What advice would you give a shy person to be more confident in talking to people?

markfoo76 · 04-14-2009, 04:13 AM

Do you feel butterfly in the stomach when talking to a stranger, especially in networking sessions? Have you overcome this fear? If yes, how did you manage to overcome it?

For me, I try telling myself these people are just as nervous as I am. It's all about who is the best actor.

Cheers~

Mark

Captcha · 04-14-2009, 07:44 AM

Mark you've already seen 4 rounds of the Face-off which answer this

stateless · 04-14-2009, 10:36 AM

I've striggled with shyness all of my life, but it's not always possible to avoid interaction even if you'd like to, so in time the edges get files off and the shyness retreats a little. There's nothing wrong with being self aware and considerate in your interactions with others, so don't try to change yourself completely.

If you viw it to be a problem, you could always join a group related to hobbies and interact with people whose interests are similiar to your own etc.

guyster · 04-14-2009, 10:49 AM

Hi mark,

One thing i'd suggest is that don't wait to approach people only when you network. Part of overcoming your fear (which includes shyness) is to approach anyone anytime of the day with random acts of kindness.
For example, when traveling on a bus, say good morning/afternoon/evening to the bus driver. Offer your seat to another person if you like.
At a supermarket, smile and say hi to the checkout girl/guy and ask them how their day is.
Even at your work environment complement people on their achievements, what they are wearing etc.
The whole point of this exercise is to train you to come out of your shy shell and interact with strangers on a daily basis by giving them random complements -but to mean it at the same time.
This will eventually build up your courage and confidence and you'll soon find that you wont have a problem networking with anyone anywhere and anytime you like.

Now go socialize ;-)

regards

Guy

honestbizpro · 04-14-2009, 11:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by markfoo76

Do you feel butterfly in the stomach when talking to a stranger, especially in networking sessions? Have you overcome this fear? If yes, how did you manage to overcome it?

For me, I try telling myself these people are just as nervous as I am. It's all about who is the best actor.

Cheers~

Mark

Hi Mark!

You can learn alot from stand up comedians!

When I gave my first presentation I found that when you start off with something funny....just one of life's funny observations....even if you are teasing your self , then you will win them over quickly.

Once you see some smiles on your audience's faces you will become much more at ease and it just gets easier from there like you are speaking amongst frends.

markfoo76 · 04-14-2009, 11:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Captcha

Mark you've already seen 4 rounds of the Face-off which answer this

Hi Glen,

I didn't realise you were part of the community here. Great to 'see' you here! I'm new here.

SelfGrowth · 04-14-2009, 11:50 AM

1. Do not let your fear of any social interaction get the better of you.
2. Try to get out of your comfort zone and cultivate new friendships.
3. Determine the root of your shyness and take steps towards conquering your fear of interacting with other people.
4. Ask the help of a friend if you need to so that you can cure shyness.

I have a ton of great articles on my site - SelfGrowth.com. Check the topics or search for overcoming shyness.

markfoo76 · 04-14-2009, 11:50 AM

I'm new here but I'm beginning to like it here already! Just posted one question and I already got some great advice in no time flat. Awesome! Thank you guys!

Cheers~

Mark

Cmizer · 04-14-2009, 01:24 PM

Hey Mark,

One tip I have that will dramatic improve confidence and convey a high self worth to others:

From now on wherever you go, whoever you talk to. Practice conscious eye contact. If you meet someones eyes DO NOT look away until they do. If you're having a conversation look the person deep into their eyes and do not stray.

It may not sound like much, but from my own experience the positive results are amazing. It's habit for me now and it's incredible how much respect it demands. Also be conscious of your physiology. Hold your head a little higher, stand and sit straight, make slower movements, breath in your chest and smile to convey you are confident with yourself. You will see inner and outer results quickly and feel great about yourself!

markfoo76 · 04-14-2009, 04:48 PM

Hi Cmizer,

That's excellent! I will start practising conscious eye contact from now on. Yes, it may not sound like much. But what usually work are things that are really simple, though not necessarily easy.

Thanks so much for the tip!

Cheers~

Mark

bellis160 · 04-15-2009, 02:29 AM

Mark,

This is what worked for me. I had a terrible problem. I wasn't able to look a person in the eye and having to talk to strangers almost made me vomit.

1. Take a job in direct sales. It was hell but it was worth it.

2. Take a class in public speaking. I consider this the most important class I took in college. It taught me how to keep proper eye contact with other people and how to look and feel comfortable while speaking.

3. Make it a habit to introduce yourself in social settings.

The more you make yourself do the thing you fear the most, the easier it gets. Until one day the fear no longer has any power over you.

Good Luck.

Steve Bellisle

igorhelpsyousucceed · 04-15-2009, 03:34 AM

Hey Markfoo,

There is a very simple way for you to overcome
your fear of talking to strangers.
What you need to do is lay the focus of
yourself and put all of it on them.
Just ask questions, constantly. That way they
will do most of the talking and also you will be
high value in their eyes because of the fact that you
genuinely intersted in what they have to say..

~Igor

jayden.fellze · 04-15-2009, 05:35 AM

Practice makes perfect. The more you go in front of the crowd the better it is to exercise your confidence. Being nervous is normal, but somehow you just have to enjoy the moment and at the end your audiences will as well appreciate it.

Shariyf Clark · 04-15-2009, 12:00 PM

Cmizer, you hit the nail on the head.

Your physiology has a direct effect on your state of mind. Change your posture and you changed your state of mind, which is the fastest way of generating confidence. Notice I said generating not gaining. You already have all the confidence you need within you. It's all a matter of accessing that confident state of mind.

Just off the top of my head, I can give you 5 things right now that you can do right now to place you in a state of confidence:

1. Spend time making eye contact with yourself in the mirror, and then with others. The more you do this, the more you will be able to generate and exude confidence when communicating with others. If you're a guy, practice looking women in their eyes until they look away. Ladies, do the same to men.

2. Fix your posture. Stand up straight, roll your shoulders back a bit, lean back slightly and stand there for 2-3 minutes. This will feel extremely awkward at first but the more you do this, the easier it will be for you to access and hold this powerful stance. Practice this when you are getting ready in the morning, when you are standing in line waiting for something and any other time when you are standing and waiting to do something.

3. This one has nothing to do with physiology but it helps: playful verbal abuse with a close friend. I know, it sounds really weird, but breaking balls is one of the fastest ways to not only gain confidence but will allow you start to automatically thinking on your feet, and after some time, you won't even care what other people may be thinking, which leads me to the next step

4. Stop mind reading. Perhaps you're shy because you're mentally preoccupied with what YOU think others may be thinking about you. The truth of the matter is what YOU think another person is thinking, and what another person is actually thinking may be waaaaaaaay off. Pay attention to your thoughts when you're about to approach someone or when you're in the middle of a conversation. When you find yourself assuming what another person may be thinking, shift your attention to what they're saying, they're tone of voice and their posture.

5. Last but not least, make fun of yourself and have a good time with this. You're a shining star baby. Let the world see you shine!

nota-bene · 11-19-2009, 10:00 AM

I was taught a wonderful technique a long long time ago....just imagine everyone naked!

Now I don't mean stand in the corner with a perverted grin on your face, but if you imagine them naked it is a good way to ease the tension inside of you, and to see that they are, like you, just people...nothing to be afraid of!

josspam · 11-19-2009, 11:45 AM

Have you tried imagine them naked?? :P hahaha
naaaaaaaa that never workS!

What you say it's correct remember that most people are as shy as you are and eventually you'll get more practice and overcome fear... REALLY!

It's just a matter of practice.

Jocy

redstapler · 11-19-2009, 11:46 AM

get drunk.

Haha. seriously, that's a bad idea, but a little booze always helps me overcome any shyness.

drwhogoesthere · 11-19-2009, 02:52 PM

I used to be really shy and it was keeping me back from doing a lot of things and meeting a lot of people.

So I decided that if I wanted to succeed in this world I needed to take action.

So I asked myself this question, "what would be the worst thing that could happen if I talk to this person?" They could say no or ignore me but at least then I knew where I stood with them. Plus their attitude and responce has nothing to do with me. Thats just who they are.

That then left me open to talking to somebody else that may be nicer.

It also meant that I wasn't standing there wondering what this person was like and never knowing.

With this this in mind I opened up and started approaching more people to talk to. I have been ignored, abused, and even told where to go by some people. However that was their problem and they were just rude people.

I have also met some great people with a positve attitude, friendly, caring, giving, funny and helpful. So the risks were worth it.

I could still be a wallflower and not talk to anybody. I'm just glad than I'm not.

So think to yourself, "where will I be i I don't do this?" Then think, "Where will I be if I do do this?"

GT · 11-19-2009, 03:52 PM

Hi, Mark:

Other forum members have already said it well, and I agree with much of what has been said. Here's a few things:

- Don't focus on the fear or nervousness; try to think of something else.

- Practice! The more you do it, the more confident you become.

- Humor: appropriate humor can lighten the atmosphere. But it must be relative and appropriate.

- If possible, know your topic well. The more you can spout off about it without having to "think" about every word, the more confident you will feel.

GT

don21stc · 11-19-2009, 03:53 PM

Hi,
When I was a teenager and into my twenties, I was so painfully shy, I was even embarrassed about being shy which obviously made it worse. But I also noticed that people seemed to like me and a reasonable number of girls actually thought I was sweet - because of my shyness! So every cloud has a silver lining.
But at the same time, I coudn't understand how I could get into a boxing ring and have a fight with someone in public but then be afraid of meeting someone else who was only going to talk to me, not hit me! So shyness has no logical foundation in my opinion. You're certainly not in anyway inferior to the other person
I believe that every characteristic has got a positive as well as negative aspect to it. Being shy probably means you're a good listener which means you'll also have acquired a lot more knowledge than extrovert people which inevitably you'll be able to use to your advantage later.
An innovative and well loved British comedian of 40 years ago said that he was so shy as a boy and young man that he didn't dare open his mouth until he was 26 but he became very famous as an original observational comedian and was part of Britain's most iconic radio show ever.
Like another Warrior, I also think that humour and being entertaining in general can help people's shyness because you perhaps regard yourself as being a different person. It's widely reported than many entertainers are in fact very shy but can hide themselves behind a microphone singing someone else's words, or maybe as a comic telling well rehearsed jokes, or even sportsmen and women.
But perhaps partly because of being shy, but more likely for other reasons, I developed an alcohol problem and as redstapler advised (above) getting drunk is a great cure for shyness although I wouldn't advise taking it to the extremes that I did! Nvertheless, that's mainly what I think cured me. Then I gave up drinking!

Finally, I don't subscribe to imagining people naked - I think that many young men do that anyway if the object of their attentions should happen, purely unintentionally of course, to provoke such thoughts but otherwise, I think it's a non-starter, particularly when you consider some of the specimens you're likely to meet.
However, a teacher at my school once told me when I was going for a tough interview, to imagine that my pompous interrogator was going to the bathroom while he was talking to me! I've often used that technique since - it certainly banishes any feelings of inferiority or disadvantage you may have!

julclark · 11-19-2009, 09:35 PM

You might find joining a Toastmaster's club to be helpful. In case you are not familiar with them, these groups give you an opportunity to work on your public speaking skills in a supportive environment. The group will give you feedback on your eye contact, body language, voice tone, etc., so you will get an idea of how other people perceive you. You may be pleasantly surprised to find out that you come across as more confident than you feel. The more you practice speaking to people whether one-on-one or in a group, the more comfortable you will be.

Coach Ramy · 11-20-2009, 01:00 PM

Fear just boils down to DOING the very thing that you're afraid of, every single time until you conquer it...At least that's what I do

Try reading: "Feal the Fear and Do It Anyway"...Truly awesome read

he_who_brings_order · 11-20-2009, 01:21 PM

My advice would be...
Do not concentrate on the final outcome but the process.

Or in other words, do not pay attention to whether this person will become your best friend, just enjoy the conversation and have fun.

Another thing would be to not worry about what people thinking about you.
Anyway you can not please everyone, even if you want, right?

You are not born with these communication skills, you learn them... like any other skill. So exercise can help.

Astounding Writing Coach · 11-20-2009, 02:12 PM

Hi Mark,

Remember that you have a lot to offer to your networking group. You know information that can mean a world of difference to many people. Instead of telling yourself self-limiting ideas that keep you from sharing your wonderful knowledge, focus on finding people who want to know how to solve a problem you know how to solve.

For example, suppose you know how to show people in your networking group how to write really great e-mails that engage others. Before you go to the networking group, print out copies of a simple process others can follow to solve their problem. As you focus on intentionally additing value to others AND expect that a miracle will happen, it will happen.

For you, the miracle is that you'll feel calm, confident and a bit more outgoing when around new people or in social situations. Expect that to happen and intentionally reach out with your great information. This will help you develop confidence!

Take care,
Susan

homenotion · 11-20-2009, 05:50 PM

Being shy and fear of social interaction is a hard thing to overcome, I'm familiar with it myself, but it's like someone said above, it's who can be the better actor.

We're all a product of our experiences so I think the more you can interact with others the less fearful you will be because you'll start experiencing positive reactions from those you interact with and that helps a lot.

I've never been one to walk into a room full of strangers and just start mingling, it's awkward and I envy people who can do that. But if you go in with a positive attitude and think about what you will say and what you can offer others it doesn't take long to start feeling confident.

Colin Palfrey · 11-20-2009, 06:07 PM

Hi Mark,
Ignoring IM I have walked on stage many times as a Rock/Blues singer/guitarist.

I am naturally horribly shy but when I'm on stage I'm not. The technique me and every other musician use to do this is.....Create a persona.

That persona can do anything, because he die's when you leave the situation.

Try this technique. It's enabled me to stand on tables and sing without fear, even though I was terrified before stepping on the stage....and after LOL

Colin

jamie07051975 · 11-20-2009, 06:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by markfoo76

Do you feel butterfly in the stomach when talking to a stranger, especially in networking sessions? Have you overcome this fear? If yes, how did you manage to overcome it?

For me, I try telling myself these people are just as nervous as I am. It's all about who is the best actor.

Cheers~

Mark

I was quite shy when I was younger but by actually making the jump and saying "Hi" makes a difference. Once you've made that jump it really does get easier and easier each time.

rcjcal09 · 11-20-2009, 06:51 PM

The best way to become a better communicator is to learn how to be a good listener. Most people are shy because they feel like they don't have anything of interest to say, but the best thing about talking with other people is that people inevitably love talking about themselves. Just learn to ask open ended questions...

And if you're meeting a complete stranger, feel free to use this following technique to get to know them a little better:

F - Where are you from? Are you originally from the area?
O - What's your occupation? What do you do for a living?
R - What's your recreation? What do you do for fun? Have any hobbies that you enjoy?
M - What's your motivation? Why did you decide to pursue...? What made you choose that hobby?

Hope that helps! ^_~

markfoo76 · 11-21-2009, 07:05 AM

Wow... This thread has suddenly received some renewed attention! Thank you so much warriors! Thanks for sharing your tips and I really appreciate it.

I'm still a bit shy when talking to strangers but I'm definitely better than before. Hope I can get better and better until I feel no shame! Just kidding about the last bit...

Cheers~

Mark

Tam Chancellor · 11-21-2009, 03:22 PM

This thread is full of great ideas, especially joining Toastmasters. The people there are
very supportive and you can progress at your own pace.

Also, are there any acting classes in your areas? A lot of actors get into acting
to overcome their shyness. Taking an acting class will help you to "get out of
your own head" which I think is a big part of shyness....at least from my personal
experience.

Good luck,
Tam

Jreyes2265 · 11-21-2009, 03:27 PM

Start off small, when people walk by just say "Hey" or "Hi, how's it going?" and just have a small smile. Talk to the people at the register, talk to people walking by.

You don't have to start big, start small and progress.

rayward52 · 11-21-2009, 04:36 PM

If I were you I would read a book called, Feel the fear and do it anyway. This was one of the many books that was recommended to me back in the day's that I went to Network Marketing meetings and was asked to speak on front of a crowd of people.

Hope that helps.

Ray

DrMeg · 11-21-2009, 07:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Astounding Writing Coach

Hi Mark,

Remember that you have a lot to offer to your networking group. You know information that can mean a world of difference to many people. Instead of telling yourself self-limiting ideas that keep you from sharing your wonderful knowledge, focus on finding people who want to know how to solve a problem you know how to solve.

For example, suppose you know how to show people in your networking group how to write really great e-mails that engage others. Before you go to the networking group, print out copies of a simple process others can follow to solve their problem. As you focus on intentionally additing value to others AND expect that a miracle will happen, it will happen.

For you, the miracle is that you'll feel calm, confident and a bit more outgoing when around new people or in social situations. Expect that to happen and intentionally reach out with your great information. This will help you develop confidence!

Take care,
Susan

Susan's advice is right on and I would just add to it "Ask Questions". Become a very curious person and in finding out about other's and their problems and genuinely providing them value in helping them solve problems, your confidence and your social circle will grow in no time!

Practice!

Megan (aka: Dr. Meg)

04-14-2009, 04:13 AM	#1
markfoo76 The Big Dreamer Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Singapore Posts: 131 Thanks: 10 Thanked 31 Times in 19 Posts Social Networking	What advice would you give a shy person to be more confident in talking to people? Do you feel butterfly in the stomach when talking to a stranger, especially in networking sessions? Have you overcome this fear? If yes, how did you manage to overcome it? For me, I try telling myself these people are just as nervous as I am. It's all about who is the best actor. Cheers~ Mark
	Ever Wondered What It Takes to be Highly Successful? You Can Find the Answers in The 77 Traits of Highly Successful People. Grab Your FREE Copy of the eBook Now at http://www.77SuccessTraits.com

04-14-2009, 07:44 AM	#2
Captcha Active Warrior War Room Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Posts: 51 Thanks: 1 Thanked 5 Times in 4 Posts	Re: What advice would you give a shy person to be more confident in talking to people? Mark you've already seen 4 rounds of the Face-off which answer this
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04-14-2009, 10:36 AM	#3
stateless Active Warrior Join Date: Apr 2009 Posts: 80 Thanks: 2 Thanked 5 Times in 5 Posts	Re: What advice would you give a shy person to be more confident in talking to people? I've striggled with shyness all of my life, but it's not always possible to avoid interaction even if you'd like to, so in time the edges get files off and the shyness retreats a little. There's nothing wrong with being self aware and considerate in your interactions with others, so don't try to change yourself completely. If you viw it to be a problem, you could always join a group related to hobbies and interact with people whose interests are similiar to your own etc.
	Horse Racing Tips

04-14-2009, 10:49 AM	#4
guyster Warrior Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: London, England Posts: 14 Blog Entries: 8 Thanks: 0 Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post Social Networking	Re: What advice would you give a shy person to be more confident in talking to people? Hi mark, One thing i'd suggest is that don't wait to approach people only when you network. Part of overcoming your fear (which includes shyness) is to approach anyone anytime of the day with random acts of kindness. For example, when traveling on a bus, say good morning/afternoon/evening to the bus driver. Offer your seat to another person if you like. At a supermarket, smile and say hi to the checkout girl/guy and ask them how their day is. Even at your work environment complement people on their achievements, what they are wearing etc. The whole point of this exercise is to train you to come out of your shy shell and interact with strangers on a daily basis by giving them random complements -but to mean it at the same time. This will eventually build up your courage and confidence and you'll soon find that you wont have a problem networking with anyone anywhere and anytime you like. Now go socialize ;-) regards Guy
	Click here to get the amazing list building system for FREE. You've been warned! Also, visit my blog for edutaining and wild posts.

04-14-2009, 11:50 AM	#7
SelfGrowth Warrior Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: NJ Posts: 12 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts Social Networking	Re: What advice would you give a shy person to be more confident in talking to people? 1. Do not let your fear of any social interaction get the better of you. 2. Try to get out of your comfort zone and cultivate new friendships. 3. Determine the root of your shyness and take steps towards conquering your fear of interacting with other people. 4. Ask the help of a friend if you need to so that you can cure shyness. I have a ton of great articles on my site - SelfGrowth.com. Check the topics or search for overcoming shyness.

04-14-2009, 01:24 PM	#9
Cmizer Warrior Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Posts: 29 Thanks: 1 Thanked 2 Times in 2 Posts	Re: What advice would you give a shy person to be more confident in talking to people? Hey Mark, One tip I have that will dramatic improve confidence and convey a high self worth to others: From now on wherever you go, whoever you talk to. Practice conscious eye contact. If you meet someones eyes DO NOT look away until they do. If you're having a conversation look the person deep into their eyes and do not stray. It may not sound like much, but from my own experience the positive results are amazing. It's habit for me now and it's incredible how much respect it demands. Also be conscious of your physiology. Hold your head a little higher, stand and sit straight, make slower movements, breath in your chest and smile to convey you are confident with yourself. You will see inner and outer results quickly and feel great about yourself!

04-14-2009, 04:48 PM	#10
markfoo76 The Big Dreamer Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Singapore Posts: 131 Thanks: 10 Thanked 31 Times in 19 Posts Social Networking	Re: What advice would you give a shy person to be more confident in talking to people? Hi Cmizer, That's excellent! I will start practising conscious eye contact from now on. Yes, it may not sound like much. But what usually work are things that are really simple, though not necessarily easy. Thanks so much for the tip! Cheers~ Mark
	Ever Wondered What It Takes to be Highly Successful? You Can Find the Answers in The 77 Traits of Highly Successful People. Grab Your FREE Copy of the eBook Now at http://www.77SuccessTraits.com

04-15-2009, 02:29 AM	#11
bellis160 Active Warrior War Room Member Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Green Bay, WI Posts: 52 Thanks: 66 Thanked 12 Times in 10 Posts	Re: What advice would you give a shy person to be more confident in talking to people? Mark, This is what worked for me. I had a terrible problem. I wasn't able to look a person in the eye and having to talk to strangers almost made me vomit. 1. Take a job in direct sales. It was hell but it was worth it. 2. Take a class in public speaking. I consider this the most important class I took in college. It taught me how to keep proper eye contact with other people and how to look and feel comfortable while speaking. 3. Make it a habit to introduce yourself in social settings. The more you make yourself do the thing you fear the most, the easier it gets. Until one day the fear no longer has any power over you. Good Luck. Steve Bellisle
	>>Harness the True Power of the Law Of Attraction...<< Find Holiday Decorating Ideas at Christmas Shower Curtains.net

04-15-2009, 03:34 AM	#12
igorhelpsyousucceed Mastermind Marketer War Room Member Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: , , Israel. Posts: 1,335 Thanks: 366 Thanked 296 Times in 130 Posts Social Networking Contact Info	Re: What advice would you give a shy person to be more confident in talking to people? Hey Markfoo, There is a very simple way for you to overcome your fear of talking to strangers. What you need to do is lay the focus of yourself and put all of it on them. Just ask questions, constantly. That way they will do most of the talking and also you will be high value in their eyes because of the fact that you genuinely intersted in what they have to say.. ~Igor
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04-15-2009, 05:35 AM	#13
jayden.fellze It's just me! Join Date: Oct 2008 Posts: 471 Thanks: 11 Thanked 17 Times in 16 Posts	Re: What advice would you give a shy person to be more confident in talking to people? Practice makes perfect. The more you go in front of the crowd the better it is to exercise your confidence. Being nervous is normal, but somehow you just have to enjoy the moment and at the end your audiences will as well appreciate it.
	>> FREE Report: 100 Targeted Visitors/Day From Scratch In 2 Months << .

04-15-2009, 12:00 PM	#14
Shariyf Clark HyperActive Warrior Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: South Amboy, New Jersey, USA. Posts: 113 Thanks: 23 Thanked 17 Times in 8 Posts	Re: What advice would you give a shy person to be more confident in talking to people? Cmizer, you hit the nail on the head. Your physiology has a direct effect on your state of mind. Change your posture and you changed your state of mind, which is the fastest way of generating confidence. Notice I said generating not gaining. You already have all the confidence you need within you. It's all a matter of accessing that confident state of mind. Just off the top of my head, I can give you 5 things right now that you can do right now to place you in a state of confidence: 1. Spend time making eye contact with yourself in the mirror, and then with others. The more you do this, the more you will be able to generate and exude confidence when communicating with others. If you're a guy, practice looking women in their eyes until they look away. Ladies, do the same to men. 2. Fix your posture. Stand up straight, roll your shoulders back a bit, lean back slightly and stand there for 2-3 minutes. This will feel extremely awkward at first but the more you do this, the easier it will be for you to access and hold this powerful stance. Practice this when you are getting ready in the morning, when you are standing in line waiting for something and any other time when you are standing and waiting to do something. 3. This one has nothing to do with physiology but it helps: playful verbal abuse with a close friend. I know, it sounds really weird, but breaking balls is one of the fastest ways to not only gain confidence but will allow you start to automatically thinking on your feet, and after some time, you won't even care what other people may be thinking, which leads me to the next step 4. Stop mind reading. Perhaps you're shy because you're mentally preoccupied with what YOU think others may be thinking about you. The truth of the matter is what YOU think another person is thinking, and what another person is actually thinking may be waaaaaaaay off. Pay attention to your thoughts when you're about to approach someone or when you're in the middle of a conversation. When you find yourself assuming what another person may be thinking, shift your attention to what they're saying, they're tone of voice and their posture. 5. Last but not least, make fun of yourself and have a good time with this. You're a shining star baby. Let the world see you shine!

11-19-2009, 10:00 AM	#15
nota-bene HyperActive Warrior War Room Member Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: London Town Posts: 178 Thanks: 61 Thanked 30 Times in 30 Posts Social Networking	Re: What advice would you give a shy person to be more confident in talking to people? I was taught a wonderful technique a long long time ago....just imagine everyone naked! Now I don't mean stand in the corner with a perverted grin on your face, but if you imagine them naked it is a good way to ease the tension inside of you, and to see that they are, like you, just people...nothing to be afraid of!
	PLR Like You Have Never Seen Before. AWESOME DEALS!

11-19-2009, 11:45 AM	#16
josspam On the Run War Room Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Peru Posts: 66 Thanks: 0 Thanked 4 Times in 3 Posts Social Networking Contact Info	Re: What advice would you give a shy person to be more confident in talking to people? Have you tried imagine them naked?? :P hahaha naaaaaaaa that never workS! What you say it's correct remember that most people are as shy as you are and eventually you'll get more practice and overcome fear... REALLY! It's just a matter of practice. Jocy

11-19-2009, 11:46 AM	#17
redstapler Warrior Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 18 Thanks: 0 Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post	Re: What advice would you give a shy person to be more confident in talking to people? get drunk. Haha. seriously, that's a bad idea, but a little booze always helps me overcome any shyness.
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11-19-2009, 02:52 PM	#18
drwhogoesthere HyperActive Warrior War Room Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Warren, Australia Posts: 131 Blog Entries: 56 Thanks: 4 Thanked 22 Times in 16 Posts Social Networking	Re: What advice would you give a shy person to be more confident in talking to people? I used to be really shy and it was keeping me back from doing a lot of things and meeting a lot of people. So I decided that if I wanted to succeed in this world I needed to take action. So I asked myself this question, "what would be the worst thing that could happen if I talk to this person?" They could say no or ignore me but at least then I knew where I stood with them. Plus their attitude and responce has nothing to do with me. Thats just who they are. That then left me open to talking to somebody else that may be nicer. It also meant that I wasn't standing there wondering what this person was like and never knowing. With this this in mind I opened up and started approaching more people to talk to. I have been ignored, abused, and even told where to go by some people. However that was their problem and they were just rude people. I have also met some great people with a positve attitude, friendly, caring, giving, funny and helpful. So the risks were worth it. I could still be a wallflower and not talk to anybody. I'm just glad than I'm not. So think to yourself, "where will I be i I don't do this?" Then think, "Where will I be if I do do this?"
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11-19-2009, 03:52 PM	#19
GT Senior Warrior Member War Room Member Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Northern Alberta , Canada. Posts: 1,920 Blog Entries: 268 Thanks: 975 Thanked 301 Times in 229 Posts Social Networking	Re: What advice would you give a shy person to be more confident in talking to people? Hi, Mark: Other forum members have already said it well, and I agree with much of what has been said. Here's a few things: - Don't focus on the fear or nervousness; try to think of something else. - Practice! The more you do it, the more confident you become. - Humor: appropriate humor can lighten the atmosphere. But it must be relative and appropriate. - If possible, know your topic well. The more you can spout off about it without having to "think" about every word, the more confident you will feel. GT
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11-19-2009, 03:53 PM	#20
don21stc HyperActive Warrior Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: Brighton, England Posts: 109 Thanks: 1 Thanked 14 Times in 13 Posts	Re: What advice would you give a shy person to be more confident in talking to people? Hi, When I was a teenager and into my twenties, I was so painfully shy, I was even embarrassed about being shy which obviously made it worse. But I also noticed that people seemed to like me and a reasonable number of girls actually thought I was sweet - because of my shyness! So every cloud has a silver lining. But at the same time, I coudn't understand how I could get into a boxing ring and have a fight with someone in public but then be afraid of meeting someone else who was only going to talk to me, not hit me! So shyness has no logical foundation in my opinion. You're certainly not in anyway inferior to the other person I believe that every characteristic has got a positive as well as negative aspect to it. Being shy probably means you're a good listener which means you'll also have acquired a lot more knowledge than extrovert people which inevitably you'll be able to use to your advantage later. An innovative and well loved British comedian of 40 years ago said that he was so shy as a boy and young man that he didn't dare open his mouth until he was 26 but he became very famous as an original observational comedian and was part of Britain's most iconic radio show ever. Like another Warrior, I also think that humour and being entertaining in general can help people's shyness because you perhaps regard yourself as being a different person. It's widely reported than many entertainers are in fact very shy but can hide themselves behind a microphone singing someone else's words, or maybe as a comic telling well rehearsed jokes, or even sportsmen and women. But perhaps partly because of being shy, but more likely for other reasons, I developed an alcohol problem and as redstapler advised (above) getting drunk is a great cure for shyness although I wouldn't advise taking it to the extremes that I did! Nvertheless, that's mainly what I think cured me. Then I gave up drinking! Finally, I don't subscribe to imagining people naked - I think that many young men do that anyway if the object of their attentions should happen, purely unintentionally of course, to provoke such thoughts but otherwise, I think it's a non-starter, particularly when you consider some of the specimens you're likely to meet. However, a teacher at my school once told me when I was going for a tough interview, to imagine that my pompous interrogator was going to the bathroom while he was talking to me! I've often used that technique since - it certainly banishes any feelings of inferiority or disadvantage you may have!
	Alternative Views on Mind Power and Success Last edited by don21stc; 11-19-2009 at 03:55 PM. Reason: Left a word out!

11-19-2009, 09:35 PM	#21
julclark Active Warrior War Room Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: , , USA. Posts: 68 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: What advice would you give a shy person to be more confident in talking to people? You might find joining a Toastmaster's club to be helpful. In case you are not familiar with them, these groups give you an opportunity to work on your public speaking skills in a supportive environment. The group will give you feedback on your eye contact, body language, voice tone, etc., so you will get an idea of how other people perceive you. You may be pleasantly surprised to find out that you come across as more confident than you feel. The more you practice speaking to people whether one-on-one or in a group, the more comfortable you will be.
	Jul

11-20-2009, 01:00 PM	#22
Coach Ramy Active Warrior War Room Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Montreal, Canada Posts: 92 Thanks: 9 Thanked 10 Times in 8 Posts Social Networking	Re: What advice would you give a shy person to be more confident in talking to people? Fear just boils down to DOING the very thing that you're afraid of, every single time until you conquer it...At least that's what I do Try reading: "Feal the Fear and Do It Anyway"...Truly awesome read
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11-20-2009, 01:21 PM	#23
he_who_brings_order HyperActive Warrior Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 155 Thanks: 21 Thanked 20 Times in 12 Posts Social Networking	Re: What advice would you give a shy person to be more confident in talking to people? My advice would be... Do not concentrate on the final outcome but the process. Or in other words, do not pay attention to whether this person will become your best friend, just enjoy the conversation and have fun. Another thing would be to not worry about what people thinking about you. Anyway you can not please everyone, even if you want, right? You are not born with these communication skills, you learn them... like any other skill. So exercise can help.
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11-20-2009, 02:12 PM	#24
Astounding Writing Coach Astounding Writing Coach Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Ohio Posts: 62 Blog Entries: 2 Thanks: 36 Thanked 19 Times in 11 Posts Social Networking	Re: What advice would you give a shy person to be more confident in talking to people? Hi Mark, Remember that you have a lot to offer to your networking group. You know information that can mean a world of difference to many people. Instead of telling yourself self-limiting ideas that keep you from sharing your wonderful knowledge, focus on finding people who want to know how to solve a problem you know how to solve. For example, suppose you know how to show people in your networking group how to write really great e-mails that engage others. Before you go to the networking group, print out copies of a simple process others can follow to solve their problem. As you focus on intentionally additing value to others AND expect that a miracle will happen, it will happen. For you, the miracle is that you'll feel calm, confident and a bit more outgoing when around new people or in social situations. Expect that to happen and intentionally reach out with your great information. This will help you develop confidence! Take care, Susan
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11-20-2009, 05:50 PM	#25
homenotion Ms Liz Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: San Diego, Ca , USA. Posts: 48 Thanks: 0 Thanked 3 Times in 3 Posts Social Networking	Re: What advice would you give a shy person to be more confident in talking to people? Being shy and fear of social interaction is a hard thing to overcome, I'm familiar with it myself, but it's like someone said above, it's who can be the better actor. We're all a product of our experiences so I think the more you can interact with others the less fearful you will be because you'll start experiencing positive reactions from those you interact with and that helps a lot. I've never been one to walk into a room full of strangers and just start mingling, it's awkward and I envy people who can do that. But if you go in with a positive attitude and think about what you will say and what you can offer others it doesn't take long to start feeling confident.
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11-20-2009, 06:07 PM	#26
Colin Palfrey Author & Ghostwriter War Room Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Ireland Posts: 1,046 Blog Entries: 3 Thanks: 238 Thanked 289 Times in 195 Posts Social Networking Contact Info	Re: What advice would you give a shy person to be more confident in talking to people? Hi Mark, Ignoring IM I have walked on stage many times as a Rock/Blues singer/guitarist. I am naturally horribly shy but when I'm on stage I'm not. The technique me and every other musician use to do this is.....Create a persona. That persona can do anything, because he die's when you leave the situation. Try this technique. It's enabled me to stand on tables and sing without fear, even though I was terrified before stepping on the stage....and after LOL Colin
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11-20-2009, 06:51 PM	#28
rcjcal09 Your Friendly Affiliate Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: I'm a nomad, but my hometown is Indianapolis, IN. Posts: 19 Thanks: 0 Thanked 3 Times in 2 Posts Contact Info	Re: What advice would you give a shy person to be more confident in talking to people? The best way to become a better communicator is to learn how to be a good listener. Most people are shy because they feel like they don't have anything of interest to say, but the best thing about talking with other people is that people inevitably love talking about themselves. Just learn to ask open ended questions... And if you're meeting a complete stranger, feel free to use this following technique to get to know them a little better: F - Where are you from? Are you originally from the area? O - What's your occupation? What do you do for a living? R - What's your recreation? What do you do for fun? Have any hobbies that you enjoy? M - What's your motivation? Why did you decide to pursue...? What made you choose that hobby? Hope that helps! ^_~

11-21-2009, 07:05 AM	#29
markfoo76 The Big Dreamer Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Singapore Posts: 131 Thanks: 10 Thanked 31 Times in 19 Posts Social Networking	Re: What advice would you give a shy person to be more confident in talking to people? Wow... This thread has suddenly received some renewed attention! Thank you so much warriors! Thanks for sharing your tips and I really appreciate it. I'm still a bit shy when talking to strangers but I'm definitely better than before. Hope I can get better and better until I feel no shame! Just kidding about the last bit... Cheers~ Mark
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11-21-2009, 03:22 PM	#30
Tam Chancellor HyperActive Warrior War Room Member Join Date: May 2006 Location: Los Angeles Posts: 144 Thanks: 174 Thanked 21 Times in 18 Posts	Re: What advice would you give a shy person to be more confident in talking to people? This thread is full of great ideas, especially joining Toastmasters. The people there are very supportive and you can progress at your own pace. Also, are there any acting classes in your areas? A lot of actors get into acting to overcome their shyness. Taking an acting class will help you to "get out of your own head" which I think is a big part of shyness....at least from my personal experience. Good luck, Tam
	"Talking ain't doing." --Zoe Washburne "What you do speaks so loud I cannot hear what you say." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

11-21-2009, 03:27 PM	#31
Jreyes2265 Making Green Paper$ Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 27 Thanks: 20 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: What advice would you give a shy person to be more confident in talking to people? Start off small, when people walk by just say "Hey" or "Hi, how's it going?" and just have a small smile. Talk to the people at the register, talk to people walking by. You don't have to start big, start small and progress.

11-21-2009, 04:36 PM	#32
rayward52 Warrior Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 5 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: What advice would you give a shy person to be more confident in talking to people? If I were you I would read a book called, Feel the fear and do it anyway. This was one of the many books that was recommended to me back in the day's that I went to Network Marketing meetings and was asked to speak on front of a crowd of people. Hope that helps. Ray
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