what is the secret of marital bliss?

Hi fadorg,

If I was to be funny, I would say the answer to your question is to avoid it and you would have your marriage bliss. However, if I were to be honest, I heard something that someone said about marriage bliss which is it's really about learning to love your spouse more and more with each passing day and do it unconditionally. When you think about it, this can be a very challenging thing and, I think most people don't enter into marriage really thinking about it in these terms. I think if you can learn to keep your own selfish interests in check, you stand a far greater chance at realizing this goal for your marriage.

You have to be able to find bliss in the worst of circumstances. Blessings are often disguised as things that not not entirely sound like blessings. People who learn to appreciate the finer things in life would be able to find marital bliss as well.

Marriage is also like a job, you need to put an effort and invest time, likewise, it is also very important to to always put God in the center of everything.

give as much as you can, don't expect anything in return.

I read a chinese saying once that said. The kind of woman that you want to marry is one that you would have no problem driving in a car for 400 miles. If you are still speaking at the end of the journey, then it's a safe bet that you will get along. But alas, marital bliss takes a lot of tolerance. Each person has to keep rediscovering themselves.

Hi all!
I think the secrets of marital bliss are:

1. Kisses should always be wet and sloppy.
2. Husbands should limit vocabulary to "Woof!"
3. Being ignored is not an option. Scream, whine, bark and paw until your husband pays attention.
4. Obedience is a good thing.
5. Good grooming is an asset.
6. If you stare at your husband long enough, eventually you'll get your way.
7. With unconditional love, you can hope for at least a 10- to 15-year life expectancy.

I don't know the general secrets of marital bliss, but here is my list:

1. Communication
2. Tolerance
3. Care for the partner
4. Fun
5. Passion
6. New things and activities TOGETHER
7. ... you name it ... )

Get up each morning and say to yourself, "what can I do today to help my partner have a brighter day".
If you get respectful reactions to things you say to your partner, you will feel safe to talk about anything.
Instead of complaining about what your partner isn't doing, start asking repectfully, for what you want them to do
Men like to feel needed and women like to feel heard.
If you say to a man, "would you please do me a favor, or can you please help me with this" they are more apt to do it because they want to be your Knight in shining armor
For men, acknowledge what your partner said, you don't need to fix it, just acknowledge
These points will surely help

Tanks so much for all your input,infact i dont know how to put this but you had all said a lot of things that are helpful.

But if i may ask, can't there be like one or two principles to marriage bliss?
You know like everyone knows tha love is a must in marriage,which other one can be 2nd principle to marriage bliss?

Appreciate your views

I'm coming up for my 39th wedding anniversary. The secret- always admit you were wrong, (even if you weren't!).

prosperity!

samsmiles

marriage will do no good if youre still not satisfied loving only one husband or wife.. If you say "i do"..you surrender your being for the only one...

After 16 years of marriage and me being home with my wife full-time for a year, here's my list, most important first:
1. Putting God first in my marriage. Hey, I signed the contract with Him and my wife.
2. Putting my wife before me. These girls are a strange lifeform and us guys have to really dedicate time to figure them out. Or at least avoid the pot holes!
3. Love my wife. Don't judge her. Just love her.
4. For the ladies, honor your husband. Nothing speaks more to a guy then being honored.
5. Don't forget about my marriage to my wife, especially when life gets busy and seems to overtake this important commentment.

Takes a little each and every day!

Frank

there is no secret to marital bliss, except...marry when you're broke.

that way, if you two wanna split, neither one of you can afford a divorce lawyer to screw you over.

What about respect where do we place it remenber what they say about the Golden rule: ''Whatever you want others to do for you,do to them likewise''

YEAH!

That's honest of you HONEST!

I honestly believe, that neither a man nor a woman is designed to spent their whole lives with one and the same partner. Just MHO

Joy,

After 22 years of marriage which has not been completely blissful (there was a learning period...that lasted about 13 years, lol) I'd say there are three "keys" to a blissful marriage. 1. honest communication 2. compromise and 3. honest consideration

Now that I think on it, I could probably write an entire guide about this, but I'll try to keep it short.

1. Honest Communication: If you're always honest with each other, there can be no situations werein "the great misunderstanding" is encountered.

2. Compromise: If both partners are willing to find an agreeable middle ground, there won't be power struggles. You'll both feel equal.

3. Honest Consideration: if both partners in a marriage honestly consider the other in all things, there would be harmony.

Tina

Marry someone who will put up with you, faults and all (for any of you that have faults) and continue the courtship.

Now i think we are getting somewhere,but can we really say their is no secret to marital bliss?

Even as simple as riding a bicycle is,for one to be a good driver he must have the know-how, the secret. Which means that there is a secret to marital bliss

we take each other for who we are faults an all - and respect and trust each other completely, my wife is my best friend!

we are expecting our 2nd baby this time a lil girl in about 3 weeks after what has been a rollercoaster pregnancy!

Cant wait!

I don't think there ia "a" secret to marital bliss. Maybe dozens of secrets, some of them applying to couples of one type and not another. Each marriage is made up of two people, each with their own personalities and psychologies. They are going to fit together differently than other couples do.
There are several post about that say "put God first". I haven't got a clue what they are talking about. They are probably wondering how I could not know what they are talking about. Their "secret" isn't going to work for me.

What works for you? what do you want/expect out of marriage? Find someone who you are compatible with in terms of expectations.

Katharine Hepburn: Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door, and just visit now and then.
Jim

i wish u luck too zig

a good one there Jin

No problem Zig we will gladly be your guest there! Wishing you happy marriage life in advance!

That a good one there 7digital,infact i'll have to say thank you.

1. Take time to communicate from your hearts, everyday, with no other distractions.
2. Be in integrity with yourself and your spouse.
3. Commit everyday to love and appreciate your partner and find ways to demonstate this to him/her.

Now am sure anyone can get married and live happily ever after

This may sound crazy but, I have learned that " Bliss " can be defined in many ways. That is the first question you need to ask yourself, what does it mean to you.

As for us, we have been best friends for 30 years, been married to others and divorced. We found that what we needing in companions we had in our friendship which led us to get married 12 years ago.

A big thing is you must like yourself of you can never love nyone else the way you need to do in order for it to work. That having been said, you MUST be willing to set your needs completely asside when needed by your spouse.

My wife, is 42 and seen in my picture with me. This was taken last month when we traveled to Switzerland for her to have possible life extending treatments for Pancreatic Cancer. She was diagnosed 4 years ago with stage 4, non-operable.

We are happy, in love, and want to be together forever but, we understand what we are faced with.....I guess I think the main thing needed to stay married is the continued ability to be forever variable and felxible in what you actually need and can give.

For me, I am my happiest when I can give everything in some way that helps Sherrie see or do something she may never get to do again, and I know she loved every bit of it.....brings a deep smile, watch the eyes...they are the window.

Sorry to ramble, I just think being Married to your absolute best friend and most trusted person on earth is something everyone should get yet so very few every do.


Peace to you all,
Michael

Im curious Joy, are you researching an article here?

Mark i think i am learning here, that part of what a forum is...right?

Just act as though the other sex is your best friend.

I would probably rephrase to "harmony," but here's one that
we have suggested to many young people (63 year old here,
married 40 years):

Strive to win as a team. By way of example, strive to
win as a couple during disagreements and not just
win as an individual.

Another one would be: honor and promote the individual
strengths and desires of the other person. Seek for ways
to complement and encourage each other's expression of
what they value and who they want to become.

Build each other up with encouraging words. Watch the
words: wrong words can kill.

Ask forgiveness when necessary and, of course, forgive.

And from the husband's perspective, spend your lifetime
cherishing your wife.

Just a few thoughts...

Lee

i think the key to any relationshiup is true trust and unconditional loyalty!

and communication!

Communication and Honesty and spice. Plain and simple. Keep the excitement alive. I've been with my wife 12 years and we still act like we are dating.

OK a relationship is a synergistic living form of energy.

Treat any relationship like a human being that has wants and needs.

A relationship needs A-I-D-A

Also like anything in life you get back what you put into it! The more you give the more you receive.

Phase space the relationship look at it from first, second and third person view so you can better deliver on solutions to problems and issues.

Top tips
never hold a grudge
Be open and honest
find out what the persons good intention is ie if they are angry at you for not doing the dishes

not doing dishes mans > they don't like a dirty environment > meaning they cant concentrate
if the dishes are done> they have a clean environment> hence they can relax> means they have peace

So their good intention was that they wanted peace! And they had no intention of nagging you and trying to control you or all the millions of different answers our mind will suggest

Being married three times (third time a charm, coming up ten years) I would have to say that the "secret" if there is one is to work on your marriage every day - my hubby and I went through a lot of grief when we first got together thanks to exes and the like, and the children (we had three each) but now they have all grown and left home (at least temporarily) and we find outselves here together, just the two of us, well it was what we had spent all that time working towards.

The other secret we have is that I am the boss in the house, but only because he lets me be - basically we accept each other exactly as we are, don't try to change each other, and both us work on this (our relationship) every day. If you are considering spending any long term time span with a partner you have to firstly want to be with the person rather than need to be; and you have to know that the things about your partner that annoy you are something you are going to have to accept - if you can do that, you have a winning formula

My two cents worth
Lisa

3 tips.

1. Remember that when you say "till death do us part," your setting a goal.

2. They are going to be times that about all you do is work on staying married. And it's going to be hard work.

3. Always be the adult in the relationship, especially when the spouse is acting 10!

Married 29 years to the same woman. Seems like 3 or 4 months!

David

I feel marital bliss is a rare thing today.
MHO only from observing life.

With most movies plot lines about infidelity, murder,mayhem, or worse
respect of any kind towards others is rare in the media.
And the news making extra effort to keep the sheeple scared sh*tless, the stress is almost unbearable.
We become like the people we hang with and the books we read and the movies we watch.
With danger of getting banned I say a Godless society manifests itself pretty much like what we have today.

90% finding the right person for you (this rarely happens)
10% healthy relationship stuff i.e. doing projects together

My first reaction when I saw this thread title was "great product, what is the market like"

I'd pay good money for a good product that really does help you with marital bliss.

I am very fortunate to have this kind of relationship with my husband of 16+ years. We both allow each other to go for our dreams and encourage each other. When mistakes are made we never get negative but say it was a learning experience and move on. We are still Best Friends and share nearly everything with each other and yet allow for each others privacy. We are, after all, 2 individuals who are choosing to become one.

People who love each other keep the romance always....it's also give and take, and sharing with each other. NO one should be number 1 in a marriage, but both should be equal.....and if you love someone enough then you care enough to always give the other person a chance to feel important and wonderful daily....it's not something you do once a day..but all day long

The main problem for Divorce is --- Marriage ! LOL.

Exposure is the key -- to find the right person ( Mutual) -- and you got to earn it !

Still looking for an Average Lovely Girl .....................

A big one I recently uncovered (at a seminar with my wife no less) was realizing the differences between your personalities and then using the differences to your advantage as a couple.

Wife and I are total opposites in some ways. She's the passive, nurturing type and I'm the driven "just quit whining and get it done" kind of person.

Really knowing the other persons personality type and keeping it in the front of your mind when you speak to them is EXTREMELY important.

She could walk up to me and say "you've got 10 articles to write and a website to build...get in your office and get 'er done!" and I'd be fine with that.

She would have to be spoken to a lot nicer and more carefully to get the desired results out of her. Totally fine of course, but super important to know.

That was the most life impacting and important seminar I've ever been to.

Best of luck to you.

Mike

First of all you have to marry a friend or somebody that you genuinely enjoy spending time with. Agree to never argue over petty stuff like financial matters. Take time to be apart and enjoy the time you are together. Go out on dates and always respect that person...

Very interesting thread.
I've been married twelve years, with her for a total of 17 years. We went into a major decline with a geographic move that upset our economics, lifestyle and social networks. No harm done but the relationship went through quite a bit of turmoil that seemed insurmountable in the face of other challenges.
I tend to look for bodies of knowledge that seem to speak to my situation and see if they feel grounded, have integrity and match with what I know about the real world.
One of these sources is a website called reuniting dot info.
The short translation is that the author has done a study of the mating/procreative process in mammals and compared that to the bonding cycle found in a few mammal species and especially in humans. Her thesis is that procreative sexual pursuit works at cross-purposes to the bonding cycle. In other words, your genes would rather you find new partners and mate with them, and it ensures this by giving you a big dose of anti-sex brain chemicals whenever you do the nasty with a partner, really orgasm not just sex. Her books and website are all about harmonizing the procreative genetic urge with the bonding one in order to form lasting unions. My partner and I have found the information really helpful. She grounds it in biological research and also in ancient practices, so it covers a lot of ground.
Secondly, the Four Agreements by Miguel Ruiz lays out a relationship with reality that can help change any relationship for the better. It has for me, though it's more of a long term project.

Ask yourself everyday, What can I give to this relation-ship to make it a better and happier one?

I read once that there are essentially two levels of need for a relationship to have a good chance to last.

First, the partner's basic animal needs must be met. That means that if the sex and the finances don't work, the relationship will probably fail. These are generally hard rules to get around.

Second, if those two basic needs are satisfied, then all of the other fine recommendations made here come into play - respect, never taking other for granted, understanding and doing your best to meet their needs, and the ability to have fun together. I saw a quote on a movie that said you should pick a partner that you'd want to be in a foxhole with - in other words, someone who you'd trust with your life. I think that is good advice too.

Women sometimes need to remember their marriage after the kids come. Men need to respect and keep courting their wives throughout marriage.

Keep the excitement. Add variety to your life constantly. Keep growing as a person and celebrate and encourage your partner's growth steps as well.

I'm on 12 years now, and we still work at it.

Good luck to everyone!

Time away is the secret. I realize in a marriage the man and woman usually live together and that's what people expect. I've been with my girlfriend 9 years, 8 months, and it's still heart-warming, endearing and fantastic - because we live apart and have lives apart from each other.

From a more practical point for married people, I would modify that to "alone time", knowing that's quite different from time away.

Warmly,
Dan

Consider your spouse better than yourself in order to meet his or her needs.

Hello, I have been married for 16 years without any regrets. The secret to marital bliss is respect your wife, and a very important factor is communication. If something bothers you, discuss the problem. Sometimes you have a heated argument, Never hit or get physical with your wife. She will definitely lose respect for you. Always treat your wife with little gifts and surprises. It does not have to be expensive, the cliche: " it's the thought that counts." It is very true. And never forget to tell her that you love her every day.

I don't think any marriage or relationship has total bliss. That's not realistic and if you're looking for that it could be a let down. There are always going to be low spots and troubles but for the most part if you respect your partner, show them love and support You'll get through those low spots.

I do think that personalities have a lot to do with it. A selfish person that has no interest in anything but what 'they' want will bring trouble to the relationship. If you're married to someone that's fine with that, you're good, but most people will get tired of that eventually.

Communication and listening to each other.

The marriage will automatically come into our lives is not looking or planned.

I also agree, put God first, use the principles of the word of God, and the other things will work out when this is the basis.