What negative people are really telling you: The Truth Behind the Criticism
I've mentioned this in another thread, but I wanted to really stress this since it's a real issue with a lot of people. Negative criticism is a cleverly disguised cry for help. Negative criticism is rooted in ignorance, fear, jealously, self-loathing, or a combination of negative emotions. I chose a few on which to elaborate. Here they are:
Ignorance - Criticism can sometimes come from ignorance. We often fear what we do not understand. The reaction is to lash out against it. Not surprisingly, it comes out in the form of criticism. People who criticize me for doing internet marketing often don't understand the opportunities available. They don't know what they don't know, so they lash out. It is easier for them to stay in ignorance than to educate themselves.
Fear of Failure - Fear of failure is why public speaking is the number one fear, particularly the United States. Messing up is one thing, doing it in front of a captive audience terrifies people more so than the fear of death. People paralyze themselves with fear and can often project that fear on you in the form of criticism. The fear of failure is a defense mechanism that is admirable, but can paralyze success. Understand that the inner critic is the scared part of you that lives for the status quo. It is afraid to step outside of its comfort zone. Acknowledge the critic and recognize him or her for what he or she is, a scared child.
Fear of Success - There are some well meaning people who are afraid that your success will take you away from them. I'm not excusing their behavior, but I do empathize. Your success can also stir up jealously. Some people can take your courage or success as an insult to themselves. Though the logic seems flawed, the real issue is that you are doing something that magnifies their own mediocrity or unwillingness to live life courageously. This jealousy lends itself to subsequent criticism. Even something like you learning another language can be seen as an insult to someone else.
Your best weapons
Knowledge - By far, the best coping mechanism in your arsenal is knowledge. Knowing that criticism can come from a combination of jealousy, fear, come from one's own insecurities and self-esteem issues can put things into perspective. For example, when I see someone glaring at me out of resentment, I used to get upset. Now, I almost feel sorry for them.
Silence - Silence is golden. Criticism is like fire. It needs fuel. If you fan the flames by getting defensive and getting into a verbal tongue lashing, you only encourage people to dish out more criticism. I found this out during a trip to Rwanda with a bunch of college students. This one kid would not get off my case. She criticized everything I did right down to the way I chewed my food. Fortunately, I didn't respond to her. By the end of the trip, she was practically in tears. She asked me why I didn't like her. Apparently, she just wanted attention. I refused to give it to her, so she took that as a sign that I hated her. People amaze with with their logic sometimes! :p I didn't have anymore problems from her. The criticisms might not stop right away, but silence allows you to look beyond the words and see what's really going on.
Obviously, this is not an exhaustive list. I'm not a psychologist either. These are just observations from dealing with people over the years.
It is my hope that someone reading this can see beyond the negative criticisms and move forward with his/her dreams.
Ignorance - Criticism can sometimes come from ignorance. We often fear what we do not understand. The reaction is to lash out against it. Not surprisingly, it comes out in the form of criticism. People who criticize me for doing internet marketing often don't understand the opportunities available. They don't know what they don't know, so they lash out. It is easier for them to stay in ignorance than to educate themselves.
Fear of Failure - Fear of failure is why public speaking is the number one fear, particularly the United States. Messing up is one thing, doing it in front of a captive audience terrifies people more so than the fear of death. People paralyze themselves with fear and can often project that fear on you in the form of criticism. The fear of failure is a defense mechanism that is admirable, but can paralyze success. Understand that the inner critic is the scared part of you that lives for the status quo. It is afraid to step outside of its comfort zone. Acknowledge the critic and recognize him or her for what he or she is, a scared child.
Fear of Success - There are some well meaning people who are afraid that your success will take you away from them. I'm not excusing their behavior, but I do empathize. Your success can also stir up jealously. Some people can take your courage or success as an insult to themselves. Though the logic seems flawed, the real issue is that you are doing something that magnifies their own mediocrity or unwillingness to live life courageously. This jealousy lends itself to subsequent criticism. Even something like you learning another language can be seen as an insult to someone else.
Your best weapons
Knowledge - By far, the best coping mechanism in your arsenal is knowledge. Knowing that criticism can come from a combination of jealousy, fear, come from one's own insecurities and self-esteem issues can put things into perspective. For example, when I see someone glaring at me out of resentment, I used to get upset. Now, I almost feel sorry for them.
Silence - Silence is golden. Criticism is like fire. It needs fuel. If you fan the flames by getting defensive and getting into a verbal tongue lashing, you only encourage people to dish out more criticism. I found this out during a trip to Rwanda with a bunch of college students. This one kid would not get off my case. She criticized everything I did right down to the way I chewed my food. Fortunately, I didn't respond to her. By the end of the trip, she was practically in tears. She asked me why I didn't like her. Apparently, she just wanted attention. I refused to give it to her, so she took that as a sign that I hated her. People amaze with with their logic sometimes! :p I didn't have anymore problems from her. The criticisms might not stop right away, but silence allows you to look beyond the words and see what's really going on.
Obviously, this is not an exhaustive list. I'm not a psychologist either. These are just observations from dealing with people over the years.
It is my hope that someone reading this can see beyond the negative criticisms and move forward with his/her dreams.
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