Why You're Not Living Your Dream Life...

by 13 replies
My wife and I just got back from our annual trip to New Orleans
with some friends.

And while there, our friend recommended some amazing places
where the NOLA locals go to eat.

So, our end goal was amazing food. We KNEW exactly what we
wanted.

So, my friend took out Google Maps, and it led us right to our
destination. We got there and hauled ass on some of the most
amazing food I've ever had.

BUT... we had an exact end destination in mind. EXACT.

So, we could simply backtrack our way... and go from where
we WERE... use Google maps to get us where we wanted to go.

In LIFE, rarely do we do that.

I know I don't.

I know I want SOMETHING.

Maybe more money, more social events, more vacations, a
better career, etc...

But often, it doesn't get pinpointed down to the EXACT thing you
want. So as a result, we never get there.

It's like plugging "anywhere" into Google Maps.

You don't get where you want.

Until you can say "I want to make _____ a year, working ______ job,
working _____ many days, and selling ______ product or service...
you can NEVER get where you want.

If you say "I want to make more money".... you'll almost always
fail.

If you say "I want to lose weight"... you'll almost always fail.

Because you're not giving your brain an ideal target, one which
you can then take the necessary steps to get there.

If you say "I want to lose weight"... then sure, maybe you'll start
doing a few things here and there... but success won't be permanent.

But if you say "On April 20th, I'm going to enter a bodybuilding
contest. I need to lose 30 pounds, get to 5% body fat, and I want
to have visible abs, etc...

From there, you can start to bridge the gap and make concrete
actual plans on HOW you're going to get there.

You can write out the work out steps, the nutrition steps, the cardio
steps, etc... you start creating your "google map" to get where
you want to end up.

Most people NEVER get what they want in their lives, because
they only have a really vague idea. It's not specific enough to get
your Google Map to give you actual steps to it.

So, you're just wandering.

It's been that way in my life a long time. I've wanted "more
freedom", more income, to get in shape, etc... but those are so
general, it's impossible to reach any of them.

Our brains work with specifics, so once you start coming up with
EXACTLY what you want, down to SPECIFICS... then you can
work backwards and device a plan to get there.

If you have a starting point right now, and you know specifically
WHAT you want to achieve/have/do/be, etc... you can then set
up a Google map to get you there. The actual steps you have to take.

If you're not exact and specific, you just can't get the exact
stuff you want in your life... because your brain has no idea
what THAT is.

The most successful times in my life, I took out a notebook
and at the top, wrote down "Finances", "Career", Relationship",
"Health", and so on.

Under that, I wrote at the top the absolute specifics as to WHAT
those things were.

I wanted to make $120,000 a year in 2001. I wanted to enter and
win a local bodybuilding show. I wanted to find a long term companion.
I wanted to build a personal trainer business.

Then, under each of those areas, I wrote the exact steps I'd have
to take, each and every day, in order to get to those places I wanted.

I broke it down to it's most specific "do this, do that" steps.

When I saw that notebook again in 2005, I realized I had hit every
single one of those goals, and blew them out of the water.

But the years I didn't write that stuff down?

Floundered.

Because I didn't give my brain a target.

I was just using Google maps and putting in "anywhere" for a
destination... and that can't work.

In your life, think of having Google maps for each and every
important area you want to improve... and then write out all the
steps you'll need to take, in order to get there. It must, must,
must be specific.

Your brain cannot and will not work towards a target that's
not specific.

Once you start really thinking about what you want your ideal
life to be, you can then design the steps to get there. You can
bridge the gap from where you are now... to where you want to be.

And you do that by writing out specific, concrete plans.

So, when I hear someone say "I wish I had a million dollars"...
I know they'll never, ever get it because they have no plan to get
it. They have no steps or road map.

But if you want a million dollars and work backwards, and put
in actual steps that can make you X amount of dollars per day,
doing Y each day, you could very well end up with the million.

So if you want to design your ideal life, start with knowing what
that means, SPECIFICALLY... and then work backwards and
write down the steps you need to take.

I promise, get ultra specific in each and every area of your life
and you'll achieve more in 6 months than you have in 6 years
of just saying "I want".... without being specific.

It's magic when you start thinking of your life as you REALLY
want it, and how it REALLY specifically looks... because then
you can work backwards and create a real, actionable plan
that can be followed.

Instead of telling google maps you want to go "anywhere"...
you know what a specific destination, so the steps and
directions you take can get you there.

Design your ideal life this year... it's possible once you know
exactly what that means to you...
#mind warriors #dream #life #living
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  • Profile picture of the author velvetcake
    I promise, get ultra specific in each and every area of your life and you'll achieve more in 6 months than you have in 6 years of just saying "I want"... without being specific.
    this may work for yourself and others, but that advice still has a missing piece for me. "specific" goal advice has been around a long time-- an example is 1980s "super self" book by charles givens which is actually a really good book. I think you might pick up more ideas from givens because he was into autosyncing his life, so he could travel for 4 months every year. he definitely was thinking outside the box especially for that era.

    BUT even though I have heard this excellent advice from yourself and others...... it doesn't work because I have too many specific goals. right now I have 3 goals and I can tell you it's a slog to focus. I don't have ADHD, but I do have a lot of interests..... I feel like focusing on 3 goals truly isn't enough, but when I focus on more then it's hard to gain traction. honestly, earlier today I was thinking about a goal that isn't in the top 3 so already (today) I'm emotionally out of sync. that's "why you're not living your dream life..."
  • Profile picture of the author hardraysnight
    but i am living my dream life

    i must be doing something wrong
  • Profile picture of the author laurencewins
    Well said, Shawn. Although there are times when it feels impossible to achieve exact targets. I'm going through some MAJOR problems/hurdles right now...related to moving house, finding places to live in, packing for the move, and also looking for extra clientele as 2016 was a quiet year for me.

    At the moment I can't break through the oppressive despair.
    Do you have any specific solutions that may help me get through things?
    You can pm me if you feel that's a better option.

    TIA.
  • Profile picture of the author Kaupo Tomson
    That's right. How can you reach your destination when you don't know where you're going. Thus meaning how can you reach your goals when you don't exactly know what they are.

    I was creating a dream board for myself a month ago I think and it turned out to be a lot harder then I originally thought. It took me all night to really think what I want. What kind of an income I want and when do I want it, where do I want to live, what kind of a car I want to drive, where do I want to travel and how long and etc. and etc.

    When I was done, I think I got my dreams and goals written down pretty good. Although it took me all night, I'm still not sure if I was specific enough. I'm going to take another night to look over my dreams and goals and make them even more specific. I think that when You have a really specific goal to thrive towards and you take the necessary steps to make it a reality, it's only a matter of time until you achieve it.

    As for having too many specific goals, I recently watched a video that really spoke to me and got me thinking about that topic.
    Here's a link: Tim Ferriss talks about the advantage of single-tasking - Business Insider
  • Profile picture of the author whateverpedia
    What if you're a Goth and want to live a nightmare life?
    • Profile picture of the author tagiscom
      Originally Posted by whateverpedia View Post

      What if you're a Goth and want to live a nightmare life?
      Probably need a Scream Board for that, and a packet of giblets?

    • Profile picture of the author Odahh
      Originally Posted by whateverpedia View Post

      What if you're a Goth and want to live a nightmare life?
      now to get a real answer you would have to define to all the not goths or the 99.5 percent of the rest of where western population .. forget about the 99.9999999 percent of the rest of the human population the meaning of nightmare life .

      for us non goths looking at goths .. that woul mean having to keep ther hair the normal color avoid to many nose ring and not dress in all black.. to get a job and put food on the table .

      when you injct a concept that 99.99999 percent of people reading (fully excluding yourself who injected the concept ) and the person who injects the concept does not explain the concept ..do not expect any viable answer unless you believe in merciless of people understanding momentously unimportant topics

      tldr you asked a question that few reading this would care to research enough to give you a half decent answer
  • Profile picture of the author AL Hummel
    I agree, it's all about specific "Intentions" and exact matching emotional energy. "Assuming the feeling as if the desire has already manifest" is the best meditation in mind. "Goals" are too vague. "Intentions" are with superior direction. Blessings to you!
  • Profile picture of the author rprieto60
    Very sage advice. It's easy to sometimes forget. It all goes back to needing to know exactly what you want.

    Like a missile that is fired. Without a precise target, it will land in an unintended place and possibly cause disaster.
  • Profile picture of the author Joyce Birmingham
    I agree, we need to be specific about what we want otherwise we're just floating around.
  • Profile picture of the author shawnlebrun
    Most people either love him or hate him, but if you have time, check out the latest article
    that Conor McGregor is in.

    I'm not sure if I can post it here... but do a Google search of Conor McGregor GQ article.

    It has some of the absolute best advice for people who want to reach their goals.

    Some quotes...

    "He is a person who believes in the power of positive thinking. His sister gave him a book about what he calls “the laws of attraction” when he was a boy, and he's been practicing it ever since. He describes the method: “Visualize it. Speak it out loud. With confidence. Work for it. Watch it happen.”

    "Rather than putting your energy into pointing the finger at somebody else, figure out what it is you need to do and do it, and do it right, and get it done, and get your situation right. And if a person does that, then their life will get better."

    It's a good article... even if you're not a fan of UFC or fighting. It shows how thinking about you want, specifically, and all the time, can indeed help you start moving towards it.
    • Profile picture of the author dcristo
      Originally Posted by shawnlebrun View Post


      "Rather than putting your energy into pointing the finger at somebody else, figure out what it is you need to do and do it, and do it right, and get it done, and get your situation right. And if a person does that, then their life will get better."
      It will short term but long term I don't know. Then again we live in a society that's all about immediacy.

      I should elaborate on what I mean. The only time I've been successful with anything online was when I worked my ass off with a goal in mind. This mindset lead to me isolating from friends because it requires an obsessive focus - it's basically all you think about.

      I'm now dealing with the side effects of isolating myself in my 20s. Severe social anxiety and other issues. You're right. You should never blame others for your own failures. You never learn that way. But I think in order to be happy you need to find the right balance.

      Furthermore, in order to figure out what you need to do, you do this through a process of self discovery. Once you learn yourself better life essentially guides you on the right path.

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