The Problem With Other People

I know for myself that isolating isn't a good thing. Isolating prevents me from meeting a deep need of mine for connection with cool people.

But I'll be the first to admit that I have often chosen to isolate rather than be around negative people or folks who just love drama. Negative people and drama queens are energy thieves.

What's worked for me is changing the people I am around. On my vision board I put a lot of pictures of deeply engaged, alive, active people who are connecting with each other in a joyous way. I've found since I started focusing on happy, healthy, stimulating relationships with kindred spirits (I use the Theater of the Mind technique), my relationships are changing and the people I'm attracting are changing in a huge way.

I've also found that communicating with the NVC (nonviolent communication) model has changed the nature of my relationships. I stand up for myself a lot more and communicate from a feelings/needs base. It takes practice, but I've found it's so rewarding, because instead of isolating like I used to do, I now have options to relate w/ people that I have a deeper connection to.

I'm probably not the ''right'' person to advise you. Seeing as I spend most of my time with my work. No, I think isolating oneself is ultimately limiting. But, I'm a firm believer in identifying ''toxic'' people, and avoiding them by all means.

I love being alone, but I know life's richer when shared...and work can be done anywhere...even while having fun. In his invaluable marketing bullets, the great Gary Bencivenga suggested that we watch more movies, if we want to improve our copywriting skills (I've forgotten the particular bullet). We can learn a lot from them and from life. So, work is not only when we're pecking at our keyboards trying to compose that irresistible headline.

If I were in your shoes...I'll look for a more positive room mate, and I won't restrict myself to ''professional'' associations. For now, screen out the noise by listening to good music...most of the time:-)

Best wishes, my friend.

Cynthea made a point that speaks powerfully to the issue--having relationships with kindred spirits.

We need to share our lives and spaces with people we have harmony with. Those we're compatible with. I can't stand negative people, since I know how powerful thought-forms are. But I can understand their perceptions. It's a level of awareness...a low and insidious level!

While trying to change the situation, refrain from generating negativity, yourself. With the power of consideration and respect, seek a mutually beneficial solution...if possible:-)

Thank you Michael and Cynthea,

As always, the thoughts and kind words from other warriors help lift my mood and get my head back in the game.

I can relate to you Michael, I enjoy being alone. In college I'd sometimes not answer the door to my friends because I was just too happy being in my room by myself (I had my own huge single room with skyline views for 4 years! Talk about the good days), doing whatever I wanted without their noise. Not many people are like that I guess.

But thank you both for helping me remember how good it feels to be around people you're in harmony with. It's been a bit easy for me to forget that these days. And, I'm about making sure I place absolutely no limitations on myself and my potential. Thanks

I've had countless times where I've been so focused and enthusiastic about my work and phonecalls from friends or friends organising to see me have actually become stressful because I keep thinking that I should be getting this and that done.

Recently, I've created my own method which helps this and keeps my life balanced (and also stops procrastination). I divide my days into two "FOCUSES", the day and the evening. During the day, my 'Focus' may be Internet Marketing. That is the only thing I focus on. No talking to friends for ages, vacuuming, whatever. That evening or the next day, my 'Focus' may be seeing friends.

I've learnt how to 'switch off' and move onto my next Focus. When I'm seeing friends, that's all I think about and I can do it guilt-free without thinking about work and wanting to get away. I've always been an introverted person, but since overcoming severe social anxiety I've discovered that seeing friends is very beneficial. Switching off one Focus and moving onto the other is the key.

I've started using Google Calendar to write in what my two Focuses are for each day.

Anyway, that's how I get around my hesitation of having a social life and it really works wonders for me personally.

It also largely depends on the people you are hanging around with. People like your roommate can be toxic to your wellbeing. Strive to hang around people who make you happy, have the same interests and make you a better person (I find Facebook good for figuring out people like this). If you can't 'disown' your roommate, don't take her comments seriously and try not to let her get to you. Live your life for YOU and don't let people drag you down with their own limitations.

Hehe...I have the same problem with my wife and kids!

On a more serious note, I find that that the closer you get to bettering yourself, your spirit or persona puts off a "vibe" or in layman's terms a "sense of purpose" where focus and discipline is steadily building an alignment with success.

Not to go too deep here, but I seriously believe; those who lack said motivation (or vision) spend their time bitching and whining about this, that, or the other...because they simply cannot relate.

After nearly 20 years of self-employment, I witnessed this from people who hated their jobs and/or salary, but if asked to duplicate what I was doing ($100k a year working my butt off) , those whom I personally hired in an attempt to train...wanted nothing to do with the work, they just wanted more and more money!

I'll paint it like this... if the top of the mountain = the pinnacle of success, and the valley was where 95% of the population found themselves... then those who brave the climb may see the path more clearly than those who sit around pointing fingers, laughing, and saying; "You're crazy...just get a job!"

All too common by those who slipped, backslide, or simply never attempted the hike. Fear becomes them.

Thus, those of us (action takers or in my case, us adrenaline junkies) who either slipped or get knocked down, brush ourselves off, and start over with more knowledge, and a few steps ahead with each attempt getting us closer to the top.

There too, the falls are much greater, and those around you love to reflect on your failures. I feed on this stuff!

Point being, 95% of human beings fear change, humility, and failure...thus, never attempt the climb. Instead, they wait for someone to show them the easy way! (Hence, why so many people never reach their dreams or financial ambitions, lose sight, and nag everyone who hasn't given up)

I am 39 years old, and I'll tell you what, there is no easy way.

The best teachers are fear, humility, and failure. But in recognizing the antagonistic behaviors of the miserable (who sit in the valley) I've come to welcome their laughter when they see me bleeding, and assume I'm crazy for attempting yet another climb.

For there I know; nothing can stop me from reaching the top, and I got the scars to prove it.

Finally, the best part; it's not even about the money, it's the thought of coming back down the mountain (feet first and upright), and saving the few willing to endure the journey with the experience of making the climb.

The only flag I'm waving is the one that says; "What a view"

Sorry...too much coffee, not enough sleep!

Hang in there, stay focused, the more you push yourself, the more challenges arise, usually from those closest to us!

Read Napoleon Hill's "The Laws of Success in 16 Lessons" create a mastermind principle with those who share your vision. (*I have a PDF link somewhere of this 1170 page book from 1928, I'll put a link when I find it.)

(edit LOL..found it, but I need 2 more posts!:confused:

RE: edit: Found it: Napoleon Hill's -"The Law of Success in 16 Lessons 22.2MB -1,170 pages (PDF)

-No worries, it's safe I scan everything, and there's no affiliate links or promotion, just a kick ass timeless book!

Enjoy!

Do not hang out with people that do not believe in your dreams.You can acknowlledge them and say hi but do not spend too much time .there would be people that would spend 5 mins rather 5 hours with . you become like people you hang out with everyday.Protect yourself from naysayers so you do not end up like them. hang out with like minded people . Go to internet marketing events and met them in person and take them out for lunch or something

The power of associations .Watch this Video !!

Fact of the matter is, we can't control other people's thoughts and actions as much as we'd like to think we do. We can only control our own, but that's enough to be successful IMO.

When people don't understand your thinking that becomes a great problem and it becomes also very irritating especially clients.

Bambii I can very much relate to your situation and I completely empathise.

I have probably isolated myself more than most people would feel comfortable with. That said, I do have a live-in partner and a 15-year-old son. If anything has taught me patience with being interrupted, it's been raising a child!

However, there's a world of difference between having to attend to the needs of your child, and having to deal with negativity from others. There does come a point where you have to consider your options for changing your life, if you can't change the negative person.

I don't know what your living set-up is like, but can you physically isolate yourself from your room-mate? I'm talking don't eat with her, don't watch TV with her, just be in your own room working on your own stuff. However if you're free to do it, I would consider moving out and sharing with someone else who you may click with much better (or who will be happy to ignore you as you ignore him/her.)

Ultimately other people CAN and do bring us down and we have a responsibility to ourselves to take action to avoid that.

I do agree with you, but that's the way the world works. When you do something, different people think differently about it. So, there are blockades, you need to kick them out of the way

Allot of it has to do with setting clear boundaries with people who are distracting you. But some people just don't respect when you tell them to leave you alone for awhile. I think you need more respectful people in your life. There is a way to be balanced with not giving into too many distractions. I feel like I need people to stay human. But I know what you mean. Get the negative people out of your life.

"All who have accomplished great things have had a great aim, have fixed their gaze on a goal which was high, one which sometimes seemed impossible.”
— Orison Swett Marden
When we set a goal for which we have passion, this prompts us to have a reason to want to keep on keeping on, especially if it involves helping others.
Debra Taylor (facebook name)

I suggest you read "The Power", by Rhonda Byrne. It is a book about the power of love. The author wrote "The Secret" in 2006 and it became a world-wide bestseller. The author promises that this book will add immeasurabley to what you learned in "The Secret".

“Whether humanity will consciously follow the law of love, I do not know. But that need not disturb me. The law will work just as the law of gravitation works whether we accept it or not.” Mahatma Gandhi.

The book has changed my life. Perhaps it will be good for you, too. Let the Power of Love embraces all of us!

It's definitely everyone ELSE'S fault when things go wrong, and not my fault. Yes.

Perhaps Im on the same boat where my friends and relatives are not aware of internet marketing and they look down at me ..perhaps thinking Im lazy and good for nothing ,playing games or doing something worthless on the net.I know I cannot change their behavior towards me and so I do not argue with them. I just ignore I am not alone as books and work are my best companions.

I can feel you, girl!!

when I'm too focused on getting something done, I don't like to be disturbed and it's hard having a roommate, who is also also a colleague, who keeps on talking to me. About he negativity, yeah, it's really draining isn't it? Especially when you get sucked into the drama of whiners and naysayers. What I do is try to avoid them without being rude. I put on my headset and listen to music to drown the noise and I also use that for other people to REALISE that I'm busy so they better not talk to me.

While it's hard to completely ignore a roomate (and we all need social connection from time to time), you can train them to respect your time by not encouraging conversation (theyll quickly learn you're not interested to continue the topic).

Hope this helps.

Cheers,

Gie

I suggest you love yourself first. Once you have that then it will be immaterial with whom you share your life with. You look at the people around you in a different way and you start choosing with whom you want to be with.

Negative people are never good to be around with. I found it better being alone rather than being with someone negative.

Staying alone has its advantages as it gives you the freedom you are looking for, however you need to interact with other people preferebly of the same mindset. By interacting I do not mean only online but do go out and meet people where you can share experieneces and interests.

I also tend to do something unusual at least once a week like visiting a museum that I've never been in or else participate in volontary work event.

It is not a metter of having problem with other people. Every one has his/her own bagage and every one has different level of tollerance.

Believe in yourself so you gain the necessary strength to face people like your room mate.

This is a great topic. I had one of this "toxic" kind of friend. Good guy, but an addicted gambler, always talking about how his life is so boring and he doesn't know what do with it. Nothing will ever get better, and he can't make any money and stuff like that. It's a real drag to be around.

Long story short, I kept hanging around with him and telling him the positive side of stuff. He's still not the most positive person in the world, but he's stopped gambling and started saving money.

Just goes to show you that you don't have do cut off toxic influences, you can..detoxify them. Just depends on what they mean to you. It is nice to have like-minded people to talk to though. That's what's great about the forum here.

Am not in a position to give advice but i will say the people you hang out with leave a mark in you be it positive or negative. Not that you do not associate but they know the limits and principles you live by. thanks

Yes, people often are responsible for our distraction from the main. the best to resolve the problem is to tell them that you don't believe all sort of negative stuff. and you have got your routine setup so openly ask them not to disturb you. its the best solution i suggest

Naeem.