My work is Solitary confinement, how do you manage loneliness

Success

15 years ago

Maybe you can travel and work at the same time?

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JamesFraze 15 years ago

Scriptures / Church?
Wife?
Family?
Friends?
Pets?
Music?
Lessons?
Classes?
Activities?
Singles Groups?
Your Hobbies?
Teach Classes to Others?

Get out of the house on a regular basis.

If productivity is slowing down do the things that put you in touch with people. Spend an hour a day (whenever you feel lonely) getting out and meeting people. Browse a store and strike up convo with the manager / decision maker. Sell yourself, or simply just feel them out and find out their needs without selling. Offer a single, free tip their website could benefit from - etc.

Virtual friends are nothing compared to the real deal.

Make sure you have a day a week to invite friends over for a dinner or a movie night.

No friends? Make some. Go places that you enjoy and do things you enjoy doing. Meet people like you, and ask them to go to other places with you.

Church is a good way to find people, but there are many other ways too - just go where the kind of people that you like to talk to are.

Sign up for a class, volunteer your services, do a toastmasters thing, business expo, etc.

Lonliness sucks - don't stand for it.
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pbjay

15 years ago

The problem is that 9 - 6 I sit in a room by myself and work.

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Norma Holt 15 years ago

Originally Posted by pbjay

The problem is that 9 - 6 I sit in a room by myself and work.

I do the same but I am never lonely. I have my little dog that is a constant companion, my 1 year old cat that loves kisses and cuddles and is usually nearby if not on my lap, and my other cat who is about to produce kittens from which I earn a bit more income.

I speak to family several times a week and a sister that rings sometimes twice a day to which I talk for up to an hour at a time. When I get off the phone with her I am anxious to get back to peace and quiet where I can work.

Of course I am probably a lot older than you. I have done what you are facing in your future. There is nothing much I need to do now except work on the computer and write books etc. But it is also draining so I have the garden as a hobby and love to sit outside and absorb the sun and nature for a while. I take these breaks every so often.

Today is Sunday here and I will soon close the computer because my son has invited me to his gun club for a fun day. I hate guns and especially noise but I will survive that for some family time.

Last Sunday I spent time with one of my daughters and her darling little ones, 4 and 2 years. This is my week and every morning I go for a walk with my dog and talk to neighbors and passers by during that time.

You have to diversify and get into things that interest oyu or you will dry up and not be able to socialize. I admit that people you meet on the web are inspiring but they are not companions.

God bless

Norma
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- bombdiggity 15 years ago
  
  I manage my loneliness by going out and being social with my family and friends. No matter how much or often I'm working, I always try to set aside time in the day to spend time with the people that I love. Even if it's just 10 minutes, you should never pass up an opportunity to spend some time with your friends and family.
  
  Besides that, I don't really get lonely when I'm working because I can talk to other people online and that keeps me from getting too lonely. Try to make some more online friends if you're spending the majority of your time on the internet.
  
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Chris Lockwood 15 years ago

Originally Posted by pbjay

The problem is that 9 - 6 I sit in a room by myself and work.

"Solitary confinement" involves force and usually people with guns locking you in a room. Step 1 would be to stop feeling sorry for yourself, since I think if you spent 48 hours in true solitary confinement, you might decide your life isn't so bad.

Do you own the business or is this a job? If you're the owner, you can work whatever hours you want. Are you like the Omega man where you are the only living person in your city? When you go places, are robots working there or what?

I don't find working at home worse than working at a corporate job full of people who don't want to be there and who are playing office politics.
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Charles Harper

15 years ago

By talking to my wife and kids.

Buildling relationships on the Warrior Forum (and now) the Firepow forum.

Charles

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tootles

15 years ago

Hi Jay,

I know what you mean - in recent years I've only operated from home, and if it weren't for having my dog with me, I'd be alot lonelier, for sure. I remember my last "official" 40 plus hour a week job in 1996 and how strange it felt to suddenly not be around people or "go to work" anymore.

Could you possibly cut down on the hours you work per day? Maybe work 5 days a week instead of 6? It looks like part of your problem is the workload you're carrying. If you could lighten your load, that would be the first step toward getting your life back.

Maybe you could reconnect with some old friends locally, or if you've made some virtual friends see if you can meet them in person.

Just my two cents!

All the best to you - you have my first post on this forum, as I just joined today.

Elise

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Norma Holt

15 years ago

Originally Posted by tootles

Hi Jay,

I know what you mean - in recent years I've only operated from home, and if it weren't for having my dog with me, I'd be alot lonelier, for sure. I remember my last "official" 40 plus hour a week job in 1996 and how strange it felt to suddenly not be around people or "go to work" anymore.

Could you possibly cut down on the hours you work per day? Maybe work 5 days a week instead of 6? It looks like part of your problem is the workload you're carrying. If you could lighten your load, that would be the first step toward getting your life back.

Maybe you could reconnect with some old friends locally, or if you've made some virtual friends see if you can meet them in person.

Just my two cents!

All the best to you - you have my first post on this forum, as I just joined today.

Elise

\

Welcome to the forum Elise. Nice to hear from you and I look forward to reading mor of your posts.

God bless

Norma

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tootles

15 years ago

Originally Posted by Norma Holt

Welcome to the forum Elise. Nice to hear from you and I look forward to reading mor of your posts.

God bless

Norma

Hi Norma,

Thank you for the warm welcome!

God's blessing to you as well, and thanks for your interest - I will keep my eye out for your posts!

Elise

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recoup

15 years ago

Maybe you can take time to interchange with people that do the same thing you do.
I,am interested in SEO and Coding and would like to know more about it.
Where in the US do you live?

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carmene

15 years ago

I once had a job where I worked for years at home. I would go out everyday for coffee at Starbucks and sometimes I'd work at Panera where there was free internet.

You could try to build an offline life. Join an exercise class or a support group. Consider what your interests are and make a point of getting out and doing stuff or you will simply drive yourself to drink.

Best wishes,

Thanks
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pbjay

15 years ago

Originally Posted by carmene

I once had a job where I worked for years at home. I would go out everyday for coffee at Starbucks and sometimes I'd work at Panera where there was free internet.

You could try to build an offline life. Join an exercise class or a support group. Consider what your interests are and make a point of getting out and doing stuff or you will simply drive yourself to drink.

Best wishes,

I got to Gym every day but again i go, work out and get out. I will try the star bucks option

Jay

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MisterMoney

15 years ago

Perhaps it's time to move on to another job. You may have had a loner mentality when you first began your job so being alone didn't bother you. You might even have liked it. But we all change and evolve. If being alone is bothering you now, it's time to take a look at who you've become and what kind of a life you want to live.

Ask yourself, if you could have a job that paid as well as your current job, and used your current skills + any new skills you'd love to use (like more socializing) what would it be? The answer's out there.

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Ryan6

15 years ago

I like alone time! Each to their own, I guess.

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write-stuff

15 years ago

You have to have the personality for it if you choose to work those kinds of hours. Some people actually enjoy the solitude. But if you're not of that makeup, you really might consider changing what you do with yourself each day.

- Russ

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susansmith

15 years ago

Hi pbjay.
I can understand your pain. It a pain to be alone. Its a pain to feel that. Basically most of us work 9 hrs or more than that (like your work schedule). But some of them are usually go for outing and meet with friends. So i must suggest you to go out from home and spend a huge time with your friends on every weekends.
I hope this will change your mind.
Cheers.....

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DynamicMentalFitness

15 years ago

Originally Posted by pbjay

Like most of you I do Coding / SEO work. Got a large list of clients and can't complain about the money but my biggest issue is the loneliness of working by myself is starting to get to me.
One of these days I am going to go nuts bing in a Solitary confinement :-) Anyone else in a situation like me, how do you manage this ?

Jay

Jay--

Here's a secret that may utterly surprise you, but if you consider it carefully, you will have the insight necessary to put an end to the suffering you have begun to endure in hours when you are supposed to be giving and expressing the best of your ability, talent, and intelligence to the world.

The reason you are suffering loneliness during those hours...is because you are not alone at all. There is something you are mostly unaware of keeping you intimate company, and beating you up the entire time it is in your presence, though you do not realize it at the time.

You have unwanted guests: HIDDEN, DISGUISED, PAINFUL THOUGHTS!

There is never a moment occupied by a feeling of loneliness that is not first preceded by a thought or series of thoughts that call forth the emotion of loneliness itself.

They go hand in hand. Thought ----> Emotion = Experience.

You cannot have one without the other. And guess what - that's GOOD NEWS.

Sewn into the problem is the key to solving it!

Thought. If you can learn to detect the thoughts that are up until this point having their way in your mind, you can dismantle the entire pattern.

There is no real reason whatsoever that you are obligated to submit yourself to abusive mental patterns that interfere with your productivity, contentment, and joy at your work. In fact, if you can get directly to the ROOT of the problem, your enjoyment of working from 9 to 7 all by yourself will skyrocket, allowing you even MORE pleasure outside those hours.

The solution, therefore, begins with you training yourself in the practice and habit of keeping a quiet watch over the usually unguarded activity going on in your own mind. You'll discover then the shocking, often laughable reality of the strange notions that rise and fall and strike up crazy choruses of moods and emotions that have absolutely nothing to do with either reality or the task to which you are supposed to be engaged. You'll discover that, for no real reason at all, there are ideas flowing through your central nervous system that are not there to help you succeed - and one or more of those undesirable thoughts is lying to you, telling you that you are losing out on life, that you are lacking, that you are missing the action because you are not immersed in noisy company.

Consider this carefully: If it were not for the UNPLEASANT COMPANY you keep while working for your success during those hours, you would not feel like you need to ESCAPE the situation. A higher part of your mind knows it needs to be free from the pain you're feeling, but now you must train yourself to detect the CULPRIT that's causing the pain, and be rid of it by merely centering your attention back to your task, or just breathing deeply to relax, or mastering the ability to shut an unwanted thought down immediately so that you can enjoy your each and every moment.

The company you keep (but have been unaware of) it making you lonely.

When you cease entertaining that manner of vampiric guest, it leaves of its own accord.

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strategic 15 years ago

It sounds as though you are a person who actually would prefer to be in a 'office environment' with other co-workers.

My greatest joy was when I was able to close down my office and operate my business on my own (no payroll - yaaaay!) from my home office.

For the past 5 years I have been only talking to my brood of six furry kids (demanding little brats!) and I worked out the other day that I only leave home (very reluctantly) about 10 times a year. No kidding.

Whatever I want comes to me, including more people than I actually want to see... anyone who works from home will tell you that friends think you are available for them whenever they want to see you as you 'are not at work'...

And my dad comes round for dinner twice a week, so I get to eat properly those days, otherwise the only regular meals in this house is for the kids.

So, I am blissfully happy, after spending most of my career in Training, Consulting, Recruiting/HR and in Marketing & Sales... so after talking for a living all these years, I guess I talked myself out of ever wanting to talk to people anymore LOL!

This kind of work at home career is only suited to people who are closet HERMITS!!!
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My work is Solitary confinement, how do you manage loneliness

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