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Unread 27th February 2010, 01:42 PM   #1
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Default Do you rid yourself of negative people? How important is it?

How important do you guys think it is to rid yourself of negative people?

I have a friend of mine (best friend) and we've been good friends since 7th grade. But this guy is seriously the most limiting person I know. I can't talk to him about anything related to success because he immediately tries to tell me that its impossible and that I personally can't do it.

Now I've argued with him about this over and over again and each time i tell him basically to live his life the way he wants to and stop trying to limit what I can do in MY life.

But each time he keeps coming back with more and more about how it's impossible and how the THOUSANDS of people who have done it before me must have been special in some way or had some expertise that I will never be able to get.

And honestly i'm sick of it. I've read alot that one of the paths to success includes ridding yourself of those negative people that hold you back and surround yourself with the type of people that are already seeing that kind of success or have the attitude to gain that kind of success.

However, I find it hard to give up on such a long friendship..outside of these talks we are really good friends and really close..

So my question is, how important do you find it to rid yourself of negative people and surround yourself with the type that support the goals you set rather than knocking them down and trying to limit what YOU want to do in YOUR life?

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Unread 27th February 2010, 03:02 PM   #2
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Default Re: Do you rid yourself of negative people? How important is it?

I just try to keep my distance away from them and if I can't do that, I ignore them, like pretending that they don't exist. They are annoying timewasters too.

I also stay positive and cheerful, knowing that I will attract more positive things and attitudes. Negative people don't like that. They prefer others who share similar negative attitudes.
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Unread 27th February 2010, 07:30 PM   #3
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Default Re: Do you rid yourself of negative people? How important is it?

Yes, I must say that your predicament is a tuff one. I mean this person is a life long friend, so I suppose it can't be as easy as just the text book answer of 'ridding yourself of negative people'.

On the other hand, he is obviously not being supportive of your aspirations, which is never a good thing.

I would say just to try to be positive towards him, but as you mentioned you have tried that also.

I suppose from my point of view I would never like to rid myself of such a long standing friend. So maybe try and hold onto your friendship and, as best you can, ignore the negative comments.
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Unread 27th February 2010, 08:06 PM   #4
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Default Re: Do you rid yourself of negative people? How important is it?

I know someone who would probably tell you to quit trying to change people. That is in essence what you are trying to do when you argue with him about your own standards, about your own opinions, and about your own expectations.


Just change yourself, and everything else will change alongside that. Accept that you cannot change him, and MOVE ON.


Maybe later he will see that success and will be surprised and change his viewpoint too, but heck, if he doesn't, just let that go.



Honestly, it's not bothering him. LOL, It's just bothering YOU.



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Oh, and I am the MOST negative person I know. So no need to worry about getting rid of other negative people, when it's all in the head to begin with.

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Unread 27th February 2010, 08:44 PM   #5
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Default Re: Do you rid yourself of negative people? How important is it?

Here's my take...

He's your best friend who's known you since 7th grade. If you two really are close, he knows what's been going on in your life for a long time. What has your life been like? More importantly, what has your life been like recently? Have you been successful (or at least stayed afloat) or mostly fallen on your face?

I'm trying to figure out if he's speaking from what he knows of you, or if it's his own personal beliefs. If he's seen you fall flat before, yet you've done nothing (at least not apparently) to change things or learn from your mistakes, he may not see how your aspirations are possible (i.e. he doesn't see exactly how you would "get there" and may doubt if you know how you would either).

I haven't met your friend so this is pure speculation, but I do speak from some experience. I've known my best friend since 7th grade, and she's seen me fall on my face more times than I care to admit. She not only keeps a calm, realistic perspective about almost everything, but she's smarter than me... when I tell her about my aspirations now (with her knowing my history and whatnot), she doesn't make judgments as to whether I can or can't, but is more interested in HOW I plan to go about it.

Moral of the story? I'm wondering if your friend may have a similar train of thought, but is going about it the wrong way. If he has no reason to think you'll do what you say you're going to do, he may be expressing that. You may need to ask him why. You also might need to look at your own life and see what steps YOU can take in the right direction, without worrying about what he thinks.

On the flipside, he may truly be negative about other people's success in general, in which case it would have nothing to do with you, but his own negative outlook. In this case, if I were you I'd dig deeper to find out why, to see if he's willing to help himself out of that hole.

In the meantime, you need to concentrate on your own goals, regardless of what anybody else says. If you find it easier to not talk about your To-Do plans but otherwise have a great friendship, don't make it any harder than it has to be. Do what you have to do, and hey, if you have something to show for it, maybe, just maybe, he'll start climbing out on his own. Just make sure that you are taking steps towards your goals for YOU, not for what he does or what anyone else does for that matter. Good luck.

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Unread 27th February 2010, 08:53 PM   #6
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Default Re: Do you rid yourself of negative people? How important is it?

Dude....what Acrasial said...understand that the guy is getting nowhere and simply don't talk about it. That's exactly what I had to do with my dad...every single time I talked about my business, we'd duke it out..

So what I did was I stopped talking to him about it when I saw him...and every time he mentions it, I say...oh it's just like it was before...nothing's changed
I don't let him know on my progress, my improvements, and profits. I keep him completely out of the equation.

That's way easier than severing a friendship.

Hope this helps out dude.

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Unread 27th February 2010, 09:31 PM   #7
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Default Re: Do you rid yourself of negative people? How important is it?

Some people will resist any kind of change. If you want to keep your friend, you need to keep to conversations and activities you can both enjoy. Maybe after you find some success your friend will better understand your efforts and be more supportive. Until then, you'll have to find other friends to support you in your search for success.
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Unread 27th February 2010, 09:38 PM   #8
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Default Re: Do you rid yourself of negative people? How important is it?

I am sorry to say this...But I want to be brutally honest here...It's not your friends fault for being this way. It's your fault for trying to change him.

Guess what? He won't change...And there is nothing you can do to change him. The only thing you can do is wish him luck in life and slowly cut off contact with him.

Imagine running a marathon with 1000 pound load on your shoulders...That's exactly how life feels like when you are around someone who constantly reminds you of everything you can't do.

Take that load off...And you will see how easy everything gets.


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Unread 27th February 2010, 10:22 PM   #9
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Default Re: Do you rid yourself of negative people? How important is it?

Your friend should watch the YouTube videos posted by Abraham Hicks, the guru of "the law of attraction". Because I know a couple of people who used to be so negative and pessimistic about changing their lives for the betterment actually became fairly positive after they watch those videos.

In my opinion, you should do your best to keep the friendship but maybe you stop mentioning the particular subject. I don't think you need to cut off the friendship over this (I know it's important subject though).
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Unread 28th February 2010, 06:53 AM   #10
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Default Re: Do you rid yourself of negative people? How important is it?

Hi.
I think it's very important to rid yourself of as many negative people as you possibly can. But like you, I have had quite a few very close people be very negative about what I, or anybody for that matter, will ever achieve online... Since some of those people are family members, I cannot get rid of them as such... I wouldn't want to... What I do instead is, simply not talk about the subject at all... If someone asks me what I do when I'm not in my day job, I just say something like... Enjoy my life, housework... Whatever... Even if what I actually do is IM !! You'll find that a lot of people will be ready to jump on you when you talk to them about IM, possibly because they feel they couldnt do it themselves and it makes them feel a bit insecure that you're trying to better yourself and they're not... Maybe they're scared you'll succeed because they know they'd envy you... What I do know for sure though is that, in order to succeed, you need to have the right attitude and faith in yourself. You must let all the negative comment, if you get any, go right over the top of your head... After all, you know better than they do... Most of them don't even know what you're actually doing! They're just trying to put you off regardless because you, changing your life in any way, is putting THEM out of their comfort zone!
Hope it helps, just believe in yourself and you'll get where you wanna be!
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Unread 28th February 2010, 07:07 AM   #11
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Default Re: Do you rid yourself of negative people? How important is it?

I think the best thing to do in this case is whenever you are are around him, just talk about the things that you both agree on.

Leave the things you don't out of the conversations you have. That way you can have the best of both worlds!

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Unread 28th February 2010, 07:28 AM   #12
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Default Re: Do you rid yourself of negative people? How important is it?

I agree with most opinions here to discus topics you can agree on with your friend and stop discussing about 'success' if it creates arguments.
That's what I do. I have the same situation as you with some of my closest friends. I just stop discussing certain things with them. I also ended up seeking more positive environments and positive people (like this forum!).

There are two things I realize:

1) You can't change someone who don't want to.
This is probably the biggest mistakes people make in a relationship. Trying to change their partner. Fact: Nobody has ever succeeded in the entire history of mankind, ever!

2) The most effective way to influence someone is by action and results.
Great leaders lead by action. You know you can't change your friends perspective by talking him into it. What you can do is take massive action and make improvements in your own life. When you get results and are successful, perhaps he'll finally realize what you're trying to tell him. I say perhaps, because fact no.1 still applies.



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Unread 22nd August 2010, 07:38 PM   #13
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Default Re: Do you rid yourself of negative people? How important is it?

I am avoiding negative people. I am not really asking suggestions to the people that I know who are very negative. I want a good and positive vibrations especially if I just started the business or my stuff. I just do not want my mind to be brainwashed or influenced by negative people. I always want to be supported by other people for achieving my goals. Of course, in this business, we need people who can listen to our views and they must give us a good feedback.

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Unread 22nd August 2010, 08:18 PM   #14
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Default Re: Do you rid yourself of negative people? How important is it?

Yes I try to. I work in an apartment building and do maintence/renos, and you will be surprised as to how many tenants are very negative. Well doing work to how many tenants are negative and have nothing that is positive.

Well let me see. OH yea need to start work on my ???????? again.
Been working for slave wages to long.
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Unread 30th August 2010, 07:16 AM   #15
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Default Re: Do you rid yourself of negative people? How important is it?

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Unread 30th August 2010, 08:23 AM   #16
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Default Re: Do you rid yourself of negative people? How important is it?

If you have negative people in your life you have to get rid of them immediately. If you don't it will be very hard for you to achieve your goals. You have to get around winners. People who want more out of life.

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Unread 30th August 2010, 08:51 AM   #17
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Default Re: Do you rid yourself of negative people? How important is it?

Yes, I've cut many negative people from my life. But first I try to use positive reinforcement, and negative punishment with them to condition their damaging behaviors.

For instance, I have a friend who was completely spoiled by his parents, not with money, but with having every little thing done for him. Now that he is a man, he's still a child. He's always interested in my entrepreneurial escapades. When we talk about them, he inevitably says something along the lines of "I wish you would make a website for me" or something similar. I immediately close the IM window and ignore him for the rest of the evening. He may not consciously catch on, but I'm sure his brain is connecting the dots. When he tries something for himself, I support him fully.

His case is fairly innocent. But when people act malevolent and sinister, they get the cut right off the bat. No questions. And when I find people who are being awesome, I try to spend more time around them.

They say you are the average of the 5 people you spent the most time around. I agree and try to associate with people who are better off than me in some aspect. I also make sure, even though they don't ask, that I can return that sentiment in some fashion.
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Unread 30th August 2010, 09:02 AM   #18
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Default Re: Do you rid yourself of negative people? How important is it?

I think it's quite important to "cleanse" your own personal space from persons with a destructive vibe. It's your birth right to do that.
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Unread 30th August 2010, 09:21 AM   #19
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Default Re: Do you rid yourself of negative people? How important is it?

I find it interesting that people say cut the negative people out of your life. If I did that I would have to cut out my mother, sometimes my son, some friends, sometimes the waitress, sometimes my neighbors, sometimes the store clerk etc. You can't possibly cut them all out of your life. It just isn't possible. They are everywhere.

The only thing you can control is how you respond to them. So cut the negative responses out of yourself. We all get into situations and around people that is not our favorite so you have to ask yourself what can you do to make this situation better for yourself. Doesn't matter what the other person is doing.

Some friends that are negative I just appease them and agree with a simple yes that sucks doesn't it, or yes there are tons of people that don't do well at it. I only do this because it makes me feel better that I just made them feel better. They already chose to have misery so there is not point in me adding to it. It's not like I have to hang around them 24 hours a day.

Just change your responses and reactions, even if you don't agree, it just feels better inside of you to humor the person. Spend less time with those people and if you know you are spending time with them then you know what to mentally prepare for ahead of time.

Unless you are a right fighter then you have your own insecurity issues to deal with. And people will be trying to avoid you.

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Unread 2nd September 2010, 07:02 AM   #20
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Default Re: Do you rid yourself of negative people? How important is it?

The more you hang around with negative people the more they will start to rub off on you.
If he was a true friend he would be giving words of encouragement instead of negative comments!
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Unread 2nd September 2010, 07:57 PM   #21
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Default Re: Do you rid yourself of negative people? How important is it?

First, let me give you a hug ( *hugs* lol) because I know how you feel and this isn't an easy thing to do. And if you think its bad with a close friend, imagine if it was a close family member, or your bf/gf.

If I wanted to keep my friendship with this person (which sounds like you do) I would at the very least not mention my plans or goals to them. Although, I know that can be hard.

If you notice though that he starts to bring up your plans,goals, etc. just to be negative or just to put you down, then you have the "misery loves company" problem.

And its hard when the miserable person is someone you care about. They don't realize that not only are they making themselves feel worse, but they're making you feel bad as well.

And unfortunately the only thing you really can do is distance yourself from them. Hopefully, he'll ask (or maybe you can tell him) why you've distance yourself from him, and maybe he'll begin to change or at the very least, not mention those topics around you.

But if he doesn't.....then you know what you'll have to do.

I'm not saying its easy and I hope it doesn't come to that. And we've all had those thoughts of "Oh, maybe they'll change" or "I'll just ignore it when they say those things". But in the end they rarely change (unless they want to change) and you can only ignore something for so long....

The bottom line is that you have to do whats right for YOU and no one else. These are your goals, your dreams, your desires and your aspirations. Not his and not anyone else's.

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Unread 3rd September 2010, 03:44 PM   #22
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Default Re: Do you rid yourself of negative people? How important is it?

I've learnt you rarely benefit from being pessimistic. By being optimistic you just feel more motivated and pumped to actually pursue your goals and wills. This way you have more strength and mental ability to actually achieve it.

there are benefits to pessimistic but not when you're determined to achieve your goals. It might be good in avoiding bad investments and decisions but it's also very limiting.

I know exactly what you're meaning. I use to have a friend who was just the same. Explain your ideas to him; what ever it was and he'll counter it.

I rarely talk to him any more because of his pessimistic; I felt a bit offended and discouraged so I reduce my social time with him.

However you dont' have to stop being his friend. I'm still his friend but I just don't talk as common. Also something else to consider is avoiding such coversation. Perhaps Find someone else who you trust and who can encourage you while giving you honest opinions to confide to instead of sharing your ideas and plans with him.

You can keep his companionship but don't involve business plans or ideas in it would be what I'd do. It's hard to change someone. You can try to change him if you think it'll help him live a better life but it's not going to be easy so why not change what you can and change the topic.

All the best

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