Why Do We So Want To Believe The Worst In Our Fellow Man?

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I'm not going to go into detail on this (just go to the main forum and you'll
see what I'm talking about) but why is it that we want to believe the worst
in our fellow man?

What happened to innocent until proven guilty?

What happened to, sometimes people make honest mistakes?

Since losing my mom, I'm looking at the world a lot differently than I used to.
Life is too short to be bitching and complaining about every little stupid
thing especially when some of these things may either be honest mistakes
or just misunderstandings on our part.

News flash...we're not always right. Sometimes we think somebody did us
wrong and it turns out that they weren't the one at fault.

More and more, I am really starting to wonder about the world we live in.

Me?

I'm always willing to give somebody the benefit of the doubt until they
absolutely prove to me, with an action that cannot be disputed in any
way, that they can't be trusted.

What about you?

Do you believe the best in people, the worst or are you somewhere in
between?
  • Profile picture of the author CDarklock
    Once upon a time, in the dark ages before the internet, I had a BBS. One of the users on that BBS decided he would try to hack into it, so he could cause trouble. When he also did this on several other local boards, the community in general banned all his accounts across all the boards in the area.

    Except me.

    I left his account active, and simply sent him a reasonably polite message advising him to be less of a jerk. (Okay, not that polite.) Within a week, he became one of the most productive and generous members of the community. By the end of a month, his account was reinstated across the rest of the boards in the area, and he remained one of the most valued members of the local community for years.

    All it took was for someone to give him a second chance.

    Even when it's deliberate, second chances are magical. Some people may not respond to them, but I've generally found it's worth the risk.
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    "The Golden Town is the Golden Town no longer. They have sold their pillars for brass and their temples for money, they have made coins out of their golden doors. It is become a dark town full of trouble, there is no ease in its streets, beauty has left it and the old songs are gone." - Lord Dunsany, The Messengers
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  • Profile picture of the author JayXtreme
    I always give people the benefit of the doubt, at first..

    But when they REPEATEDLY drop on the people around them, and consistently do things that cause me to think bad of them... they lose my trust. There is only so much BS you can spread before people start to see through it.

    When they do one thing and say another.. it just gets my back up.
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    Bare Murkage.........

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  • Profile picture of the author MikeAmbrosio
    One of the reasons my first wife is my EX wife ...

    - She looked at everyone with suspicion and would automatically think the worst until they proved to her otherwise.

    - I looked at everyone as a potential friend or partner until they did something to lose that (and it would take a lot).

    What I learned from that relationship was pretty telling. Typically, people who don't trust can't be trusted (she proved that to me).

    Life is too short to stress yourself out over garbage or pointless things. If you're not happy, look in the mirror. It's of your own doing. And you can fix it.

    Mike
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    Are you protecting your on line business? If you have a website, blog, ecommerce store you NEED to back it up regularly. Your webhost will only protect you so much. Check out Quirkel. Protect yourself.

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    • Profile picture of the author Killer Joe
      Everybody more or less comes into my world neutral with a bias towards the good. I have nothing to go on, and human nature give little clues. A preacher might turn out to be a pedophile or a raggedy dressed person a millionaire who supports many charities.

      It isn't until they expose their true self that any difinitive opinion can hold sway.

      People that are consistantly aware of others and act for the common good are certainly in the minority. We all know people like this and they stick out like a cowlick on the head of humanity. (Make a song outta that line )

      And people that screw up are certianly redeemable. Not all of them, but enough of them that giving others a second chance has at least some odds of being deserved.

      And then there's Bernie Madoff...

      KJ
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  • Profile picture of the author TLTheLiberator
    It's just another excuse that people use to help themselves believe that they are better than someone else.

    There's also...

    - race
    - ethnic group
    - education
    - family background
    - national origin
    - age
    - looks
    - financial situation

    Lots of other stupid things like I made a male child and you didn't so I'm more of a man than you.

    I'm very slow to judge in a negative light.

    TL
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    "It's easier to fool people than to convince them that they have been fooled. -- Mark Twain

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  • Profile picture of the author artwebster
    Hi, Steven,

    It is a simple fact that meeting face to face causes an instinctive judgement within the first sight by ourselves of the person we are meeting. We cannot prevent this happening because it is one of the few remaining of nature's ways of protecting us.

    When it comes to the written word as an introduction, we have no basis upon which to make a judgement except our own experience of the written words of others. This too is an acquired skill that we do not control.

    It is within our nature to trust or not trust based upon what we see or based upon what we have already experienced in similar circumstances.
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    You might not like what I say - but I believe it.
    Build it, make money, then build some more
    Some old school smarts would help - and here's to Rob Toth for his help. Bloody good stuff, even the freebies!

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  • Profile picture of the author Michael Motley
    Its hard to keep trying to find the good in people when time and time again, you have been shown most of the time, it is a search in vain.

    I'm not saying that there arent good people out there, but I also think that with the ratio of good people to bad people in the world, that if you greet everyone with open arms without atleast being somewhat suspicious when you first encounter them, until you find out different, then you are just setting yourself up.
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  • Profile picture of the author TeddyP
    The vast majority of people I have met i would consider "good".

    That is why I am willing to offer a second chance...sometimes. If their first transgression is so blatant and transparent - then I would feel foolish just waiting for them to wrong me again.
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  • Profile picture of the author Harrier
    Why Do We So Want To Believe The Worst In Our Fellow Man?


    Because we have been screwed so many times.
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    • Profile picture of the author gareth
      Originally Posted by Harrier View Post



      Because we have been screwed so many times.
      Oi Oi OI Waste em awl
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      Gareth M Thomas
      Serial Entrepreneur
      Auckland, New Zealand

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  • Profile picture of the author haikuangel
    I believe its all in the state of being as well as environmental factors that contribute to a persons lack of trust in his fellowman. I don't want to sound like I'm pointing my finger at anyone specific but in my experience the most jaded individuals I've met are mostly Americans. I have met other people from different parts of the globe and none of them can compare when it comes to trust issues as my American colleagues.
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    • Profile picture of the author Wakunahum
      I believe the best in people most of the time.

      I have had very few people openly take advantage of me so I have no need to really be too cautious. If I'm nice to someone and they turn out to be mean or have false motives, I just move on as there really isn't anything else I can do.
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  • Profile picture of the author Patrician
    I don't know, Steve, I do want to believe the best about people, but I have proven that I am a very bad judge of character, for the most part.

    However, as far as money, when I never took risks, I never lost a dime. Since I became 'a risk taker' I have been ripped off big time by a few 'people'.

    The money wasn't the worst part, but my trust and belief in people (and my own discernment) has been trampled.

    As for charity however, I will still take a risk because I know I will be blessed for the act of giving, no matter what the story ends up to be...

    The good part about a 'friend' who borrows money and doesn't pay you back is then they can't ever ask you again (and if they do, you have the perfect reason to say no without feeling any guilt what so!)

    You just have to keep on living in the world, and it would be harmful to just shut everyone out without giving them the 'benefit of the doubt'.

    In general my favorite of all my mottos is:

    'Say what you mean and mean what you say'.

    (that way you don't need to worry about keeping your 'story' straight).

    The truth is always going to be the truth, no matter how many different ways people want to see it or how many don't believe it. That is one thing I know is true.
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    • Profile picture of the author cimbah
      I always see the good in people because that is what I focus on. If you are suspicious of people or go through life thinking people are bad, then that's what you will always see - the bad things.

      I've been ripped off in the past, once to the tune of $13,000. It bothered me for a long time but then I just let it go. It does no good to dwell on something that is done and can't be changed. And even though one person ripped me off, it doesn't mean everyone else in the world is going to do the same thing. So rather than look for the bad in people, I look for the good and these days that's what I always find.

      Steven, I recently lost both of my parents within the space of ten months. It does change your outlook on life and it makes you realize none of us are going to be here forever. Might as well enjoy the time we have as much as we can!
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  • Profile picture of the author darvon
    I am trying to be a Internet Marketer. Offline, I just do not like salesman. What a trip.
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  • Profile picture of the author garyv
    My mother was in a terrible car accident when I was younger, and broke her back in several places. From that moment until now (about 20 years) she has lived in constant pain. When people meet my mother, they think that she is kind of grumpy, and some even think she's a major bitch. But for those that take the time to look past her pain, they find that she's actually a kind and loving person to almost anyone she meets.

    My mother has helped me to look for and find the good in just about everyone. A majority of the people I've met are good at heart, but may have circumstances in their life which make them behave in ways that may seem disagreeable to those that don't know their circumstances. If I encounter a disagreeable person, I always look for the circumstances, and give the person the benefit of the doubt that there is possibly something going on w/ them that I don't know about. For instance, if someone cuts me off in traffic, instead of thinking - God what a jerk! - I instead choose to think something like - maybe this guy woke up late for work (I've done that many of times) - or maybe he's racing home to see his sick daughter.

    You just never know, but I find it's easier on the heart and mind to give people the benefit of the doubt until proven otherwise.
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