What the hell happens to our confidence when we "grow up "??

11 years ago

This post resonates well with me.

When I was a kid I was always typing on my old school typewriter and giving speeches to other kids in school. I never really thought about it, it was just something I did. I loved to write and I loved to speak.

When I got to my teen years things took a nasty turn. I still liked to speak and write, but people didn't respond well to me. I realize now that I was talking way more than I should have, considering my shifting opinions caused by puberty and growing up. My writing took a nasty turn as well. Most of my writing was full of angst and resentment. And the main problem was that I was way too eager to share this resentment with everyone. Hence there was a big backlash and I was aggressively pushed down from my soap box.

It took a decade of maturing and study before I dared to open my mouth again. And since then it has been a nonstop learning experience. Partially getting back to my roots with writing and speaking, but at the same time growing and trying to master my craft.

I still have a long road ahead of me, but I enjoy every step I take.

I think people should remember who they were before they were taught out of it. Odds are that the passions you have still lie in the same place they did then. They deserve to be re-examined.

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Odahh

11 years ago

hello,
i am a pain ..but can i ask if you went the getting married ..having a kid and getting a "real" job ..before the internet thing was in your view ..

otherwise the purpose of the education system is to strip away self confidence and imprint compliance

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the brewer 11 years ago

You don't know any different when you are young. If you want to do something you do it. Like two of you said you did something that was actually quite unique amongst your peers (speaking or making money) but you didn't really appreciate what you were doing at the time.

When your younger you don't think about what could go wrong; you do something because you love it and it seems like a good idea at the time.

The older you get the greater the outside influences and voices of others you become exposed to. In many instances what you are being told is to conform and that to stick you head above the parapet too much and you will get your head chopped off.

You go to school, then maybe higher education that leads to a graduate program and then a steady job. At times people within the process people may think this feels wrong to them but other people tell them they are doing the right thing and it is what most other people are doing anyway.

It is easy to caught in conformity and even though something may not always feel right about it. You brush it off. My sister works in the care industry and the older people she looks after tell her that they "wish they hadn't lived their lives for others and done what they wanted to do" or "do it now when you still have your health".

It is almost like they are reflecting as the original poster....what happened to the exuberance of youth. Why did they not go with what they really wanted.

The confidence of the young is slowly taken away by outside influences at an age when you are impressionable and want to fit into the "real world".

It takes a leap of faith to break free from that line of thinking and strike out on your own. Do what you want. Don't put it off till tomorrow. There will always be 100 reason "why I can't do it just now".

But there is 1 big reason to always make that leap...it will make you happy.
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- cajtrixie 11 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by the brewer
  
  When your younger you don't think about what could go wrong; you do something because you love it and it seems like a good idea at the time.
  
  This is a big reason why kids can be incredibly creative, and it gets harder and harder to tap into that as we get older.
  
  When you're a kid, you just do, because you can and want to! Then you have to worry about grades, but you can manage that. Then you start caring what the other kids think, because either you get picked on or see someone else getting picked on, and realize that if you stand out, you might be targeted. So instead, you learn to fit in. You survive. You conform.
  
  Then your focus shifts to boy/girlfriends and being what THEY want you to be. Then grades become more important - you have no future without good grades, and you can't get good grades without being a model student! Again, it becomes about what everyone else thinks that you should be. College is your chance to rebel, but in the end, it's the same thing. No degree = no job, so you'd better get your butt in gear and do as we say!
  
  I'm not saying that it's bad; it's what keeps society going. But that's exactly why so few people realize that they can break out and be different. They don't need a full-time desk job to survive. They don't NEED what everyone says that they do to live and be happy. It just takes one influence to push people past that boundary, someone who has been there and surpassed it, but there are so few of them that they can only touch so many people.
  
  Conformity keeps our society going, and the people who break away from that are the ones who keep life interesting for the ones who conform (although they may never appreciate it). ^_~ lol
  
  Personally, I'd rather be interesting. ^_^ hahahaha
  
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steverich

11 years ago

Hey Odahh.

Yes of course,
I did what I was 'told' to do!

Even though It made me miserable and depressed (the 'job' bit not the family :-))
beacause I KNEW I was destined for 'more that this'.

I went down that line because pretty much Everyone told me I was crazy to dream !
even friends and family!

Let me tell you It took some considerable doing to break out and give it a try!!!
one main reason I guess because I didn't want to prove them right!!!

Glad I bloody did though!!

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Odahh

11 years ago

Originally Posted by steverich

Hey Odahh.

Yes of course,
I did what I was 'told' to do!

Even though It made me miserable and depressed (the 'job' bit not the family :-))
beacause I KNEW I was destined for 'more that this'.

I went down that line because pretty much Everyone told me I was crazy to dream !
even friends and family!

Let me tell you It took some considerable doing to break out and give it a try!!!
one main reason I guess because I didn't want to prove them right!!!

Glad I bloody did though!!

everything has a price . and if you forgive me for using me for useing my internet esp ..to ask more about you personally .

I wonder if you chose to go on your own but didn't burn the ships .

so for the family that mattered you where able to say.. look let me do this and if it does not work i can get another job easy enough .

skills and abilities that allow you to get shit done ..are far more important than high intellect that cannot be applied to create value .

now when you where working for others did you also do the crap job most others where not willing to do .. that sucked but taught you something

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steverich

10 years ago

Originally Posted by Odahh

everything has a price . and if you forgive me for using me for useing my internet esp ..to ask more about you personally .

I wonder if you chose to go on your own but didn't burn the ships .

so for the family that mattered you where able to say.. look let me do this and if it does not work i can get another job easy enough .

skills and abilities that allow you to get shit done ..are far more important than high intellect that cannot be applied to create value .

now when you where working for others did you also do the crap job most others where not willing to do .. that sucked but taught you something

Hey Odah,

I would never condone burning your Bridges,.. or ships !

Not at least until you are pulling a regular income from this!

I am very lucky in as far as i have a job which I LOVE and still do!...(all be it part time)
and I still use my 'offline' ventures from time to time when I KNOW it's going to be a big payday!

But as far as this business goes..... I guess I'll consider it to be on the way to successful when It can support us without any subsidies from other ventures.

As I said in the original post, All my confidence, over the years has been slowly but surely eroded away!

The skills and abilities which I now have, which enable me to "GET **IT Done!" came soley from me deciding enough is enough!!
and developing a procedure which my disorganised mind could actually follow!!

All the best

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sunchangping

11 years ago

Originally Posted by Odahh

hello,
i am a pain ..but can i ask if you went the getting married ..having a kid and getting a "real" job ..before the internet thing was in your view ..

otherwise the purpose of Diablo 3 Gold the education system is to strip away self confidence and imprint compliance

before the internet thing was in your view ..

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John Jonas Phil VA

11 years ago

One of the biggest lies I heard growing up is if I did everything I should do and followed what everybody thought was the best model for success, I would be happy.

I tried that route and I ended up being miserable. I was always sick, I barely had time for my husband and my child, and worst of all, I felt like my life had no meaning.

Then I decided to map a different direction for my life. It doesn't fit in to society's model of success, but my husband and I are happy, I'm earning well, and I'm doing something I know is making a positive impact in the world.

I think we and society as a whole has to stop pushing conformity as a norm. It's a good option, a popular option, but it's not for everyone. Let's encourage more individuals and take risks and to make their own paths. I think the world would end being better for it =)

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laurencewins

11 years ago

Kids feel they are indestructible and can do anything. As we get older, we find that we can't do everything because we start to notice failure around us and many people succumb to the negative effects.

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FeelGoodIQ

11 years ago

Good post Steve. I too have thought deeply about this. It's almost like society sucks the mojo out of us. Most of us are taught to go to college, get a job, raise a family, buy a house and try not to go into debt. I'm a fairly educated guy, have had decent success in my career, but I've had jobs in my career that caused me to have many months if not years of self doubt because the bar is set so high even your own boss would never achieve what they set out for you, but somehow they expect you to. Anything short of that becomes a failure and when it comes to annual review time you're reminded of what you didn't achieve moreso than what you actually did achieve. No such thing as perfection but somehow we think we should be perfect. Wish I had the answer.

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dad2four

11 years ago

Originally Posted by FeelGoodIQ

Good post Steve. I too have thought deeply about this. It's almost like society sucks the mojo out of us. Most of us are taught to go to college, get a job, raise a family, buy a house and try not to go into debt. I'm a fairly educated guy, have had decent success in my career, but I've had jobs in my career that caused me to have many months if not years of self doubt because the bar is set so high even your own boss would never achieve what they set out for you, but somehow they expect you to. Anything short of that becomes a failure and when it comes to annual review time you're reminded of what you didn't achieve moreso than what you actually did achieve. No such thing as perfection but somehow we think we should be perfect. Wish I had the answer.

My experience mimics yours to the letter.

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dad2four 11 years ago

I have a 17 year old that discussing going to college.

His mom and I are not together, she pressures him to go the college route.

She ofcourse never attended college.

I did up to a Masters.

I encourage him NOT to go to college.

I advise him that if he truly wants an education that will provide him the life he wants that thanks to the internet he can learn anything he wants free. Heck, MIT has their entire cirriculum available on line FREE from what I understand. I have heard about a site called Khuna or something along those lines that educates free. The Warrior Forum is invaluable if this is the type of life you want.

Aside from all of this.

IMHO the best education is to make money.

While he is young he has the opportunity to expirement. He can live under my roof and does not have to fear failure.

He builds things like electric skateboards and quadcopters.

He has a nack for raising plants (legal ones) and aquariums (salt and fresh).

At one point he started supplying live rock to salt water aquarium enthusiasts. He started with rock he found in the woods, then when the supply ran out he found a supplier in Florida and was buying 500 lbs at a time.

He had a decent customer base. I was encouraging him to increase product line and sell live food or perhaps some piece of equipment like skimmers.

He was doing well, then some guy that bought rock from him had his tank crash and he blamed the rock. The guy trashed my kid in forums and other sites around town. An aquarium shop on the forum backed him up since my kid was taking business from them.

In the end he got frustrated and folded to his moms pressure to get a job.

I've worked hard to help him understand that he needs to get up, dust himself off and start again.

Anyway, sorry to babble, just adding to the conversation about life and how experiences mold you and the safety of working for someone else in the end lures so many in.
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dad2four

11 years ago

Originally Posted by steverich

.....Better go before I say something stupid :rolleyes:

I could have written what you wrote word for word with the exception of the part about it being in your past.

This is me now.

Fear of letting everyone that depends on me down prevents me from diving head long into what I'd rather be doing; so I burn the candle at both ends trying to make something start to work enough so that I have confidence that I can jump and not splat at the bottom.

I feel that my best hours are spent building someone elses empire and making their family rich.

Meanwhile, my empire is yet to exist.

Have some more wine tonight and say something stupid. I bet I wouldn't think it was stupid at all.

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steverich

11 years ago

Originally Posted by dad2four

I could have written what you wrote word for word with the exception of the part about it being in your past.

This is me now.

Fear of letting everyone that depends on me down prevents me from diving head long into what I'd rather be doing; so I burn the candle at both ends trying to make something start to work enough so that I have confidence that I can jump and not splat at the bottom.

I feel that my best hours are spent building someone elses empire and making their family rich.

Meanwhile, my empire is yet to exist.

Have some more wine tonight and say something stupid. I bet I wouldn't think it was stupid at all.

He He

thanks.
No wine tonight....... but I will be back with some more deep thinking rants soon enough

It's hard! no doubt about it!
I felt ashamed of even trying ! because of being told I was 'stupid' for even thinking such things!! ......(and that's from 'loved ones' !!??)

Like I say, I spent close to 10 years being crushed into compromise, while all the while KNOWING I could do it!!

In the end to make the break and GET IT DONE! I was getting up at 4.00 in the morning to "work" in secret before anyone else got up!!

When you have a burning desire you gotta act however you can!!
I am determined to have a successful online business I can be PROUD of !!
instead of sneaking around.

I am not there yet, not by a long chalk....... BUT I've made the break, and I'll be there SOON!

And you will too if you believe and keep at it!!

Steve

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ViralMediaBoost

11 years ago

I don't have much confidence really around people anyway i'm a bit nervous since i have had a few problems earlier on in life but oh well i love life so who cares?

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joesfortune

11 years ago

On the average, it is better than we were young. When we were young, we did not have confidence. We had the innocence of youth.

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Brandon Lukas

11 years ago

The biggest hurdle everyone needs to overcome to find success like I did, was when I got out of my comfort zone. Which to get out of your comfort zone you have to believe, and to believe you have to have the right mindset!

When you have the right mindset and start believing you start to take action and not do things you've gotten all soo comfortable doing. Which has gotten you no where!

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LastingLifeSuccess

11 years ago

Good point about the disappearance of our confidence. Well, diminishment at least.

But, it sounds like you got a grip on that situation and are coming around to good fortune.

You communicate well when you have had a few glasses of wine. I liked that too.

LLS

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MatthewBass

11 years ago

I think the answer is in your post title. What happened is we "grew up". The problem is - while we were growing up we received input from our families, friends and the world around us that changed our confidence. Every word that was spoken within earshot, and everything we saw in those early years literally made us who we are at the present moment.

As children we thought anything was possible, but now we know certain things as adults. I think the key is getting back to being a kid and letting go of all of the adult baggage. Because truthfully, we are just as capable of great success today as we were when we were children, but as children we hadn't heard words like: no, can't, shouldn't, etc. millions of times.

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adcnet

11 years ago

I know what happened to me - as I got older and started reading lots of business books and how to's, I ended up questioning too much this crushed my creativity and my ability to JUST DO IT.

This is what 90% of MMO peeps do I think - they question to many things, will this work, how much can I make, what happens when...,should I build links, what software should I use. God the list goes on....

It does annoy me I have to say - Just get on with things!

Its better to learn by jumping in - dont wait and dont procrastinate it will KILL YOUR BUSINESS.

I have done more in the past 3 months than in the last 3 years!

Stop reading and start DOING!

That reminds me...I'm letting this Forum Time Sink ME!!