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Need a bit of advice

by louise0evans
35 replies
basically, ive been seriously working on myself for about a year and a half now, but m living with my family who are really negative and kill my energy....

even though i really care for them and love them, they are making me feel negative when im around them, i try to stay positive but its hard.....

Im planning to moving out and get my own place so i can fully focus on my IM and also carry on with personal development....

Do you think this can have a negative impact on me, im working so hard on myself, and i feel that when im away from them i feel more energetic and motivated....

any suggestions??
#advice #bit
  • Profile picture of the author Michael Ten
    Are you a son? Brother? Cousin? Father? That sort of matters with respect to what you should do.
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  • Profile picture of the author writerval
    No one can MAKE you feel anything but you. You are in charge of your own reactions. I understand your family may be making things difficult. The thing is, a lot of us think we'll be better off someday "when I get out of school", "when I get a divorce", "when the kids are grown", and in your case "when I move out". In the mean time, the clock is ticking. An important lesson in life is learning to accept circumstances the way they are, and do what you can for yourself in the mean time.

    Good luck.
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    • Profile picture of the author DanteRomero
      Originally Posted by writerval View Post

      No one can MAKE you feel anything but you. You are in charge of your own reactions.
      While this is true, it lacks the whole story, in my opinion. Yes, we choose our reactions. But to ignore the fact that immediate results are obtainable by making simple shifts would be foolish. A person's strategy should involve both. Let me explain.

      Take the long-term steps that are going to help you overcome the way you react. This is necessary. But, also make immediate changes to your life that make it easier to do what you need to. For example:

      If you tend to feel horrible in a certain situation, avoid that situation. Sitting in it and saying to yourself "No, your just reacting now deal with it" will not help anything. Removing distress from your life will make it easier for you to take the actions that you need to. And soon. They also make your long-term efforts to improve your reactions occur at a faster rate.

      If you feel distressed, I recommend that you make the change. I've done this with a long list of things in my life, and I'd never go back. It's too often that we as humans spend our energy trying to justify our way into inaction. Telling ourselves it's all in our head so that we don't have to muster the strength to drop negative friends or a spouse that is destroying our life.

      Whatever the story, I've never met anyone who hasn't talked themselves out of something similar. ( myself included ) But you have the opportunity to choose differently. To stand up and take charge of your life. And it starts right now - with the decision.

      I Wish You Well,
      Dante
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  • Profile picture of the author xxdksxx
    Having someone you love tell you that what you are doing is a joke will kill your work ethic towards IM and keep you second guessing yourself. I would recommend talking to them about it show them a little of what its about. Check out my blog post on this I had a really hard time with this for awhile but got it all figured out. Blogging Support | marketonlinetonight.com
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  • Profile picture of the author Jacob Hargreave
    Originally Posted by louise0evans View Post

    basically, ive been seriously working on myself for about a year and a half now, but m living with my family who are really negative and kill my energy....

    even though i really care for them and love them, they are making me feel negative when im around them, i try to stay positive but its hard.....

    Im planning to moving out and get my own place so i can fully focus on my IM and also carry on with personal development....

    Do you think this can have a negative impact on me, im working so hard on myself, and i feel that when im away from them i feel more energetic and motivated....

    any suggestions??
    A very good question. Although it's a very sensitive topic and one that many people feel a bit uncomfortable answering I will do my best to advise you.

    A constant negative source whether its family, friends, or perfect strangers can sabotage any goals you may have in place for yourself. Now contrary to popular belief no one can simply "choose" to be happy or even positive when everything around you is a constant drain.

    If you have heard the saying "You are what you eat." the same rule applies to your surroundings. You are a product of your environment, period...end of story. The more you rationalize this I assure you the more you will be hurting yourself in the end...

    Now as harsh as that might have sounded, my advice does not come without sincere compassion for your situation. I myself have been there. My recommendation is to try and meet your friend's or family's negativity with results.

    If the negativity is not based on your business goals and more of a "based on the day" kind of negativity I'd advise you to just try to avoid the conversation entirely If you can't, look for the optimism in the topic to ease to negativity.

    If you've read up this far and said " I've tried all this with no avail" then I am afraid that you may have to do the unthinkable. Distance from any loved one is a difficult choice to make and an even more difficult one to follow through on. You may get tons of advice to simply do your best to bare with your loved ones but I must disagree.

    I will say be fair in your choice... give a yourself a window of opportunity to see if you can't dissipate the negatively fog, but if you can't then it's time to walk away. Not far enough so that you lose sight of your loved ones, but far enough where you aren't choking on their fumes. Believe me they and the person you become will be thankful for it.
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  • Profile picture of the author Mark Kurza
    It will help you concentrate more since you will have less distractions. I had to distance myself from a "friend" because all he does now is drink too much and hang out with the wrong people and complain about how bad his life. They will bring you down if you let them.
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  • Profile picture of the author ChrisKahler
    My family is also what I would consider a primarily negative one. The fact is, 90% of the world is negative. That's a part of life... the best way for you to find solace is to realize it doesn't matter how much negativity is around you, nor does it matter if that negativity affects your mood.

    We are human and are entitled to negative moods just as much as positive moods. The problem comes when you stress out about being negative. That's the problem with the whole "think positive" mentality that the "self sabotage" books such as The Secret lead you to believe.

    I quit worrying about pressuring myself to be positive. The true key to being positive isn't trying to influence yourself to think positive thoughts. The key to being positive is by being thankful.

    For example... even though your family may be negative, at least they are alive, right? Just today (on mother's day) a very very close family friend (dang near a Grandmother) was in a horrible motorcycle accident. She wasn't wearing a helmet and was wrapped around a stop sign.

    She is in a coma and likely going to pass away. It breaks my heart, of course, but then I realize that yes, even though she will more than likely not pull through (though I pray that she will, but I'm also being realistic) that life will go on... for me and hopefully for her.

    We shouldn't live our lives allowing the things we think are negative to influence our own behaviors. You can think any way you wish, but as long as you act in accordance to how you feel, you will be ok.

    Don't you feel thankful to have your family? Even though they may be negative, use what you have and are thankful for to FEEL positive, and no matter WHAT you think...example if a family member ticks you off and makes you angry, you still love them right? You will always revert back to being positive.

    Your thoughts are just thoughts. Your feelings are just feelings. You actions though will define who you are both to yourself and others. Begin acting out of gratitude and no negative circumstance will get you down.
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    • Profile picture of the author louise0evans
      thats a really nice point thanks
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  • Profile picture of the author Michael Newman
    Someone mentioned your position in the family, and I agree that's vital. If you're not the father or mother, I'd suggest you find your own place. Or work in the Library, until you start generating awesome results. Fill your mind with uplifting content -- lofty music, inspirational literature...

    Best wishes.
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  • Profile picture of the author mexdez
    Those people are not going to live with you forever and you have to bear in mind that if you fail while trying to please them, they would still mock you.

    my advice is that you review your plans, check the success rate and move out i it so warrants. you cannot afford to fail.
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  • Profile picture of the author JosephCale
    Each individual is a transmitter and receiver of energy. Although you are empowered by your own work, you are receiving negative energy from your family. One can block this energy however you have to be strong. You have to understand from where they come from i.e. why are they so negative and then accept them as they are. Once you accept them you will make an improvement as you view them from a different angle. Stay focused on what you are doing that is giving you positive vibes.

    Should your family members persist and try to influence you with their negativity then you have to address them with the problem to find a solution. Communication can make wonders.

    If they persits then it will be best to move on.
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  • Profile picture of the author chui
    I am also in a similar situation though my family thinks that I am heading down a dead path. I am looking to get my own place and concentrating on my ventures.
    I believe that you should not let anyone mess up your head since you are in charge and know where you are going. Good luck
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  • Profile picture of the author Expert212
    I feel you need some spiritual healing, please search for Reiki and you can get much more on the topic.
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    • Profile picture of the author Kai Pei
      louise0evans,

      First of all, hats off to you for having the courage to share your very personal feelings here at WF.

      What you're going through is not uncommon. It reminds me of a saying, "There's always someone lurking in the corner, secretly hoping that you'll fail."

      And oftentimes, the people that want you to fail are the very people that are closest to you, i.e., family, friends, spouse etc.

      How odd? But sadly true...

      Think about this for a second: If you become super successful and wealthy, you'll experience new things and leave your old life behind.

      At least that's what your family thinks. More often than not, people shun what they don't understand and steer away from what they fear.

      Here are 3 reasons why your family may be unsupportive:
      1. Fear - Your family may not seem supportive because they're afraid that when you become successful, you'll leave them behind. That may or may not be the case. But psychology and human nature usually lead people to react a certain (and predictable) way.
      2. Parental Concerns - What can I say about parents? They're usually unsupportive because of vaild reasons. They worry about you and simply want you to make the most of your life. (This also may or may not be the case. Every family is different.) Could this be the case with your family?
      3. Worst Case Scenario - Your family is unsupportive because they're just unsupportive with no rationale whatsoever other than the fact that they're just miserable people that want to drag you down. (I hope this isn't the case.)

      Whatever the case may be, there is a way to rise above your circumstances.

      A common understanding among successful and wealthy people is this: You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with.

      In other words, if you spend time with people who are financially destitute (aka BROKE), then you are more likely to adopt thinking patterns and behaviors that can lead you down the same path to being poor.

      The remedy? Hang out with people who THINK BIG! Align yourself with like-minded people who share your passion, vision, and zest for life.

      Hmmm... isn't that what the Warrior Forum is for?

      louise0evans, you're doing the right thing by spending time here. I'm relatively new to the WF and I love it! This is a phenomenal place to immerse and surround yourself with knowledge, passion, and inspiration.

      Also, make sure to READ... and implement ideas. There have been numerous studies that have shown that uber-successful people all share a common trait - They read and they read a lot.

      Books, forums, the internet - great information for your brain. I picked up a book called Break-Through Rapid Reading by Peter Kump. You can order it on Amazon for about $17. As a result of going through the 6 week program from the comfort of my home office, I can now read over 2,500 words per minute. I read a book a day - or every 2 days.

      I'm not saying that to boast, I'm just saying that ANYONE can do this. I'm certain of it.

      This has made a HUGE impact on my ability to filter, absorb, and digest information that helps me build my business.

      By the way, here' my secret. Since I read over 20 books per month, I save money by going to the library. I look up books on Amazon, read the reviews, and save them to my wishlist. (Amazon has a little 'wishlist' button that allows you to compile an archive of books you like.)

      And then I borrow books at the local public library for FREE. I can't tell you how much money I've saved - THOUSANDS for sure.

      That's just a suggestion to help you with your entrepreneurial quest. (I hope I didn't deviate too much from the thread.)

      Incidentally, I know EXACTLY what you mean when you say you're family is unsupportive. I've experienced the same things as you have in the past. Mom and Dad, worrying about your future... wondering if your internet shenanigans will ever pay off... nagging you to death to get a real job...

      Sound familiar?

      Been there. Done that.

      The solution?

      MAKE TONS OF MONEY. OBSCENE AMOUNTS OF MONEY.

      Make the naysayers buckle with disgust at how many zeros you have tied to the end of your bank account.

      And then fly them all to Disneyland for ice cream.

      Pretty soon, they'll ALL be asking you how you did it.

      I'll wrap up with this saying:

      "He/She who laughs last, laughs BEST."
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  • Profile picture of the author mysterymarketer
    I can definitely relate. I think for me, I just have to believe in what I'm doing, no matter what anyone else says. I know I am going to be successful. Keep working hard and being consistent. You will be successful, as long as you just keep following the lead of those who have already made it. Do what they did, and soon you will prove to yourself that you can do anything.
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    • Profile picture of the author The Great Gordino
      Hi Louise,
      A couple of points spring to my mind.

      Firstly, *how* and *why* do they make you feel negative?
      Do they know about your ambitions and are negative about those?

      Secondly, I write a lot about acceptance. Trying to turn around negativity can suck positivity out of you. You can try up to a certain point, but there will be a point at which you should try no more.

      Not everyone is the same. Not everyone has the background, be that intelligence or education, to understand what you are doing.

      If you can accept it, rather than try to correct it, you can turn your positivity back to yourself rather than let it get sucked away.

      Be a light for others to follow, but at their own choice. Don't try and force it.

      Just my tuppence worth,
      Gordon
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  • Profile picture of the author markspeeding
    Sounds like you need your space. Maybe try moving close enough so you can visit them and still be in their lives but far enough that you can have your space and focus on you. Good luck!
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  • Profile picture of the author barrysmith
    I kind of have been in the place where you are now Louise. My case however differs a little bit from yours. I am an article writer that needs to write at least 20 articles daily for a company i was working for and the people i was living with did not really know how demanding this could be. They complain that i am always stuck to my computer and that i do not give them attention even though i try. This affected my productivity a great deal and i thought leaving them to go get my place will help. Of course it will but i wasnt ready to part with my loved ones yet.

    I think you should weigh the odds. As much as you need to step up your IM game, you also need your loved ones around sometime. Weigh it! If you feel leaving them will help you without regrets, then you can go ahead.
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  • Profile picture of the author shireen
    Hi:

    Shireen here :-)

    No need to move out, maybe you can work outside (rent a small office)
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    • Profile picture of the author bjgran
      Hi, Louise:
      I too was in a place of negativity and had a very low self-image because of the person I was with.
      I made the decision to move hundreds of miles from where I'd lived for over 10 years and back to where my daughter and grandchildren are.
      I have to admit that the first few months were difficult. I think it was the drastic change -- and I'm not a spring chicken.
      But, now, I feel so liberated and free to do my own thing. It's been good for me, and I'm sure your changes will be good for you. When you start getting "down," just remember where you came from and try to think positively.
      You can do it, girl!!!
      Beverly G.
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  • Profile picture of the author helenaldin
    This makes me think of two quotes:

    1. Mahatma Ghandi, "First they ignore you. Then they laugh at you. Then they fight you. Then you win."

    2. Tony Robbins, "People love you when you fail and hate you when you succeed."
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  • Profile picture of the author jimevee
    I was in that same situation myself so I can completely relate. Do your best to stay away from all that negativity and find yourself a quiet place to work like wifi hotspot or public library until you finally can get out on your own.
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  • Profile picture of the author GlobalMedia
    Your problem is quite a typical one. Family is equally important as your work. I would not suggest you to move away from them but you must try to influence them. It may take time but it will do better to you and your family in the long run. You must interact with them (take one member at a time) and share your thoughts. I am sure that it will help you out.
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  • Profile picture of the author chris_f
    "Everybody needs family, y'all ... no matter where your familes are"

    You make choices, you live and die by them. Doesn't matter if you separate, find another way, separate and then find other ways ... Use this quote to guide what you do, day by day, choice by choice.
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  • Profile picture of the author louise0evans
    thanks everyone for all the advice
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  • Profile picture of the author mokondo
    i suggest you read "the power" by rhonda byrne. It might give you quick solution. Good luck!
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  • Profile picture of the author Sebastian Batiste
    Hey Louise, anything that is worth doing takes time and we all want results quickly but it does truly take a lot of time and effort to build a sucessfull online business and you have all ready been working for a year and a half so that is an acheivement in itself many would have given up by now especially with negativity around them so pat yourself on the back. I am in my second year and have only seen success in the year 2011 and beleive me I wanted to quit many times, but if I had I would never have known what I could acheive
    My suggestions are -
    keep your end goal in sight - and make small steps towards it EVERY DAY
    Try to surround yourself with more positive people (even if they are online)
    and dont give up success could be just around the corner imagine the satisfaction when you make it, when they said you could not.
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  • Profile picture of the author Brandomatic
    I think a lot of people feel the same way. Getting out and away from distractions can help focus and feel that sense of energy come out. I would recommend also finding a mentor who has been successful with IM to help motivate you along the way.
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  • Profile picture of the author Audarah
    I've been "trying" to do IM since gosh... 1998? I have stopped many times due to family and their smirks, sneers, attitudes, etc. I'm not stopping this time. I dove in and have no plans to back out. My family tends not to bother me with it anymore, but my friends do. I get text messages saying stuff like "are you still sitting in front of that stupid computer doing nothing?", or telling me to "go out and get a life." IM is part of my life. I don't tell them to just throw their goals in life out with the bath water. At least I am working towards realistic goals. Most of them are working towards getting out of their 9 to 5 job by hitting the lottery.

    If you have to move away from naysayers, do it. Its a bit different with family than with friends. When my "friends" try to bring me down, I just shut off my cell. Family drives over though to see what I've been up to. Same darn thing I was last week... and the week before.. and oh yeah.. this upcoming one as well.

    I'm pretty sure at my age, I should be living my life for me- and not just my family. I'm here, I love them, I pay them attention, and then I do my own thing- just like they do. If they can't accept that, they should probably stay out of my way.
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  • Profile picture of the author AlistairChong
    Originally Posted by louise0evans View Post

    basically, ive been seriously working on myself for about a year and a half now, but m living with my family who are really negative and kill my energy....

    even though i really care for them and love them, they are making me feel negative when im around them, i try to stay positive but its hard.....

    Im planning to moving out and get my own place so i can fully focus on my IM and also carry on with personal development....

    Do you think this can have a negative impact on me, im working so hard on myself, and i feel that when im away from them i feel more energetic and motivated....

    any suggestions??
    Hey there Louise, the problem you are facing right now is the problem that MOST of the people would have face before in their life(including my brother and I). Sometimes, it's just inevitable because people always have this mindset of seeing MASSIVE RESULTS then they choose to BELIEVE. In example, if you have great results in the IM world right now, your family won't be injecting negative thoughts or words to fail you. They probably sitting next to you right now and asking a favour from you to teach them how to survive in the IM world!

    "basically, ive been seriously working on myself for about a year and a half now"

    "Do you think this can have a negative impact on me, im working so hard on myself,"

    My friend, after you have posted this thread, you will realize that you won't be working by yourself! You can see many people in WF are willing to help whenever people have problems that are hard to solve. Negative thoughts that infused from your family is truly inevitable because you MIGHT not have great results yet in IM and also your family doesn't know how does IM works. But remember this, light comes after dark! There are people who are always willing to help you when you are reaching out for help! This thread you have posted will be the best example for what I am trying to tell you. What kind of mindset you have is the "key" that keeps you survive in IM world. Your mind is playing games with you when you think negatively. If you think positively, this thread you have posted, will be the most powerful thing to keep you motivated! There are so many generous and kind hearted people who were giving you great advised and examples on how to solve your problems instead of injecting the negative JUICE to your mind.

    So, instead of moving out from your house and live in another place that you have to pay your own bills, house rental, cooking your own meals, get more NEGATIVE phone calls from your family members(just kidding..or maybe not..haha) and etc. Why not staying in a warmth house with your family members? You can just ignore those negative words and thoughts that they are trying to infuse to you because you will find more useful and positive answers you want from someone else in WF or anywhere else. Just try to make a little changes with the mindset my friend and you are ready to go!

    Cheers, my friend. Have a great day! =)

    PS: Sorry cause I am not proficient in English, because English is not my mother tongue. lol

    Alistair
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  • Profile picture of the author Razarulz
    i have an opinion about that..
    first maybe your familly worried about you and your job maybe them want the best for you , or they want to ask you anything they can do for you..
    you should try to talk to your family about your problem or you'll never solve your problem..
    sometime in my family somenthing like that happen, and i trying to think what the best i can do for me and my family..
    but it think my family is quite right , they want me to beware and carefully on stepping in my life...
    i love my family...
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  • Profile picture of the author outsourceforce
    i was in the same situation like you, u have to touch your family members in the right time, means dont talk to them when they are negative. take your time and meditate,reflect your day and recognize yourself. always be open to accept new ways of thinking without loosing a normal human mind if you need some help, just ping me!
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  • Profile picture of the author xxdksxx
    I honestly think this is a bigger thing than most people make it out to be. I think if your loved ones don't support you in something you wanna do then it will slowly eat away at in some way. And eventually effect your work ethic towards IM and really anything in general. I would sit down with them and talk to them about it and see what happens see if you can get there support. I know this was defiantly hard for me at first, but after i made money and got my first decent check they changed there mind.
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