "an object in motion, tends to stay in motion. Right!

I sincerely hope you find your passion. The money will follow. Maybe you already have. Everyone will come around. Don't push it for now, just be the best person you can be and have gratitude for what you DO have. (that's the secret my friend)

technical tips to get your writing noticed. Do it often...
sign up for twitter, hubpages, goarticles, ezinearticles, and many more...
get some youtube vids up. have fun and provide value my friend.

this is my twitter id... come hang Twitter / nicklogantv

keep yourself in motion...you are on your way...

Nick Logan
Marketing and Mindset
For The Internet Entrepreneur
http://meetnicklogan.com

Kay King

I doubt your family hates you - but they are likely tired of your activities. Many in your country don't have the chance for higher education - and you throw it away.

You are living with your family - your sister pays for it and works. You've spent several years mucking up an educational opportunity. It shouldn't be surprising that your family is unhappy with you.

But also - make yourself into someone worth believing in. When you find some respect for yourself as a person, you may find respect from others.

Sorry to be blunt - but you need a reality check.

kay

rocker123

just be yourself and they will accept whoever you are and whatever you do

Live NYC shows on RealityBedroom

aikay77

Nick (DNA For Abundance), thank you so much for your advice, especially for having gratitude for what I do have. And God bless for those tips to get my writing noticed. thank you thank you.

You were great on the video on your site, and yeah you are handsome! I'm already following you on Twitter.

Kay, yeah I feel what you say. The thing is I already thought all that. I aint blaming nobody for what I've been through. I am responsible 100%. I'm on the road to recovery now. Thank you for being blunt. I appreciate it.

Rocker, thank you so much for those nice cool words. It made my day.

Thank you all of you. I won't disappoint.

Gwynne

Hi Ronald,

I applaud you for having the courage to go against your family's wishes and to follow your inner guidance! I'm sure your parents only want what's best for you. Bless them for their concern and intent. However, they can't live your life for you and they CANNOT determine what is best for you... only you can do that. Everyone sees life through their belief system, but yours is unquestionably different from that of your parents and sister.

I have a friend who has 3 children, all of them are over the age of 40. She recently told me that she set strict rules and had expectations that all of her children would attend college. Two of her children did as she expected, but her youngest constantly gave her trouble beginning around the age of 13. He got into trouble in school so her answer was to put him in a military school when he was 15. He was suspended from that school a couple of times. However, he allowed himself to be intimidated into graduating from high school, but immediately left home and moved to another state. He went work in a kennel owned by the parents of a friend. His love was for animals and nature and he was determined that he wasn't going to go to college.

My friend said that she hated to admit it, but her youngest son was more successful and was by far better off financially than either of her children who attended college and did everything that was expected of them. She seemed surprised, but I'm not.

I have grandchildren and I love to watch children's movies with them. One that clearly demonstrates how being true to yourself has the ability to bring you more joy and success than following the guidance of your parents is "Surf's Up." If you can rent movies of this kind where you live, you might enjoy watching it.

Here's to your hugely successful life!

Gwynne
How To Heal Depression Naturally--No Therapy or Antidepressants
Life Change Strategies - Home Page

alwaysonline

Wow! What a very inspiring story. The lesson is, in life, once you have learned to know yourself, realize your potentials, see what you are capable of doing, when you finally see yourself doing what you really want to do... when you have learned to know what you truly are... when you have finally learned to love and forgive yourself, nothing else can discourage because you already know what you are doing, and who you are.

It is only when you love yourself that you can give love. You cannot give anything what you don't have. Therefore, when you have hatred in your heart, it is only hatred that you can give to other people surrounding you.

Therefore, loving and knowing oneself is a great start to give your family the love that they deserve. Always remember, family is family no matter what. :-)

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aikay77

Thank you, thank you so much Gwynne. May God bless you for for your words of encouragement. They have filled my soul with life. I'll ever remain grateful.

AlwaysOnline, thank you so very much. Yes I'll always remember your advice: never give hatred. I'll still love my family, really no matter what. Thank you.

KaiWei

Hey Ronald.

Very inspiring story. I can't imagine myself in that situation. You really remind me of how fortunate I am.

But there are a couple of things I agree with Kay. You shouldn't have wasted the chance for a college education. The education may not be enough to give you the life skills you need to succeed, but you can make a LOT of friends throughout those years. It's always nice to have a network of friends anywhere you go.

But I guess something happened for you.

Anyway, it's done. Don't lament about it.

Right now I'm suggesting that you try patching things up with your family. Be grateful to your father for bringing you up and your sister for providing you housing.

They are the most precious people in your life right now...don't forsake them.

And yeah...attend seminars, especially motivational ones. The people and the atmosphere will do wonders for you. And read more books too to see what you want to do and achieve with your life and your loved ones.

Read 7 Habits of Highly Effective People? Go read it.

Best Wishes.

aikay77

Hello Kai Wei,

Thanks for being so very inspiring.

I agree with you and won't forsake my dad and sister. And yeah I did make some really good friends while there. We still keep in touch. It would be very nice too to have you as a friend too.

Thanks for suggesting the book too. I'll go get it, better I'll read it. Thanks so much

Ronald

vicone

I'd like to suggest taking KaiWei's comment above a step further. A lot of the difficulty you've been having has sprung from your resistance to other people, in particular members of your family. This can be stressful for everyone involved, including yourself. In turn this makes your own progress towards what you want even harder.

You can't control what other people do, think or say except in a very minor way. You do have control over what you pay attention to and this gives you an easier road to travel. It's much easier to move forward when you feel good about something and you are able to create these conditions by appreciating rather than opposing.

I'm not talking about manipulation but, rather, genuine appreciation - for those aspects of your own life that you are happy with or proud of; for the fine qualities that you recognize in your sister, father and others you have contact with.

Let them know that you see and respect those qualities - not because you want or expect their good opinion; not because you wish them to change their beliefs, attitudes or behavior, but because you are able to truly appreciate what you see.

This means looking beyond the scorn or hostility you may face from time to time and consciously pay attention to qualities you honestly admire. Look beyond the thorns and appreciate the blossoms.

When you do this, you will create for yourself an environment in which YOU feel good and are able to function better.

When you help others feel good, you take control of your own life and lower resistance to your own passage.

Your family have your best interests at heart and by pushing you they are expressing concern for your welfare. But that makes you want to push back and assert your own choices.

My suggestion is - don't push back. Don't expect them to change. You only have control over what YOU do. Likewise, they only have control over what THEY do and, as you've stated, they haven't succeeded in getting you to do what they want.

You can, however, make life a lot easier for everyone concerned by side-stepping conflict and expressing appreciation for qualities you genuinely see. That might sound wimpy but it gives you far greater control of your life and the conditions in which you live. It also provides you with more emotional freedom to make those decisions about your life and the directions you want it to take.

Ivan

Norma Holt

Dear Ronald,

Parents don't hate their children. They reject behavior and exercise their right to withdraw love when appropriate but believe me the bond is still there, as it is with the rest of your family.

You need to continue with your life in a way that draws respect and makes them proud of you.

My children rejected me because my ex and his sister told them a lot of lies that were simply not true. Without going into too much detail I went through a period when it felt like they were dead to me, and they were. There was no speaking, no contact for years.

During that time instead of moping or being resentful I continued my research, did my degree, wrote some books, conducted lectures and counseled people on creating a better life for themselves. As a spiritual person it was always known to me that the matter would come right. Well, it has.

They came back one by one and now I have a happy relationship with them, several grandchildren with another on the way and they are proud of my achievements. My son, who refused to have anything to do with me for years, has recently made his peace and guess what. I have discovered he has told everyone of my endeavors and skited about his mum to those around him, family and friends.

You see, there is such a thing as time out. Even though it hurts it is a building time and a growing up time. That is what is happening to you right now. I would leave your sisters house, if you can, as soon as possible and get on with life as you want to. You know the adage "damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead."

Its only if you do nothing and become resentful and inward looking that you will live in misery. That's when you loose your self esteem and people really won't like you. Look to the future not the past, make new friends of like minds and enjoy your young life while building the foundations for whatever is coming.

God bless, and thanks for being open about this

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yuri12

Excel not because you want to prove a point to your family because they imposed their will to educate you and provide for you. Excel because that's what you want to become and they will see your point. Some of us share the same sentiments when we are forced to study in a certain school which we didn't pick for ourselves. Not to mention the course that you took because of them. It will all turn out great for you if you accept wisdom.

I'm glad that you mentioned in one of your points about mentors. I agree that you should ask for counsel and wisdom from people who have been there and know how to guide you as you go through the process of learning a task. This practice of "apprenticeship" has been going on since the beginning of time. think of carpenters, traders, knights with squires, and yes even the politicians. In terms of family, that's how dynasties have evolved, and that's how a family's secret "recipe for success" is passed on. Stay steadfast and goodluck!

aikay77

Hi Ivan,

Thank you for your words of kindness. Putting up this post has made me a better person for all the advice i have recieved such as yours. I'll do exactly as you say. I appreciate your words and hold them dearly.

Norma, I am glad that things have turned out well for you and your children. I appreciate your advice on how to deal with my family.

I'll make plans as you said to leave not because i resent them (my family) but because it'll help me become better. I'll "damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead" as you say.

Thank you very much for your words of encouragement. They have made me better.

Thank you so very much.

Ronald.

fred67

Hi Ronald, you seem like a well-adjusted young man who your family 'should' be proud of.

I have 8 children, and obviously wish the best for them all. (Only one left at school now).
But education has never been high on my priorities when trying to influence them. I remember as teenager myself, the loathing I had for education most of the time. (Even though I was fairly accomplished at school) While I appreciate the 'power' that education 'can' give some people. I feel it is up to the individual to WANT to go that route.

You've found your way, and your family 'will' be proud of you really.
'PRIDE' is often the barrier that many people can't get themselves over.

Good luck.

Pete.

aikay77

Thanks Pete,

God bless for your kind words and encouragement. Thank you especially for believing in me.

Ronald