agonce

So I did some e-mail marketing and got three interested business owners for a mobile website.(I actually told them I had them ready when I sent the initial e-mail and that if they were interested to see it, reply back).

So I went on and built two demo sites and replied back to them with their demos. Its been 24 hours now and none of them have responded back. The following is the exact message I sent them, please critique it:

Hi (Owners name),

You can check out the mobile friendly site I created for you by clicking the link below:

(Business name) Mobile Site Demo


Here are the features that I've added to your mobile site:

• Added an image slider which contains all the images you had on your home page(All the images are mobile optimized, which means they can be easily viewed on a mobile phone.)
  
• Added a "Click to Call" button. Clicking this button will enable your potential customers to call you with a click of a button instead of having to type/remember the number!
  
• Added a "Contact Us" page. Customers will be able to e-mail you using the mobile friendly contact form. All e-mails will be sent to your e-mail address.
  
• Added a "Menu" page. I only added a few items here copied from your old website. I will add all your menu items after I transfer the site to your hosting
  
• Added a "Find Us" button. Whenever a potential customer clicks on it, they will be given directions to your pizzeria! This makes it really easy for them to find your location using the integrated GPS on their phones.

The difference between the regular website and the mobile site is noticeable when viewed from a smartphone(iPhone, iPads etc). I actually took a screenshot of how your current website looks like when opened on a smartphone and attached it to this e-mail.
You can clearly see how hard it is to navigate the regular website compared to the mobile site I created.
The text is too big, and it will take a lot of time to load the images because they are not properly optimized for phones.


I charge a flat fee of $267 for a mobile site. This includes free hosting, maintenance, upgrades, and in depth reporting and analytics sent to you every month. The link below will take you to Paypal where you can submit the payment.
Submit Payment(This is a link to a paypal page where they can submit their payment)

Once you have completed the payment I will personally install the mobile site to your hosting account at no extra cost.
If you have any question, please feel free to contact me.



Kind Regards,
AgonXXXX
Owner of XXXXX
XXXX@gmail.com



Can someone suggest what am I doing wrong?
Have I really shown them the value why they should buy the mobile site?
Am I creating urgency for them to buy it?
Should I not mention the price at all? And get them to become even more interested then reply back with the pricing when they state their interest to purchase?

Any suggestion/advise will be really appreciated !

Thanks.

tmoby

24 hours isn't that long, business owners are busy people. If there's no response in another day or two definitely follow up with them yourself.

dennism70

Indeed 24 hours is nothing. How long did it take them to reply to your first email?

But on the other hand by stating you already created a mobile website you give them the idea its NOT MUCH of an effort to build a mobile website, And you're charging 267,- for it...

Better to make a mock-up and then let them pay if they want a FULL mobile website.

I make a mock-up using photoshop and place that on a landingpage for them to watch on their mobile phone. But beside the call me now button (link the graphic as tel:phonenumber) nothing will work. So if they want the site to be fully functional they have to sign the contract and pay the fee's

And the mock ups you can use in your portfolio, so they are not wasted time to

Tsnyder

With all due respect to the fact that you made
the effort, everything about that letter is wrong.

*

dennism70

If you claim that. Please also tell him why you find it to be al wrong so he can learn

netmondon

If you are doing maintenance, updates, and reports monthly you should definitely charge monthly for those services. That might be why you haven't heard from them because anybody in their right mind would know that someone will not provide those services without charging a monthly fee associated with them... Also they might think that your mobile website is too cheap and that you seem desperate for the sale, which will make them not buy... I would say up your prices and you will be able to make sales because business owners know that if something is more expensive then it is more than likely better quality and returns

agonce

Yeah, I also realized it's Sunday so I should not expect them to check their e-mail with my response.

Thanks for the advice.

Yeah, I'd like to know whats wrong with it if your claiming so. I am sure there is SOMETHING wrong, but ALL OF IT? nope, I'm sure you're wrong. If you want to prove you are right, then let me know why?

Yeah, obviously I'm desperate for a sale. Have never made a single sale before because I never took action. Now that I did I'm not planning to stop until I get one client, whether it will take me two months or three I don't care.

I will def. up the prices after the first sale. I actually quoted each one of them with a different price. This one was the cheapest because they guy was complaining how he spent so much money on taxes, overhead etc.

I quoted the other two for 397$.

Thank you all for your responses. I hope someone can actually critique the e-mail I've posted in the OP.

Brandon Tanner

First of all, most business owners are very busy people... 24 hours is nothing! Heck, 24 hours is nothing even for people who aren't busy! Wait at least 3-4 days... then if you don't hear back from them by then, follow up with them again.

Second, you are asking for their money right off the bat, before you've had the chance to develop ANY sort of credibility or trust with them. Big mistake. You should not mention ANY pricing info in the follow up email! Warm them up a little bit first, and make sure they are definitely interested in what you're offering before you even THINK about discussing pricing. In other words, don't go for the "kill" too soon!

Third, and this may or may not be an issue in your case, but I noticed that the word "free" appears twice in your message, as well as the phrase "no extra cost". Those are well-known spam filter triggers, so you might want to reword those parts, otherwise your emails might be going straight into your prospect's spam bin.

TrumpiaTim

24 hours isn't really that long.

Also you may want to follow up with a phone call to confirm your email didn't go to junk or spam folder.

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beeswarn

You fell for the "I'm not buying so I'm just going to give you my e-mail address to get you off the phone" trick.

jbgal

Wow, how's that for constructive criticism...

What I initially notice is that you actually do not indicate if the $267 is one-time, monthly, yearly...

4webmaster

This was a question I have before: mockup (picture) VS functional mobile site.

Testing it, real mobile site won, simply because they can test drive either on a mobile sim or on their smartphone and if they are really satisfied they won't skip your offer.

With the photoshop mockup or screenshot from the actual mobile site, it doesn't really work!

When you see an ad of a brand new car that you like it, you don't go to the dealership and buy the car based on the awesome ad. You ask for a test drive first!

Well it's same people like to test 1st but in some case they purchase upon impulse or based on recommendation.
Mobile website customers don't buy because of impulse but recommendation and if they don't have any then a "test drive" is the solution to close a sale.

Now 24h is too short, they have to discuss, think blah bla blah... Then contact you.

If done right you should get your 3 prospects as customers

Good Luck.

MobileSimulator.com => iPhone Simulator + Bonuses: Samsung Galaxy III - Mobile Comparison - iPhone Mobile Slide

Tsnyder

In response to those who think I have some kind of
obligation to offer a detailed critique it would be far
easier and less time consuming to tell me what you
think was right about it.

*

J Charles

Selling mobile sites is not easy. It is my core business and every client presents a new challenge because they may not understand the value of a good mobile experience for their customer. I like to go the route of showing them what their site looks like on a mobile phone first and if they agree that it's tiny, hard to read, and difficult to navigate then they are open to a better experience. Put them literally in the customers shoes. Then show them what the demo could look like in a Before and After picture. Build the value first and then establish price last. I've wasted too many demos on clients that don't see value - save yourself the time and energy.

midasman09

I'm sorry....I feel compelled to jump in here and offer my suggestions (from MANY years of Sales)

What did you say in the "Subject" of the email to GET THEM TO OPEN IT?

"Hi!" doesn't get it!

Your "subject" line AND....the FIRST LINE of your email has to do ONE THING;

GET YOUR PROSPECT TO;
1) Open it
2) Continue reading

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ +
Hi (Owners name),

You can check out the mobile friendly site I created for you by clicking the link below:

(Business name) Mobile Site Demo


Here are the features that I've added to your mobile site:
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

The above is all, "Mumbo-Jumbo"! "Hi!....I've got this "thing"! It has all this neato gear...ramifritzes and goo-gahs and doo-dads! I kin make one fer you! If ya want one? I kin create one fer ya fer jus' $267! "

WHOPPEE FIZZ! SO WHAT! WHAT WILL IT DO FOR HIM AND HIS BIZ? WHY SHOULD HE EVEN SPEND MORE TIME READING YOUR NOTE?

Many biz owners and professionals and medicos....DON'T CARE ABOUT "MOBILE"! There's NO reason for them to be "interested" in it! WHAT'S IN IT FOR THEM?

This is where YOU, the "Sales Guy" come in! YOU must "educate" your prospects on WHY should they consider a Mobile Site? What can one do for me?

It's YOUR job to start out by "GRABBING THEM BY THE "GREED GLANDS"!

GET THEIR "ATTENTION"....then BUILD INTEREST IN HOW, little ol' YOU can provide all these marvelous Benefits!

With some of the dentists I've sold I used...."Can Your Office Handle an Extra 10 Patients a month"?

With pizzerias; "Can You handle an extra 5 Pizzas a Day"?

Then go into WHAT a Mobile Site is and WHY they NEED ONE....and why they should get one from YOU!

No need to mention all the Gobbly-Gook" you put in your note! They could care less if they have a "Tap To Call" button or not....at THIS POINT in your "Sales Funnel"!

Tell them WHAT IT CAN DO FOR THEM....HOW IT CAN BRING IN MORE PATIENTS OR CUSTOMERS....WHY THEY SHOULD BE INTERESTED IN THESE SITES IN THE FIRST PLACE!

And puleeze....don't get "technical" UNLESS they ask about something. They do NOT need to know HOW the thing works of what "features" it has. That's what YOU do! YOU take care of all the Techno Stuff!

My first business was selling and installing burglar alarms. They only needed to know 2 things;
1) Do I NEED a security system
2) Will YOURS do the job of protecting me and my stuff

Don Alm

agonce

Prospects are all from email marketing. If they wanted to get rid off me they would not respond to my email saying im interested, show me what you have...instead they would delete it.

Thank you all for your suggestions.

philboy uk

I wonder if putting a video next to the mock up website would not be more effective
method of explaining the benefits ?.

Talk about how the business owner can build a list of customers that they can easily market
to in the future with mobile.

Can you identify strategies for integrating mobile with their current marketing ( newspaper ads, yellow pages etc )

Would that business benefit from SMS, QR codes or foursquare.

If you are not aware, foursquare is a free app, that provides social proof through check ins,
making it possible to manage reward programs. Theymay even have a foursquare page, and not be aware of it.

Nail Yener

I am assuming that the email you mentioned in the first post is the followup email that you sent to the interested clients which replied to your first email. Looking at some of the above replies, I guess it was not so clear.

I never used demo sites or mockups to attract clients. Probably some warriors are doing this and they are getting good results but this is not something I will ever do. The reason is that most of the times, the time you spend on creating the demo site/mockup will be the time wasted. It might take one hour, half an hour or even 15 minutes to create a demo/mockup in the hopes of attracting a client, but that doesn't change the fact that it will be a wasted time when you don't hear from that client again.

What do I show to potential clients? I show my previous work, in other words, my portfolio. This is what a portfolio does, it shows people what you have done and what you are capable of doing. I don't think any professional web design companies spend their time on building demo sites or mockups to get clients, because they already have built their portfolios. I believe they might do such preliminary work to give an idea to the client about what they will get, only after making an agreement on the project, not before.

So, whether or not you continue doing demo sites/mockups, you should also start building a portfolio.

About your email:

- You have added too many features to the demo mobile site. You should keep some of the features to be added after the agreement is done.
- Did they ask for a price in their first reply? I wouldn't give a price before they ask for it.
- Your price includes too many things: free hosting, maintenance, upgrades, in depth reporting and analytics. This makes your service seem cheap. Do not do this. What do you mean by "free hosting"? For how long can you continue hosting their mobile site for nothing? Are you really going to send them a detailed report every month? For how long?
- I would never send them a payment link before closing the deal. You are at the stage of explaining your service and they are not really sure whether they are going to buy it or not yet you are sending a payment link.
- Not sure if it was for the sake of the example but if you are really using a gmail, please change it asap.

dennism70

If you read all of my reply you would have noticed that I make a 1 page mobile site with WORKING Click to Call button(s) and a mockup of the menu. This way they see the most important feature to their business that a visitor can make a reservation directly by phone. I explain them that if they like what they see AND experience I will create all pages for them behind the menu buttons because it takes a few hours per page to create. This way they KNOW i made the effort, get a good idea of how it would look and are aware that it wont be cheap

Here's an example offcourse acompanied by a QRcode to the mockup site;




But beside that I can give them a little extra that their own webdesigner (who they have a trusted business relationship with) cant supply, so that after I send them the mock up they wont directly go to their webdesigner to ask if he can do the same. to which he will surely respond to with YES I CAN! And then the restaurant owner will let him do it, cause he has the trusted relationship already. That's why I make the screenshots with my phone so they can SEE the URL clearly

So in short it mainly isn't selling, its competing with their trusty. So unless you DONT have an edge they will get a mobile website if they get the need, but just NOT WITH YOU

Marketing and sales is more then nice talks and nice mockups. You need an edge over the competition First get something that will get you OUT OF THE CROWD and then start thinking about selling anything. If you can only offer the same you will never win from a trusted competitor which they all have since they all have a website.

Hope you understand this

agonce

So obviously after receiving no response today from none of them, they are definitely not buying it. I am wondering, should I contact them back and tell them that I decided to give them the website for free(I've created them anyways so it won't be a waste of time anyways). I just to want find out whether they will want it or not for freaking FREE.

Thanks!

Vladcanada

You definitely NEED and HAVE TO follow up! Its something you shouldn't ask. Dont forge they dont have time to remember all the things. So call back be polite and ask questions. The WORST that could happen is that you will be at the same point as you were before. DO it.

dennism70

Come on, don't quit before you even started the game. And who are you that you know what they are thinking? Did you ask them? Don't be a quiter like 99% of IM'ers

Just call them up and ask

1. Did you get my email? Yes> 2 No> Send again!
2. Was the mobile site to your likings? Y/N

Yes> Okay, are there any details you want changed before it would go live?
No> What would you like to be changed before it would go live?

From here you know how to make a contract and invoice right? That's also something they want. Something for accounting, not a Paypal payment without any upfront commitments.

Partners wanted for mobile Marketing concept

netmondon

yea I don't think you should give it to them for free... that will make you look bad... just take it for what it is and let it be... use those sites in your online portfolio or show them to competitors... just because those ppl didn't reply doesn't mean anything, they are not important anyways... if they don't want help for their business, it's not your problem... next time when you send the email try not to "sell" so much in the first email, that's a turn off... and take control of the situation, when you call them to follow up, make it seem like you are getting really busy in your work and put the urgency back on them... if they complain about the price, tell them that you offer quality work for quality businesses who understand consumer demands and are trying to make more money... it works, I just got a contract for $159/month maintenance for a desktop and mobile site with $500 setup fee and the restaurant didn't ask twice about the price because they understand the value of quality services... and this is just updates, and minimal content changes, no SEO or any extra services... now that I think about it I could have charged more but I am just starting out too so I didn't... but next time I know better and you will get better with time

Brandon Tanner

agonce, this is a perfect example of what's called "assuming the sale", and the most effective way to phrase your questions to the business owner. Don't ask them if they "want the site or not", but as dennism suggested, "what would you like changed to the site before it goes live?". See the difference?

Always assume the sale, right from the start of the conversation (but just don't discuss the pricing too early)!

maxlinks

you stupid bloody fool, if Tsnyder tells you there is something wrong with the letter, then
there is something wrong with it dam it !

dennism70

No need for calling a newbie stupid. Nobody is stupid, at most without proper knowledge

With that said; there's NOTHING CONSTRUCTIVE about saying something wrong.

Better to tell WHAT's wrong and WHY! That way someone can LEARN something.

Everybody can OBVIOUSLY say that something is wrong if it's not working as expected, duhhhhh. As long as they don't explain WHY, there is NO NEED to take them seriously

Partners wanted for mobile Marketing concept

dennism70

Indeed, but what's MOST important, is that it's setting the MINDSET of the person on the other site to a positive one. Can be done also without "assuming the sale" Tho most of the time its one and the same

Selling is about taking control. But to be perfect you shouldn't be in a selling state, but in a HELPING THE CUSTOMER BUY state , there's a BIG difference in that. Mostly because when you are in a state of HELPING also the other side will experience it that way.

To all; the game is called selling, but the tools to use are psychological.
So with everything you do, do a little 'reverse enginering' and start with the question:
What and how would someone have to say to me to get in a "buying mode"

Just read back above text here and you will see WHY the email that was discussed could be "not the best possiblible" email to send.

Having said that! I do urge everyone NOT to be AFFRAID of calling them instead of mailing. With al kinds of disturbences around from external factors at the time of reading your email it's not sure they will really get your message and you can't INTERACT with them about it.
If you have them on the phone you have MORE CONTROL about the situation.

Better send them an email with a before and after picture and only have a short explanation in the email saying something like this;

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hello...,

Here are two pictures like you're visitors will see your site on their phone in the current state and the one with your mobile website. I've already made the first page for you. For the other pages I will contact you (DAY and TIME) so you can give me the changes you want (design&content) before I build the fully functional site since that would take a few days to build offcourse.

For the experience (call buttons working) you can scan the QR-code below (Free QR-scanners can be found in the market place for your phones operating system)
Or, you can typ the following url in your mobile phones browser; URLHERE

QR-code to the mobile website

Screenshots:
Here you will place the before and after pictures like I shown in a previous post
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Even better it would be to just create a mobile landingpage where you put the content of the above email. This way you can TRACK and get them activly involved in the project

Then you just send them the QR-code with explanation and they will also EXERIENCE mobile marketing with QR-codes.

You can send an email or...a postcard with a QR-code Even SMS is something you can do.

Grab every change to get them INVOLVED. That's HELPING THEM BUY instead of hard selling...

Partners wanted for mobile Marketing concept

maxlinks

Relax already, you must have know that was a joke, lol

common people.....

dennism70

Well, we (me for sure) are SERIOUSLY trying to help Agonce.

So if you make jokes, use a smiley or something so its clear, thats what there for

Partners wanted for mobile Marketing concept

Tsnyder

That's as close to being right as you've been all week... lol

And, Dennis... you can dismiss me out of hand if you like but
that letter was a total bust. Better to start from scratch and build
it right than play piddy paddy dinking around with that.

*

dennism70

I was not saying it was good as you can read in my comments

What I WAS SAYING...is that there's no use in ONLY saying that its wrong. Better to say WHY its wrong and GO from there.

If something isn't working, the easiest thing to say is THAT ITS WRONG! Obvious

So anybody ONLY saying that it's wrong isnt contributing anything and it's not even sure if that person knows what he/she is talking about

And btw Tsnyder, for starters, emailing is wrong on itself. No matter what kind of email you send NO CONTROL, NO INTERACTION, etc. That's why sales % thru emails are very low...

Read my posts. But READ it this time

Partners wanted for mobile Marketing concept