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Have preferences, not expectations!

by Vikram Anand
6 replies
We all have expectations on how we want things to happen.

When things don't happen the way you want them to, instead of getting frustrated and disappointed, tell yourself: "I would have preferred 'A', but now that 'B' has happened, it's OK!"

Have preferences, not expectations. "I'd prefer if people were thoughtful, but when they're rude, it's not going to ruin my day. I'd prefer sunshine but rain is OK!"

When you play this game in your head, you'll feel more peaceful.
#expectations #preferences
  • Profile picture of the author Odahh
    well there are things you can expect to happen based off of how things happen in normal course of events..

    but you can have your list of preferences for how thing would happen for you ..

    this is what you can expect .. this is what you prefer would happen..

    then again you have to start thinking beyond dualistic point separating this into good and this in bad ..

    here is the key .. what your really want is things to preferable happen much much better than expected.. positive surprises ..
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  • Profile picture of the author C G
    Nice post.

    But what about the feelings towards the person?

    E.g. If someone which you care about does "A" instead of "B" ("B" what you expected). Yes you can just reframe "A" as being "OK" but wouldn't this be detrimental to your relationship? The person is not matching your expectations and you made the decision to ignore it and go on with your life.

    Cheers,

    C.G.
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    • Profile picture of the author Odahh
      Originally Posted by C G View Post

      Nice post.

      But what about the feelings towards the person?

      E.g. If someone which you care about does "A" instead of "B" ("B" what you expected). Yes you can just reframe "A" as being "OK" but wouldn't this be detrimental to your relationship? The person is not matching your expectations and you made the decision to ignore it and go on with your life.

      Cheers,

      C.G.
      it really depends if your expectations of someone elses actions.. is based in relaity of how that person usually act or how you would like them to act ..

      expect other to act from their own best interests or how they normally act based off their pattern of behaviors

      but have preferences that they can be better ..but expect them to act how they normally act or return to normal behavior patterns .

      people will never change for you .. they will only change for themselves ..if they do not really desire the changes .. the changes wont stick
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  • Profile picture of the author Dain Supero
    Originally Posted by Vikram Anand View Post

    When things don't happen the way you want them to, instead of getting frustrated and disappointed, tell yourself: "I would have preferred 'A', but now that 'B' has happened, it's OK!"
    I mostly agree with you, sir. That said, I think that in this day and age it's important to pursue your preferences (as long as they don't harm others) and not just be OK with whatever happens.

    I would have preferred A, but now that B has happened, it's okay and I accept it. Now, from a place of acceptance, I will take positive and proactive steps to determine if A can after all be realized. The point is to at least try and see if A can be realized, rather than just stopping once B happens.

    Great post, though.
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  • Profile picture of the author JohnnyPlan
    I can see how this philosophy would apply to some situations. Such as 'I want to get job a, but if that doesn't work out, then job b will work too.' However, what about personal/romantic relationships? If you really love someone and they don't love you back, you're not just going to settle for being their 'best friend'. Of course not! You will want reciprocal love. And, for personal matters, you should not settle.
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  • Profile picture of the author Vincent Joseph
    Totally true! Expectations will lead to disappointment so often!
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