Life at 32

Eventually I took off my shoe and smashed it.

That monster spider had both of us in a bad position.

I don't like killing things, even spiders or roaches, but some things cannot easily be captured and released outside. I was able to do the "capture and let go" thing with a medium-sized spider last week, thankfully out of sight of my wife.

One time a hummingbird flew into a house I was renovating. We threw a shirt over it and put it back out. Probably the most unusual catch-and-release I've been involved in.

Another time some friends and I were coming back from a martial arts picnic (yeah that sounds weird, but it was a cross-border thing where members of two schools met up at a park...I remember this little kid repeatedly ran around our chief insructor with the ball while we were playing soccer/football; a few weeks later we were looking at photos and the chief said, "There's that kid again!!") and stopped for a break to find a dragonfly lying in the parking lot. It looked dead but we put a bit of an apple out for it and some water. It perked up after the sugar and water, buzzed its wings and then flew off.

We have fostered many rescue dogs and cats and I really feel bad whenever I have to kill anything, even a bug. The point of sharing the story in that last post though was about fear and indecision. The OP has to get moving instead of sitting there wondering about the past and the future.

The past is gone.

At one point I thought, really believed, it was my life's purpose to improve the lives of other people as an elected official, and ran for city council twice. During those years I did high level volunteer work with the city, belonged to several civic and fraternal organizations and kept a reasonably easy (for me, anyway) job so I could spend my evenings pursuing the purpose. And I was good at it.

After I lost my 2nd election in 2005, not by a whole lot either, I was really upset. To get so close to my dream, and have it slip by...it embittered me for several years.

But you know what? The past is dust.

Nowadays I hardly ever think about it. My civic experience is a nice reservoir to draw on, and I'm not bitter about it. It's gone. Part of my past. Just memories. If I continued to carry that feeling of upset about, which had faded by 2008-9, think of all the past baloney I'd be hauling. Silly. The past is dust, and there's nothing you can do about it. In 2008 I could have run again, but I no longer wanted to. I had decided to move on.

Incidentally, if I had been elected, I wouldn't be here interacting with you now. My life would have gone in a completely different direction and I would not have met my wife, moved to the US, found the Warrior Forum, or become a sales trainer. That's how important these events are.

I've gone on to help people in many other ways. Mostly revolving around helping them feel confident about themselves.

For the OP, the issue is he's allowing the past to dictate and make him afraid of the present and future. Time to ditch his "friends", knuckle down and build the future he wants. What happened before now is unimportant and need not have any effect upon what he does going forward--unless he allows it.

It isn't about "motivation". Motivation is cheap. Just decide. Decision is solid. Decide to make the change and make the future you want. Nobody else is going to do it for you...but if you allow it, they will help you stop yourself from creating it.

We all have doubt. I started with a double dose, though it has dropped low as the years have passed. We all have a past. But living in the past is pointless. The future is unreal, too; all we really have is Now. How are we going to use Now? To worry about what our parents think of us, how our past behavior makes people perceive us? Should we let it take the gas out of our tank? It's all a story, and a fake story at that. Mostly lies. Decide, do not stand in the fear and be paralyzed, and act Now. That's the only way out.

I agree with all that has been said by others in reply to your post, so take note of them and use the information to move forward. At 32 you are young, you have so much ahead of you, but you are the only one that can create the future you want.

Forget what others are doing or what others have and concentrate on what you want and then make a plan to achieve it, but most of all take action on your plan one step at a time.

You have to face up to yourself and take responsibility because you are the only one that can change your life.

Get to it and good luck, we all know you can do it.

The goal right now is to make a career in my field of maybe supply chain management,ERP,Planning..and to make the lost money which i have.or which i should have made had i gone through proper means.I have the target for that and its bit tough but would got to manage.Only problem i do feel at times folks are that when i look other people around of my age or below my age i do get bogged down and the target of making the lost amount it would take some time for me to make which when i think of i do get bogged down again thinking that would it be possible for me ...thus i lose the motivation again....