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How Are You In The Forgiveness Department?

by ryanbiddulph
22 replies
Can you easily forgive or do you hold grudges?

I let go of some things with absolute ease. Others, not so much

Particularly tough is forgiving those close to you when you feel wronged. The bond between yourself and loved ones is stronger than steel but it needs to be dissolved before you can clear things up for yourself, because forgiveness is all about you. It's a self-centered act which is an awesome thing because once you forgive yourself from a negative situation you are free to be your best for others.

Ryan
#department #forgiveness
  • Profile picture of the author PLR Basket
    I'm a forgiver for sure!

    I never give too much importance in what others think of me anyways, so I never give excessive meanings to their actions...

    Like a wise man once said: "Anger is like drinking poison & hoping it will kill your enemy"
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  • Profile picture of the author Kenster
    Originally Posted by ryanbiddulph View Post

    Can you easily forgive or do you hold grudges?

    I let go of some things with absolute ease. Others, not so much

    Particularly tough is forgiving those close to you when you feel wronged. The bond between yourself and loved ones is stronger than steel but it needs to be dissolved before you can clear things up for yourself, because forgiveness is all about you. It's a self-centered act which is an awesome thing because once you forgive yourself from a negative situation you are free to be your best for others.

    Ryan


    I was always absolutely horrible but it stemmed from just being stubborn. I would forgive through actions, never verbally.

    As I am getting older (still young though...just need to point that out for my own esteem) things are changing and I am getting better at forgiving and making it known.
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  • Profile picture of the author PLR Basket
    Originally Posted by Zeden_Rakam View Post

    For some (1 or 2) people in my past, they are forgiven as long as they stay out of my sight for the rest of their lives.
    I wouldn't call that forgiveness...
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  • Profile picture of the author ryanbiddulph
    Yes, forgiveness is a tougie sometimes. I like you Ken had a tough time with it out of stubbornness or possessing the need to be right. And similarly, age has helped me to let go of things more easily.

    RB
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  • Profile picture of the author ryanbiddulph
    Hi GG,

    I feel forgiving releases you from another person. If you find yourself having to forgive someone repeatedly it's time to release them for good. Our intuition knows when to let go for good but our ego and strong attachments to worthiness issues gets in the way sometimes.

    RB
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    • Profile picture of the author paulie888
      Originally Posted by ryanbiddulph View Post

      Hi GG,

      I feel forgiving releases you from another person. If you find yourself having to forgive someone repeatedly it's time to release them for good. Our intuition knows when to let go for good but our ego and strong attachments to worthiness issues gets in the way sometimes.

      RB
      True, you're actually empowering yourself when you forgive someone for a wrongdoing. As long as you don't forgive someone, they hold power over you and control your emotions in a negative manner - it's ironic how truly forgiving someone sets you free and makes you a more empowered person. You're not admitting any weakness at all, as a matter of fact you're releasing yourself from a negative situation when you forgive someone.
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  • Profile picture of the author inyah11
    This week I started reading Colin Tipping's Radical Forgiveness (a book a friend gave me many years ago and I never read until the right moment). Tipping takes radical forgiveness a step further by hypothisising everything that happens to us that calls for traditional forgiveness is actually an opportunity to view the "person who wronged us" as an angel. They are in our lives io help us get the lesson to let go of our core limiting beliefs about ourselves that we unconsciously adopted in early childhood.

    For example: "I'm not good enough" or "I'm not lovable" when we attract a partner that cheats on, abandons or ignors us or "I have to do everything myself to have it done right," when someone we hire does a poor job or doesn't follow through with the agreed tasks. Definatly check Radical Forgiveness out if you are ready for great shifts in the way you relate to these kind of road blocks.
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  • Profile picture of the author bordleynetworks
    Ah, great question! the verdict is still out on that for me. I try to forgive but I'm not sure sometimes If I have or if I haven't.
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  • Profile picture of the author dataentryop
    Yeah,

    I do forgive the person. Because its always a great way to forgive another.

    Everybody needs a chance!!!!!!!
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  • Profile picture of the author Gary Pettit
    I've always been disturbed by the (currently very common) sentiment that, "Even if 'they' don't deserve forgiveness, still YOU deserve to be free of the burden of resentment." Okay, that's true (you DO deserve to be free). But that's not what forgiveness is.

    They don't "deserve" forgiveness for their sins any more than I do for my sins. But the fact is, those sins were paid for, and forgiven. It's not up to "little ol' ME" to forgive them. Only to recognize the fact.

    The Truth will set you free.

    And no, I'm no better in realizing that every day than anyone else.
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  • Profile picture of the author Erica Leggette
    I am too easy to forgive but I am very quick to cut off or cut down on contact with people I feel are not going to do me any good in my life & I won't do them any good in theirs. If a person can straight out hurt me or set out to hurt me, those are the kinds of people that I weed from my life or reposition them in my life depending on how deep I was affected though I forgive 'em for whatever happened.

    Some people get confused by me doing that and say I don't forgive them but forgiveness to me doesn't mean I have to continue to deal with anyone or situation on the same level or any level if I don't feel it's necessary. Sometimes people need to be repositioned in our lives or cut out altogether but the forgiveness should be the first thing that takes place.
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    Be easy.


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  • Profile picture of the author King Shiloh
    Banned
    I forgive because I err a lot. And I know that if I don't forgive my own wrongs will be staring at me in the face always. So, I let go so that I can be let to go.
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  • Profile picture of the author PeterDunin
    I think it really depends on what your forgiving the person for.For example if someone who is supposed to be a friend is slagging you off behind your back I would probably forgive them but if the friend slept with your misses then it would be a different story.
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    • Profile picture of the author RobynRed
      Forgiveness is really difficult for some. It's easy to view forgiveness as weakness, but from experience I've realised to forgive takes courage and extra effort.

      It takes sooo much energy to hate and keep the event alive in your mind, it's worth the effort to release it and when you do you'll realise it was only yourself you were hurting by holding on to the anger.

      Remember "The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong" Gandhi
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  • Profile picture of the author naruq
    The one person that people need to forgive is themselves.
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  • Profile picture of the author fayehines
    I think in the beginning of finding out something tragic or if someone has lied to me, I can hold a grudge for a long while. But over time I realized that I needed to let the thing go after a week!
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  • Profile picture of the author Gary Pettit
    Forgive all. But that doesn't necessarily mean you can ever trust them again.

    "Trust no man. Credit all men." -- Martin Luther
    If you can meditate on that quote long enough to truly understand it, it's life-changing.
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    • Profile picture of the author Kay King
      I don't anger easily and I usually forgive quickly - but there are exceptions.

      When someone (I knew the person slightly) robbed my home and took things that had been in my family for generations - I didn't get over it but did everything I could to make him pay. He did a considerable amount of jail time because I found every place he had warrants out on him.

      Years later I realized I was still angry every time I thought of items that had meant so much to me that were now gone. I had to make a conscious effort to forgive - because the anger was useless by then and not good for me.

      It was hard to let go of the anger because underneath were pain, loss and guilt that I might have been able to prevent the theft. I probably will never forgive the person - but I have been able to forgive the act.

      Most things you forgive - some you just manage to get past and accept.
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  • Profile picture of the author ryanbiddulph
    Hi Kay,

    Forgiving what we perceive to be the most angering, enraging situations is the toughest. I'm glad that you forgave the act, I'm sure it brought you peace of mind.

    Thanks for sharing your story.

    Ryan
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  • Profile picture of the author OMS2010
    I easily forgive those people who have done wrong in me. Because I don't really like the feeling that someone also might have grudges in me.
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