What Works for You -- Shaking Negative Thoughts

I think it basically comes down on what you focus on. If you focus on the negative part of a situation, you'll always run into that problem. I am NOT saying IGNORE the negative aspect. acknowledge it, of course.
This, however, should not mean you spending the next day or so reflecting on it...
instead look at ways in which you can avoid the situation in the future or how to improve your reaction, etc...
i mean you don't have to be all positive all of the sudden... just constructive helps.

there's a couple of things you could do Anne. I use these techniques everyday when dealing with difficult situations and they work more and more each time I use them.

I noticed that you said your mind keeps looping the negative phrases you heard yesterday. I'd suggest practicing:

mentally muting the voice of the person saying the phrase and its replaying in your mind, or

pay attention to the "direction the voice is coming in your mind" i.e. the negative phrases enter your mind from the right side and down a little. Once you identify where the voice is coming from, try shifting the voice to a place further away from your head, like, under your foot or something...or,

you can play a static noice over the voice as its saying the negative phrase, kinda like trying to listen to someone who has a bad cell phone reception.

I hope these help you. They're proven NLP techniques that have helped me out a great deal.

NLP is neuro-linguistic programming. Its fun, easy and works. Google it for more info.

How to handle bad feelings whether they come from -- an argument, a complaint, a critical product review?

I largely concur with the other posts.

It actually comes down to powerfully chosing what will serve you best.

It helps to separate the feedback from the feelings and from the meaning.

The trick is to view the mind as a little sausage factory constantly producing the good, the bad and the ugly. We are so conditioned to react, rather than be conscious. Practice smelling the roses, listen to the wind. Practice yoga to get the body used to the idea that you are in contron and not your emotions.

See the lesson that you have to learn. Negative thoughts/actions/words from others are a reflection of some part of ourselves.

When I am angry with someone, I always turn it around by remembering the only person I am really hurting with my anger is myself.

Does the feeling make me feel good? No, so why am I carrying it around all the time? These are the questions I ask myself. Then I realize that staying angry, being negative is wasting my time, my space.

I also mentally see myself putting the bad/angry/negative thoughts into a trash can, firmly shutting the lid and watching the trash men take it all away.

I also use meditation to calm down. A walk around the park or my garden also helps.

Walking meditation I find easier to do if I am angry, the movement helps calm me, as opposed to sitting still for a while.

Also, I too use EFT it's fantastic (see my site for more on EFT).

Beware of those Dream stealers and Nay Sayers . I know now that when ever they start to rear their ugly head . I welcome them and Celebrate them as I beat them down . Because I know something great is about to happen . SO the great news is you can be excited since you can take this to the bank . Something Great is about to happen in your life . Thats why you are been hit with this negativity . The Dream Stealers and the Nay Sayers don't want you to succeed . Thery want to keep you right where you are . SO just stay focused on your purpose Like a Heat sensing missle .You are a Champion a Leader a Warrior so you will conquer and rise above

I agree with you Barry. Everyone is responsible for their own actions. Period. I battle with taking responsibility for other people's actions everyday and it does me absolutely no good. Really think about it for a moment: If someone you don't know, walks up to you and punches you in the face for no reason whatsoever, does it really make sense to justify it by telling yourself that you attracted it, or telling yourself that the other person's aggression is a reflection of your own aggression? Absolutely not. You didn't enter that person's mind and think the thoughts that caused their body to perform the attack. THEY DID. They had a choice of leaving you alone, but they chose not to. This is a pretty crude example but it can be generalized and applied to all areas of life. Really think about it.

Barry I am not taking responsibility for other's actions, merely looking to see what aspect of them is within myself. It would be very presumputous of me to attempt to be responsible for another person's emotions. I am not and never would be, their emotional reality. It is a matter of semantics, seeing what is within yourself as a reflection or lesson to be learnt, does not in anyway infer 'responsbility' for anyone else's actions/emotions/words.

By the way. what on earth made you think I put pressure on myself. LOL that's something I never do, why do that? Waste of time and emotions.

We should probably beg to disagree. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions, this is what makes life so very interesting and fascinating. What works for one person will not always be the right way for another.

Ok Anne!

I have a big temper! Mostly, because I work very hard and it makes no sense to me why I would be mistreated, but it happens!

I have been doing this for years in restaurant management. Its a thankless job by the way.

Here goes:

1) Release your anger! Go home and vent! A lot! Vent to your most trusted person, but before you do let this person know you just want to talk to someone who will listen. You don't expect the problem to be solved. Listening to yourself will help you organize your thoughts.

2) Bring back some happy feelings! Once a little of your anger has been released, go out and have some fun!!!! NO WORK TALK!!!! Take your kids to chuckie cheese (if that's fun), or go to a loud bar and watch the game. Me? I slam jagermiester shots and hope I win at golden tee. Anything that will take your mind off work and get your happy thoughts back into your mind. Working out is also a good idea.

3) Open up your heart! Go home and find a quite place without distraction. Grab a pen and paper and write down everything you are grateful for. These things can be general or specific. This is called the Grateful List. I do this one often.

4) Brainstorm your solutions! After your mind is no longer completely consumed with negativity, you can now work on forming some positive solutions. Grab a piece of paper and write down everything you would like to talk about. Organize your thoughts.

5) Help the other person! I would suggest approaching your boss with the intention of only hearing his point of view without saying any of your own thoughts. By doing this, you are helping your boss relieve his possible resentment or anger for you (if there is any) and then you can come to a solution at the end of your meeting or a later date. Feel it out. This is important because it also lets them know they can safely talk to you.

About the last step, more often than not, when I do this I discover that the anger that resides in that person really does not have anything to do with me, but involves their own personal stress that they are releasing on me negatively.

Your goal is to be heard when both you and the other are in a better state of mind. You have the right to be heard just as much as the other person.

This is very important! Make sure you have true intentions of coming to a positive solution! That may sound funny, but many people enjoy the drama and really do not care to resolve.

Now, that's my own personal process. You don't need to follow it to the T, but maybe you may find something you would like to try.

Good luck to you, Anne!

Reading all the previous posts, I'm positive you will come up with a good way to overcome this!

Hi Anne!
Well, I guess almost, no in fact EVERYBODY, knows quite well what you are talking about, because that kind of situation appears all too often in life.
I don´t know wether you are a religious person or not, but I can tell you that building up a relationship to God has had an enormous positive effect on MY life.
Its sooooooo wonderful to know, that he is there, just waiting for you to come before him and hand over all of your fears, sorrows, problems,... in his almighty hands.
To trust him that he IS good, that he is truthful and trustworthy and that you simply need to believe that he will lead everything to a perfect end.
He knows ways, when we don´t even see another door and he is more than willing to let us partissipate in his wisdom!
So talking to Jesus and God father will be a real help!
Greetings from overseas,
God bless you,

Joschu

visualise putting the negative thoughts into a balloon and imagine the thoughts as a colour. Then release balloon into the sky.

Something that works for me is becoming "The Observer Of My Mind."

I learned this skill from studying spiritual material and practicing meditation. People are reactive to their thoughts. They respond to them mentally and emotionally. They identify with them. And they think their thoughts are part of who they are.

But this isn't the case.

As I posted recently:

"People are not their thoughts, they think they are, and it brings them all kinds of sadness."--Peaceful Warrior

Spiritual teacher Eckhard Tolle calls this "Reacting to content." Being "The Observer Of Your Mind" means that instead of responding and identifying with your thoughts you simply observe them. Understand that "You" ("The Observer") and "Your Thoughts" ("Content Of Your Mind") are separate.

This takes some practice but it's well worth the small amount of effort to be able to practice this skill. After some time you'll be able to comfortably, peacefully, and non-judgementally observe your thoughts without responding to them. This is a peacefully liberating experience. And people experience it often. Usually in the evening before they go to bed when they're relaxed and at peace with themselves.

Take 15 minutes to practice being "The Observer Of Your mind." Get relaxed and comfortable and simply observe your thoughts.

Don't try to respond, control, or change them. Let them be. Simply observe them. Let them slowly drift in and out of your mind as you become more mentally in control. In this state you're relaxed and at peace and you can see that "You" and "Your Thoughts" are separate. And with more time your thoughts become less and less until you're in a wonderful, calm, peaceful state of mind.

That's what I do. And I've used this to "cure" depression and experience extraordinary moments of inner tranquillity.

When you feel extremely angry and frustrated just let your self count from one to ten to help your feelings die down a bit. This trick always works on me.

I don't try to shake negative thoughts, I just let them past. The more you resist them, the more they will persist. It's like trying not to focus on a pink elephant. Once you know there is something you need to avoid, then part of your mind naturally goes to it.

Hi Anne! Here are a couple techniques I use for negative comments:

I say to myself "Cancel that."

If I'm replaying the event in my mind I envision it in color...then I take the picture and make everyone gray...like the old black and white TV movies. Then I shrink it down to a very small picture, hang it on a wall, and walk away from it.

After doing either of those techniques, I follow with something fun.

Shy