When a friend or family member asks you for a loan, what would you say?

15 years ago

Tell them to see the pawn shop, everyone has something that can get them through a tough patch.

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dlwebb610 15 years ago

Originally Posted by AtomicFlipper

Tell them to see the pawn shop, everyone has something that can get them through a tough patch.

I can see you've never been homeless.
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- wtrade18 15 years ago
  
  I would ask him or her...what can they do besides getting loan. It's too easy for them!
  
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Woody C

15 years ago

I would never loan a friend or family member money. This strains the relationship, which should be far more important that money ever could be. If you have it, and you know they will use it for a good reason then just give it to them.

Another option would be to show them how to create money ie teach a man to fish rather than give a man a fish.

In your example above, she wasn't offering food as a loan but rather as a gift for a friend in need. That, IMO, is how money should be treated as well, but only in cases where it is known exactly for what the money is being used and how it will help the person ie food will help the person continue to survive.

Personally, I have helped a few people by giving them a little bit of money then showing them how to invest and making that money work for them. They never asked for more and they even tried to pay me back more later. Sometimes knowledge is more valuable than material goods.

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1 Marketing

15 years ago

Giving loans most of the times creat tensions. Loan is called Scissor of Love...

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Greg Jacobs 15 years ago

If it is within my means, I will not loan them the money. because loans just cause tension

However I will agree to give them a gift. And if at a later time they choose to return the gift then good!

Once the money is out of my hand, I consider it gone. That is how you maintain good relations.

If it is beyond my comfortable means, then I just refuse.
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eric.watson

15 years ago

I had no problem in giving money to family and indeed giving freely of my time,
favours and advice to friends, until one day when I needed the same. It was like a bomb had gone off and no one to be seen. $30K to one brother in law and $17K to a brother no loan agreements, just trust. So, that will not happen again, I now believe that it is better for people to work their way out of through situations.

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Suzanne Morgan 15 years ago

Neither a borrower, nor lender be...... William Shakespeare got it right all those years ago. If people keep on asking you for money either you are a soft touch, or you need to change your friends. Unless you can give money without any expectation or need to have it back then no problems. I gave my sister a sum of money, not because she asked for it, but because I knew she needed it. It was given as a gift. I was happy to do so.
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markfoo76

15 years ago

Originally Posted by eric.watson

I had no problem in giving money to family and indeed giving freely of my time,
favours and advice to friends, until one day when I needed the same. It was like a bomb had gone off and no one to be seen. $30K to one brother in law and $17K to a brother no loan agreements, just trust. So, that will not happen again, I now believe that it is better for people to work their way out of through situations.

Wow Eric... I must say you're a very generous person. I'm glad you're making sure it won't happen again though. Some people just don't learn their lessons.

Cheers~

Mark

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eric.watson

15 years ago

Hi Mark

In giving to others there is also a lesson! So live and learn AND grow.

Cheers

Eric

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sm97os

15 years ago

Depends on which family member it is. Close family - no questions asked. Extended family, serious vetting process.

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pirdaus

15 years ago

i have some experience give my friend borrow my money
but they not pay back to me, that why right now i hardly
to give someone borrow money from me
sometime i feel i want strike person like that
you now..money is not easy to get

but sometime i feel sympathy to person really need money
i don no..that is not my problem

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Riz Caan

15 years ago

i used to have a big problem with all this but you know what if you are not ok with giving the money and possibly never seeing it then don't bother giving it.

I've had some people in the past who would try to take advantage of me and even if i said no they would make me out to be the bad guy...i soon realised that real friends dont put you in that guilt so i dumped those friends and live a much happier life.

there are times where maybe its an emergeny and you should help if you can but its best not to screw yourself up if you can't give the money comfortably.

and remember its ok to say NO and if someone holds that against you then what kinda friend are they? They should also be thinking about not troubling their pal.

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Riz Caan

15 years ago

oh this funny thing with this other friend...he always wants money from me cash, the easy way...he'll spend the whole day, waste my time and even take me to the cash point or bank if need be...i think i asked him for money once and he wanted to use my own details to do scams where he would profit too! i mean what a joke!

anyone who makes u feel like u owe them needs to take self responsibility and when u also give money or something u shouldn't expect any favours back.

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pabari

15 years ago

A few years back, I really helped this Friend, I was doing okay, and happy to help. As life takes it's turn, It was my turn and I needed some help. The friend who is now doing very well, Just point blank refused! Makes your wonder don't it just! - Well the point is would I help anyone in the future - Not sure on the one hand yes - forgive and forget but on the other - why bother. It's a funny world...

Take care, Raj the Londoner

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Pat-Graham

15 years ago

These rocky financial times have put several of my friends in trouble. When I've been in a jam, they've always bailed me out or provided what I needed to survive, like food, advice or money.

Now, when I know someone is having a difficult time, I try to provide what they need, whether it is money, food, a tank of gas or just a hug. I consider it a gift and do not expect to get repaid. I do believe in paying it forward.

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Nino C 15 years ago

Its better to give money to that friend then to give a loan...
this can cause serious relationship damage

Ive been there
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"Never explain - your friends do not need it and your enemies will not believe you anyway."
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Will Edwards

15 years ago

Yes - happened to me too. My policy: say 'yes' the 1st time. If you don't get paid back, then the answer is no subsequently.

Will

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Brian W. Wang

15 years ago

I've had experiences like that. I usually do not loan large amounts of money to anybody. I know some people out there might think I'm stingy, but I worked hard for my money and I'm not going to lend it out just because someone asked me to.

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kobe24

15 years ago

Giving money out to help someone is always a tricky decision. You are not sure if you are going to get the money back, you are not sure if the money you are giving to the person will actually help, and you are not sure if you will ever have the same relation with that person again.

But if you must loan out money who better to loan it out to than your own family members. I dont know about you all, but I would much rather help a family member of mine than a friend. So to answer your question, when a family member asks for a loan, if you can afford it say YES!

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BlueStar Banned 15 years ago

When you have Millions and your entire family knows it forget about not lending money.

You can't say you don't have it or can't afford when everyone knows you can.

The best you can do is help them organize their finances, work out a payback plan, then write the check, and hope you see 10 cents on the dollar if they ever pay you back.

If they don't pay me anything back nor attempt to, the bank is officially closed with NO guilt.
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- Ricky Allen 15 years ago
  
  Hi Warriors
  
  Well so far I guess I am closest to Blue Stars way of thinking.
  
  Now I have to say I have a small close family who have never asked me for money but I am in the fortunate position of being able to give them whatever they need if they do ask.
  
  And if they asked I would.
  
  Ricky "The Ebook Generator" Allen
  
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Jezabel

15 years ago

I lent $50 to a friend once, she said I'll get it back in 3 days but it actually took her 2 years to pay me back. Needless to say I wont be lending her any money in the near future. But family is a completely different thing since I only have 10 close family members. If they need money I'll just give it to them and I never expect them to pay me back cause I know they would do the same thing for me.

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dorothydot 15 years ago

"If it is within my means, I will not loan them the money. because loans just cause tension

However I will agree to give them a gift. And if at a later time they choose to return the gift then good!

Once the money is out of my hand, I consider it gone. That is how you maintain good relations.

If it is beyond my comfortable means, then I just refuse."

I very much agree with you... but with one caveat: family and close friends like family only get this kind of gift.

Loans always create tension. If I have money and someone I love is hurting for lack of money, I want to do the gift thing if possible. But I also have a sil who's a con artist - steals from anyone, esp. mil whom she lives with. [stole mil's electric bill payments & left mil in the sweltering dark for 2 weeks! till dh stepped in & got the Church to help] - so I'd pay a bill directly for mil rather than give them the money to pay a bill.

Totally depends on the family member involved, right? But if the need is there, and you have the funds to comfortably help... I say do it! as a gift for your family and dearest friends.

Dot
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1 Marketing

15 years ago

Some time your stuck up with a situation in which neither you can't refuse a friend or relative the what he or she is asking for nor you can hide, what they are looking for...

I have been stuck in such a situation once and got out of it by plain refusal... But this resulted in ending up with my best friend. Now he doesn't see me any more.

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virtuallywork

15 years ago

I would say that I have all my money tied up and have no money to spare. However, here is twenty dollars to get you some food today and tomorrow while you find a solution to your troubles. You do not have to pay this back... And then I would tell them that they need to maybe do some odd jobs...post free classifieds about services they can offer. And then I would fly to another country for two weeks so they could not call me!!!

Besides, they cannot go on thinking that others will support them. If they are honorable, I probably would give them the money--and tell them that this is a one-time thing...So do not ask again. I would actually give them enough for whatever they need the money for and a little bit more so that they can have gasoline to do odd jobs or such.

I guess, I may sound harsh--but people will take advantage if you allow them. You have to do the "tough love" thing to put a stop to it and I really suggest whether or not you give them any money that you "nip it in the bud" as My Dad used to tell me.

Good Luck!

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usualcliche

15 years ago

I find that karma plays a big role in my life and the choices i make in life. If someone asks me for a loan and It won't break my bankroll then sure. There is also a limit to my kindness and if it's used and not appreciated you'll find out the well went dry. Overall Karma is a good thing....help at least one person a day and the tide will change for you trust in karma!

I also would give the shirt off my back for family/friends but thats because i have a very close connection with my family/friends..etc

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TeddyP

15 years ago

Family is tricky - I didn't get to choose my family so some of them might not be the most scrupolous. I would definitly lend money to some, while others i wouldn't. With my family it has to be a case by case scenario.

As for my friends, I would lend money to any of them in my inner circle without batting an eye. We are all extremely tight and I was able to choose who my friends were so my inner circle is full of people I trust, love and are great/honest people. If they weren't, they wouldn't be my close friend.

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pro.it.media

14 years ago

I just gave a friend 308 dollars for emergency tooth surgery, he had an exposed nerve

anyways took him almost a full year to pay me back, but he did it.

What are friends for hey?

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michaelpotter

14 years ago

A difficult question this one. But lending money will cause tension, depends on how close you are etc. and if you have the spare cash. If I was loaded and someone close needed help I would just give it to them. It is far better to give than recieve someone said once.

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saintsguy 14 years ago

If it was a very close family member facing an emergency, then I would give them the money. I would not expect to be paid back. If they actually repaid the money I would just consider it as a bonus.
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he_who_brings_order

14 years ago

Simply I do not give, unless I know this person situation, and I know that he will return.

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ian rowe

14 years ago

I loaned my family member once and when I asked for it back they said that I was cheeky to ask for it as we are family, we then had a big argument and the relationship is not what it used to be, and that was over ten years ago.never again....

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swilliams09

14 years ago

I watched my father loan money to my uncles and other family members until they finally started demanding money. He had to cut them all off and it strained the relationships. Mind you none of them ever paid him back, they just wanted hand outs. He said this to me. "never loan friends or family money that you need or that you expect to get back, if you do get anything back, even a thank you, consider yourself fortunate."

There are very few people who I will loan money to, and if I do I consider it a gift so there will be no hard feelings.

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zahra

Banned 14 years ago

[DELETED]

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Life Quaker 14 years ago

It depends on the situation. It's definitely true it can strain relationships. When I was a bit younger, my aunt and her family were having issues so my parents offered to let them stay in a house we had. When they got back on their feet they wanted rent, but my aunt often skipped payments etc. They eventually kicked them out, and stopped talking for a year (though, we have a close family so all was forgiven in a year or so). They offered cheap rent for my grand-parents when they had issues too.

Personally, I've not had too many problems. I've loaned money to friends (generally, I'm weary of loaning too much though) and have received prompt money back - and they tend to give me extra too (just a few weeks ago, a friend brought me loads of bars of chocolate after paying me back - I'm a chocoholic)

But, I actually don't like to give loans, or get loans. (though I do get loans...) It makes others feel they 'owe' me something...or makes me 'owe' others. Since I'm still very young, I value my freedom more than "responsibility" and so don't like to impose that on others or myself. So, in many cases - if I know they really need the money I just give them the money. (I give to charity regularly, and don't see it as much different) I'm far too generous with my money, really - and odd, since I don't really have any proper source of income...yet keep coming the money does.
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markfoo76

14 years ago

Originally Posted by zahra

My grand father say "Teaching some body fishing , is much better than giving him a fish", but for me actually i can`t refuse to help a friend or one relative for me , i know that may be wrong but it`s my nature.

Hi Zahra,

There's actually nothing so right or wrong about helping a friend or relative financially. But just that if we were to do so, then we should be prepared that we'll never have that money back.

Cheers~

Mark

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DjCrazySexy

14 years ago

I'd either give them the money they need...expect no pay back...

or simply reply no...

never make a loan to family...you not only loose money, and family as well...just not worth it..

Han

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Kenster

14 years ago

Tough question.

If its a little money, then I give it to them and never expect it to be returned. If its a lot, I will refer them to my banker and explain the obvious reasons why I wouldnt want to lend myself. I will go out of my way to help them secure a good fair loan and they will appreciate the effort and understand.

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JRecard

14 years ago

I learnt the hard way.

I am owed to this day over 20K in loans that I gave to people in trust...

I WAS a push over.

But then I read something someday that changed my thinking and now I don't lend money to ANYONE (Well if my mother or father... but they are smart with money anyway)

I live by one rule.

- - I never steal from myself - -

Essentially thats what I did/have done. Just as bad as stealing from anyone else. You are also a person, just as important as anyone else.

Do do yourself a favor and don't steal from yourself.

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markfoo76

14 years ago

Originally Posted by JRecard

I learnt the hard way.

I am owed to this day over 20K in loans that I gave to people in trust...

I WAS a push over.

But then I read something someday that changed my thinking and now I don't lend money to ANYONE (Well if my mother or father... but they are smart with money anyway)

I live by one rule.

- - I never steal from myself - -

Essentially thats what I did/have done. Just as bad as stealing from anyone else. You are also a person, just as important as anyone else.

Do do yourself a favor and don't steal from yourself.

Hi JRecard,

Damn... 20K is a lot of money to lend out, even if over an extended period of time! I'm glad you've learnt NOT to lend anyone any money now, with your parents being the exception of course.

I like the theory "Never Steal From Myself". That sounds very logical. Let me know where you read that. It sounds interesting. Thanks.

Cheers~

Mark

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forwardtherapy

14 years ago

I think it really depends on who is asking, your experience with them, what they want it for and cultural factors.

In some cultures it is expected that certain family members would lend to others.

If someone needed money for drugs however, I don't think providing it is helpful.

There are people in my family I would be honoured to lend money to, or even give it to, as they had helped me so much in the past.

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RJ.Moff

14 years ago

Depends how much i have at the time

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cg101

14 years ago

I have had family ask for loans and all that matters to me is that asking isn't abused. If you need it and I have it then I will give it. Everything is balance and you can tell often times when you are someone's gravy train and as long as my perception isn't as such then I don't mind helping others that need some help from time to time.

Originally Posted by markfoo76

Have you had any experience when you lent someone money but never got it back? I've had a number of that kind of experiences. That is why I hardly lend anyone money nowadays.

Yes, it may be tough to turn down requests - as always - but it is absolutely necessary to do so.

Any help involving money will almost always spoil a relationship. Of course that's not the point. This kind of relationship is not worth keeping anyway.

Offering favours is always better than offering money. I remember that I once asked a colleague of mine jokingly, "I think I might need to seek financial help from you."

You know what her reply was? She said, "I don't think offering financial help is a good idea. But if you're so broke that you can't feed yourself, I'll buy you food."

I was actually very touched upon hearing her offer. I always knew that lending someone money is never a good idea because I'd had a number of bad experiences myself. My colleague thought I was for real so I understood where she's coming from.

More importantly, she didn't turn me down plainly. She did offer to help, albeit in a more unconventional way. And she didn't say it to brush me off. I could feel her sincerity!

Sure there might be some exceptional cases like there's this friend who'd always paid back promptly or a family member whom you'd have to help no matter what.

A few exceptional cases are fine. Just refrain from turning too soft. It's not going to do you any good.

So, when someone asks you for a loan, what would you do?

Cheers~

Mark

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AP

14 years ago

[DELETED]

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markfoo76 14 years ago

Originally Posted by AP

If I give you an extra $10,000 do you Promise to stay away from me forever?

Hi AP,

What do you mean by that?

Cheers~

Mark
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noodle2005

14 years ago

If i had the money then i would help out immediate family but i wouldnt feel comfortable if it was just a friend. I have seen in the past where a mate has borrowed money of a really good friend, then theres been a problem paying it back in time or whatever and then things have never been the same between the two again which has made things a little frosty and awkward at weddings and other get togethers etc

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When a friend or family member asks you for a loan, what would you say?

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