How do you handle people holding you back !?

11 years ago

well this is why a lot of people stay in situation that are not really healthy for them ..

the first thing to do is ask yourself why you want the people around you too hold you back ..and are you just using them as an excuse ..many people have a paradoxical set of programs that hinder their ability to get the money the can ..

now this is woo woo.. but many times the only reason you run into this and noptice it so much.. is because you are dealing with it in your own beliefs ..

the simple thing is to ask yourself.. do i have a personal self worth that makes me want to spend time with people who are there to help me toward my dreams and desires .. or do i really want to keep friends and others around me who.. are very comfortable if i give up my dreams and stay with them in their misery..

I am at the point i have to get away from my real family and limit my exposure to them.. even though i have been helping my elderly mother and father the last two years through very bad health issues .. they have dropped a lot of stuff they should do themselves onto my shoulders .. and treat me more like a slave than a son trying to help out ..so instead of hearing about what i do do for them.. they make what i do for them much more difficult than it should be ..and then treat me bad because of what i don't do for them ..

this is generally what has gone on in my family my entire life ..

the choice when i walk away from this ..is do i bring more people in to do the same .. or do i surround myself with those who are there to make me better .. not tear me down ..

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redfiredsoul

11 years ago

Originally Posted by Odahh

well this is why a lot of people stay in situation that are not really healthy for them ..

the first thing to do is ask yourself why you want the people around you too hold you back ..and are you just using them as an excuse ..many people have a paradoxical set of programs that hinder their ability to get the money the can ..

now this is woo woo.. but many times the only reason you run into this and noptice it so much.. is because you are dealing with it in your own beliefs ..

the simple thing is to ask yourself.. do i have a personal self worth that makes me want to spend time with people who are there to help me toward my dreams and desires .. or do i really want to keep friends and others around me who.. are very comfortable if i give up my dreams and stay with them in their misery..

I am at the point i have to get away from my real family and limit my exposure to them.. even though i have been helping my elderly mother and father the last two years through very bad health issues .. they have dropped a lot of stuff they should do themselves onto my shoulders .. and treat me more like a slave than a son trying to help out ..so instead of hearing about what i do do for them.. they make what i do for them much more difficult than it should be ..and then treat me bad because of what i don't do for them ..

this is generally what has gone on in my family my entire life ..

the choice when i walk away from this ..is do i bring more people in to do the same .. or do i surround myself with those who are there to make me better .. not tear me down ..

I'm in a similar situation. My father is very negative about success and can only speak about the risks involved and why I can't do this or can't do that.

Honestly, if I ever manage to free myself from him (I can't right now because he supports me financially and I don't have a proper source of income) then I would probably get more involved with people who are more positive and supportive of what I do.

He is my dad so I will always love him. However, that doesn't mean I have to like him or how he treats me. He always told me that I would never amount to very much and he limits both me and my thinking. Makes me feel small.

If I were you I would get out of the situation if you can. Don't let people into your life who can't seem to realize what your are capable of. Let alone "see" your true potential.

The truth is, you can do anything you set your mind to and as long as you remain focused and belief then you will achieve. Don't let anybody tell you otherwise. Not even your family.

They can still play a role in your life. However, I would not see these people as your true family or make them a top priority. True family are people who stick with you and who support you no matter what and who will always believe in you. Most of all who realize your true potential no matter how far it seems to be locked away or hidden because of your current situation.

Surround yourself with people who deserve to be around you because they treat you as you deserve to be treated. With respect and love.

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Rachel McKnight

11 years ago

Originally Posted by redfiredsoul

I'm in a similar situation. My father is very negative about success and can only speak about the risks involved and why I can't do this or can't do that.

Honestly, if I ever manage to free myself from him (I can't right now because he supports me financially and I don't have a proper source of income) then I would probably get more involved with people who are more positive and supportive of what I do.

He is my dad so I will always love him. However, that doesn't mean I have to like him or how he treats me. He always told me that I would never amount to very much and he limits both me and my thinking. Makes me feel small.

If I were you I would get out of the situation if you can. Don't let people into your life who can't seem to realize what your are capable of. Let alone "see" your true potential.

The truth is, you can do anything you set your mind to and as long as you remain focused and belief then you will achieve. Don't let anybody tell you otherwise. Not even your family.

They can still play a role in your life. However, I would not see these people as your true family or make them a top priority. True family are people who stick with you and who support you no matter what and who will always believe in you. Most of all who realize your true potential no matter how far it seems to be locked away or hidden because of your current situation.

Surround yourself with people who deserve to be around you because they treat you as you deserve to be treated. With respect and love.

Wow, this was my exact situation years ago when I told my dad I wanted to go into internet marketing. He's pretty traditional and prefers that I stick to my 9 to 5 job, "play it safe" and kept harping on the risk that I might be wasting my time and money.

In fact, most of my friends and relatives that know of what I'm doing were very skeptical of the online money making potential. It was hard at the beginning, you do doubt yourself often why is why it's so important to keep yourself surround by like minded people, be in constant contact with them. As much as I love my friends and family, I've learned to distance myself from the naysayers.

Now, I get to do whatever I want at my own pace and will while making good money while they trudge on depressed with their jobs but unable to break out of it because of their fear of failure.

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chriz

11 years ago

Originally Posted by Rachel McKnight

Wow, this was my exact situation years ago when I told my dad I wanted to go into internet marketing. He's pretty traditional and prefers that I stick to my 9 to 5 job, "play it safe" and kept harping on the risk that I might be wasting my time and money.

In fact, most of my friends and relatives that know of what I'm doing were very skeptical of the online money making potential. It was hard at the beginning, you do doubt yourself often why is why it's so important to keep yourself surround by like minded people, be in constant contact with them. As much as I love my friends and family, I've learned to distance myself from the naysayers.

Now, I get to do whatever I want at my own pace and will while making good money while they trudge on depressed with their jobs but unable to break out of it because of their fear of failure.

My family and surroundings are like that too. Play it safe , stick with 9-5 and yada yada yada. In Amerdam they have a saying. They say: He / she always sees bears on the road, meaning obstacles and problems. It's like D3fianc3 says "An optimist see's the opportunity in every difficulty. A pessimist see's the difficulty in every opportunity." Still you cannot blame people for thinking like this as we are programmed to think this way by society...

I find that television plays a big role. It paints a picture how life should be, and escpecially the negative news with which we are subconsiously programmed with in repetition to think negatively of. Everywhere you go people talk about the crisis and how difficult everything is. Just because of repetion and reptition of the same news about a so called crisis.

Out of the big crisis of 1914 came more millionares than ever. It's just the way you look at things. Change the way you look at things and the things around you change. I stopped watching the news and reading newspapers alltogether and I must say I am much more positive. For me there's is simply no crisis.

When you think in terms of crisis you are setting yourself up for failure, cause everything you do is interrelated to you thinking that there is a crisis. I studied economics for several years and I learned then that everything goes up and down like waves. When a real wave in the ocean collapses into the ocean, you don't say that wave is now in crisis. It's just the motion of the ocean, nothing more, nothing less...

Nice to have a forum with like-minded people who faced the same problems and obstacles...

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TheDreamerSpot

11 years ago

Originally Posted by chriz

My family and surroundings are like that too. Play it safe , stick with 9-5 and yada yada yada. In Amerdam they have a saying. They say: He / she always sees bears on the road, meaning obstacles and problems. It's like D3fianc3 says "An optimist see's the opportunity in every difficulty. A pessimist see's the difficulty in every opportunity." Still you cannot blame people for thinking like this as we are programmed to think this way by society...

I find that television plays a big role. It paints a picture how life should be, and escpecially the negative news with which we are subconsiously programmed with in repetition to think negatively of. Everywhere you go people talk about the crisis and how difficult everything is. Just because of repetion and reptition of the same news about a so called crisis.

Out of the big crisis of 1914 came more millionares than ever. It's just the way you look at things. Change the way you look at things and the things around you change. I stopped watching the news and reading newspapers alltogether and I must say I am much more positive. For me there's is simply no crisis.

When you think in terms of crisis you are setting yourself up for failure, cause everything you do is interrelated to you thinking that there is a crisis. I studied economics for several years and I learned then that everything goes up and down like waves. When a real wave in the ocean collapses into the ocean, you don't say that wave is now in crisis. It's just the motion of the ocean, nothing more, nothing less...

Nice to have a forum with like-minded people who faced the same problems and obstacles...

I agree 100%.

The government induces fear into society in order to keep control. "Regret yesterday, worry about tomorrow, and forget about now." It has worked in the past and is still working, but not for too much longer. More and more people are ridding their Lives of fear and letting Love take over. Big changes are on the horizon. Lots of people are waking up... including myself.

Thanks

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redfiredsoul

11 years ago

Originally Posted by Rachel McKnight

Wow, this was my exact situation years ago when I told my dad I wanted to go into internet marketing. He's pretty traditional and prefers that I stick to my 9 to 5 job, "play it safe" and kept harping on the risk that I might be wasting my time and money.

In fact, most of my friends and relatives that know of what I'm doing were very skeptical of the online money making potential. It was hard at the beginning, you do doubt yourself often why is why it's so important to keep yourself surround by like minded people, be in constant contact with them. As much as I love my friends and family, I've learned to distance myself from the naysayers.

Now, I get to do whatever I want at my own pace and will while making good money while they trudge on depressed with their jobs but unable to break out of it because of their fear of failure.

Well, I am very happy to hear that you got out of this situation and that you made it

. I am still in the same situation of being pressured to take a job and "play it safe". The road can be hard but it's worth it.

Thank you for confirming that it can be done. It just takes focus, courage, strength, discipline, belief and a positive mindset.

Thanks

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IM HUNGRY

11 years ago

Unless someone is physically stopping you from going after your dreams, you don't have any to blame but yourself for not taking action. So, if you decide to put your dreams on hold to help someone else or to make them happy, that's on you. There is always a choice.

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HellaFamous

11 years ago

Originally Posted by IM HUNGRY

Unless someone is physically stopping you from going after your dreams, you don't have any to blame but yourself for not taking action. So, if you decide to put your dreams on hold to help someone else or to make them happy, that's on you. There is always a choice.

i find the irony of this post strong as hell because here is a direct copy and paste of the facebook status i posted this evening as i'm deleting it and changing my phone number tomorrow.

"I hope my friends take me back after the reluctant but necessary disappearing act i'm about to pull. It's for the greater good of balling out to the fullest this summer. There's no hard feelings i just can't be nickel and dime-ing myself on lameass winter nights spending 3, 4, or $500 a week on nothing when i can be puttin that toward a better setup for us as a group to enjoy this summer. i have an extremely high bar set that's going to take 2 to 3 months of concentrated uninterrupted focus. but best believe when i return... imma slap the shit outta everybody.

#reluctantchatter"

they hate hanging around me now anyways because i'll be having an amazing time but then all of a sudden a switch will get turned on and i'll instantly start thinking of all the ad space, seo, content building i could be doing for my site. I'm one of those people who can't say no to family and friends. my friends are loyal and loving but there is no excusing they are a direct negative influence on my goals. and necessary actions need to be taken.

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Odahh

11 years ago

i will state this again.. unless someone chains you to a wall or puts you in a prison cell .. no one is really holding you back .. you are chosing to stay in conditions..where you hold yourself in a place you really don't want to be ..to make others who don't really care about you feel better ..

to live the life they wanted to live ..budah walked away from being a prince with wives and children .. and Jesus first went in the desert to prey and fast ..then instead of going back to nazereth and getting everyone to accept his new more clear philosophy ..he left nazerath and went somewhere where no one knew him and built his ministry ..

why do the wise people chose to live on the top of the mountain ..

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Odahh

11 years ago

I really don't mean to make this post about me .. but i have autism ..and bi polar disorder, and cumminication disorders ..yada yada yada .. though i have never been physically abused unless having virtually no physical contact qualifies as abuse.. there has been plenty of mental and emotional abuse .. with those around me always making me feel broken in some way..

My state of constant brokeness .. was partly imposed on myself as a way to avoid having the means to turn to drugs or turn to drinking .. or what ever self destructive things you can do with lots of money and zero self esteem .. but i found natural ways to become numb to it ..

a year ago i lost the ability to become numb to it and started the process of putting myself together even though i have been studying self help for many years .. and i have been rapididly retooling my beliefs .. and the main thing has not to just jump out of here .. it has been to change myself so i would not re create the same situation where i end up next time ..

a big part of it for me has been reforming..not supressing or killing my ego .. so it serve me better ..not me serving it ..it is a different subject .. but most people hand their definition o themselves over to their ego ..so the ego gets put in charge of defineing and protecting who you think you are ..and getting you to serve it's vision of you

instead I have been deciding who i am .. and retraining my ego to support me in my choices to persue that ..and send up signals when stuff comes at me that i really should not put up with

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desley

10 years ago

Originally Posted by Odahh

I really don't mean to make this post about me .. but i have autism ..and bi polar disorder, and cumminication disorders ..yada yada yada .. though i have never been physically abused unless having virtually no physical contact qualifies as abuse.. there has been plenty of mental and emotional abuse .. with those around me always making me feel broken in some way..

My state of constant brokeness .. was partly imposed on myself as a way to avoid having the means to turn to drugs or turn to drinking .. or what ever self destructive things you can do with lots of money and zero self esteem .. but i found natural ways to become numb to it ..

a year ago i lost the ability to become numb to it and started the process of putting myself together even though i have been studying self help for many years .. and i have been rapididly retooling my beliefs .. and the main thing has not to just jump out of here .. it has been to change myself so i would not re create the same situation where i end up next time ..

a big part of it for me has been reforming..not supressing or killing my ego .. so it serve me better ..not me serving it ..it is a different subject .. but most people hand their definition o themselves over to their ego ..so the ego gets put in charge of defineing and protecting who you think you are ..and getting you to serve it's vision of you

instead I have been deciding who i am .. and retraining my ego to support me in my choices to persue that ..and send up signals when stuff comes at me that i really should not put up with

Thank you for sharing. The original question is one that I have had to grapple with on various occasions in my life; whilst also living with a mental illness.

In many respects there is no easy answer. In Aussie land - the land of knockers - we have a term for people tearing down other people's success - The Tall Poppy Syndrome. It's as if some cultures want to cut off the person who they consider is too successful, too smart, too whatever - because they stand like a beacon to tell all that there is hope; that a person can achieve whatever they set their minds to.

Sometimes it is not easy to walk away from either family or friends - because we are emotionally (whether positively or negatively) attached to them, even if we know or want to walk away. Sometimes limiting our exposure to people who are always wanting to give the negative perspective can assist.

Another strategy I use is okay - thank you for your feedback, I will consider the wisdom of what you're saying and work it through my processes. In other words instead of viewing the feedback as entirely negative, I will use the feedback as a positive to ensure I put in relevant positive strategies to address their concerns into my thinking. For example: if they say the bookkeeping is tough and ardious (which it can be) - then I develop or think of a positive strategy to address this i.e. pay someone who loves bookkeeping to do the books for me; investigate a type of software that might make things a wee bit easier. Hence whilst the feedback felt negative I now have turned it into a positive and a consideration of what I may require in order to achieve my dream. Make sense.
Naturally we all want people to support us and tell us our ideas are fabulous and go for them. Sometimes though the people who are throwing out the negatives or concerns are in a backhanded way giving us a compliment and wanting to look out for us. So take their feedback and look for the nugget hidden within and then work with the nugget. One doesn't have to accept all feedback provided.
I guess what I'm saying is regardless of who you are, whether you live with mental illness or other types of disabilities - dare to dream, then take those dreams and turn them into a positive reality - one step at a time, all the while most of all believe in yourself.
As Napoleon Hill said: What the mind of man can conceive, and fully believe, will be achieved.

Good luck.

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Devid Farah 10 years ago

People generally want what is best for you, whether it is or not.

Your friends have a set idea of who you are and what you should be and they don't want that to ever change.

When you tell them about your business idea or a fabulous opportunity that you just heard about, they aren't probably trying to hold you down, they just don't want to see you fail.

But i might be wrong.
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- tiberius 10 years ago
  
  After reading the whole thread I came to the conclusion that so many people want to help and have good and very good ideas about success and how to get to it.
  Personally I like how Earl Nightingale describes success in his "The strangest secret in the world" speech (can be found on Youtube). He says: "success is a progressive realisation of a worthy ideal". So many times we fail to decide what is that 'worthy ideal', for us personally and/or we can't keep a progressive effort to reach it.
  Nowadays people want things to happen 'instantly', without too much effort from their part, don't want to sacrifice their comfort zone, or life style, for a worthy ideal. Or even would never consider anything worthy if it requires a sustainable effort.
  If you have that ideal (listen to Earl Nightingale's speech, you'll love it) you'll enjoy the journey to get there no matter the effort and time you put in. And when it happens to get things wrong, along the way, get the most out of that loss (lesson) and move on, follow your dream (the worthy ideal).
  Negative people are every where. It's not worth the effort to avoid them. Rather observe them and see how different than them you can be. It's easier and more productive to have supportive people around you but this is just an ideal situation.
  I found this somewhere: "If you say you can't, you are right. If you say you can, you are right too". Good luck and I hope this helps.
  
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Maya2066

11 years ago

Thanks Chriz for this post.

There are very often obstacles in life. Some are self imposed and some are apparently structural (in your environment). But maybe they are a projection of your thoughts and beliefs. They are there for one reason or the other to help you grow and overcome them. So how you chose to respond is going to determine what the outcome will be. Trust in the Universe's benevolence and keep on moving forward and the apparent obstacles will disolve.

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chriz 11 years ago

Thank you all for the wise words ! I can do something with that..I could never cut out my family or some other people out of my life, but I agree it's the way you look at it. Change the way you look at things and te things around you change...

Quote Maya "But maybe they are a projection of your thoughts and beliefs"

I agree with you partly and see what you mean. With that said ask any other dutch guy or woman on this forum about your head being chopped of as a national sport, they will instantly know what you are talking about. So it may be what I project, but is a national sport also

In The Netherlands they have a special saying for this. "Don't stick your head above the cornfield, it will get chopped of" Still there are also people who think differently, unfortunately not a lot ! And I agree on the Ego part Odahh. A wise man once said Control your ego / mind or it will control you !
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donhx

11 years ago

To succeed, people need to understand what motivates them. If negative people influence you, for example, you will never succeed. You have to distance yourself from such people and associate with those who share your values. The hard part is deciding what YOU want and the price you are willing to attain it. After you decide that, all the other decisions are easier.

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kellyyarnsbro

11 years ago

When people holds you back, this means that you are on ahead and on top of them, we call it crab mentality. On my part i feel sorry for them but in the same way i let them hold in my left hand and help them instead. The right hand is always readied to launch a wicked punch just in case this people persist on holding me back.

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TheDreamerSpot

11 years ago

"An optimist see's the opportunity in every difficulty. A pessimist see's the difficulty in every opportunity."

You must first realize that nobody, and I mean NOBODY has control over your life and/or success but YOU.

When you truly understand this, all the negativity begins to disappear. Not because the nay sayers aren't around anymore, but because you no longer acknowledge the negativity! When you have truly made the decision to become successful and know without a single doubt in your mind that you will achieve your success, absolutely nothing will stand in your way.

You are an optimist, my friend, and you don't need to explain yourself to anyone because when you're around other optimists there is no need to explain yourself because of the constant support you will gain from them. Every time you need to explain yourself or get in an argument over your dreams and/or goals is because they are pessimists and will never understand you because they literally think different than you.

Stop frustrating yourself trying to teach someone that does not want to learn. They will figure it out when they want to figure it out...

Do what you do and don't let anything stop you from doing it!

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skyjoe76

11 years ago

While you don't want to cut away from them, I had that we can't change everyone. You can do your best to influence those around, and sure enough some will be influenced. But some are hard nut to crack. You just have to let them go.

Couple of years back someone was opposing on this mentality of letting people go. It was the sick that needed the doctor. My response was the sick must first come to the clinic to be saved.

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SCOTTHANNAM

11 years ago

its common place for everyday foke to be fearful of change and progress. If someone is to be truly successful then it has to be their own success and not one that comes from the permission of others.

Simply ignore anyone whose opinion is based on fear and search out those who want you to succeed

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mmrumii

11 years ago

I just praise them. This is how I control them without even making them understand.

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Justin Finkelstein

11 years ago

When I am not doing what I am supposed to be doing, I tend to focus on other people and how they hold me back.

When I am on point and in integrity with my work, those people seem to disappear or have very little impact.

The people in my life are a mirror for where I am at any point.

They are a great guidance system to let me know if I am on the right track or the wrong track.

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Odahh

11 years ago

Originally Posted by Justin Finkelstein

When I am not doing what I am supposed to be doing, I tend to focus on other people and how they hold me back.

When I am on point and in integrity with my work, those people seem to disappear or have very little impact.

The people in my life are a mirror for where I am at any point.

They are a great guidance system to let me know if I am on the right track or the wrong track.

I am not awake yet and this inspires a somewhat mystical response ..

we are always in motion at any given second the ground beneath our feet is moving 1000+ miles an hour ..and everything is constantly changing..

it is a total pile of bull crap that we only use 5 percent of our brain power .

we use 100 percent ..just 95 % get wasted in the process of convince ourselves that we are stuck where we are and nothing is going to change ..

then to cope we have a number of dreams that feel good to think about but we believe we will never really get ..

we spend most of our mental energy explaining why we are where we are and why we probably will never change and how we can't do this this and this until we have the money.. but we intentionally never try to get the money ..

so we keep friends who would get offended if we suddenly start doing better than them..we don't make friends wwith those doing better than us..and we watch the news so we get convinced things won't get any better ..

then we claim.. that it is not what we do that is causing us problems it if any version of them ..

now now i know those on this board and reading this may be amount the smallish part of the mass of humanity not in this pattern ..

procrastination is the number one sign that what you are putting off does not really matter to you ..

there are a number of thing people can do to make their lives better .. that do not require much money ..but they have bought into a mindset of powerlessness and they surround themselves with people on a similar level ..

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chriz

11 years ago

Originally Posted by Odahh

I am not awake yet and this inspires a somewhat mystical response ..

we are always in motion at any given second the ground beneath our feet is moving 1000+ miles an hour ..and everything is constantly changing..

it is a total pile of bull crap that we only use 5 percent of our brain power .

we use 100 percent ..just 95 % get wasted in the process of convince ourselves that we are stuck where we are and nothing is going to change ..

then to cope we have a number of dreams that feel good to think about but we believe we will never really get ..

we spend most of our mental energy explaining why we are where we are and why we probably will never change and how we can't do this this and this until we have the money.. but we intentionally never try to get the money ..

so we keep friends who would get offended if we suddenly start doing better than them..we don't make friends wwith those doing better than us..and we watch the news so we get convinced things won't get any better ..

then we claim.. that it is not what we do that is causing us problems it if any version of them ..

now now i know those on this board and reading this may be amount the smallish part of the mass of humanity not in this pattern ..

procrastination is the number one sign that what you are putting off does not really matter to you ..

there are a number of thing people can do to make their lives better .. that do not require much money ..but they have bought into a mindset of powerlessness and they surround themselves with people on a similar level ..

I agree except for the brain part. With brainwave entrainment and meditation you can activate other parts of your brain and at the same time silence the negative voices in your head !

I heard someoneonce say. "Tell the negative committee to stop having meetings in your head" :-)

But you are right ! For the most part people are dealing with negative mindchatter, that keeps them from doing what they really want to do in life. I know because I used to be like that. The difficulty is transcending from the nit-picking world to the world with more open-minded people. I see now that these people really live on different planets, I mean mentally

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zenji

11 years ago

Been through this heaps of times but always find motivation by reading biographies of successful poeple.
Helps keep the momentum going

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Michael Ten

11 years ago

Unless they are family or a long lasting connection, I will stop associating with someone if they are being destructive in my life. If someone is family or a long lasting connection, then I will manage the relationship in a way so that it does not cause problems in my life.

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jjarrett

11 years ago

This is a topic near and dear to my heart, so I'll be pretty personal about it.

I have suffered depression for years, largely as the result of low self esteem because I took to heart what those around me said. It took my mom dying back in 2011 to finally set me free and make me realize that it's my life, and what I choose to do with it is mine.

If you have critical, negative people in your life who are criticizing you, best to let them go and not listen. These are people that have their own agenda, and putting you down is their way of making themselves feel better because they don't have the guts to live their lives to the fullest.

The most important thing I learned in college was that "Hurt people hurt people." Deal with your baggage, and I mean eliminate it from your life. I have worked very hard to get rid of mine, but more importantly, I have worked very hard to the point that I don't even allow the negativity of others to get to me. I just don't listen. I don't give others power over me, and for the first time in my life I see myself as an extraordinary human being, but it's also opened the door for me to attract the same type of people into my life whether it's for friendship, business, or anything else.

I don't have everything I want yet. What I do have is the knowledge to change my life to what I want it to be, and I'm taking the action to make it happen.

I encourage all of you today. Believe in the magic of your dreams and don't let anyone stop you. It's your life. Live it to the fullest and be happy. The only one who can make you happy is you, and no one else can do your pushups for you. You just have to do it yourself.

That's why most fail. They want the easy out.

Good luck and best wishes. Great topic.

Jinger

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chriz

11 years ago

Originally Posted by jjarrett

This is a topic near and dear to my heart, so I'll be pretty personal about it.

I have suffered depression for years, largely as the result of low self esteem because I took to heart what those around me said. It took my mom dying back in 2011 to finally set me free and make me realize that it's my life, and what I choose to do with it is mine.

If you have critical, negative people in your life who are criticizing you, best to let them go and not listen. These are people that have their own agenda, and putting you down is their way of making themselves feel better because they don't have the guts to live their lives to the fullest.

The most important thing I learned in college was that "Hurt people hurt people." Deal with your baggage, and I mean eliminate it from your life. I have worked very hard to get rid of mine, but more importantly, I have worked very hard to the point that I don't even allow the negativity of others to get to me. I just don't listen. I don't give others power over me, and for the first time in my life I see myself as an extraordinary human being, but it's also opened the door for me to attract the same type of people into my life whether it's for friendship, business, or anything else.

I don't have everything I want yet. What I do have is the knowledge to change my life to what I want it to be, and I'm taking the action to make it happen.

I encourage all of you today. Believe in the magic of your dreams and don't let anyone stop you. It's your life. Live it to the fullest and be happy. The only one who can make you happy is you, and no one else can do your pushups for you. You just have to do it yourself.

That's why most fail. They want the easy out.

Good luck and best wishes. Great topic.

Jinger

Thank your for your post Jinger. I suffered from depression for years so I can relate ! You're spot on , it's your life and you make your own decisions...Funny thing out depression. I used to think that the opposite of depression is being happy, but I found it is much more than that.

First one represses something and then it gets depressed. Someone gets depressed because he or she is not expressing him or herself. So the solution for depression is to express yourself :-) and only then you'll be happy !

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chukster

11 years ago

They way I see with freinds there are acquiescence closed loved one . But you can use the pain of not geetign a not tellying your friends so that they can hold you accountable for your actions

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Shana Walters

11 years ago

This might come off as being negative, but it is not meant to be that way. Have you thought about moving to a different country and just leave it all and those people behind?

Shana Jahsinta Walters.

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Odahh

11 years ago

Originally Posted by Shana Walters

This might come off as being negative, but it is not meant to be that way. Have you thought about moving to a different country and just leave it all and those people behind?

Shana Jahsinta Walters.

the problem is you tend to take yourself with you where ever you go.. If you decide to get these kinds of people out of your life ..then the easiest method is movinf far away ..and intentionally surrounding yourself with people who support your efforts for success ..

but if you just think it is just the people ..and you move away ..most likely you will surround yourself with a new group of people on a certain level who will resent attempts for you to go higher ...

this is what is great about the internet because you can easily adjust how much time you spend with people online ..and more and more people do most of there human contact online ..

your income is effected by the people you spend the most time with ..

define who you want in your life.. who you want to deal with regularly ..then move ..and selectivly surround yourself with these people .. otherwise if you just surround yourself with any warm body ..and then hope the will support you .. hehe.. you will be moving away quite often ..

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chriz

11 years ago

Originally Posted by Shana Walters

This might come off as being negative, but it is not meant to be that way. Have you thought about moving to a different country and just leave it all and those people behind?

Shana Jahsinta Walters.

Well moving to Hawaï for the weather would be nice

Most of the time it's raining here and now it's freezing. However I was born here and I rather face obstacles than run away from them. It's like Odahh says in other countries you will run into the same sort of people, if you do not change from within.

They have a cut your head of mentality when you become succesful,that's common knowledge here, but there also really succes people here who think differently. John de Mol who invented the television programs Big Brother, Fear Factor and "The Voice" with the singers and turning chairs is from The Netherlands. He became really succesful even in my country. He made about the same amount of money as Ophra Winfrey something like 2 billion dollars, still he drives in a normal car and does not have an outrageous house.

In other areas Dutch people are really openminded and then I am not only talking about the red light district or legal drugs so therefore I stick around here. I have been to the USA, Australia, New Zealand and so on and like them all still I always want to come back to Amsterdam.

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wrcato2

11 years ago

The first thing I would do is change their mind set. This will take awhile depending on how deep their limited beliefs run. Whatever you do don't let them vamp you. By this I simply mean drain you of your mental resources. take it gradually and make it fun.

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TheDreamerSpot

11 years ago

Originally Posted by wrcato2

The first thing I would do is change their mind set. This will take awhile depending on how deep their limited beliefs run. Whatever you do don't let them vamp you. By this I simply mean drain you of your mental resources. take it gradually and make it fun.

Changing someone's mindset is next to impossible if they don't want to change themselves. They have to want to change before they can change and some people simply don't want to... In other words, they are so stuck in fear that they simply can't find their way out; especially if they're not looking...

And it can be hard to not let them drain you. I know this from experience. I used to come home (when I was with my parents) in the best mood possible just to simply be drained within 10 minutes due to the constant negativity that which surrounded me. Unfortunately I just had to deal with it until I moved out...

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smartigic

11 years ago

"An optimist see's the opportunity in every difficulty. A pessimist see's the difficulty in every opportunity."

Awesome quote that says it all!!

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Enfusia 11 years ago

The only power people have to hold you back is that which you give them.

Patrick
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CyborgX

11 years ago

what is holding me back is FEAR. the fear of failing of taking risks and peoples opinions of me is not to complicated but it sure has done work to keep me out from doing things i would like to do.

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Dennis Gaskill

11 years ago

Originally Posted by CyborgX

what is holding me back is FEAR. the fear of failing of taking risks and peoples opinions of me is not to complicated but it sure has done work to keep me out from doing things i would like to do.

Here's a blurb I wrote for my newsletter that might help...

What is success made up of?

Failures.

You fell down many times before you learned to walk. You swung the bat and missed many times before you hit the ball. You eventually succeeded in these and many other things because you failed enough.

Failures are the REAL secret to success. Why then, be afraid of failure?

So let me ask you something... what happens if you fail?

Life still goes on, right?

So what, exactly, is there to be afraid of ... your ego?

Put it in it's place, show it who's the boss. It will always hold you back in an effort to protect you if you don't.

Hope that helps.

PS - Someone else's opinion of you only has as much power as you give it. You control your inner world, not them. Get your self-talk right and what other people think and say won't have much power over you.

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JimNasby

11 years ago

One thing I didn't see mentioned... simply don't tell people what you're doing if you suspect they won't support you. I've told almost no one that I'm doing IM; even fewer people than I told about trying to get into real estate (which I will eventually do, but unlike RE I've actually made some money at IM).

Of course, sometimes not telling someone isn't an option. And it can actually be hard not to tell people... IM can be very exciting, especially when you're first starting. But by and large, you really don't need to tell most people.

At least until you're pulling in 4 figures a day. Then you should stick it in the naysayer's faces ;P (kidding... mostly

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chriz

11 years ago

Originally Posted by JimNasby

One thing I didn't see mentioned... simply don't tell people what you're doing if you suspect they won't support you. I've told almost no one that I'm doing IM; even fewer people than I told about trying to get into real estate (which I will eventually do, but unlike RE I've actually made some money at IM).

Of course, sometimes not telling someone isn't an option. And it can actually be hard not to tell people... IM can be very exciting, especially when you're first starting. But by and large, you really don't need to tell most people.

At least until you're pulling in 4 figures a day. Then you should stick it in the naysayer's faces ;P (kidding... mostly

I agree 100% ! Do not tell people what you are doing business wise, people you know are not able to support you in a positive way ! Only mention it to people you know will understand and support you !

I have this formula. I decided to talk to chit-chat with people who can't understand what I am doing en talk to people who do understand / support me about the things I am doing.

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ar

11 years ago

I really think this happens in every family, city, country. Doesn't matter where you are or who you know.

I don't want to seem heartless but I think you should really just cut them out of your life as much as you can't. I don't mean disappear but really limit your contact with them.

It's one of the decisions I had to make. I spent a lot of time trying to make them see things in a positive way, tried explaining my point of view but they always had to come back at me with something else.

In my experience, you have to make a decision to just leave all the negativity and surround yourself with people that are not only positive, but surround yourself with people that you want to be like.

That negative crap just brings you down along with them in the end. Maintain the relationship and then come back to them when you're successful. That's probably the only way to change them.

You answered your own question, they are negative. Why would you spend time keeping anything negative in your life when you're trying to be positive. Seems counterintuitive

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chriz

11 years ago

Originally Posted by ar

I really think this happens in every family, city, country. Doesn't matter where you are or who you know.

I don't want to seem heartless but I think you should really just cut them out of your life as much as you can't. I don't mean disappear but really limit your contact with them.

It's one of the decisions I had to make. I spent a lot of time trying to make them see things in a positive way, tried explaining my point of view but they always had to come back at me with something else.

In my experience, you have to make a decision to just leave all the negativity and surround yourself with people that are not only positive, but surround yourself with people that you want to be like.

That negative crap just brings you down along with them in the end. Maintain the relationship and then come back to them when you're successful. That's probably the only way to change them.

You answered your own question, they are negative. Why would you spend time keeping anything negative in your life when you're trying to be positive. Seems counterintuitive

I know it's not only something of my country. However I heard that in the US people give succesful people who built their American dream their thumbs up.

I don't know if that is really true, but they say that here in Europe about Americans. Of course this is generalising as everybody is different...

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ar

11 years ago

Originally Posted by chriz

I know it's not only something of my country. However I heard that in the US people give succesful people who built their American dream their thumbs up.

I don't know if that is really true, but they say that here in Europe about Americans. Of course this is generalising as everybody is different...

I think it really depends. I spend a fair amount of time in the Philippines and let me say, Filipinos are known for the crab mentality (I'm filipino so not being racist here

). In the end, it just depends who you decide to surround yourself with.

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mwright 11 years ago

People who hold you back aren't really your responsibility.

Surrounded yourself with people who are successful in the way that you want to be. You'll start adopting their beliefs and habits and eventually rise to their level. That's what you're doing in this forum!

The people who are holding you back now will fade into the background.
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- Daniel Evans 11 years ago
  
  I rid of negative influences in the drop of a hat.
  
  Needless to say no-one holds me back.
  
  Daniel
  
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tporritt

11 years ago

They say the five people you spend the most time with will be the average of your income. I say let's find new friends!

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chriz

11 years ago

To keep you motivated ! One of the most viewed inspirational videos on Youtube

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B7r7YY_EO0A

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rmolina88

11 years ago

I deal with those people all the time and sometimes, you just gotta let them be and enjoy your own life.

The difference between them and I is that I don't hate Mondays.

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Maya2066

11 years ago

Every situation is different but I believe that people cannot really hold you back. There may be obstacles to overcome but the main thing is what you tell yourself and what you believe. If you are determined, you will find a solution. You may have to move away, change direction. What is important is that you don't let obstacles hold you down.

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mmrumii

11 years ago

Pretty good answers. Learnt a few things here.

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Make Money Ninja

11 years ago

Resistance comes in many forms, people is one of the most prolific.

I deal with it all the time. My family, my girlfriend, my friends... pretty much anyone really.

I started making websites for money when i was 15 (10 years ago), back then my parents were really cautious, thought it was a scam and were generally against it.

I became a professional poker player (Made over $300k doing it in a few years)... again, virtually everyone was against it.

I started re-investing my money in to real estate (My parents and other people told i could not do it... IE i make money online, i cant do real work, i cant deal with bad tenants, it will be a headache etc)... i just got on with it and did it despite what they have said.

What this basically comes down to is:

I know what is best for me. No one is better at knowing what is in my self interest than myself. I have the results to prove it and i have done it time and time again.

I know these people love me and deep down probably wants best for me (Maybe some want me to stay mediocre i dont know)... but at the end of the day i just filter them out. It gets easier the more you do it and the more positive feedback you get from your own decisions.

Ask yourself, do these people know what is best for you better than you do? If they do, listen to them. If not just go for it, listen to yourself.

Its just resistance, resistance comes in lots of forms. You just gotta get fixated on a goal and go full steam ahead until you get what you want (Or go bankrupt or whatever)...

It also helps to be ignorant (Not knowing how hard it will be) and an optimist. Those are your best assets believe it or not. Being stubborn and hard working help too.

Thats how i think, hope that helps

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kellyyarnsbro

11 years ago

In order to succeed people hold back other people, that's the saddest part and a reality when you're into business, get used to it and never stop.

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KnockYourBlogOff

Banned 11 years ago

You have to turn their negative energy into a positive and use their hatred as motivation. Know that if you stay focused you WILL be better off and they'll still be stuck in the same situation they were before.

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Shadowflux 11 years ago

If someone is holding you back then they have to go. It's that simple.

If you really want to succeed then you won't let anything hold you back. There have been plenty of times when people tried to discourage me from doing something. I ignored them. Most people will always try to pull you down because it's easier than pulling themselves up.

I don't care if it sounds harsh. You are directly responsible for your own success or failure, no one else.

You will find people who support you, believe in you and encourage you. These are the people you keep. The rest of them have to go.
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KnockYourBlogOff

Banned 11 years ago

YOU are going places, THEY are not

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winagain

11 years ago

Well, you get the most out of your friends and family. They can be supportive in other ways, and you need them in your life also.
Just ignore their advice when it comes to money. If they don't have any, they sure don't have good advice to give you!

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Vortex Creator

11 years ago

Looking at how many people are usually online on Warrior Forum (around 20'000ish) I believe the idea that people are holding us back is something we have to let go of. I don't think you have 20'000 people in your life trying to bring you down and if you did you'd be a freakin' beast!

Also, there has never been a better time to create than right now when "the waves of the ocean" are higher than ever, what we don't want and what we do want becomes clearer and clearer every day. And if everyone in this world learned to focus on what they did want, instead of what the other person wants and thus messing up their own focus, then we'd all be in pretty good shape and no-one would say "I have negative people in my life who are holding me back!!!111", they would all say "I have people in my life who think differently than I do, and I love the variety! Bring it on!"

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ab12

11 years ago

Im also starting to realize that there are just some people that you don't share your goals with.
Some people seem to go into an automatic negative rant as soon as you mention wanting to do something different and ambitious....

I'm choosing to choose people with more common goals....

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MarcusJohnson

11 years ago

I believe it's better to leave them alone, let it be. If you are determined to keep going, I guess people's opinion can't do anything about you moving forward. Never get things or people ruin your dreams because at the end of the day if everything gets successful they'll definitely be regretting what they were telling you. Its one way of telling them that you can make it.

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Andyhenry

11 years ago

Originally Posted by chriz

how do you deal with people holding you back and have negative influence on you and your thinking...

I think your question is your problem.

Other people cannot hold you back and they cannot affect your thinking........ unless you allow them to.

I do not think that you need to "cut negative people out of your life" and such, this is the sort of thing that weak-minded people feel is the answer, rather than own their own mindset.

The reality is - only YOU control your mindset. If you think other people do - then you will make that your reality.

So, stop thinking about whether you need to cut people out of your life - you don't.

All you need to do is focus on creating your success - and for those negative people around you - just don't tell them what you do.

If you really feel you have to talk to them about what you are doing then speak to them about it in a way they will understand and do not take any criticism to heart, afterall - they don't understand what you are trying to do, so their criticism is flawed and not something you should take.

Most people with negative mindsets do not realise how they communicate that negativity and they will probably think they are trying to help you when they put your efforts down. That's their problem - not yours.

Just get busy moving forward and don't feel bad about people who don't understand.

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jenn1

10 years ago

there are alot of reasons why people hold themselves back. It is like anything, even if you are trying to diet and you know it is the best thing for you to do, you can still sabatoge yourself in the process. Starting or running a business is the same thing and we are always looking at the people around us to see how we measure up or compare.
As much as we want success it also scares people, because it means change...and sometimes we are not always good with that.

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NoEndInsight

10 years ago

Throughout my journey in life, I have found that deep down people are insecure and jealous. The more I try to better myself as an individual, the more I get ridiculed by others. This is because in today's society(America), it is more encouraged to be a failure than a success. It is easier to eat unhealthy, watch tv, or just accept that you are not good enough.

Once you realize that, it become more and more clear why people react to your success the way they do. I recently just moved to Florida from Chicago. I did this to take myself out of my comfort zone and to get myself away from distractions. I now have the luxury of picking new friends that will only take me to the next level and help me succeed.

The hardest thing about this question would be having to deal with negative family members, because family is forever. I have a very supportive and entreprenurial minded father who only sees possibility, but a mother who only sees obstacles. So you have to find balance. Always taking risks can be bad, but so can not ever taking risks. So I just go to one of my parents for advice when I feel I don't have that proper balance.

Just remember to center your life around helping others. When your main goal is to help others succeed, it will be harder for them not to like or encourage you!

Just my opinion, hope that helps!

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erikasievert

10 years ago

If you can't remove them from your life, just ignore them as much as possible and prove them wrong when you become very successful and then tell them you can help them