How do you come over relationship issues?

39 replies
Hello Warriors,

I have been doing IM for 3 years now with a lot of fail and success. Finally I have managed to make enough p/m to live off just from the internet. Don't judge me because of my post count/thanks ratio. I'm just curious folk who needed a lot of confirmation/information from this forum.

And yes, I'm extremely thankful that I found it.

However, I'm about to destroy myself both mentally and physically. I just broke up with my girlfriend who was a life to me. We were together almost 5 years, unfortunately it has come to an end.

I've been struggling for almost 2-3 months now (after break up) to do some work again, but I can't.. I'm not eating, I'm not socializing and I'm like a freaking toy on my chair.

You probably think that I'm just a stupid kid, but I'm seriously desperate. Not desperate about making money, but desperate about my life.

I jsut CAN'T do work when my personal life is phucked up.

Any suggestions? Should I see doctor or just party hard and swallow down the sadness?
#issues #relationship
  • Profile picture of the author Plugin Profits
    Sorry to hear. Healing will take time. Though you don't have to let it stop you from working. Work is too essential.

    You might feel like you don't care and even want to destroy your life, though it's only temporary emotions talking. Later you'll regret it.

    You don't have to force yourself to work as much as you used to, though you can force yourself to at least focus for a few hours a day as a discipline. You don't have to feel good when you do, you just have to get it done. Lots of people go through heartbreaks and emotional pains and still have to show up to work each day or to University and continue on. Your problem is you work for yourself so you don't have the immediate threat of being fired for slacking off even a little. That lack of accountability can be dangerous when you feel emotional or self destructive. And being alone so much when you're hurting and lonely isn't good.

    On the plus side, you get to be alone when you feel emotional so you don't have to worry about hiding it, which can help you heal faster. You can also outsource a lot of your work and mindless time consuming tasks to free up your time to only the most essential tasks.

    Though don't let yourself be alone too much. Get out with your friends. Take a laptop to cafes and nice places with WiFi to be around others. Take walks. Force yourself to get to the gym. Force yourself to eat healthy. Don't let your emotions destroy you. You might have to force these things at first. You might only be able to do them for short periods before having to leave to be alone again or breaking down, though it'll get easier with time. Worst thing you can do is lock yourself up in your room and hide. I've been there. Having to leave the gym after only 5 min on the eliptical cause I would start crying again and have to go to my car to be alone and cry. Though you just have to keep doing as much as you can and continue on, even if it's more limited.

    If you need to see a therapist to have someone to talk to, it's ok also. Just don't do anything destructive like not work, not eat, or drink etc. It is only a phase and you'll get over it in time.
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    • Profile picture of the author mandos123
      Originally Posted by Plugin Profits View Post

      Take a laptop to cafes and nice places with WiFi to be around others. Take walks. Force yourself to get to the gym. Force yourself to eat healthy. Don't let your emotions destroy you. You might have to force these things at first. You might only be able to do them for short periods before having to leave to be alone again or breaking down, though it'll get easier with time. Worst thing you can do is lock yourself up in your room and hide. I've been there. Having to leave the gym after only 5 min on the eliptical cause I would start crying again and have to go to my car to be alone and cry. Though you just have to keep doing as much as you can and continue on, even if it's more limited.
      Wow, that's a great tip. I'm also a regular gym visiter, but I haven't been there much since the break up. And the Wi-Fi thing, hell yeah I'll use it to work outside.

      Thank you so much!
      Signature

      None

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    • Profile picture of the author ArinGoldstein
      Originally Posted by Plugin Profits View Post

      Sorry to hear. Healing will take time. Though you don't have to let it stop you from working. Work is too essential.

      You might feel like you don't care and even want to destroy your life, though it's only temporary emotions talking. Later you'll regret it.

      You don't have to force yourself to work as much as you used to, though you can force yourself to at least focus for a few hours a day as a discipline. You don't have to feel good when you do, you just have to get it done. Lots of people go through heartbreaks and emotional pains and still have to show up to work each day or to University and continue on. Your problem is you work for yourself so you don't have the immediate threat of being fired for slacking off even a little. That lack of accountability can be dangerous when you feel emotional or self destructive. And being alone so much when you're hurting and lonely isn't good.

      On the plus side, you get to be alone when you feel emotional so you don't have to worry about hiding it, which can help you heal faster. You can also outsource a lot of your work and mindless time consuming tasks to free up your time to only the most essential tasks.

      Though don't let yourself be alone too much. Get out with your friends. Take a laptop to cafes and nice places with WiFi to be around others. Take walks. Force yourself to get to the gym. Force yourself to eat healthy. Don't let your emotions destroy you. You might have to force these things at first. You might only be able to do them for short periods before having to leave to be alone again or breaking down, though it'll get easier with time. Worst thing you can do is lock yourself up in your room and hide. I've been there. Having to leave the gym after only 5 min on the eliptical cause I would start crying again and have to go to my car to be alone and cry. Though you just have to keep doing as much as you can and continue on, even if it's more limited.

      If you need to see a therapist to have someone to talk to, it's ok also. Just don't do anything destructive like not work, not eat, or drink etc. It is only a phase and you'll get over it in time.

      Yes, excellent points.
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  • Profile picture of the author Samsmiles
    I've been there too!

    What "Plugin Profits" says is the way to go...

    I never allowed my private life to interfere with my work as I'm allergic to poverty!
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    • Hello mandos123,

      I am sorry to learn about the ending of your five year relationship with the girl you loved.

      This is a very very difficult life lesson to have come along just now, but it is better sooner than later I think.

      Where you are getting slaughtered is in not only replaying the thoughts of the break up, and remembering those blessed "good times" over and over again, but in listening to and believing all the attendant downer thoughts that come along with them.

      There is a lady who went through something similar to what has happened to you and in her desperation something profound changed and she became a completely different human being from that point onward. Then she went into the desert. . . . Truthfully.

      She created a way to share "the way out of suffering one's own thinking". It involves deeply and sincerely asking yourself four basic questions laid out in a worksheet she developed after her awakening and then answering them.

      I invite you to go to her website by googling "the work" and engage in a simple work sheet as described there. You will be transformed. Seriously. There are also other resources including "the work facilitators" to talk to about "The Work" and your sorrows.

      Her web site is officially named "The Work of Byron Katie". I believe in every fiber of my being you will be helped enormously by her work in your life. I have personally seen too many human being's lives transformed from sorrow to joy not to believe this can't help you.

      May you be well,

      LLS
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  • Profile picture of the author cjalvarez91
    Carry on my friend, carry on.

    I know how you feel because I went through the same I end up doing a lot of mistakes because I couldn't cope with the reality. Today I look back, and wish I acted different, because all those mistakes are affecting me still today.

    So carry on, you can do it!
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    • Profile picture of the author berlin john
      For every problem there is a solution... plz do not think about what had happened in the past...love is stupid but not for everyone...i had undergone a lot of struggle s tha u have today i am so sry for that but still i would prefer u to go for meditation which will heal in couple of days......relax ur mind and forge everything.....hope you will overcome...
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  • Profile picture of the author ArinGoldstein
    Originally Posted by mandos123 View Post

    Hello Warriors,

    I have been doing IM for 3 years now with a lot of fail and success. Finally I have managed to make enough p/m to live off just from the internet. Don't judge me because of my post count/thanks ratio. I'm just curious folk who needed a lot of confirmation/information from this forum.

    And yes, I'm extremely thankful that I found it.

    However, I'm about to destroy myself both mentally and physically. I just broke up with my girlfriend who was a life to me. We were together almost 5 years, unfortunately it has come to an end.

    I've been struggling for almost 2-3 months now (after break up) to do some work again, but I can't.. I'm not eating, I'm not socializing and I'm like a freaking toy on my chair.

    You probably think that I'm just a stupid kid, but I'm seriously desperate. Not desperate about making money, but desperate about my life.

    I jsut CAN'T do work when my personal life is phucked up.

    Any suggestions? Should I see doctor or just party hard and swallow down the sadness?

    Compartmentalize between private and social.
    Meditate.
    Get out in Nature.
    Rinse and repeat.

    Also try and put things in perspective.

    I am sure there are many horror stories that people on here keep quiet about.
    Everyone has pain.

    I lost one of my oldest and best friends 3 weeks ago and yet I still have to keep a stiff upper lip and deal with work BS.

    So again, step away from computer, decompress regularly, breath and slowly keep healing.
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  • Profile picture of the author sarah23
    Very hard to maintain relationships.
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  • Profile picture of the author Aaron Doud
    I've been there and he is my advice based on what happened with me.

    1. Get and take St John's Wart. It might have been the placebo effect but it helped me and is cheap over the counter. Just believe it will help make you happy like I did.

    2. Accept you have hit rock buttom. This is likely the worst point in your life. Accept that and start moving up and out.

    3. Realize that even though it hurts if you truly look at the situation it is for the best. Anyone you love enough to destroy you like this has too much power over you. Always love yourself first and never compromise yourself. Looking back you will likely see you compromised yourself for her. I know I did.

    4. Get back out there. You don't need to find love. You don't even need to sleep with anyone but you need to start dating.

    It will take months. For me it was a 6 to 9 month process. Most of that before I did these 4 things.
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    • Profile picture of the author AnabelleFlorida
      Originally Posted by Aaron Doud View Post

      I've been there and he is my advice based on what happened with me.

      1. Get and take St John's Wart. It might have been the placebo effect but it helped me and is cheap over the counter. Just believe it will help make you happy like I did.

      2. Accept you have hit rock buttom. This is likely the worst point in your life. Accept that and start moving up and out.

      3. Realize that even though it hurts if you truly look at the situation it is for the best. Anyone you love enough to destroy you like this has too much power over you. Always love yourself first and never compromise yourself. Looking back you will likely see you compromised yourself for her. I know I did.

      4. Get back out there. You don't need to find love. You don't even need to sleep with anyone but you need to start dating.

      It will take months. For me it was a 6 to 9 month process. Most of that before I did these 4 things.

      So much good advice here in general, including this one above by Aaron.


      So ... Here Are My Top 5 Things To Do After A Breakup!


      * Frequent showers! Clears your energies!

      * Exercise! It gets you breathing deeper and better.

      * KNOW that this girl was not IT! If she was, she'd still be with you. Your girl is out there and you'll find each other some day.

      * Show yourself a little Respect and Love. Take care of yourself. Just do it.

      * Be Open And Not Afraid.




      Now Is Blessed ... The Rest Remembered - Jim Morrison


      I love you.
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      • Profile picture of the author heavysm
        Essentially the same happened to me. Broke with my girlfriend of 4 years, and it just happens that I'm in the middle of university and we go to the same school.

        The first month of the breakup was a little too emotional for my own standards, dream about her in my sleep and think about her while i was awake. Way too much on my mind.

        To help I started amping up the length of my meditations and workouts. I don't actively seek out a replacement, just because my business is booming and that is my concentration for now.

        It can seriously suck though. Exercising, doing lots of cardio and running to get your mind off things will help.
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        • Profile picture of the author Joe Mobley
          The best way to get over someone, is to get under someone.
          Joe Mobley
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          Follow Me on Twitter: @daVinciJoe
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  • Profile picture of the author Mrewards
    My story bro.Let the time heal it.
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  • Profile picture of the author TimothyTorrents
    Exercise.

    You will feel so much better after a good work out. And then actively go out of your way to find a new girl. Hit the clubs, bars, etc. Once you meet a new girl you won't find yourself obsessing about your ex and it will be easier for you to move on.

    I also noticed that working in coffee shops helps a lot. Switch up your work location. Get out and try different things. Don't let yourself get stuck in your room thinking about your ex. Get rid of things that remind her of you if they stop you from working, etc.

    It is not easy. But you can speed up the process. Think of it as a learning experience. "Well, that's that, time to move on with my life."

    Best of luck!
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  • Profile picture of the author andyredsox
    Happens to all of us once in a while...

    Not breaking up and all but relationship issues.

    When relationships end, it feels like the end of the world.

    It's not.

    You are on your road to healing. It takes time.
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  • Profile picture of the author datingworld
    very sensitive issue but one should carry on and let the time heal the relationships ups and downs.
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  • its all about learning to listen in order to understand..
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  • Profile picture of the author Robert02011
    From my view it only takes about 4 months to get over a relationship.You`ll meet someone who likes you for you.
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    I found one ??????http://successxxx.com

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  • Profile picture of the author king686
    Fill up your free time with work, work out and watching comedy. I found out work out can be one of the good way.. It tough at the moment but once you keep going forcing urself not to think about it. You will be getting better..
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  • Profile picture of the author Michael Ten
    Try this at your own risk. Take care of yourself. Determine what types of relationships you want. Then utilize infinite patience and perseverance in developing and building those relationships. Go join a gym and/or a dojo. I recommend Tai Chi and/or Aikido over anything else, personally.
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  • Profile picture of the author digmarket
    relationship issues are very sensitive..so one has to be compromised in order to maintain the relation stronger.if you feel the person is more important than your ego..then you will definitely compromise.
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  • Profile picture of the author Anne0521
    I'm sorry to hear about your break up. I've been into the same situation recently after the death of my grandfather. The burial was last friday and right now I'm at a loss. I can't focus on work and I've never been this lax over things especially on something that gives me money. Maybe the pain will ease one day but right now, all we have to do is to hold on and to take one step at a time.
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  • Profile picture of the author jewelrahman
    I would like to thanks to you that finally you have got your success and sorry to hear for your break up.I tried in my works for success but not get results what i want.I can not ask anybody what is my fault to reach my aims or goals.
    If anybody know or want me to help for any suggestion to develop please write me:

    Thanks
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    • Profile picture of the author klbunnell
      Break ups are the very hardest as they hit at the core. It feels like rejection of the very essence of who we are.

      There is a strong physiological response to traumatic events, like a break up and it throws you into a cycle of anxiety and depression. Depression is literally a state of your body, mind and physiology becoming "depressed". Everything slows down, and your energy level and motivation go in the tank.

      The good news is that you can improve the way you feel by changing your physiology, and the results can be almost immediate. You change your physiology by getting up and getting moving. Exercise is fantastic, and it can be as simple as a walk. Just the act of getting up and walking will make an immediate improvement. If it is too much to even think about taking a long walk, just get up and go get the mail...and you will find that by the time you get to the mailbox you feel 25% better. Walk a bit farther and you will feel 50% better.

      The second thing you can do is do something nice for someone else. This will help you in two ways:

      1. it feels good to serve and your body will release endorphins almost immediately.

      2. it puts things in perspective by allowing you to think of something outside yourself.

      Finally, talk to others, like those in this forum, and other friends and family. It helps you see things in a new way, and it releases anxiety to talk and that will help your physiology.

      Time will indeed heal all ills in time. In the mean time, get moving, serve someone (simple things, smile, carry their trash out, wash dishes etc), share your challenges with others that care.

      All the very best to you! Kenny
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  • Profile picture of the author Scherezade
    We all go through difficult experiences in life. What I find very important is to acknowledge our emotions. Don’t try to avoid what you feel. You feel sad and that is ok, it wont last forever, just need time to process the experience.


    I think also that everything in life happens for a reason. And sometimes we don’t take in off time to meditate on the experience because we want to get over as fast as possible. It really helps not just to overcome what you are going through now, but to avoid getting that experience again in your life, to analyze the relationship without judgment, what is the teaching behind the experience.


    When we go thought difficult experiences is always a lesson for us behind the experience, find what do you have to learn out of this, and this experience will be a growing experience that will bring more wisdom to your life. It will make you better and stronger.
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  • Profile picture of the author BruceFarthing1
    Very sorry to hear about your situation mandos... I once had bought a ring for a girl ... she ended up choosing another guy and it was almost the end of the world for me at the time. It actually took me years to overcome. Eventually - I fell in love again to someone better for me and now I have been happily married for over 21 years. Looking back now I can see it was for the best but I could not see it at the time. It gets a bit easier each month as time goes on.

    It may take a long time but you can get over her. Do what you can to keep going and take the advice from folks like Plugin Profits. Keep working - it is therapy in itself.
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  • Profile picture of the author joesfortune
    You remind of the time when I was so infatuated with a girl I thought I would go crazy if I can't have her.

    But time is a wonderful doctor. It heals well and permanently.

    Give yourself some time. Take a hike, a vacation maybe. Away from things that could remind you of her. Don't push yourself but just float until things will settle down and you will have a better perspective.

    Then think of what I do in situations like yours - There is a reason for everything.
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    Blogger and freelance writer. I belong to Ezine's Expert Author, Diamond, level. Visit me at
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  • Profile picture of the author TwinkleToes
    I myself faced relationship issues with my previous two partners and even sometimes I have with girl I am with now. Break up happened in previous two cases and one of them is very painful breakup. But I have moved on quite well. Actually these are parts and parcels of life. The common problems in relationship are lack of trust, lack of commitment from one partner, too much ego etc. First of all, build the trust but don’t be blind. Give them enough space so that they don’t feel suffocated. Don’t try to dominate them as a relationship is build on mutual commitment – here each on you has the same authority. Communicate in better way so no misunderstanding happens. Never lie to them and be honest to yourself. If you do something that you should not when in a relationship, then just imagine what you would think your partner would have done it. If breakup happens, first try to get back your partner in smart way. If all the techniques fail even after a considerable time don’t go for them. Instead find someone else
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  • Profile picture of the author canniffch
    I myself faced relationship issues with my previous two partners and even sometimes I have with girl I am with now. Break up happened in previous two cases and one of them is very painful breakup. But I have moved on quite well. Actually these are parts and parcels of life. The common problems in relationship are lack of trust, lack of commitment from one partner, too much ego etc. First of all, build the trust but don’t be blind. Give them enough space so that they don’t feel suffocated. Don’t try to dominate them as a relationship is build on mutual commitment – here each on you has the same authority. Communicate in better way so no misunderstanding happens. Never lie to them and be honest to yourself. If you do something that you should not when in a relationship, then just imagine what you would think your partner would have done it. If breakup happens, first try to get back your partner in smart way. If all the techniques fail even after a considerable time don’t go for them. Instead find someone else.
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  • Profile picture of the author natebunger
    It's definitely not stupid. We all went that road. Time will heal. Give "time" some time.
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  • Profile picture of the author Raydal
    Originally Posted by mandos123 View Post

    You probably think that I'm just a stupid kid, but I'm seriously desperate. Not desperate about making money, but desperate about my life.
    If you are in anyway feeling like hurting yourself then this means you
    need to seek out professional help. About every human who had been
    in a a relationship has gone through at least one breakup. It's a lot more
    common than you are thinking right now--and it's NOT the end of the
    world like it FEELS. So for sure time will heal you but if you are feeling
    really, really depressed seek out professional help.

    My last breakup before I met my wife taught me to play the piano.
    I used all my "breakup energy" in teaching myself to play the piano.
    I've never regretted it.

    -Ray Edwards
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  • Profile picture of the author ramona_livegood
    Everything said here is quite powerful as I myself have implemented these techniques. I'm sorry about your breakup. I myself went through a few breakups in the past, the hardest of all being a friend/love situation. It was an 8 year relationship from the time we met till we parted. The hardest I ever went through - EVER!
    Sometimes we hurt others and sometimes they hurt us is what I learned from that. I couldn't make her wrong or myself wrong. However, who I BECAME because of the breakup was even more powerful and eventually as years went by I considered that pain a gift because of what I learned.
    Take some time to feel sad, you are human after all. In addition to taking a shower like the above post mentioned which works great, try the following:

    1. Clean out your space!
    Every time I went through a breakup - a friend, lover, a company (yes I quit a few jobs that didn't work for me and not ashamed of it) - there is this period when you feel grief/sadness/emptyness like it is hard to see beyond the current situation. Clean clean clean your space.
    Cleaning your space will clean out old energy. Part of you that does not want to let go, is scared to see the beauty of what lies ahead. Grab courage. Courage is doing the right thing. For what ever reason, when something does not work, have the courage to either work it out or LET IT GO.
    2. Organize your space -
    This is going to help big time! Before you start with internet marketing, you want to feel EXCITED about internet marketing. Your energy and passion = VALUE! If you are going to provide value for others, you first have to realize yourself as a beautiful, valuable, passionate being, which at the heart of it, you already know. But sometimes a painful situation does not allow us to see we are more than what is going on around us.
    3 - Do some Identity work. For a long time, even though a few friends knew I am lesbian. (I'm a woman and I love women) I did not want to let anyone else know, and by any one else I mean the internet, the world, I didn't go out of my way to hide it, but you wouldn't find me on a forum like this sharing this freely. For me part of my current identity is - I'm a woman, I'm lesbian, I'm an internet marketer, I enjoy reading, I am a creator, I build stuff out of wood, I'm a builder, I cook, etc.. these are a few, find a few of your own. Including some ways you would like to be.
    What happens when you do identity work? You attract what is like you!

    All of this takes a little time! Create structures that work for you!

    4. Know you deserve to be happy! Life is gonna knock you many times.

    If you would like to talk, I'm here! I'm not a motivator or anything, but a good listening ear as I feel like even though I have gone through a lot, I know that with everyones situation, and in expanding my own world I may learn something. Plus would be cool to have more internet marketing friends!

    Hang in there!
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  • What I can suggest to you is that you must concentrate to your IM business and once you become successful many girls or young girls will come to you that's the one thing that you should come into your mind and don't let frustrations will overcome you just be patience and you must always think that its not the end of the world.
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  • Profile picture of the author Wade Harrell
    EVERYONE has had their heart broken. If it hasn't happened yet... It will. Ask anyone you know about when they had their hearts broken and they'll have a story to tell you.

    One day, you'll turn around and do it to someone else. I just broke up with a woman who has my name and my initials tattooed on her body. She's devastated. Life is crazy. Eventually, she'll get over it, just like you will get over it, just like I got over it when my heart was broken.

    My advice is avoid making the situation any worse. Avoid drugs, alcohol, and bad decisions. The pain is like a really bad fart... No matter how bad it is, it goes away after a while.
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    • Profile picture of the author natebunger
      Originally Posted by Wade Harrell View Post

      My advice is avoid making the situation any worse. Avoid drugs, alcohol, and bad decisions. The pain is like a really bad fart... No matter how bad it is, it goes away after a while.
      I like the way how you put it! It's something that will happen, we can't avoid it and once it's there, we just have to go through with it until it goes away. This applies to all kinds of pain and not just a broken heart. As long as you deal with it the right way, it'll be gone sooner than you expect it and if lucky, something better will come.
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  • Profile picture of the author CathyAnn
    Have you heard of Byron Katie and The Work? It's a powerful little process and could assist you. It has helped me at times and helped many. Her web site tells you how to do it. thework.com. At the bottom of the first column on the left is a link taking you do doing The Work.
    Be strong.
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