"You are the average of the Five people you hang out with most" - My friends are lazy...

10 replies
"You are the average of the Five people you hang out with most"

- I've heard this little mantra over and over again. It bothers me because I am surrounded by people who are comfortable with their lives and aren't challenged anymore.

As I've grown up, a lot of my friends have gotten married, had kids, settled down, and are living day-to-day with their chosen careers. I don't think there is anything wrong with this.

But I'm different.. I'm fired up, I'm trying new things, I have two online businesses that I work my ass off with everyday. But there is no one around me to challenge me, to share ideas.. I've tried with my roommate on many occasions, she just looks at me like I've completely lost it.

It gets me worried that the lazy characteristics of my immediate social circle might rub off on me. Like I have to work extra hard despite the fact that my friends are living comfortable lives and sometimes question my motives.

So if you're living among people who don't inspire you to work or challenge you, how do you overcome it? I don't want to be dragged down, but I don't have many people in my area to reach out to.
#friends #lazy
  • Profile picture of the author Odahh
    now ..if you are not married yet and don't have kids and a carreer ..you are probably all ready the outsider in your circle of friends ..and how much time are you really spending every day or each week with them ..

    in truth this ..applies more to your co workers and the manager just above you..than your friends who are non co workers

    it may have applied 30 years ago before the middle class was destroyed by the freight train of globalization and tech improvements ..

    there is no longer an average and if your normal or average ,,you are tens of thousands of dollars in debt.carrying 20 - 40 pounds more than you should at least, on a medication for aniety or depression ..

    and even when you spend real time with normal people they spend much of that time texting other or talking on cellphones ..

    chances are you can move accroos the country ,, and with face book updates and 5 or ten minutes conversations with most of your friends on a cell phone.. see very little actual change in the relationship..

    anyway.. it is 2015 it is quite easy to have the 5 people you talk to the most be in 5 different countries on as many different continents ..

    most of these concepts that applied for about 50 years do not apply the same way..once you shift how you make money away from having a job and beyond what local oprtuntities would once allow ..

    globalize yourself .
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  • Profile picture of the author rohitratnakumar
    Hey Roenick, In a similar situation with uninspired room mates, I moved out to an apartment with zero room mates. Key is to keep your mind occupied with good stuff, personal development / melodious music has helped. Though people aren't around me I am inspired by, I am inspired by the work of Eben Pagan, Tony Robbins other people who are successful. I look to these people to keep me inspired. I might be able to help you more if I get to know your situation in detail. PM me if you'd like to
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    • Profile picture of the author Roenick
      Originally Posted by rohitratnakumar View Post

      Hey Roenick, In a similar situation with uninspired room mates, I moved out to an apartment with zero room mates. Key is to keep your mind occupied with good stuff, personal development / melodious music has helped. Though people aren't around me I am inspired by, I am inspired by the work of Eben Pagan, Tony Robbins other people who are successful. I look to these people to keep me inspired. I might be able to help you more if I get to know your situation in detail. PM me if you'd like to
      Pretty much hit the nail on the head. My friends and roommates are very uninispired, but still nice people to be around. I really rely on interviews and audiobooks to keep me inspired. Things like EoFire podcast is what I usually listen to. What Eben Pagan programs do you read or listen to?
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  • Profile picture of the author Odahh
    http://www.nytimes.com/2015/09/06/op...much.html?_r=2


    i don't know if this link will work .. but generally it back up what i say..

    this average of the 5 people you hang out with the most .. was true 30 years ago..because many of your friends would have also been co workers ..or people in the same working class with about the same income

    this is mostly from when people had safe secure jobs they worked at long dacades ..now things are much different ..

    you income is probably much more effected by what you eat and how much you weigh now ..than by the people you spend the most time with
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    • Profile picture of the author Roenick
      Originally Posted by Odahh View Post

      http://www.nytimes.com/2015/09/06/op...much.html?_r=2


      i don't know if this link will work .. but generally it back up what i say..

      this average of the 5 people you hang out with the most .. was true 30 years ago..because many of your friends would have also been co workers ..or people in the same working class with about the same income

      this is mostly from when people had safe secure jobs they worked at long dacades ..now things are much different ..

      you income is probably much more effected by what you eat and how much you weigh now ..than by the people you spend the most time with
      This is really interesting, thanks for sharing. I drink a lot of vegetable smoothies and go for runs, so that probably helps lol.

      Originally Posted by imintravel View Post

      It doesn't mean that you have to stop being their friend, but it does mean that you're gonna have to go out and make new ones... People who are going to keep you motivated, challenge you - people who you eventually want to become like! Don't get me wrong, there's absolutely nothing wrong with being average, living a comfortable life - but have you asked them how comfortable they are? Have you asked them how happy they really are? Most people won't admit their hidden miseries in life lol... I can tell by what you have said that there is no way you want to lead an average life! So don't. It's that simple.
      This is my thinking as well. And I hope to eventually get in contact with new friends that will help keep me fired up, and vice versa. But for the time being I'll just have to rely on myself.
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  • Profile picture of the author imintravel
    It doesn't mean that you have to stop being their friend, but it does mean that you're gonna have to go out and make new ones... People who are going to keep you motivated, challenge you - people who you eventually want to become like! Don't get me wrong, there's absolutely nothing wrong with being average, living a comfortable life - but have you asked them how comfortable they are? Have you asked them how happy they really are? Most people won't admit their hidden miseries in life lol... I can tell by what you have said that there is no way you want to lead an average life! So don't. It's that simple.
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  • Profile picture of the author C G
    It's recommended that you find friends that have similar goals than you but it's not necessary for success.

    Just listen to courses, speeches and read books everyday. Spend more time doing this than with your friends and you will see that your life will start to change.

    Cheers,

    C.G.
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  • Profile picture of the author Odahh
    when you compare the average comfortable life of western people or Americans..to the lives of most of the human population..there are about 5 billion people who would happily jump in the situations your friends have....i think there are still a billion people who live on less than a dollar a day and globally middle class is just over 10 or 20 dollars a day ..

    the thing is we are at the cutting edge of a new period in human history..that is giving masses of people tools to design and live the lives they want to live .. and these tool are easily affordable to those with average incomes ..

    because there are so many thing you can do for little or no money now .. and the thing that used to be very cheap are the thing getting more expensive while things that used to be expensive are getting less so..

    don't be worried so much about being the average of you 5 closest friends .. understand that there is no longer an average to be .

    the average american or the middle class ..was a creation of mass marketing and corperatism ....

    do your average friend live in the houses about the same size ..drive similar make or model car.. use the same products.. eat at the same resteraunt.. make their money at the same kinds of jobs send their kids to the same schools and the same activities ..

    there is no average to be..and most people are below average .
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  • Profile picture of the author Paul Hanney
    I try and operate on the premise of spending 1/3 of my time with people below me (on a professional path), 1/3 of people at the same level as me and 1/3 of the people above me.

    The people below me are usually older friends and our lives have gone in different directions. It doesn't mean I have to part ways with them, however some friends will see you drive, motivation and success and not like it, you will gradually move apart. Some will see it and be inspired, might even give them that boost they need to start moving forward.

    The 1/3 on my level don't have to be people I see on a daily basis, it could be talking with you guys on here, being part of a mastermind group with people at a similar level, going to networking events etc.

    The 1/3 above me comes from mentors, books of highly successful people (biographies and autobiographies). Whilst you are not with them in person you are still able to garnish something from reading about their lives. Books are like having mentors.

    Don't stress about being the average of the 5 people you spend most of your time with. Whilst there is some truth to this in my opinion most people loose site of the fact that they spend a hour or two a day reading, or on forums like this and don't factor that into the people they are spending most of their time with.
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  • Profile picture of the author Jason Kanigan
    Originally Posted by Roenick View Post

    "You are the average of the Five people you hang out with most"

    - I've heard this little mantra over and over again. It bothers me because I am surrounded by people who are comfortable with their lives and aren't challenged anymore.

    As I've grown up, a lot of my friends have gotten married, had kids, settled down, and are living day-to-day with their chosen careers. I don't think there is anything wrong with this.

    But I'm different.. I'm fired up, I'm trying new things, I have two online businesses that I work my ass off with everyday. But there is no one around me to challenge me, to share ideas.. I've tried with my roommate on many occasions, she just looks at me like I've completely lost it.

    It gets me worried that the lazy characteristics of my immediate social circle might rub off on me. Like I have to work extra hard despite the fact that my friends are living comfortable lives and sometimes question my motives.

    So if you're living among people who don't inspire you to work or challenge you, how do you overcome it? I don't want to be dragged down, but I don't have many people in my area to reach out to.
    Nowadays your peer group can be online.

    In the mid 2000s I spent a lot of non-work time writing comedy articles. The site I contributed to had members around the world and I continue to be friends with many of them...from the UK, Israel, the US, Canada, Germany and so on.

    That was my peer group at the time. I became interested in the things they were interested in. We became interested in each other's comedy.

    I've never met any of these fine folks in person, but they certainly affected my life.

    A similar thing has happened through WF. Most of the people I met through here have moved on, but I continue to interact with them through Facebook, phonecalls etc. And I have met many of them in person.

    They are all doing as well or better than I am, and that has certainly had an impact on me. Seeing "how they do it" is often an eye-opening experience. I've worked around tech, for example, but not IN tech. So when one of my tech founder friends unveils a new software I pay attention.

    You don't need to be physically present anymore to absorb the effect of your peer group. And I think that's great news.
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