I have bunch of habits problems like waking up late, Pornography, and overall lack of discipline & self-control
It has some serious damage to my Life : my emotional level, my self-confidence // self-worth, feeling my life is a crap shit, haven't done anything to be proud of.
But, I'm here not to complain it, instead I need help
So I have known for some quite time that Social Support is a powerful tool of changing life
Here, I'm on my for 30 day Challenge for exercise and sleep early Habits
This is gonna be my Journal, to post daily about my progress
I was gonna do it offline but it lack some excitement so hey why not post it online and see if anyone can give support, give feedback and insight, or even maybe someone could be inspired
This is the Long Version :
here I'll tell you some background how I came into these problems, and the details of it
It could be useful for :
1. If you're going through some tough time, just reading this can help you by feeling "Oh My God he is going through the same shit / similiar shit as I am....."
I know cus I've felt that way
2. To have the broader sense of the Challenge so whomever want to give a solution, can give it in a much more detailed ones
3. Have a deeper connection so the mutual support can be richer in emotions
Oh and you can also post something like this with your own challenge and I will kindly support you the best I can as well
----alright here we go-----
It all started when I was a kid, about 10 year old, seeing my first porn
It was a picture of some naked girl
little did i know, that porn damage the brain so I became weaker to fight against temptation
and so, the porn thing keeps getting worse from pictures to videos, from 30 minutes to some hours, and still struggling it till today
so it's about 11 years of on-going battle
Porn was one of the source of me : Sleeping late, Waking up late, being lazy, hard to do the hard stuff, even one day I didn't do a midtest just because I was busy watching YouTube videos, which end up on a bad score almost failing at it.
One more thing.
I have a big family, total of more than 8 kids in my family
My Father, busy with his work, never really discipline me and his method is not by yelling or mad, but let me think by myself, yeah my father is the type of letting loose and go figure yourself
My Mother, the kind that is not having good relationship with today's technology,
end up lecturing me, judging, mad, and just can't seem to understand what I'm going through
but I still Love my Mom, no such thing as perfect parents.
that said, Free and Fast 24 Hour of Internet Connection in my Home
Parents that let loose me on to cope with Life
I went to School that also is not really strict, even when I didn't go to school for 7 days playing Phoenix Wright and downloading Half Life 2, Nothing happened, no significant punishment whatsoever
well fortunately I found out soon enough, that blaming doesn't solve my sh*t, but make it worse
So that was the story of how the biggest challenges in my life was born
I don't blame, but these bad habits just won't end that easily with just not blaming
I've dealt with great depression where one day i pray to be healed from all this like for the 1000th times, and having experience of failing over and over again, popping
"Will i ever get out of this ?"
"Should I try to just cope to live like this and not trying so hard ?"
" Is there any point on praying or trying ?"
One time I locked myself in my room for about 3 weeks, only coming out to eat when people are sleeping, midnight.
In the room playing games, porn, comics, etc.
I locked myself cus it's hard dealing with my college life, skipping class, not doing assignments, and it all piles up and I seem to can't handle that semester so I said aw fuc^ this sh*t I'm gonna repair it next next semester
--The WORST Decision in my Life
now sometime I stay up all night doing unimportant things,
well as you can imagine it's similiar to 3 weeks of nonstop drugs
even after that 3 weeks you commit of stopping, you'll still do the drugs once in a while
Headache, doubts, pain, all of that was my regular consumption
But, gladly I've been making some progress
and all this led me to Tony Robbins, Kelly McGonigal, Steve Pavlina, ZenHabits, etc.
Things I've tried
+ Reading NLP, Habits, Addiction materials
+ Watching videos about habits, procrastination
And here, typing to gain social support, My one step further to the Best Quality of Life I can Have
Now you knoe why I use forums,
not Facebook group, whatsapp group, because this is talking about the darkest time and thing I did,
I like to keep it anonymously while the social support is still available (Thank You Technology !!)
Any advice, feedback, and even small support is really really appreciated