Trouble discussing my beliefs

14 replies
Hi there,

I have issues fully expressing my own unusual norms and beliefs without getting defensive about it. When I want to discuss a topic which most people disagree on, yet I believe otherwise, then I cannot think and argue freely and I don't think fast enough to come up with the right words to say what I think.

Even though, when I write it down I can come up with good arguments, I can't think fast enough to express them verbally.

How can I become better in arguments? I have a rich inner knownledge about the world and the human mind yet I fail to convince anybody about my beliefs.
#beliefs #discussing #trouble
  • Profile picture of the author CG Tsang
    Originally Posted by Tuzzz94 View Post

    have a rich inner knownledge about the world and the human mind yet I fail to convince anybody about my beliefs.
    This statement is contradictory.

    Someone with good knowledge of the human mind would easily be able to convince anyone.

    I suggest to read books on selling and persuasion.

    You also look like you lack confidence and have low self esteem. All read some stuff on these.

    Good luck.

    Cheers,

    C.G.
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    • Profile picture of the author glennshep
      It does sound that you have some difficulty with confidence in those situations. Even when we know a lot about a subject and have firm conviction, if we find ourselves in a discussion with people who also have strong opinions, even if they have no basis for what they say other than a domineering approach to the discussion, then it can be difficult to gather our thoughts and address the discussion with confidence and authority.

      I recommend you get hold of the classic "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie, it's an excellent book.
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  • Profile picture of the author Odahh
    well , take this how you will as i have personally gotten away from most arguing and attempting to convince

    functionally the more time and energy you use trying to get people who have no desire to agree with you to agree with you ..the less time you actually work from your beliefs ..and do anything productive .

    i still get into discusions ..but it is not my job to get people to agree with me..the need to argue rests more in the desire to convince ourselves we really believe what we say we believe
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    • Profile picture of the author sitback
      Originally Posted by Odahh View Post

      well , take this how you will as i have personally gotten away from most arguing and attempting to convince

      functionally the more time and energy you use trying to get people who have no desire to agree with you to agree with you ..the less time you actually work from your beliefs ..and do anything productive .

      i still get into discusions ..but it is not my job to get people to agree with me..the need to argue rests more in the desire to convince ourselves we really believe what we say we believe
      Tuzzz94, I have to agree with Odahh, if you have a rich inner knowledge about the world and the human mind then you would not have to convince anybody about your beliefs, that is connected to ego.

      The need to argue is negative, accept your beliefs and use them to live your life and enjoy, by all means voice your opinion if in a discussion, but do not get pulled into and argument, just to try and convince others that you are right.

      You are right in your mind, but you will never be right in everyone's mind.
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  • Profile picture of the author DJL
    It may also be that your beliefs are absurd, and therefore your arguments are unconvincing.
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    None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free.
    --Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, Elective Affinities (1809)

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  • Profile picture of the author vtte
    I think people are smart enough to decide for themselves what they want to believe, the best you can do is offer something on their table, not force them to take it.
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  • Profile picture of the author Jonathan 2.0
    Banned
    Practice.

    The more you practice "voicing your opinion" the easier (and more efficient) it becomes.
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    "Each problem has hidden in it an opportunity so powerful that it literally dwarfs the problem. The greatest success stories were created by people who recognized a problem and turned it into an opportunity."―Joseph Sugarman
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    • Profile picture of the author Dain Supero
      Originally Posted by Jonathan 2.0 View Post

      Practice.

      The more you practice “voicing your opinion” the easier (and more efficient) it becomes.
      I agree 100%. This has nothing to do with confidence and everything to do with competence. Being able to convert thoughts into effective verbal messages is a skill like any other.

      He's talking about debating here. Not every day talk. Obviously he has confidence in his messages if he can write them and think well of them.

      You get better at basketball by playing basketball. You get better at debating by debating.

      Practice.
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      Visit http://www.bettermindbodyself.com for proven advice and techniques to elevate your mind, body, and self-image.

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    • Profile picture of the author LastWarrior
      Tuzzz94,

      I wish you had been more specific as to what areas you speak of when talking to people and having these conversations. It would enlighten a bit as how to answer more direct instead of guessing.

      I for one spend very little time in arguing or trying to persuade someone to do something or think a certain way...like towards my belief, etc. When it comes to sales it's a bit different because the client isn't being argumentative, but more so expressing their belief, misinformation or misconceptions about something. In this scenario I'm explaining to them how the misconception or paradigm isn't the way they had thought in hopes that what I have to offer is something they need.

      It just dawned on me this very second that I had similar problems too, whereas when trying to "argue" with someone, I couldn't express through my lips what my mind was thinking and later on I could think of something real good. This went away, apparently, as I never thought about until now. What helped I believe is 3 things:

      1.) My confidence and self-esteem grew
      2.) The more I engaged in such talks, aka, arguments, I got better
      3.) The area in question was something I knew a lot about

      Activity breeds results. Activity breeds familiarity and being familiar with something grows your confidence. Confidence breeds success.

      Also, pay no attention to the few who said you don't have a rich understanding of the inner knowledge of the world and mind. You may actually do, but if you look at the 3 I listed above, they could be what's holding you back.

      LastWarrior
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    • Profile picture of the author heavysm
      Originally Posted by Jonathan 2.0 View Post

      Practice.

      The more you practice "voicing your opinion" the easier (and more efficient) it becomes.
      Debating (arguing) endlessly with my philosophy peers can give you a thick skin for coming up with responses to criticisms of your argument.

      I enjoy asking the other party a ton of questions and intermingling my views throughout my response. Make them defend their beliefs rather than single handedly defending your own.

      You also need to know your stuff down pat 100%. Knowing your stuff in writing but not verbally isn't fully knowing it.

      Talk to yourself in the mirror saying it. I've done this and it takes the edge off of facing others when you previously weren't as comfortable/confident.

      But if there is any hint of unclarity (or point where your argument fails) in your idea it will come out in conversation if you get deep enough, so be ready for that.

      Most of all though, try to remember the points where you tend to lose out in arguments. Learn to strengthen those points in the future so that when/if they come up again, and surely they will if they're your beliefs, you will be ready.

      Each conversation is a building block either toward strengthening your current beliefs, or replacing them with stronger ones.
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  • Profile picture of the author Salada325
    I think the best way to convince people of your beliefs is to live them out. When people hear you voice your beliefs, and then they watch you live them out consistently and with integrity, I think that's when you begin to sway people's opinions. You're not the only one who struggles with confidence or effective verbal communication. But, as you work on practicing those skills (a la Johnathan 2.0), you have the way you live your life to fall back on. But, if convincing or converting someone is your end-game, I don't think you'll ever succeed solely by debating them. People hold their beliefs tightly, even if only because they don't someone else to be right and them to be wrong. Once it becomes a debate, people shut down. Just my $.02.
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  • Profile picture of the author Odahh
    there is only one time anymore i really argue head to head against anothers belief .. and it tend to be when they believe i should do something i have no interest in doing.

    then there are the times i can just pull back and say things like"of course there are many people like you who think america can just keep borrowing more and more money without end for ever "..but i can also turn it around to a less offencive question .

    you can't argue with anyone and get them to truely agree to your beliefs ..most of the beliefs they have may have been beaten in by parents or bad experiences in youth .

    now your best choices ..if this person is important to you..are to figure out how to get them not to hinder the practice of your own belief and to avoid causing an extra burden on them .
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  • Profile picture of the author sarah23
    I think you need to build up your self confidence.
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