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Need Help!!!!

by SteveStone
16 replies
  • OFF TOPIC
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Please tell me what you guys think about this song!!!



  • Profile picture of the author MissTerraK
    I think we cannot tell you what we think of the song, due certain rules being in place.
    However, I can say this...

    I think the singer needs some voice lessons.


    Terra
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    • Profile picture of the author tagiscom
      Originally Posted by MissTerraK View Post

      I think we cannot tell you what we think of the song, due certain rules being in place.
      However, I can say this...

      I think the singer needs some voice lessons.


      Terra
      Danm it Terra, you just beat me to it!


      I think that this kid should go on American Idol, he would fit right in there!

      Just put him after the 12 year old, the judges say that he or she has the best voice they have ever heard! Well, at least til the next one?

      And before the act from hell, with Mother in tow, to confirm that he has a brilliant act eventhough he is S&^^&&*!

      Mini rant over!
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      Archimedes Forum, Sign up l won't bite
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      • Profile picture of the author SteveStone
        I KNOW THE SINGING IS SUBPAR...BUT ASIDE FROM THAT HOW IS THE ACTUAL SONG.
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        • Profile picture of the author MissTerraK
          Originally Posted by SteveStone View Post

          I KNOW THE SINGING IS SUBPAR...BUT ASIDE FROM THAT HOW IS THE ACTUAL SONG.
          Are you yelling at me?

          The song discusses a topic that is forbidden to discuss in this forum, sorry.

          See, I said that without yelling.


          Terra
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          • Profile picture of the author SteveStone
            Originally Posted by MissTerraK View Post

            Are you yelling at me?

            The song discusses a topic that is forbidden to discuss in this forum, sorry.

            See, I said that without yelling.


            Terra
            No not yelling..at work and had to keep caps on. Thanks for you rinput...I agree about the voice part.
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            • Profile picture of the author Steven Wagenheim
              Hi Steve:

              I'm a songwriter too so I'm gonna be really hard on you with this critique. Please take it in the spirit in which it is intended because we songwriters have to stick together.

              1) It's very difficult to critique music when the vocals are so terribly off key. And I thought I sang badly. Please try to get somebody who can at least sing on key to do your demos. Nobody will sit and listen through that. At least I can sing on key. It isn't much, but it's enough to at least get the person listening to not turn off the song because their ears are hemorrhaging.

              2) The song itself is monotonous. There is no breakup of anything. It's in the Bob Dylan style of A-A-A-A but your no Bob Dylan on lyrics. If you're going to do something like Lily Rosemary where it's the same melody all through the song (that one was like 8 minutes) you better write some really fantastic lyrics. This song isn't even close on that level. A lot of the lyrics are very bland. In addition, you're all over the place with your "ideas." The only thing I remember from the whole song is "Jesus You Changed." I honestly have no idea what you're singing about.

              3) The main hook is catchy. It's memorable. I'm still singing it. It's short, to the point and easy to remember. That's a plus and it's something to work with.

              4) Your playing isn't bad either. It's certainly good enough to get the idea across once you come up with something solid.

              I recommend you take a course on songwriting online. Especially lyric writing. it will help a ton.

              I've been writing music for over 35 years and in all that time have had one song published. It's a tough business. I still have a long way to go.

              Here's a song I just recently wrote after taking a refresher lyric writing course this summer. Note the bridge to break things up a bit. Also note how the lyrics progress throughout the piece from youth to old age. The song was voted one of the top pieces of that class. The singing is passable and that's about it. I'm no singer but at least it's on key. I'm not totally happy with the recording. I think the vocals should have been more up front and less reverb.

              Anyway, have a listen if you like.

              http://soundcloud.com/steven-wagenhe...more-than-this
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              • Profile picture of the author SteveStone
                Originally Posted by Steven Wagenheim View Post

                Hi Steve:

                I'm a songwriter too so I'm gonna be really hard on you with this critique. Please take it in the spirit in which it is intended because we songwriters have to stick together.

                1) It's very difficult to critique music when the vocals are so terribly off key. And I thought I sang badly. Please try to get somebody who can at least sing on key to do your demos. Nobody will sit and listen through that. At least I can sing on key. It isn't much, but it's enough to at least get the person listening to not turn off the song because their ears are hemorrhaging.

                2) The song itself is monotonous. There is no breakup of anything. It's in the Bob Dylan style of A-A-A-A but your no Bob Dylan on lyrics. If you're going to do something like Lily Rosemary where it's the same melody all through the song (that one was like 8 minutes) you better write some really fantastic lyrics. This song isn't even close on that level. A lot of the lyrics are very bland. In addition, you're all over the place with your "ideas." The only thing I remember from the whole song is "Jesus You Changed." I honestly have no idea what you're singing about.

                3) The main hook is catchy. It's memorable. I'm still singing it. It's short, to the point and easy to remember. That's a plus and it's something to work with.

                4) Your playing isn't bad either. It's certainly good enough to get the idea across once you come up with something solid.

                I recommend you take a course on songwriting online. Especially lyric writing. it will help a ton.

                I've been writing music for over 35 years and in all that time have had one song published. It's a tough business. I still have a long way to go.

                Here's a song I just recently wrote after taking a refresher lyric writing course this summer. Note the bridge to break things up a bit. Also note how the lyrics progress throughout the piece from youth to old age. The song was voted one of the top pieces of that class. The singing is passable and that's about it. I'm no singer but at least it's on key. I'm not totally happy with the recording. I think the vocals should have been more up front and less reverb.

                Anyway, have a listen if you like.

                http://soundcloud.com/steven-wagenhe...more-than-this

                I very much appreciate your response and criticism. I will take you up on some of your ideas.
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        • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
          Originally Posted by SteveStone View Post

          I KNOW THE SINGING IS SUBPAR...BUT ASIDE FROM THAT HOW IS THE ACTUAL SONG.
          Having dabbled in songwriting myself I have a reasonable flair for melody though not a singer either.

          The melody is not bad. Except for the last bit, just "Jesus you changed" Does not fit well as is

          A better fit would be to sing "Jesus.. you have changed" "Jesus" on its own "you have changed" together. Emphasise Jesus in a slightly higher pitch and step it down step it down for the other 3 words. Sort out the guitar bit too so it all flows together. Difficult to describe using text.
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          • Profile picture of the author Richard Van
            Well, I can tell you and anyone that has ever witnessed me doing so will tell you, that you're a dam site better singer than I am.

            My ex girlfriend actually had a rule in place in our relationship where I was forbidden to sing anywhere other than the shower. When she was out.
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            Wibble, bark, my old man's a mushroom etc...

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            • Profile picture of the author SteveStone
              Originally Posted by Richard Van View Post

              Well, I can tell you and anyone that has ever witnessed me doing so will tell you, that you're a dam site better singer than I am.

              My ex girlfriend actually had a rule in place in our relationship where I was forbidden to sing anywhere other than the shower. When she was out.
              Haha...forbidden? That's harsh!
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              • Profile picture of the author Richard Van
                Originally Posted by SteveStone View Post

                Haha...forbidden? That's harsh!
                Yeah but in fairness, she had a point. It hurts my ears listening to myself.

                Credit to you for having the guts to post it too. For the record I think it's a nice sounding song.

                I hope it goes well for you.
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                Wibble, bark, my old man's a mushroom etc...

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                • Profile picture of the author SteveStone
                  Originally Posted by Richard Van View Post

                  Yeah but in fairness, she had a point. It hurts my ears listening to myself.

                  Credit to you for having the guts to post it too. For the record I think it's a nice sounding song.

                  I hope it goes well for you.
                  Thanks Pal.
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  • Profile picture of the author Jonathan 2.0
    Banned
    In order to be a successful recording artist you have to have a certain amount of "innate talent." Meaning, not everyone can make it in that field.

    The person playing the guitar (is that you Steve?) has that innate/natural talent. If they keep working on their voice (it can definitely be improved) and their song-writing, they'll go far.

    : )
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    "Each problem has hidden in it an opportunity so powerful that it literally dwarfs the problem. The greatest success stories were created by people who recognized a problem and turned it into an opportunity."―Joseph Sugarman
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  • Profile picture of the author alistair
    Just because the song title contains a name associated with religion doesn't mean that's what it's about. I think if you forget about the name for a moment he could be singing about anybody, his best mate, his gay lover, maybe the milkman, for example. For all I know maybe he's a fan of Manchester City and his favourite player is Jesus Navas and is upset with his performances on the pitch recently.

    Anyway, I really like the song, it's quite a catchy little number. The singing... not so much, but good luck with improving it.
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  • Profile picture of the author HeySal
    Terra - we can't discuss the meaning of the lyrics, but we can say if they are trite, or don't match the melody, that kind of thing. I don't think he was asking for a discussion of the belief structure. More the quality of the song as music. I didn't even take this to be a religious use of "Jesus" -- it was kinda like our explative "Jesus Christ" -- used as a swear word. This is a guy making a comment about a girl he had cared about.

    I agree. The quality of this guy's voice is nice - but he has no control of it. Get some voice lessons. As far as if he wrote the song, it was catchy. Had he been able to carry that tune it would have been a good song.
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    Sal
    When the Roads and Paths end, learn to guide yourself through the wilderness
    Beyond the Path

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