Emotional Attachment to Arguments

There are some topics that are always going to be emotionally charged, eg. religion.

When you argue with someone and you're not trying to really understand his point of view, then it's just emotional warfare that doesn't solve anything.

If you both rage out, it's generally good idea to leave the problem be for a couple hours until you both calm down, because the more emotions are flowing in your brain, the less brain you can actually use to logically think. Think of it this way, if you're 80% full of anger, you have only 20% of logical thinking left.

Interesting Fred, thanks for the share

Ryan

Nice to see Carlos Castaneda referenced!
Here again, ryan, Don't Sweat the Small Stuff makes this same point, not only to soften our most rigidly held opinions, but also to try and balance our daily "informational input" with material from those with whom we don't agree. Not in order to change our own minds, or to argue, but to try and gain an understanding of other points of view, rather than simply object to, condemn or dismiss them.
Great post. Thanks.

I have had the unfortunate experience of discussing with right fighters and once I realize that is where a discussion is headed I simply refuse to engage.

For me when someone goes on and on trying to convince someone they are right all I see is ego and insecurity. Someone who is defined by what others think.

I am not interested in having those types of conversations because a lot of times intelligence leaves the conversation and I have zero tolerance for lashing out rubbish.

I simply say to myself, if it makes them feel better to behave in such a manor then that's fine just leave me out of it. If I truly believe what I will believe that and you won't change my mind but nor will I try to make you change your mind.

But a good intelligent debate can bring out some interesting perspectives. I always try to keep dignity in the forefront of my mind.

It helps to challenge people to argue the opposite side, and keep pushing them until they can actually do it competently. Being able to do this yourself also adds a lot of weight to your opinions. You can competently explain what the other person is saying, demonstrate a clear understanding of their position(which is what drives most arguments, people feel 'not heard'), and then calmly say that even with that perspective, you still think what you think and why.

This also makes it much easier for you to explain your own viewpoints, if you get used to exploring them broadly and in context. Being able to see two, three or four sides to a discussion really takes the pressure off of believing that your view is the only way to see the world. And that let's you discuss things more openly, get a better perspective on the whole issue, and then use all that information to even more articulately explain your own position and why you believe it.

Nothing will derail people who dogmatically believe something, but this works very well with people who are actually open to ideas, even if they've already picked one.

-Brett