Putting Words Into Someones Mouth

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I was just wondering if anyone else had figured this out. I have noticed that some people will ask a question and when you give them your answer they somehow assign things to your answer that change what you said.

Example:

Someone: "What color do you think I should paint my house?"

You: "Maybe a light blue would be a good look."

Someone: "How dare you! I don't like that color! You know I don't like that color! I was thinking green, but YOU just have to be right and disagree with me! I know you think I'm color blind, but you don't have to be mean about it!"

See what I mean? A simple answer can be turned into an argument without you even having to say something to start it. Yet you end up the bad guy. All you did was give a simple straight answer.

Why does this happen and how can it be stopped?
  • Profile picture of the author NestZone
    Perhaps that person expected answers from every other person and not from you.
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    • Profile picture of the author jbearnolimits
      Originally Posted by NestZone View Post

      Perhaps that person expected answers from every other person and not from you.
      Except they ask YOU and no one else.
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  • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
    Originally Posted by jbearnolimits View Post

    I was just wondering if anyone else had figured this out. I have noticed that some people will ask a question and when you give them your answer they somehow assign things to your answer that change what you said.

    Example:

    Someone: "What color do you think I should paint my house?"

    You: "Maybe a light blue would be a good look."

    Someone: "How dare you! I don't like that color! You know I don't like that color! I was thinking green, but YOU just have to be right and disagree with me! I know you think I'm color blind, but you don't have to be mean about it!"

    See what I mean? A simple answer can be turned into an argument without you even having to say something to start it. Yet you end up the bad guy. All you did was give a simple straight answer.

    Why does this happen and how can it be stopped?

    I have figured it out. It can't be stopped. The person decided...before you talked...that this was going to be an argument.

    Human nature is unchangeable, and trying to change it is a fantasy.
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  • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
    Claude is completely wrong about this and most everything else.
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    Raising a child is akin to knowing you're getting fired in 18 years and having to train your replacement without actively sabotaging them.

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    • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
      Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

      Claude is completely wrong about this and most everything else.
      And your answer is?
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      • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
        Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

        And your answer is?

        That was my answer.
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        • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
          Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

          That was my answer.
          So....when did you start giving me a hard time?

          You bruise my ego, insult my intelligence.....I think you're the reason I wet the bed.
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          • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
            Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

            So....when did you start giving me a hard time?

            You bruise my ego, insult my intelligence.....I think you're the reason I wet the bed.
            You wet the bed where ever you travel in the world. You suffer from Incontinents.
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          • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
            Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

            So....when did you start giving me a hard time?

            You bruise my ego, insult my intelligence.....I think you're the reason I wet the bed.
            My response was meant as evidence to support your point.

            Do I have to do everything around here?
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            • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
              Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

              My response was meant as evidence to support your point.

              Do I have to do everything around here?

              I didn't see it. Clever.
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              • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
                Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

                Clever.
                It certainly was not.
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                • Profile picture of the author AprilCT
                  I usually think of those kinds of people as real butt holes. They've got an agenda and you are going to be shoved into their mold for their own particular crazy reasons.

                  Unfortunately, I knew a woman like that (hahahaha--just picking one of the people like that I knew.) Very bright and clever, but sure had a nasty side that could peak out from her normal decency as a human being. Some people just have a pressing need to be vindictive to satisfy some character flaw they've got.

                  I'm not a psychiatrist, never played one or tv or radio, but this normally decent person had a vicious side that popped (or pooped) out at opportunities. There was no need to be trained to know this.
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    • Profile picture of the author BigFrank
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      Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

      Claude is completely wrong about this and everything else.
      Repaired!

      Cheers. - Frank
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  • Profile picture of the author alistair
    When you say some people, do you mean women?
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  • Profile picture of the author MissTerraK
    Originally Posted by jbearnolimits View Post

    ... how can it be stopped?
    Just send them this and then forget about it.






    Terra
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  • Profile picture of the author BigFrank
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    Originally Posted by jbearnolimits View Post

    I was just wondering if anyone else had figured this out. I have noticed that some people will ask a question and when you give them your answer
    There's your problem. Ignore them.

    Cheers. - Frank
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  • Profile picture of the author Cali16
    Originally Posted by jbearnolimits View Post

    A simple answer can be turned into an argument without you even having to say something to start it.

    Why does this happen and how can it be stopped?
    An argument requires at least two people to participate. Your example would turn into an argument only if you let it.

    If you encounter this situation again, your best response is to calmly say something to the effect of, "Well, okay then." And walk away. Some people will get it and some won't. No point in engaging any further or trying to explain yourself. The other person will likely just continue baiting you.

    Don't try to fix people like this; it's futile. Probably best to avoid them in the future, or if you can't do that (e.g. coworker, family member, etc.), just stay calm, try not to react to their nonsense, and then excuse yourself from the conversation as quickly as possible.

    One other thing to remember, if you know the person and this isn't a pattern, it may be that he or she is just stressed and overreacting as a result. But if it's typical behavior for someone then avoid having conversations with them as much as you can, and keep the interactions you can't avoid as brief and neutral as possible.

    Toxic people just aren't worth your time and energy. They can go drain the energy of a therapist; at least the therapist is getting paid...
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    • Profile picture of the author Joe Mobley
      Wisdom says,


      Originally Posted by Cali16 View Post


      Toxic people just aren't worth your time and energy.


      Joe Mobley
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