Should parenting be learned?

hmm,

the only people qualified to teach parenthood who have to be people who where successful parents ..unfortunately it seems a lot of people trying to tell other people how to raise children will never have kids of their own.

if you have children before you can support yourself .. you have already started your children on the wrong foot .

if you can't support yourself and you are not able to put time in raising kids ..don't have them .

this was something people understood until the last 50 years

the only way to really be a good parent is to be a good example for a child.. kids will copy what parents do not what parents say ..

Leo please do it its needed ignore what people say just do it...fantastic idea.

i believe too many people too much talking and reading about parenting instead of just doing it

my children are raised the same way i was, good sense is hereditary and a smack never hurt anyone for more than 3 minutes, then it is over

you do not need a university degree to be a good parent

well if there where standardized children you could standardize parenting .

and basically that is how most kids get messed up ..while trying to be fit in this box ...and while their creativity get destroyed to aim them at making money .

anyway the kids today are born different ..born with instincts to use the tech we are just developing ..and with a fair bit of their own pesonality ..

i am sorry leo ..but who do you think should raise kids .. as it is we habe a majority of them over to state run schools.. and schools tend to do far more damage to children than parents

tell me ..

a child in the classroom ,,shows signs of being a bow..er i mean add adhd and one of many disorders .. so because the school make money for each kid it drugs .. the school want to get the kid on meds.

is it bad parenting to say no

Don't you mean should parenting be taught?

The biggest problem I see around this isn’t whether it should be learned or not. I am strong in the personal development arena and the problem is different.

Certainly it is controversial as to whether another person should be telling an adult how to raise their children. Only that is not the real problem.

The real problem is time. People already have so much on their plate and believe they can just get by without having to learn life skills. It is usually only when they run into a serious problem that they look for help. Men seem to do this a bit more than women. People are busy and if it does not disrupt their lives too much then they usually don’t do anything about it.

This is an excellent place for a post like this on a large marketing forum. Because you already know the answer to this yourself. Now it is about the marketing. To get the word out. We have the greatest opportunity in the history of the world at this time to have the largest amount of recreational time. And what do we do with it? Well, some personal growth for sure. The field has taken off immensely but nearly as much as professional sports, movies, online video games, and other things. They are fun, just not as rewarding as growth.

All this has to happen before we even get to the real controversial stuff. Things like who determines how to raise your children? What happens to you if you don’t do it “right”? Will it be individualized? And if it is individualized who determines what ways it gets taught?

This is a very personal topic. Often what I see is, “Does it work?” and, “Will it work for me?” then, “Can I do it?”. A relaxed practical approach seems to work best. After all, who wants to be forced into a parenting style?

It is heart breaking to see some of the horrible parenting that is going on. But it is a self regulating system as well. If you are a bad parent you probably are not as successful in other areas of your life as well. Which would mean less influence in the rest of society. While healthy abundant people will continue to grow influential. Not always the case but those who care to learn to be better in their jobs, with their friends, playing baseball, or in communication skills will be more happy and successful who raise children who will continue this on.

In short, those who are smart enough to grow in personal development have more power in our society. Now it is just about bringing that messages to those who don’t know it yet so they will have a chance as well.

It all depends how you see children and if you understand the situation of a child. If you dominate a child, you do not respect a child. A child does not like this. If the child accepts the domination, it will be a follower for the rest of his/her life. The free spirit of thinking of your own, has been crushed. The child has accepted it has to obey and not to think for itself anymore. Because having your own thoughts or disagreeing was not allowed by the dominant parent. "Because I like soccer you have to like it too." That is breaking their free spirit.

If the child does not accept a dominant parent, there will be much tension / discussion / aggression in that family. Because of that the wrong friends / drugs / alcohol, can step in.

A dominant parent is like this, because he has been raised like this and he is afraid not to have control in his house.

Not saying there should be no rules. There should be rules and a child should live by those rules, but not the dominant way.

If I say to you "Get me a hammer", I am ordering and you feel resistance. If I say "Could you give me that hammer?", I am asking and you probably don't mind. Probably you feel the difference as an adult. It is obeying versus helping. It is respect versus no respect. This is the same for everybody, including children. But most do not realize this. It all depends how you approach them. Ordering or asking sounds maybe the same, but it is not. It is major difference. Put yourself in the receiving position. A child has the same feelings.

There are more things many parents are doing wrong. Also sounds not important, but it is very important. And that is listening and talking to children. I mean talking, not lecturing or preaching. Just talking. About how their school day was, what they do with there friends, etc. It is talking and listening with mutual respect, like talk between adults. Many parent do not have these simple conversations with their children. The message the parents are sending is "You are not very important to me." Try to imagine nobody wants to listen to you.

I have written a lot of this. They are very simple but important things. It is not rocket science. It is all about understanding human nature. Not only for you and adults, but also for children. With a small change, the results can be huge.

Once I saw tv show. (Your wife, my wife). The new mother arranged a conversation between dad and his 16 year old daughter. After the conversation he was overwhelmed with emotion. He said: "I have never had a real conversation with my daughter. I do not know her at all. But that is going to change." Small thing (a conversation), major result (real contact with his daughter).

If you do it the right way, a family can live in harmony. Children do not want to make problems. But problems are there because parents are doing things wrong. Most of the time it is ignorance.

If you allow all, you will get problems. And if you allow nothing, you also get problems, but different ones.

Treat others (including children), like you would be treated. If you really understand this, you are fine.

leo.. i understand what you are saying ,, as my parent where and never stopped being the dominant parents .

but..the difference is is the dominance building self discipline in the child or just turning the kid into a mess .. there is a line

I would say just go with what feels right,parenting is fun and should not be made a burden by making it seem that you need to learn something.


Live your dreams,
Ean Stark

Leo and anyone else,

the only way to be a successful parent today is to be successful ..for most of recorded history it really didn't matter ..the family unit was about survival and scratching an existence from the earth .

the traditional role of parents was to have as many children as possible ..so that a few would live into adult hood and have their own children and the daily income for most human through history has been between 1 and 3 dollars with about half the population on this planet below 5 dollars a day

you where a good parent if your children survived .and where able to support themselves and have children of their own.

personally i have high functioning autism and bio polar disorder ..with a dozen other sub conditions ..there was no right way to raise me 99 out of 100 sets of parents would have probably messed it up some more or less than my parents

the dominant paradigm that views these as disorders to be fixed . essentially make the child feel wrong for being the way he or she is .

so you go from my age group where 1 in 200-300 people had the high functioning autism..and bi polar disorder was rare ..so people where not looking for it .

to today when 1 in 50-1 in 100 have a spectrum disorder and about 1 in 5 can be considered bi polar ..and with the mass increase in sugar almost everyone now has a attention disorder .

if you are the nicest parents in the world ..but your children have no self control ..you messed up .. and if you can not teach them self control ..without violence ..you are messing up .

I don't think you can force people to learn to become parents. That's a bit to New World Orderish for me.

But...I have noticed that most parents simply download their own beliefs onto their kids. My parents did, and God bless them because they did their best, but it took me a long time to get some of that junk out.

I've also met parents who think that having kids makes them experts on parenting and that they somehow know more than someone who has never had kids. I think that's a mistake. Being a parent simply means you made a baby, which isn't hard to do. Becoming a true leader to a child is a completely different discipline that few parents bother to learn.

I have used dominant a lot here. But there are more wrong ways. Maybe I should explain how I see things.

Dominance is wrong towards children, because they are suppressed and their free spirit (their originality) is broken / damaged. The opposite "my children can do whatever they want", is also wrong. They will control the house very soon and will have problem with social behavior.

The right way is somewhere in the middle. Parents should be in control and make the rules. But by explaining if possible. Be a leader as said in the previous reply. If you demand they do chores, you will get tension. If you ask them to help out in the family, they do not mind most of the time. (Put yourself in their place) If not, play on their guilt. "Should mom clean up your mess?" Because they cannot argue with that, they will do it with maybe some reluctance. If you say thank you afterwards, you probably solved that problem.

In other words, parents should not walk all over their children and children should not walk over their parents.

Yes, children are different (and they should be). But if you treat them the right way, they will all be nice, friendly, helpful, etc, with a mind of their own.

If a child is closed, it is because parents do not listen properly. If parents do not listen, a child stops talking. What would you do if someone laughs at your problems or tell this to others? Think about this.

Probably not everybody will agree on this, but problems with children are always caused by wrong approaches from parents. Think about a nice person in your life. It is because he/she respect you and is honest. You will feel comfortable there. You do not want to make problems. If you do not agree, you talk, you don't fight. You do not want to make problems with a nice person.

If a child is treated as a slave, then yes, he will fight it. But the child is not the reason for the problems.

leo ,

the problem is when there is no obvious physical or sexual abuse..and no real danger to the child from what the parents are doing..outside intervention or un wanted intervention. can cause a lot more damage to children than anything the parents do .

maybe i have just dealt with an unuasually high number of people men and women ..who where screwed up by abuse that wasn't done by their parents ..but step parents or other family members or some others close .

if the mother and father do not stay together ..and or the child is raised in poverty ..the chances for some thing to happen to mess a kid up increase .

growing up in poverty where the child gets imprinted with the mindset that that is all they can ever expect to be is poor ..is the absolute worst thing parents can do .

i mean western world poverty not developing world poverty where many are looking for a way out ..

I'm sure parenting courses are vitally needed. All we do is passing the parenting tradition from previous generations with all of its psychic problems and traumas. I'd love to have a course where they teach new techniques and ways to behave with children based on true science and not on superstitions

ok,

my response to taraka was because the normal way we do things by science..tend to be the most inhumane most profitable most complex way with huge negative side effects .

in any case this conversation..if it leaves out that children today are born with a lot more personality ..and less need to mold than 10 to 20 years ago and prior .

a hole lot of people don't even know how to be adults right now never mind parents .

you can pick on the parents but our society right now profits a lot more from messed up people than well adjusted .. so any influence from society will moist likely cause the parents to do things that do more harm to children .

we are going through major shifts in society right now ..the entire system of how we teach kids will be overhauled .. as the one we have is built to provide low skill, interchangable ..compliant workers ...and many parents are teaching their children to be compliant ..because that is what has worked for the last hundred years ..

now where that no longer works there is a major shift .. that most people do not know is coming but it is starting to show up ..

current mindset .. is that difference are to be chipped away so every child gets raised and educated the same ..because the is the lowest cost most efficient .

the next shift turning this on its head..will be every child is different and needs to be educated according to what is most effective for that child

..

some of the worst parenting mistakes stem from the ..why can't you be more like you brother .. or sister ..

where drug problem or alcoholism usually gets passed down because parents have their own problems

ok i will simplify the argument.

lets identify the two biggest place parents will mess us .. money beliefs and eating habits .

so yes ..if good parenting can be learned .

a parent first has to learn to eat to be healthy ..and the money habits to build wealth long term .

i love my parents but they constantly argued about money ... and i have been taking care of them the last few years because their health declined slowly after a lofetime of eating the way they ate .

and despite having enough money comming in .. their entertainment as they sat around all day was to yell at each other about the bills .

so if parent learn better money habits ..and better health habits.. kids will have better habits

wow ,

respect the child .. even when because you didn't teach good money habit, encourage self disciple..and proper health habits..

they are a permanent resident in your basement.. because they are broke and in dept..and probably going to die young from bad eating habits .

if i really understood what you mean by respect ..it would make this easier ,,but at this point i doubt we are even in the same book forget being even near the same page .

Ive been around enough screwed up people ..and been screwed up myself .

here is three things that mess kids up ..

1. sexual abuse
2. physical abuse .. there is a difference
3 and unreasonable expectations ..or no expectations.

then in a sub level..you get the money problems parents pass on.. the bad health habits..and the lack of discipline.

children have the natural way they are but at some point the environment provided by the parents has a much bigger effect ..and the children replicate the acrions of the parents ,, even if that parent do not know the children are .

most of the subjects on this board are from people trying to get rid of the bad beliefs passed on from their parents through their youth

ok i think we are now saying almost the same thing ..

how much of the commanding disrespectful attitude of the parent stems from the do as i say not as i do approach to parenting ..trying to order the children to order the child to have habits the parent does not have .