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Unread 4th Jun 2011, 09:28 PM   #1
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Default 3 Steps Towards Becoming More Assertive

I was a very shy person growing up and this lead to a lot of disappointment and unhappiness. I've since overcome it and am now on my way to getting everything I want from life. I thought I could share some of my experience with my fellow warriors in the hopes that I can help someone out. So, without further ado, here is a short article I wrote for you guys on:

3 Steps Towards Becoming More Assertive

It seems to come so easy to some people. They have the ability to get what they want out of life and no one tries to stop them. They have no trouble gaining friends, starting new relationships and finding success in their careers. There is one key element that all of the most successful people in history have in common. They know how to assert themselves.


Assertiveness doesn’t mean dominating other people or taking advantage of them. It simply refers to the ability to not accept anything less than what you want and deserve.

Many people suffer from a lack of confidence in themselves and their abilities. This leads to them missing out on opportunities, losing promotions to other people and always coming in last in life. Becoming more assertive doesn’t require anything drastic, just a small shift in perspective and a few simple tips.


Step One: Believe in yourself

Believing in yourself is the most important step towards becoming a more assertive person. A wise salesman once said that you can never hope to sell something that you don’t believe in because customers will see right through you. The same is true in life, no one will believe that you deserve more unless you believe it as well.

You need to develop confidence in your abilities and understand that you are a valuable person who deserves to receive everything they want out of life.


Step Two: Speak confidently

The confidence that you have in yourself will shine through when you speak with other people. It’s important to remember that you should always make strong declarative statements when you’re trying to get something you want. Take a look at these two examples:

“Ummm, I don’t think this is really what I wanted…”

“This is not what I wanted.”

While both sentences may seem to say the same thing, the difference is quite obvious. The first sentence leaves plenty of room for the other person to get away with not giving you what you had asked for.

The second sentence, on the other hand, firmly states your displeasure, lets the other person know that you won’t accept it and suggests that they need to fix it and bring you exactly what you had wanted. This is the key to being assertive when speaking with other people.


Step Three: Body Language

A person’s body language will often tell you more about them then their words could ever hope to. Certain people, such as salesmen, will even be trained on how to read a person’s body language and respond accordingly. When trying to get something that you want it’s important to dress well, stand or sit up straight and make eye contact.

Some people will also fidget with things when they get nervous and this can be a dead giveaway that they aren’t confident in themselves. Carrying yourself well can go a long way in communicating your confidence to other people.



Suffering from a lack of assertiveness isn’t rare but it can lead to a lot of misery and disappointment. While some people will feel that they can’t change themselves, it’s important to remember that there are a few simple things that anyone can do to become a more confident and assertive individual.

Believing in yourself is the most important step because other people will see you the same way you see yourself. Ensuring that you always make strong, confident statements when you speak will help you get what you want from other people with out leaving them room to argue. Paying close attention to your body language will also go a long way in helping you attain the success you deserve.

Making a few simple changes in the way you interact with other people will help you become more assertive and will allow you to achieve anything you may want in life.

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Last edited on 4th Jun 2011 at 09:30 PM. Reason: edited layout again
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Unread 5th Jun 2011, 12:33 PM   #2
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Default Re: 3 Steps Towards Becoming More Assertive

Excellent post.As you can see from my name,assertiveness is a subject close to my heart.
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Unread 5th Jun 2011, 01:22 PM   #3
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Default Re: 3 Steps Towards Becoming More Assertive

I think I am having an issue with the confident part of it. I believe in myself, but showing others they can believe in me is the hard part. It is easier said than done but when I talk about something I am knowledgeable about that I exude confidence, but now that I am getting starting with IM and Network Marketing, that people are less likely to buy my products or listen to me and that is where I need to learn the confidence aspect of it.
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Unread 5th Jun 2011, 07:22 PM   #4
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Default Re: 3 Steps Towards Becoming More Assertive

I agree with the OP beleiving in myself is the hardest part at this point. I am new to IM but I cannot find it in myself to actully start... Either it is information overload or its not having the self confidence to actually get started.

Good thread very good advice.. so needed to hear be assertive and most of all beliving in yourself.
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Unread 5th Jun 2011, 10:17 PM   #5
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Default Re: 3 Steps Towards Becoming More Assertive

Believing in yourself is the most important aspect of confidence and assertiveness because you simply can not do something unless you believe it's possible.

I've personally struggled with a lack of self confidence in the past and I have found that it stems from a few things.

I used to be all too aware of my shortcomings. I could have easily rambled off a list of all the reasons why I thought I was less than other people. My self confidence problem came from the fact that I thought other people could see these shortcomings as if they were written across my face.

The important thing to remember is that everyone has both values and shortcomings. Nobody is perfect. Sure, some people will be better at certain things than you are but the same holds true in reverse. There are things that you are able to do which other people are jealous of.

You need to believe in yourself. You need to begin to realize that you are a valuable person who has just as much right to be happy and successful as anyone else.

An exercise

Think back to a time when you felt you were extremely successful.

It doesn't matter how big or small your accomplishment was.

Try to remember the way you felt, how everything fell together into perfect harmony. Remember how it felt when you heard other people congratulating you on your success. Remember the pride you saw in the faces of your family and friends. Grab onto this emotion, feel it throughout your entire body. Keep thinking about how wonderful you felt until it is coursing through your veins

This is how you will feel about internet marketing.

You are an incredibly successful internet marketer, you just haven't had time to show it yet. You are just as smart and as capable as any of the so called gurus.

This is what you were meant to do and you will, one day soon, have plenty of people who are envious of your success and will be trying to emulate you.

You can do it. You just had trouble realizing it until this point.

This is the key, believe in yourself and you will succeed.

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Unread 5th Jun 2011, 11:19 PM   #6
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Default Re: 3 Steps Towards Becoming More Assertive

Thanks for sharing. I agree it is hard to really sale something you do not believe in. I have tried that and one of the client saw through me if you understand what i mean. I had to work on it now it is the thing of the past.

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Unread 6th Jun 2011, 07:35 AM   #7
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Default Re: 3 Steps Towards Becoming More Assertive

This is very timely - I just left a comment in another thread about the disruptions I get from family members when working in my home office. After losing much time this past weekend due to disruptions by one person, I decided I'm going to have to get tough.

My problem is I don't want to hurt her feelings because she is going through a rather difficult time right now, but I also need to keep my online business going and keeping earning my own income.

I hate starting a Monday morning feeling angry and frustrated because I didn't complete any of the projects on my to-do list. While I want to put the blame on my daughter, really the fault is mine for not "just say no" when she wants to go places and do things together.

In re-reading the original post, I think my problem is more that my family members do not take my online work seriously and think I am just fooling around. I need to get assertive with them that this is actually a business and I am the working owner of that business. Maybe I need to set work hours, shut the door, and turn off the phone!
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Unread 6th Jun 2011, 09:05 AM   #8
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Default Re: 3 Steps Towards Becoming More Assertive

Edie,

What you've mentioned is one one of the most common problems with working at home. I have the same problem sometimes. It seems that people equate working from home with not really working.

It was worse for me when I first started, people thought I was just playing around on the internet. These days people understand that I'm actually doing work and making real money.

I've found that it helps to speak about the work you do as if it were a normal job that you would have in an office. I say things like "I have work to do." "Let me finish my work and we can go out." I think that being too specific about the work you have to do leaves room for people to make up their own opinions of what you're doing.

Saying things like "I just need to write a few articles" or "I have to work on this page on my website." makes people think that you can put it off until later.

If you really do have work to do then don't back down when someone wants to steal your time. If your daughter wants to go out just tell her "I have some work I have to do but when I finish it then we can go out."

She may use some combative techniques like getting upset with you or trying to guilt you into doing what she wants. Just stand your ground and eventually she will learn to accept the fact that you work from home.

It is important to get out once in a while, however, I know I could just work everyday but yesterday my wife and I took some time to go to the beach and it was exactly what we needed.

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Unread 6th Jun 2011, 01:17 PM   #9
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Default Re: 3 Steps Towards Becoming More Assertive

These skills can be developed quite effectively at your local Toastmasters clubs. I'm a former member and I've seen previously shy, unassertive people turn into decent, confident communicators through Toastmasters. They are worth checking out as you can always sit in as a guest to see what it's like.

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Unread 6th Jun 2011, 09:03 PM   #10
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Default Re: 3 Steps Towards Becoming More Assertive

Great post - thanks for posting. Getting that self esteem and self confidence up is by far the most important and the first step.

You can't leap frog it into learning selling techniques or techniques on how to handle people and not be seen as a fraud?

Yes - Toastmasters - great suggestion. I've only heard very good things about them.

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Unread 6th Jun 2011, 10:20 PM   #11
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Default Re: 3 Steps Towards Becoming More Assertive

Being assertive is definitely important, especially for those who don't have much self-confidence or a low self-esteem. As for the case where you are trying to appease someone instead of concentrating on your work, by you shirking off your work you are kind of teaching your daughter that it's ok not to finish your work.

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Unread 6th Jun 2011, 11:22 PM   #12
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Default Re: 3 Steps Towards Becoming More Assertive

Great article, I think mostly people of the worl face this problem means lack of confidence level, your article help those people.

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Unread 29th Aug 2011, 09:11 AM   #13
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Awesome post !!
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Unread 14th Aug 2012, 10:06 AM   #14
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Default Re: 3 Steps Towards Becoming More Assertive

You did a great job, you inspires us by your wonderful post. Just continue what you are doing.

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Unread 14th Aug 2012, 03:01 PM   #15
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Default Re: 3 Steps Towards Becoming More Assertive

I agree with what you've said believing in yourself is one of the most powerful tool you can ever have. But i must admit that i am still having problem when it comes to speaking and with my body language. I always feel like that i don't know that much when discussing one topic. I am in the process of improving how i speak and how i act over things and this post help me realize that i need to believe in myself to speak out what i want.
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