The Stupid Black Cat That Lives Behind My Store.

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I hadn't seen my feral cat for a day or so.
He usually showed up every day at about 1PM, sitting beside the back door, knowing I'll be feeding him.

And I did. Even on Sundays, when we are closed, I'd sometimes put food out. He would eat, sun himself, and leave. Never a "Thank you", never even a look of anything but complete indifference.

The cat eventually realized I wasn't a threat. So he would let me get as close as a few inches away...but then he would back off. I would sit out back, right next to the food dish, and he would eat, while I talked to him.

Of course, to him, I was just the big blue blob that brought him food. So he ignored me. His complete indifference to me was fun to watch......and cat food is cheap...and for the last couple of years, I was trying to be friends with that cat.

Two nights ago, as we were pulling out of the parking lot to go home, I saw a dead black cat. It had been hit by a car. When we got home, I drove back to the store, with a shovel, and took the dead cat behind the store. Half missing left ear, long black fur, same size...

Yup. The cat is dead. I put it in a plastic garbage bag, and threw it in the dumpster.
I'm not an emotional person. I didn't really cry. But later, I was watching a movie, and teared up. It wasn't the movie. It was the realization that nobody cared about that cat. Nobody would miss it. And that's the sad part to me.

I suspect ISIS is behind the murder.
  • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
    Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

    I hadn't seen my feral cat for a day or so.
    He usually showed up every day at about 1PM, sitting beside the back door, knowing I'll be feeding him.

    And I did. Even on Sundays, when we are closed, I'd sometimes put food out. He would eat, sun himself, and leave. Never a "Thank you", never even a look of anything but complete indifference.

    The cat eventually realized I wasn't a threat. So he would let me get as close as a few inches away...but then he would back off. I would sit out back, right next to the food dish, and he would eat, while I talked to him.

    Of course, to him, I was just the big blue blob that brought him food. So he ignored me. His complete indifference to me was fun to watch......and cat food is cheap...and for the last couple of years, I was trying to be friends with that cat.

    Two nights ago, as we were pulling out of the parking lot to go home, I saw a dead black cat. It had been hit by a car. When we got home, I drove back to the store, with a shovel, and took the dead cat behind the store. Half missing left ear, long black fur, same size...

    Yup. The cat is dead. I put it in a plastic garbage bag, and threw it in the dumpster.
    I'm not an emotional person. I didn't really cry. But later, I was watching a movie, and teared up. It wasn't the movie. It was the realization that nobody cared about that cat. Nobody would miss it. And that's the sad part to me.

    I suspect ISIS is behind the murder.
    A sad end to your story. You teared up though and at least you gave it a decent burial.

    I suspect PUSIS are behind the murder. A Tom with a bomb.
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  • Profile picture of the author yukon
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    Maybe the cat couldn't stand it anymore & ran into traffic on purpose.
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  • Profile picture of the author sbucciarel
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    Ahhh ... I'll miss the cat. I miss him already. I enjoyed the cat behind your store stories. This is sad.
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    • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
      Originally Posted by sbucciarel View Post

      Ahhh ... I'll miss the cat. I miss him already. I enjoyed the cat behind your store stories. This is sad.
      Certainly a lot more interesting than the goldfish in my fishpond ones he used to tell.
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  • Profile picture of the author alistair
    You cared for the cat and I'm guessing you're going to miss not feeding and talking to it, even if only a little bit so it did at least have one friend. Maybe it committed suicide.
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  • Profile picture of the author TLTheLiberator
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    • Profile picture of the author Kay King
      It was the realization that nobody cared about that cat. Nobody would miss it. And that's the sad part to me.
      Wrong, you cared - and you will miss it every time you notice it's not there.
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  • Profile picture of the author @tjr
    I'm sorry for your loss, Claude.
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    • That is sad to hear.

      In a way he wasn't such a feral cat after all.

      He had someplace to go.
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  • Profile picture of the author MikeTucker
    Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

    Of course, to him, I was just the big blue blob that brought him food. So he ignored me. His complete indifference to me was fun to watch......and cat food is cheap...and for the last couple of years, I was trying to be friends with that cat.
    Someone should compile the story of
    "The Stupid Black Cat and His Big Blue Blob"?

    What a sad ending though, committing suicide when it realized
    that Claude was his only option for a friend!
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  • Profile picture of the author Kurt
    Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

    I hadn't seen my feral cat for a day or so.
    He usually showed up every day at about 1PM, sitting beside the back door, knowing I'll be feeding him.

    And I did. Even on Sundays, when we are closed, I'd sometimes put food out. He would eat, sun himself, and leave. Never a "Thank you", never even a look of anything but complete indifference.

    The cat eventually realized I wasn't a threat. So he would let me get as close as a few inches away...but then he would back off. I would sit out back, right next to the food dish, and he would eat, while I talked to him.

    Of course, to him, I was just the big blue blob that brought him food. So he ignored me. His complete indifference to me was fun to watch......and cat food is cheap...and for the last couple of years, I was trying to be friends with that cat.

    Two nights ago, as we were pulling out of the parking lot to go home, I saw a dead black cat. It had been hit by a car. When we got home, I drove back to the store, with a shovel, and took the dead cat behind the store. Half missing left ear, long black fur, same size...

    Yup. The cat is dead. I put it in a plastic garbage bag, and threw it in the dumpster.
    I'm not an emotional person. I didn't really cry. But later, I was watching a movie, and teared up. It wasn't the movie. It was the realization that nobody cared about that cat. Nobody would miss it. And that's the sad part to me.

    I suspect ISIS is behind the murder.
    You cared. You cared enough to feed him. You cared enough to wonder if he was cared about. And you will care enough to miss him in the future.


    And that's a good thing.


    Sorry to hear about your loss.
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    • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
      Originally Posted by Kurt View Post

      You cared. You cared enough to feed him. You cared enough to wonder if he was cared about. And you will care enough to miss him in the future.


      And that's a good thing.


      Sorry to hear about your loss.
      Thank you. That actually means a lot to me. I went out back several times today, hoping I was wrong in identifying the cat, and the cat was still alive. Nope.

      Ahem! Every day, I would tell the cat the latest post where you insulted me. I would laugh, but the cat never laughed. I'm assuming the cat took your jibes personally, caused a great depression in the cat, and the cat committed suicide.

      You killed my cat.


      Added later; Dan Riffle once posted that how someone feels about him isn't what causes him to think of them as a friend. In a way, that's how I feel about that stupid cat. The fact that it didn't care about me at all, didn't mean I didn't care about it.

      I'm not joking though, had he let me pet him, that stupid cat would have owned me, body and soul.

      Thanks guys.
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      • Profile picture of the author tagiscom
        Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

        I hadn't seen my feral cat for a day or so.
        He usually showed up every day at about 1PM, sitting beside the back door, knowing I'll be feeding him.

        And I did. Even on Sundays, when we are closed, I'd sometimes put food out. He would eat, sun himself, and leave. Never a "Thank you", never even a look of anything but complete indifference.

        The cat eventually realized I wasn't a threat. So he would let me get as close as a few inches away...but then he would back off. I would sit out back, right next to the food dish, and he would eat, while I talked to him.

        Of course, to him, I was just the big blue blob that brought him food. So he ignored me. His complete indifference to me was fun to watch......and cat food is cheap...and for the last couple of years, I was trying to be friends with that cat.

        Two nights ago, as we were pulling out of the parking lot to go home, I saw a dead black cat. It had been hit by a car. When we got home, I drove back to the store, with a shovel, and took the dead cat behind the store. Half missing left ear, long black fur, same size...

        Yup. The cat is dead. I put it in a plastic garbage bag, and threw it in the dumpster.
        I'm not an emotional person. I didn't really cry. But later, I was watching a movie, and teared up. It wasn't the movie. It was the realization that nobody cared about that cat. Nobody would miss it. And that's the sad part to me.

        I suspect ISIS is behind the murder.
        No NASA!

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        • Profile picture of the author AprilCT
          What a very sad story, Claude. That cat knew you cared about him, but being a cat didn't want to let you know. Anyway, maybe he told some of his other feral cat friends there was this old softee that would feed cats behind this sweeper store in Wooster.

          I think you need a pet, Claude. It might be a good idea to get a kitten, but for goodness sakes, keep it inside. It's so hard to lose a pet due to age but if it dies in an accident, it ups the ante.
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  • Profile picture of the author yukon
    Banned
    Years ago we had an inside cat that was sick, the vet said there's nothing he could do. The cat couldn't urinate so the vet suggested having the cat put to sleep. We had that cat for maybe 6 or 7 years & it just got sick all of a sudden. So... we had the cat put to sleep, we didn't want to but at the same time we didn't want to watch the cat suffer at home.

    The day after we took the sick cat to the vet & they put the cat to sleep a stray cat showed up on our covered front porch. This was in the winter, it was easily in the single digit temps outside. I said I wasn't going to deal with another cat, especially the day after we had to put a cat to sleep at the vet.

    I was home alone. I went to do something outside & that stray cat was sitting on the front porch with a hurt paw. I pet the cat, it was friendly, obviously the cat had spent time around people. I went inside & grabbed some cat food, I figured it would get thrown away anyways, might as well feed the stray cat.

    Within a half hour the cat was in the living room watching TV with me [sucker].

    I cleaned the cats hurt paw, wrapped it up in a bandage. The cat went straight to the old litter box in the utility room (never been in the house before), used the liter, walked back into the living room & laid down in front of the TV like it had lived there for years.

    We named the cat Skinny Leg because one leg didn't have any fur.
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    • Profile picture of the author fullflavor
      Originally Posted by yukon View Post

      Years ago we had an inside cat that was sick, the vet said there's nothing he could do. The cat couldn't urinate so the vet suggested having the cat put to sleep. We had that cat for maybe 6 or 7 years & it just got sick all of a sudden. So... we had the cat put to sleep, we didn't want to but at the same time we didn't want to watch the cat suffer at home.

      The day after we took the sick cat to the vet & they put the cat to sleep a stray cat showed up on our covered front porch. This was in the winter, it was easily in the single digit temps outside. I said I wasn't going to deal with another cat, especially the day after we had to put a cat to sleep at the vet.

      I was home alone. I went to do something outside & that stray cat was sitting on the front porch with a hurt paw. I pet the cat, it was friendly, obviously the cat had spent time around people. I went inside & grabbed some cat food, I figured it would get thrown away anyways, might as well feed the stray cat.

      Within a half hour the cat was in the living room watching TV with me [sucker].

      I cleaned the cats hurt paw, wrapped it up in a bandage. The cat went straight to the old litter box in the utility room (never been in the house before), used the liter, walked back into the living room & laid down in front of the TV like it had lived there for years.

      We named the cat Skinny Leg because one leg didn't have any fur.
      Cat have 9 lives. Yes?
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  • Profile picture of the author David Beroff
    Sincere condolences from my partner (the Cat Lady) and me, and of course from our five cats. (They're kept indoors because, no matter how much they want to make friends with the local bear, the feeling is not mutual.)
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    • Profile picture of the author TimPhelan
      I see this story possibly becoming a Disney movie. Claude and the Alley Cat, A Love Story. Kurt Russell could play the cat and I'm not sure who would play Claude. Meryl Streep? She's very versatile.

      I agree with Lanfear. The funeral/burial was very touching.
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      • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
        Originally Posted by TimPhelan View Post

        I see this story possibly becoming a Disney movie. Claude and the Alley Cat, A Love Story. Kurt Russell could play the cat and I'm not sure who would play Claude. Meryl Streep? She's very versatile.

        I agree with Lanfear. The funeral/burial was very touching.
        Tim and Mark;

        You have been exposed to the underbelly of not having empathy.
        I felt bad, and still do, that the cat is dead. I hope it didn't suffer. But to me, a dead cat is not the cat.

        The animal I liked and cared for was gone. Now, there was a dead animal that needed to be disposed of.

        When my Father died, at his funeral, I couldn't look at his body. To me, it was a dead carcass that needed to be disposed of. To have him clothed, posed, and presented..is a truly bizarre ritual, that means nothing to me.

        I loved my Dad, and missed him terribly. But the body is nothing. These rituals don't help me in any way. I understand that they help others, though. I just wanted to grieve and move on.

        The cat's remains were nothing to me. The cat was gone. Had the cat just been hurt, I would have gone to any expense to help it.

        But the cat died. And to me, that means it's gone. The carcass is just something to dispose of.

        Whatever you think about that, is your business.
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        • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
          Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

          Tim and Mark;

          You have been exposed to the underbelly of not having empathy.
          I felt bad, and still do, that the cat is dead. I hope it didn't suffer. But to me, a dead cat is not the cat.

          The animal I liked and cared for was gone. Now, there was a dead animal that needed to be disposed of.

          When my Father died, at his funeral, I couldn't look at his body. To me, it was a dead carcass that needed to be disposed of. To have him clothed, posed, and presented..is a truly bizarre ritual, that means nothing to me.

          I loved my Dad, and missed him terribly. But the body is nothing. These rituals don't help me in any way. I understand that they help others, though. I just wanted to grieve and move on.

          The cat's remains were nothing to me. The cat was gone. Had the cat just been hurt, I would have gone to any expense to help it.

          But the cat died. And to me, that means it's gone. The carcass is just something to dispose of.

          Whatever you think about that, is your business.
          I can assure you, my comment was just satire. But strangely enough, my overhead drone has just sent back some pictures that show the construction of a 30ft pyramid going on behind your store? Probably an ISIS connection.
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          • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
            Originally Posted by lanfear63 View Post

            I can assure you, my comment was just satire. But strangely enough, my overhead drone has just sent back some pictures that show the construction of a 30ft pyramid going on behind your store? Probably an ISIS connection.
            Maybe I should apologize. I'm still bothered about the cat. And of course, checked out back again this morning.

            Despite my desires, the cat is still dead.

            Sometimes, in print, it's more difficult to tell when someone is joking. Especially satire.
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            • Profile picture of the author TimPhelan
              I was just kidding too Claude. I thought Mark's post was funny. I would have done the same thing and am not into funerals that much either. Sorry your little friend died. Why not go get another cat from the shelter to be the store cat? There could be a Disney sequel if you did.
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              • Profile picture of the author Mike Anthony
                Originally Posted by TimPhelan View Post

                I was just kidding too Claude. I thought Mark's post was funny. I would have done the same thing and am not into funerals that much either. Sorry your little friend died. Why not go get another cat from the shelter to be the store cat? There could be a Disney sequel if you did.
                Or spend the time and energy in reaching out to support a child in a third world country whose on the edge of dying from hunger. Stray cats die everyday. this one wasn't even part of the family. I'll spend the time empathizing with a story about a dead stray cat after we actually have ALL the children of the world going to bed with food in their stomachs.

                That effort is better deserving of the Disney movie.
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                • Profile picture of the author Kay King
                  If you don't care and can't empathize or at least be kind - why say anything?

                  Oh, never mind...welcome back.
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                  • Profile picture of the author Mike Anthony
                    Originally Posted by Kay King View Post

                    If you don't care and can't empathize or at least be kind - why say anything?
                    You can't be serious with the amount of posts you have in the OT section objecting to the OPs and other peoples sentiment.

                    BTW whats unkind about mentioning priorities even when it comes to emotions. having lived and visited in third world countries I can tell you one of the few legitimate beefs people have with Americans is the priority they put on animals while the world starves.

                    I normally don't get into these pet fixated threads but when people start questioning others empathy over a stray cat then its fair to comment. Now cats as part of the family (which many people in other countries still just won't get) I can empathize sure. too many stray cats in the world and starving kids for me to break a tear quite yet for them

                    One of those starving people see this thread would they consider me unkind? nope. so I am fine with what I wrote
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                    • Profile picture of the author discrat
                      Originally Posted by Mike Anthony View Post

                      You can't be serious with the amount of posts you have in the OT section objecting to the OPs and other peoples sentiment.

                      BTW whats unkind about mentioning priorities even when it comes to emotions. having lived and visited in third world countries I can tell you one of the few legitimate beefs people have with Americans is the priority they put on animals while the world starves.

                      I normally don't get into these pet fixated threads but when people start questioning others empathy over a stray cat then its fair to comment. Now cats as part of the family (which many people in other countries still just won't get) I can empathize sure. too many stray cats in the world and starving kids for me to break a tear quite yet for them

                      One of those starving people see this thread would they consider me unkind? nope. so I am fine with what I wrote
                      ( maybe a little rant )

                      I grew up with dogs as my mom was a breeder of golden retrievers in our backyard for many years.

                      So I always have been around dogs and I do not have a problem with animal lovers as I am one myself.

                      What I do have problems with is the way in the last few decades somehow a portion of our Society has developed this sick arse warped mentality that animals are somehow equal to human beings( and in some situations above)

                      Outside of psychopaths, child molesters and generally bad people animals should NEVER take priority over human beings. Period

                      Its sad some of the social experiments I've seen where people will not even hesitate to help a poor suffering dog on the streets but when it comes to a homeless person some of the same people turn their backs and mutter "he got what was coming to him"

                      We are humanizing animals and dehumanizing people.

                      Honestly, I have seen a number of people who put on this facade of how they are such caring and tender people because they care so much for animals and somehow that makes them such a great people...and then only to see them turn around and treat other human beings like crap !

                      There is nothing endearing about this and nothing noble about this at all. I don't care how many dogs you have rescued or how animal shelters you have volunteered to oversee, if you treat humans like crap and don't have warmth for your fellow man in my book your a bottom dweller and scum of the Earth.

                      its a disgrace and a abomination , and I believe it involves some form of mental instability and even mental illness with some of these animal militants who put pets ABOVE generally good decent human beings

                      Rant over
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                      • Profile picture of the author sbucciarel
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                        Originally Posted by discrat View Post

                        Honestly, I have seen a number of people who put on this facade of how they are such caring and tender people because they care so much for animals and somehow that makes them such a great people...and then only to see them turn around and treat other human beings like crap !
                        I don't treat people like crap, but with the exception of my family and a few close friends, I prefer the company of my animals. There is little endearing about many of the people I see and meet. Some people are the most hateful individuals you would ever meet.

                        I do charitable acts for children and families in need ... in my own country and in my own state and in my own locality. I know full well, that world hunger is not going away and sending in contributions that the larger part of gets spent on administrative and fundraising costs rather than directly reaching children is not something I care to do.

                        But when I do something for a child in need in my area, I can see the results.

                        When I rescue an animal, and take it into my home, I get the pleasure of having a lifetime, loyal friend, unconditional love from an animal and companionship. I wouldn't deprive myself of that due to world hunger. Sorry, but a couple of dogs and a cat are something that I need.
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                      • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
                        Originally Posted by discrat View Post


                        Outside of psychopaths, child molesters and generally bad people animals should NEVER take priority over human beings. Period

                        Honestly, I have seen a number of people who put on this facade of how they are such caring and tender people because they care so much for animals and somehow that makes them such a great people...and then only to see them turn around and treat other human beings like crap !
                        My friend;

                        First, Psychopaths are not all bad.

                        Second (I know you weren't addressing me, but I enjoy reading my own posts),
                        I'm not a great person. But animals are funny to me.

                        Maybe it's because our expectations are higher with humans. So we can be disappointed more easily.

                        Maybe most people think of humans as completely separate from animals. I just think of animals as simpler versions of us.

                        Anyway, some people love animals more than people. I suppose they want to be seen as caring people. But some people spend plenty of time working with charities that help unfortunate people.

                        Some of these people are completely genuine, and some are doing it because they also want to be seen as caring people.

                        We do things for our own selfish reasons. If you enjoy animals, and love being around them, you spend energy doing that. If you feel rewarded by spending time with unfortunate people, and helping them, you spend time doing that.

                        But I don't think anyone thinks, "I don't get anything out of helping these people. I get no satisfaction out of helping people. But it's the right thing to do, so I'll do it".

                        To me, we are all just bundles of desires, needs, fears, guilt, loves, ambitions, and a little intelligence thrown in. How these are mixed, determines our nature. And when I meet someone and think they are great people......or complete jerks.....it's because I don't know enough about them.

                        Some people really are caring and tender. But if they are, it extends in all directions. Not just toward pets, or neighbors, or family. And these people are rare. I suspect that Dennis Gaskill is one of these people. I just know that I'm not.

                        Man, I really do enjoy seeing my words in print.
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                        • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
                          You should try writing some books if you like seeing yourself in print (and we are not talking about those coloring books you have up on Kindle, One Call Coloring (join the dots) Sheeze, what a waste of $1.99 that was)
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                        • Profile picture of the author positivenegative
                          Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

                          Man, I really do enjoy seeing my words in print.
                          We'd never have guessed


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                      • Profile picture of the author Mike Anthony
                        Originally Posted by discrat View Post


                        its a disgrace and a abomination , and I believe it involves some form of mental instability and even mental illness with some of these animal militants who put pets ABOVE generally good decent human beings

                        Rant over
                        Agreed above or equal and theres some issues there. There's obviously a vast difference between humans and animals in areas of intelligence, emotional capacity and moral capability regardless of your take on anything else. Despite the claims not even science supports the claim they are just slightly less than we are. Those differences alone I mentioned are huge and material.
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                        • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
                          Anyway,

                          I still have half a bag of dry cat food. So, today, I put out a dish, and filled it with food.

                          Half an hour later, I was looking outside, and saw a huge yellow cat, and a light gray cat...running from the food dish. Of course, the food was mostly gone.

                          Two cats, completely feral, who I will now feed daily.

                          The cycle continues.
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                          • Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post


                            Two cats, completely feral, who I will now feed daily.

                            The cycle continues.
                            I am glad.
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                          • Profile picture of the author sbucciarel
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                            Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

                            Anyway,

                            I still have half a bag of dry cat food. So, today, I put out a dish, and filled it with food.

                            Half an hour later, I was looking outside, and saw a huge yellow cat, and a light gray cat...running from the food dish. Of course, the food was mostly gone.

                            Two cats, completely feral, who I will now feed daily.

                            The cycle continues.
                            I was going to suggest that to you. Thought it possible that maybe even a black one, one of his progeny, might be around. I'd still hint to the missus about a shelter cat, but glad you have two more ferals to feed.
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                          • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
                            Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

                            Anyway,

                            I still have half a bag of dry cat food. So, today, I put out a dish, and filled it with food.

                            Half an hour later, I was looking outside, and saw a huge yellow cat, and a light gray cat...running from the food dish. Of course, the food was mostly gone.

                            Two cats, completely feral, who I will now feed daily.

                            The cycle continues.
                            Well take it further, put all sorts of different types of food out there and bird-food etc and then you can open a nature reserve. Charge people to visit.
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                • Profile picture of the author yukon
                  Banned
                  Originally Posted by Mike Anthony View Post

                  Or spend the time and energy in reaching out to support a child in a third world country whose on the edge of dying from hunger. Stray cats die everyday. this one wasn't even part of the family. I'll spend the time empathizing with a story about a dead stray cat after we actually have ALL the children of the world going to bed with food in their stomachs.

                  That effort is better deserving of the Disney movie.






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              • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
                Originally Posted by TimPhelan View Post

                I was just kidding too Claude. I thought Mark's post was funny. I would have done the same thing and am not into funerals that much either. Sorry your little friend died. Why not go get another cat from the shelter to be the store cat? There could be a Disney sequel if you did.
                That's a good question.

                I can't let a cat live in my store. The cat hair would really be a problem. I know, it's a vacuum cleaner store. But a store that's 99% clean looks really dirty to some people. Plus, some people don't like cats, or are allergic to them.

                Having a cat outside the store (meaning at the store, but out back), is dangerous. Lots of truck traffic. Kids come through there on the way home from school. Some are not nice to small animals. I wouldn't do that to a cat.

                I've been thinking about taking a cat home from the shelter though.
                The truth is, my wife isn't really a cat person. She would be kind to the cat, and wouldn't complain. And she knows I want one. But she isn't excited about the idea.
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                • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
                  Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

                  That's a good question.

                  I can't let a cat live in my store. The cat hair would really be a problem. I know, it's a vacuum cleaner store. But a store that's 99% clean looks really dirty to some people. Plus, some people don't like cats, or are allergic to them.

                  Having a cat outside the store (meaning at the store, but out back), is dangerous. Lots of truck traffic. Kids come through there on the way home from school. Some are not nice to small animals. I wouldn't do that to a cat.

                  I've been thinking about taking a cat home from the shelter though.
                  The truth is, my wife isn't really a cat person. She would be kind to the cat, and wouldn't complain. And she knows I want one. But she isn't excited about the idea.
                  When you hang up your Stockings (and garter belt ) above the mantle, you never know what Santa might bring you this year. If it's male you could call it Kurt, Kurt the Cat, has a nice ring about it. or Riffle perhaps. If it's female, KayKing Cat.

                  If it's male and called Kurt though, you might get confused when you hear your wife say: "Kurt, stop clawing my stockings"
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                • Profile picture of the author positivenegative
                  Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

                  The truth is, my wife isn't really a cat person.
                  Claude. Perhaps your wife would feel more comfortable if a new cat was more familiar looking to her?


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                  • Profile picture of the author Kay King
                    That's a really sad thing to do to a poor innocent little cat....
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                  • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
                    Originally Posted by positivenegative View Post

                    Claude. Perhaps your wife would feel more comfortable if a new cat was more familiar looking to her?


                    I don't know about my wife, but it would scare the heck out of me.

                    And "Claude" really is a good name for a cat. I had a cat named George, for about twelve years. A big yellow cat that was lovable and loving. I had a thick head of hair back then, and I would shake my head, and he would go to war with my hair.

                    As a teenager, I walked around with scratches all over my forearms, and an occasional scratch on my forehead. But cats get old faster than we do, so eventually, he became the lazy cat that watched TV with me.
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                  • Profile picture of the author discrat
                    Originally Posted by positivenegative View Post

                    Claude. Perhaps your wife would feel more comfortable if a new cat was more familiar looking to her?


                    Is it just me but I cant see Clauade's nose or mouth in that lol
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                • Profile picture of the author Midnight Oil
                  Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

                  The truth is, my wife isn't really a cat person.

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            • Profile picture of the author David Beroff
              Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

              Sometimes, in print, it's more difficult to tell when someone is joking. Especially satire.
              Exactly. Oddly, this was the precise reason why the smiley was invented in the first place!
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  • Profile picture of the author sbucciarel
    Banned
    I'd tell the Missus that you would like Santa to bring a shelter cat for Christmas.
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    • Profile picture of the author Kay King
      Claude - My experience with "people who don't really like cats" is that when you get a cat they are usually in the other room (where you can't see) petting it.

      You don't have to love cats to like ONE cat.

      When in Atlanta I was fascinated by my younger son's cat - never seen one act like it. It doesn't bother anything - very quiet and neat - but when people are sitting on the couch or chairs the cat walks from one to another waiting for someone to pat their lap as in "come up here". Then this little yellow cat jumps on a lap, curls up and lays there totally content as long as you let him.
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      • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
        Originally Posted by Kay King View Post

        Claude - My experience with "people who don't really like cats" is that when you get a cat they are usually in the other room (where you can't see) petting it.

        You don't have to love cats to like ONE cat.

        When in Atlanta I was fascinated by my younger son's cat - never seen one act like it. It doesn't bother anything - very quiet and neat - but when people are sitting on the couch or chairs the cat walks from one to another waiting for someone to pat their lap as in "come up here". Then this little yellow cat jumps on a lap, curls up and lays there totally content as long as you let him.
        My Dad always said he didn't care about the cats. He was a dog person. And of course, we always had a dog, that we all loved.

        But we also always had at least one or two inside (or inside/outside) cats. And whenever we saw my Dad taking a nap in his recliner, there was always one cat or another curled up in his lap.
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  • I love that cats have autonomy an' go where they wanna.

    They prolly got the most homes to go to of any domesticated animal.

    They scratch an' draw blood without makin' you hate 'em, then letcha feel 'em purr right under their necks.

    An' they sleep in stoopid places, heads so fulla cool stuff they require no repertoire of tricks to keep 'em fascinatin' when they slink around.
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    • Profile picture of the author TimPhelan
      This was a profile video for eharmony. She's kind of crazy but not bad looking when she isn't crying about cats. Unfortunately that seems to be most of the time. :/

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      • Profile picture of the author discrat
        Good Lord, Tim. Was that the Chick you wanted to hook up with in SA last month ?

        We might have to throw down a couple of six packs before you go and deal with that LOL
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        • Profile picture of the author TimPhelan
          Originally Posted by discrat View Post

          Good Lord, Tim. Was that the Chick you wanted to hook up with in SA last month ?

          We might have to throw down a couple of six packs before you go and deal with that LOL
          What? You don't think she's a good catch? She's promising no cat crying during the Warriors/Spurs game. I don't know though, she may sneak away and cry during halftime.
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          • Profile picture of the author Mike Anthony
            Originally Posted by TimPhelan View Post

            What? You don't think she's a good catch? She's promising no cat crying during the Warriors/Spurs game. I don't know though, she may sneak away and cry during halftime.
            Ignore them. i think its noble that you are considering being an adoptive father.
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      • Profile picture of the author David Beroff
        Originally Posted by TimPhelan View Post

        This was a profile video for eharmony. She's kind of crazy but not bad looking when she isn't crying about cats. Unfortunately that seems to be most of the time. :/
        You do realize that that's performance art, right?

        Also, obligatory:

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  • As I recover from Swollen Gland Misery, I been drinkin' lotsa fluids.

    Turns out that was a stoopid idea...
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  • Profile picture of the author bizgrower
    You said you did not care about the black cat, but the phenomena seems to mean
    something.

    I'm sorry for the loss of the black cat phenomena, but glad the phenomena is continuing.
    Nature abhors a vacuum, so the space has been re-filled. (Bad play on words intended. LOL)

    I bought a rural house from the homebuilder who had moved into the area in
    the 1950's. I enjoyed talking to him and got a kick out of the 25 or so feral cats
    on his property. It was something to see a group of cats looking at you as you
    drove up. They stayed about 25-30 feet away though.
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    • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
      Cat update;

      I went out today to put out a dish of cat food. Half an hour later, I went out back, and the light grey cat was there. it ran to the edge of the parking lot (maybe 40 feet away), it turned and sat there..and mewed at me.

      I went back inside and got a piece of chicken (no bones). I called to the cat, and it very slowly came to me, and just took the chicken out of my hand...and ran off.

      And then....maybe a few minutes later, I went back outside. It was sitting next to the bowl, and it was empty. I went back inside, got more dry cat food, and opened the back door. The cat ran maybe 10 feet, saw it was me with food, and slowly walked back to the dish. I put a handful in the dish, as the cat started eating it.

      I was careful not to startle the cat.

      Today, I'm a happy camper. This cat seems to be semi used to people.


      But I have to be careful. Some cats carry concealed weapons.
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      • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
        Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

        Cat update;

        I went out today to put out a dish of cat food. Half an hour later, I went out back, and the light grey cat was there. it ran to the edge of the parking lot (maybe 40 feet away), it turned and sat there..and mewed at me.

        I went back inside and got a piece of chicken (no bones). I called to the cat, and it very slowly came to me, and just took the chicken out of my hand...and ran off.

        And then....maybe a few minutes later, I went back outside. It was sitting next to the bowl, and it was empty. I went back inside, got more dry cat food, and opened the back door. The cat ran maybe 10 feet, saw it was me with food, and slowly walked back to the dish. I put a handful in the dish, as the cat started eating it.

        I was careful not to startle the cat.

        Today, I'm a happy camper. This cat seems to be semi used to people.


        But I have to be careful. Some cats carry concealed weapons.
        "Asta La Friskies, Babee"

        Be very afraid
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      • Profile picture of the author whateverpedia
        Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

        I'm a campy happer.
        Fixed that for you.
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  • Profile picture of the author bizgrower
    When I was a courier, I would do a lot of residential deliveries, and it's been
    my experience that grey cats are usually the friendliest. They would come
    right up to be petted.
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    • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
      Well.......

      I was wrong. Yesterday, the stupid black cat appeared again right behind the store. I was taking out the trash, and he ran up to me, following me to the dumpster and back. Begging to be fed.

      The Jerk! First, he fooled me by faking his own death, and disappears for more than a week.

      He looked terrible too. Very hungry and wet.

      No idea what black cat I shoveled from the end of the parking lot. I could have sworn it was "my" cat. All black. not a spot of white.

      But yesterday and today, he's out there all day. He keeps running up to me, stopping a few feet away. The message is clear. "I want you to feed me now!" And he eats right away. But he won't let me pet him. Probably never will.

      So, as the resident moron....I'm off tonight to buy more cat food.
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      • Profile picture of the author yukon
        Banned
        Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

        Well.......

        I was wrong. Yesterday, the stupid black cat appeared again right behind the store. I was taking out the trash, and he ran up to me, following me to the dumpster and back. Begging to be fed.

        The Jerk! First, he fooled me by faking his own death, and disappears for more than a week.

        He looked terrible too. Very hungry and wet.

        No idea what black cat I shoveled from the end of the parking lot. I could have sworn it was "my" cat. All black. not a spot of white.

        But yesterday and today, he's out there all day. He keeps running up to me, stopping a few feet away. The message is clear. "I want you to feed me now!" And he eats right away. But he won't let me pet him. Probably never will.

        So, as the resident moron....I'm off tonight to buy more cat food.

        Don't you know cats have 9 lives?
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      • Profile picture of the author sbucciarel
        Banned
        Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

        Well.......

        I was wrong. Yesterday, the stupid black cat appeared again right behind the store. I was taking out the trash, and he ran up to me, following me to the dumpster and back. Begging to be fed.
        Wonderful. Great news. Merry Christmas present. Looks like the black cat was just doing what "whole male" cats do ... tom catting around.
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      • Profile picture of the author Kurt
        Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

        Well.......

        I was wrong. Yesterday, the stupid black cat appeared again right behind the store. I was taking out the trash, and he ran up to me, following me to the dumpster and back. Begging to be fed.

        The Jerk! First, he fooled me by faking his own death, and disappears for more than a week.

        He looked terrible too. Very hungry and wet.

        No idea what black cat I shoveled from the end of the parking lot. I could have sworn it was "my" cat. All black. not a spot of white.

        But yesterday and today, he's out there all day. He keeps running up to me, stopping a few feet away. The message is clear. "I want you to feed me now!" And he eats right away. But he won't let me pet him. Probably never will.

        So, as the resident moron....I'm off tonight to buy more cat food.
        Do you really expect us to believe that you disposed of the victim black cat and "your" black cat disappears for over a week at the exact same time is just a coincidence?


        Where's Mark Harmon when you need him?
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        • Profile picture of the author bizgrower
          Originally Posted by Kurt View Post

          Do you really expect us to believe that you disposed of the victim black cat and "your" black cat disappears for over a week at the exact same time is just a coincidence?


          Where's Mark Harmon when you need him?
          No, but THE black cat expects us to.
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          • Profile picture of the author Kurt
            Originally Posted by bizgrower View Post

            No, but THE black cat expects us to.
            Simple logic tells us the cat is the mastermind...but did you ever notice that "Claude" rhymes with "fraud"? I think that says it all.
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            • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
              Originally Posted by Kurt View Post

              Simple logic tells us the cat is the mastermind...but did you ever notice that "Claude" rhymes with "fraud"? I think that says it all.
              He's always borrowing and conning people out of money. Claudeulent is the Wooster terminology for Fraudulent.
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      • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
        Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

        Well.......

        I was wrong. Yesterday, the stupid black cat appeared again right behind the store. I was taking out the trash, and he ran up to me, following me to the dumpster and back. Begging to be fed.

        The Jerk! First, he fooled me by faking his own death, and disappears for more than a week.

        He looked terrible too. Very hungry and wet.

        No idea what black cat I shoveled from the end of the parking lot. I could have sworn it was "my" cat. All black. not a spot of white.

        But yesterday and today, he's out there all day. He keeps running up to me, stopping a few feet away. The message is clear. "I want you to feed me now!" And he eats right away. But he won't let me pet him. Probably never will.

        So, as the resident moron....I'm off tonight to buy more cat food.
        Did you look in the dumpster to see the empty polythene bag. "Houdini" the not so stupid black cat. Those old handcuffs you used to secure it's paws were easy, you never saw the paperclip hidden in it's fur.

        Now here's the real story. On the morning of you finding the dead cat the stupid black cat was walking along thinking: Today's the day I will let Claude stroke me and perhaps he would take care of me too. But then, he see's the scene of a halted car and the dead cat in the road, then you scoop him up with a shovel, put him in a bag and unceremoniously drop it into the dumpster.

        So he's thinking, no way, he runs over cats for sport and throws them in the trash. Not going back there. But a week passes, no food, no capture of rats, I'm starving. So he returns and begs for food. This time though he has a concealed weapon and keeps his distance.

        An unfortunate set of circumstances I know, but these misunderstandings are the downside of getting regular pussy.
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      • Profile picture of the author positivenegative
        Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

        Yesterday, the stupid black cat appeared again

        . . . The Jerk! First, he fooled me by faking his own death
        Hmm. I think we've been fooled, and you should give all the "thanks" back that you received by hoodwinking gullible members with this despicable deed - obviously to increase your "God status" in the OTF
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      • Profile picture of the author DWolfe
        Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

        Well.. the stupid black cat appeared again right behind the store. I was taking out the trash, and he ran up to me, following me to the dumpster and back. Begging to be fed.
        The Jerk! First, he fooled me by faking his own death, and disappears for more than a week.
        No idea what black cat I shoveled from the end of the parking lot. I could have sworn it was "my" cat. All black. not a spot of white.

        So, as the resident moron....I'm off tonight to buy more cat food.

        Local News....Evil twin poser in dumpster... While conartist re-appears behind Vacuum Store. "Resident moron" says this really sucks !
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        • Profile picture of the author Cali16
          Claude, while I feel very sad about the unfortunate demise of the cat you found, I am very happy to hear that "your" black cat has returned and is alive and well, albeit scraggly! Sadly, feral cats usually have very short lifespans, but I hope yours is around for a long time (and glad you're feeding him!)

          @Suzanne - "whole male", lol!

          Just curious; what are their neutered peers called...? Half males? Partial males? No longer male males? "I've lost my manhood" males? "OMG, they cut off my balls!!!" males? (Yeah, I better stop there....)
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          • Profile picture of the author Kurt
            Originally Posted by Cali16 View Post

            Just curious; what are their neutered peers called...? Half males? Partial males? No longer male males? "I've lost my manhood" males? "OMG, they cut off my balls!!!" males? (Yeah, I better stop there....)
            They're called claudes.
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          • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
            Originally Posted by Cali16 View Post

            Claude, while I feel very sad about the unfortunate demise of the cat you found, I am very happy to hear that "your" black cat has returned and is alive and well, albeit scraggly! Sadly, feral cats usually have very short lifespans, but I hope yours is around for a long time (and glad you're feeding him!)

            @Suzanne - "whole male", lol!

            Just curious; what are their neutered peers called...? Half males? Partial males? No longer male males? "I've lost my manhood" males? "OMG, they cut off my balls!!!" males? (Yeah, I better stop there....)
            We're called Husbands.
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            • Profile picture of the author Midnight Oil
              Sorry, but this is long overdue . . .

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            • Profile picture of the author bizgrower
              Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

              We're called Husbands.
              I represent that remark and will be in touch with my lawyer.

              Signed,
              Claude's Gorgeous Wife
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              • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
                I did it. I finally go the stupid black cat behind my store, to let me pet him on the head.

                He backed away a little. I know it was the first time a human touched him... but it was worth the cat food, and the two years of effort.

                And......I went back out a little later, and there was a second large black cat sitting about 20 feet away. Probably brothers. I wonder if the black cat that got killed was a third brother.

                Anyway, back to work.
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                • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
                  Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

                  I did it. I finally go the stupid black cat behind my store, to let me pet him on the head.

                  He backed away a little. I know it was the first time a human touched him... but it was worth the cat food, and the two years of effort.

                  And......I went back out a little later, and there was a second large black cat sitting about 20 feet away. Probably brothers. I wonder if the black cat that got killed was a third brother.

                  Anyway, back to work.
                  Careful, you may be dealing with a Cat Mafia family here, led by The Mogfather. Illegal rat trafficking and creaming off cream running store protection rackets. You may well be approached at some point because you found the body of their brother because they suspect it was a hit from their arch enemies, the Persian Gang.

                  If you wake up to find a dead Sparrow next to you in bed I would move quickly.
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                  • Profile picture of the author positivenegative
                    Originally Posted by lanfear63 View Post

                    If you wake up to find a dead Sparrow next to you in bed . . .
                    His wife already has a dead elephant next to her in bed so I imagine it would make a pleasant change.
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                    • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
                      Originally Posted by positivenegative View Post

                      His wife already has a dead elephant next to her in bed so I imagine it would make a pleasant change.
                      I can explain that dead elephant.......






                      Oh........ you mean me. I have a glandular condition, and a very long nose. Mistakes happen.
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                      • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
                        Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

                        I can explain that dead elephant.......






                        Oh........ you mean me. I have a glandular condition, and a very long nose. Mistakes happen.
                        Oh so now we have to make Dumbo jokes about you sleeping on a Jumbo sized mattress, eating buns with your nose and your favourite soda being Fanta. You won't lure me down that path... Not going to happen!
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                  • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
                    Originally Posted by lanfear63 View Post

                    Careful, you may be dealing with a Cat Mafia family here, led by The Mogfather. Illegal rat trafficking and creaming off cream running store protection rackets. You may well be approached at some point because you found the body of their brother because they suspect it was a hit from their arch enemies, the Persian Gang.

                    If you wake up to find a dead Sparrow next to you in bed I would move quickly.
                    Expertly written.

                    Cat Mafia Family.....


                    I just found out that he'll now take a piece of chicken (no bones) out of my hand. But he wears gloves, and uses hand sanitizer. Still, no trust.
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                    • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
                      Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

                      Expertly written.

                      Cat Mafia Family.....


                      I just found out that he'll now take a piece of chicken (no bones) out of my hand. But he wears gloves, and uses hand sanitizer. Still, no trust.
                      He suspects Fowl play.
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                • Profile picture of the author yukon
                  Banned
                  Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

                  I know it was the first time a human touched him...



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                • Profile picture of the author sbucciarel
                  Banned
                  Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

                  I did it. I finally go the stupid black cat behind my store, to let me pet him on the head.
                  Wow ... progress. That's really great to hear. Funny you have new ones showing up now. lol. Can't wait to hear how that develops. This is an ongoing saga.
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                  • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
                    Originally Posted by sbucciarel View Post

                    Wow ... progress. That's really great to hear. Funny you have new ones showing up now. lol. Can't wait to hear how that develops. This is an ongoing saga.

                    Now there are three.
                    1) The stupid black cat that has half of one ear, that finally let me pet him for a split second.
                    2) A slightly larger black cat that runs away when he sees anybody. Two years ago, I think I thought there was only one black cat, when there were really two or three.
                    3) A grey cat that will take food from my hand, and then always runs away.

                    Really, the stupid black cat (or SBC) is the only one I was wanting to make friends with.
                    The grey cat is not completely feral, but I don't think I want an inside cat. Or, to put it a different way, my wife doesn't really want an inside cat. And I can't have an inside cat at the store. I've seen stores with an inside cat.

                    I may not keep feeding them, if I think other cats (or other various varmints) are taking most of the food.
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                    • Profile picture of the author Kurt
                      Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

                      Now there are three.
                      1) The stupid black cat that has half of one ear, that finally let me pet him for a split second.
                      Now I'm confused. "Your" cat has half of an ear. You found a dead cat and didn't bother to check if it had half an ear to determine of it was the same cat or not?


                      Where's Quincy M.E. when you need him?
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                      • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
                        Originally Posted by Kurt View Post

                        Now I'm confused. "Your" cat has half of an ear. You found a dead cat and didn't bother to check if it had half an ear to determine of it was the same cat or not?


                        Where's Quincy M.E. when you need him?
                        How does the fact that you're confused, make this day any different?

                        When I found the dead cat, it was pretty messed up. I don't want to get more graphic than that.

                        I'm surprised nobody brought this up sooner.
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                        • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
                          Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

                          How does the fact that you're confused, make this day any different?

                          When I found the dead cat, it was pretty messed up. I don't want to get more graphic than that.

                          I'm surprised nobody brought this up sooner.
                          Too, right, your not a Furensics expert.

                          Although I know your a great Al Stewart fan and have played The Ear Of The Cat to death.
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                          • Profile picture of the author bizgrower
                            Originally Posted by lanfear63 View Post

                            Too, right, your not a Furensics expert.

                            Although I know your a great Al Stewart fan and have played The Ear Of The Cat to death.
                            You did mean Year of the Cat?
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          • Profile picture of the author sbucciarel
            Banned
            Originally Posted by Cali16 View Post

            @Suzanne - "whole male", lol!

            Just curious; what are their neutered peers called...? Half males? Partial males? No longer male males? "I've lost my manhood" males? "OMG, they cut off my balls!!!" males? (Yeah, I better stop there....)
            Sorry ... I was reverting to my "cat fancy" years when I showed Persian cats. Probably should have just said "male cat with balls." lol.
            Cat Sex and Reproduction

            That whole male cats .....
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  • That is the coolest thing.

    What a f*cker!
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  • Profile picture of the author yukon
    Banned
    Claude's backyard when he's not at home...



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  • Profile picture of the author bizgrower
    Maybe Riffle did start having success with the Cat Cloning to Make Clauduh Insane project.
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  • Profile picture of the author bizgrower
    Crazy cat man?
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    • Profile picture of the author sbucciarel
      Banned
      Originally Posted by bizgrower View Post

      Crazy cat man?

      Claude's place



      Watch out when this happens. One of these is not the same.


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      • Profile picture of the author David Beroff
        Originally Posted by sbucciarel View Post

        Watch out when this happens. One of these is not the same.
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      • Profile picture of the author yukon
        Banned
        Originally Posted by sbucciarel View Post

        Claude's place


        Hilarious how they have a long line of food like they're feeding hogs on a farm.

        They're going to have thousands of cats in a year...


        An average cat has 1-8 kittens per litter and 2-3 litters per year. During her productive life, one female cat could have more than 100 kittens. A single pair of cats and their kittens can produce as many as 420,000 kittens in just 7 years.
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      • Profile picture of the author bizgrower
        Originally Posted by sbucciarel View Post

        Claude's place



        Is that a bear/flat coat retriever mix?
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  • Hey, it is mebbe time to take a break from the frivolous on this serious issue an' drill down on some hardcore science.

    Claude has been a good person, an' those cats are gonna love him till the end of their days — in ways which we hoomans can only dimly comprehend.

    But the festive season brings a whole buncha responsibilities for all who care for felines, an' there is stuff he gotta know.

    Gal who wrote this article is clearly a cat expert, an' somea the stuff here blew me away even more than alla the NASA Mars news we got mixin' up our understandin' of the universe right now.

    Revolutionary:

    Reasons Why Cats and Dogs Can't Wait for Christmas
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  • Profile picture of the author bizgrower
    Claude better live long and prosper:

    Meet Corduroy, the World’s Oldest Living Cat - Catster
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    • Profile picture of the author sbucciarel
      Banned
      Originally Posted by bizgrower View Post

      Claude better live long and prosper:
      Gee, we thought we might have the world's oldest cat. I won't post a pic. She doesn't look as good as Corduroy. She's 22-23. Hard of hearing and sight, bad hair day every day, but never acts likes she's in pain or sick and eats her food and drinks her water ... rarely hits the litter box.

      Every day we say .... kitty, go to the light. Go to the light. But she doesn't. She was my mother's cat and outlived my mother.
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      • Profile picture of the author bizgrower
        Originally Posted by sbucciarel View Post

        Gee, we thought we might have the world's oldest cat. I won't post a pic. She doesn't look as good as Corduroy. She's 22-23. Hard of hearing and sight, bad hair day every day, but never acts likes she's in pain or sick and eats her food and drinks her water ... rarely hits the litter box.

        Every day we say .... kitty, go to the light. Go to the light. But she doesn't. She was my mother's cat and outlived my mother.
        I had one that lived to be about 22. When it was her time, she started to go very quickly. The vet
        said everything was just shutting down. Her temperature was below normal....
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        • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
          Originally Posted by bizgrower View Post

          I had one that lived to be about 22. When it was her time, she started to go very quickly. The vet
          said everything was just shutting down. Her temperature was below normal....
          Kurt told me that when it's Claude's time he will offer to take him to the Vet to be put down. Will you be there to hold his hand when he gets the injection I asked, Surprisingly he said yes, he just wants to be sure.

          Very noble.
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          • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
            Originally Posted by lanfear63 View Post

            Kurt told me that when it's Claude's time he will offer to take him to the Vet to be put down. Will you be there to hold his hand when he gets the injection I asked, Surprisingly he said yes, he just wants to be sure.

            Very noble.
            When I die, there is a long list of people who "just want to be sure".


            Mark; You are truly a gifted writer. I hope you are using that gift in some way. You could even be a comedy writer, I think.
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            • Profile picture of the author bizgrower
              Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

              When I die, there is a long list of people who "just want to be sure".


              Mark; You are truly a gifted writer. I hope you are using that gift in some way. You could even be a comedy writer, I think.
              Ian will need to patch things up with Taylor Swift. If she can stop Apple, she could certainly put the kibosh on his writing career.
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              • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
                I saw Al Stewart perform at Dosey Doe's (an intimate place near Houston with perfect acoustics) about a year ago. Now in his late sixties he was accompanied by one guitarist/singer and occasionally a bass player. His voice still great and his life's anecdotes very funny. He's British but lives in the US.

                They have a lot of notable singers/bands from the past play there. Last week I saw The Buckinghams from Chicago, They had 5 hit records in 1967, still going strong, looking good and played an excellent set. Here is their only number one that knocked the Monkee's off the top spot, see if you remember it, a minor hit in the UK I think.

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          • Profile picture of the author bizgrower
            Originally Posted by lanfear63 View Post

            Kurt told me that when it's Claude's time he will offer to take him to the Vet to be put down. Will you be there to hold his hand when he gets the injection I asked, Surprisingly he said yes, he just wants to be sure.

            Very noble.
            I think I'm going to take out life insurance policies on Kurt, Claude and Riffle.
            Myself as beneficiary, of course. I'm a little worried about Riffle making Claude's demise
            look like a suicide.
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            • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
              Originally Posted by bizgrower View Post

              I think I'm going to take out life insurance policies on Kurt, Claude and Riffle.
              Myself as beneficiary, of course. I'm a little worried about Riffle making Claude's demise
              look like a suicide
              .
              Note to Riffle; My doctor recently told me that I have a condition....he said eating large quantities of Lobster, while having sex with Jessica Biel...would surely be fatal.

              Just a tip.
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      • Profile picture of the author agc
        Originally Posted by sbucciarel View Post

        ... rarely hits the litter box.

        Every day we say .... kitty, go to the light. Go to the light. But she doesn't.
        lol priceless
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  • Looks kinda purrsine.
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    • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
      Now that the readership of this thread is down to two (me being one)...I have to report.

      The large black cat with two ears, keeps trying to take the food from the other black cat. I open the door, he runs away, maybe 30 feet. I close the door for a second, and open it again, catching him in mid leap...running for the food. Yesterday, I spent several minutes playing "hide and seek" with that cat, And today, I stood out there with that cat staring , licking his chops, as the other black cat, ate his fill.

      But that isn't the big news (are you sitting down?)

      This evening, the gray cat sat outside, waiting to get fed (apparently these cats have decided to work in shifts) The gray cat appears in the evening.

      I went out with two pieces of chicken, she (I think) took them out of my hand, and ate them right there, without running away.

      I went back inside, got half a cup of dry cat food, and started putting it in the dish, The cat ate it as I was pouring it. And I pet the cat.

      I pet the cat for more than a minute. The entire time, it was making noise, like it was talking to me. I have a feeling it was saying "Stop touching me, while I eat. Do you like people touching you while you eat?".

      Anyway, I now have a semi tame friend....as long as I feed her. I know how this works, I've been married for 28 years.

      Anyway, it was a nice Christmas present for me.
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      • Profile picture of the author sbucciarel
        Banned
        Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

        But that isn't the big news (are you sitting down?)

        This evening, the gray cat sat outside, waiting to get fed (apparently these cats have decided to wok in shifts) The gray cat appears in the evening.

        I went out with two pieces of chicken, she (I think) took them out of my hand, and ate them right there, without running away.

        I went back insde, got half a cup of dry cat food, and started putting it in the dish, The cat ate it as I was pouring it. And I pet the cat.

        I pet the cat for more than a minute. The entire time, it was making noise, like it was talking to me. I have a feeling it was saying "Stop touching me, while I eat. Do you like people touching you while you eat?".

        Anyway, I now have a semi tame friend....as long as I feed her. I know how this works, I've been married for 28 years.

        Anyway, it was a nice Christmas present for me.
        lol ... Merry Christmas. I think that's called purring, unless the cat was making a different kind of noise. I've only heard purring, yowling, hissing, growling and the noise they make when fighting and when in heat from cats, so having a semi tame cat that has discussions with you is a Christmas present indeed.
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        • Profile picture of the author bizgrower
          Originally Posted by sbucciarel View Post

          lol ... Merry Christmas. I think that's called purring, unless the cat was making a different kind of noise. I've only heard purring, yowling, hissing, growling and the noise they make when fighting and when in heat from cats, so having a semi tame cat that has discussions with you is a Christmas present indeed.
          It is Claude we are talking about. Who knows?
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  • Cats gonna sell the heart runnin' the store.
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    • Profile picture of the author yukon
      Banned
      Originally Posted by Princess Balestra View Post

      Cats gonna sell the heart runnin' the store.

      He could also use the hairballs they cough up once an hour to demo the vacuums for customers.

      I'd just leave the front door open all day with a trail of cat food leading into the showroom.
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      • Profile picture of the author Jill Carpenter
        Originally Posted by bizgrower View Post

        I think I'm going to take out life insurance policies on Kurt, Claude and Riffle.
        Myself as beneficiary, of course. I'm a little worried about Riffle making Claude's demise
        look like a suicide.
        Who's got the lottery started on which one is going to kick it first? I have $10 floating around. Let me know when you get this organized.
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        • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
          Originally Posted by Jill Carpenter View Post

          Who's got the lottery started on which one is going to kick it first? I have $10 floating around. Let me know when you get this organized.
          I guaranty it will be Claude. I've met him in person and witnessed his dietary habits. He lives on Mountain Dew and Hostess Snow Balls.

          Quick bit of Claude trivia: he'll eat anything with "balls" in the title.
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          • Profile picture of the author Kurt
            Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

            I guaranty it will be Claude. I've met him in person and witnessed his dietary habits. He lives on Mountain Dew and Hostess Snow Balls.

            Quick bit of Claude trivia: he'll eat anything with "balls" in the title.
            Sadly, Claude still thinks Swedish meatballs come from guys named Swen.
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            • Profile picture of the author yukon
              Banned
              Originally Posted by Kurt View Post

              Sadly, Claude still thinks Swedish meatballs come from guys named Swen.
              He said that only happened once in college.
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              • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
                Originally Posted by yukon View Post

                He said that only happened once in college.
                But daily ever since.
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              • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
                Originally Posted by yukon View Post

                He said that only happened once in college.
                I needed the money.
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            • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
              Originally Posted by Kurt View Post

              Sadly, Claude still thinks Swedish meatballs come from guys named Swen.
              Swedish Meatballs was of course one of a series of 8 minute shorts Claude made in the 70's when he worked for Colored Climax under the name Sven Swenska. Other titles included Danish Bacon, featuring a Sow called Rasher and the notoriously titled "Bare Back Bacon"

              These were originally shot on Super 8 film and had no sound but have since been loving restored and transferred to DVD and digital format. Soundtracks have been added featuring the voice over talents of Terra Kern and Big Frank amongst others. Surprisingly, no one has owned up to doing the squealing pig noise.
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        • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
          Originally Posted by Jill Carpenter View Post

          Who's got the lottery started on which one is going to kick it first? I have $10 floating around. Let me know when you get this organized.
          I bet I go first. Remember, if I die first, you owe me ten bucks!
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          • Profile picture of the author Cali16
            It all starts with that first pet on the head...

            Claude two years from now...



            Claude's house two years from now...



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          • Profile picture of the author David Beroff
            Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

            I bet I go first. Remember, if I die first, you owe me ten bucks!
            She'll write you a check.
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  • Gotta love cup an' balls magic.

    It is sleight of hand, but palmin' is such sweet swallow.
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    • Profile picture of the author Jill Carpenter
      Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

      I guaranty it will be Claude. I've met him in person and witnessed his dietary habits. He lives on Mountain Dew and Hostess Snow Balls.

      Quick bit of Claude trivia: he'll eat anything with "balls" in the title.
      Even Moth Balls? Hmm, insider information. Good for figuring out my strategy...
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  • Profile picture of the author Kurt
    It was just announced that Claude won the "Wooster Man of the Year" award....by Steve Harvey.
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    • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
      Originally Posted by Kurt View Post

      It was just announced that Claude won the "Wooster Man of the Year" award....by Steve Harvey.
      Thank God he apologized, after he announced you as the winner. Boy, I bet that was embarrassing. Well, at least I now am the true winner.
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    • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
      Originally Posted by Kurt View Post

      It was just announced that Claude won the "Wooster Man of the Year" award....by Steve Harvey.
      Oh God, you mean Riffle won it again? He will be so disappointed. Mind you, he should have read the Goatie requirement in the rules. It was a close shave.
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  • Profile picture of the author whateverpedia
    So, can we wrap this thread up by all agreeing that Claude is pussy-whipped?
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    • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
      Originally Posted by whateverpedia View Post

      So, can we wrap this thread up by all agreeing that Claude is pussy-whipped?
      You have no idea how true that is.
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  • He sure is a pussy magnet is all I know.

    That is some pull he got on his pole.
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  • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
    Here's what I don't get: how is it that you always have cooked boneless chicken on hand to feed these cats? I know for a fact that you don't eat it...unless you've got a Costco-sized vat of mayo inside the store...


    Never mind. Answered my own question.
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    • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
      Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

      Here's what I don't get: how is it that you always have cooked boneless chicken on hand to feed these cats? I know for a fact that you don't eat it...unless you've got a Costco-sized vat of mayo inside the store...


      Never mind. Answered my own question.
      About once a week, I buy a bucket of KFC grilled chicken. After a few days, whatever's left, I just break off pieces, and feed it to the cat.
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      • Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

        About once a week, I buy a bucket of KFC grilled chicken. After a few days, whatever's left, I just break off pieces, and feed it to the cat.
        Cats are so cool like that.

        You gotta watch givin' chicken bones to dogs, but cats got better etiquette.

        Plus, they ain't so frickin' stoopid.
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      • Profile picture of the author positivenegative
        Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

        About once a week, I buy a bucket of KFC grilled chicken.
        And what a weekly bucket it is!

        Yeah. I understand the neighbors complain about the noise your delivery guy makes.


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        • Originally Posted by positivenegative View Post

          Yeah. I understand the neighbors complain about the noise your delivery guy makes.
          Accordin' to Mike Anthony there is at least one chopper up there playin' host to a horse.
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      • Profile picture of the author TimPhelan
        Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

        About once a week, I buy a bucket of KFC grilled chicken. After a few days, whatever's left, I just break off pieces, and feed it to the cat.
        You feed the cat paper?
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        • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
          Originally Posted by TimPhelan View Post

          You feed the cat paper?
          No. One cat actually asked for paper, but I figured that he was teasing me.
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          • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
            Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

            No. One cat actually asked for paper, but I figured that he was teasing me.
            Tut, they had a thriving Origami club out there in the woods until you refused to supply more paper, Then it folded.
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            • Originally Posted by lanfear63 View Post

              Tut, they had a thriving Origami club out there in the woods until you refused to supply more paper, Then it folded.
              I love Origami, mainly cos I suck at it.

              But I got some tangram stuff somewhere, might pull it our an' make some cats.

              Meanwhile, check these out:

              Origami Cats 3 | Gilad's Origami Page

              The one by Katsuta Kyouhei (ha!) is super kewl mewl.
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            • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
              Originally Posted by lanfear63 View Post

              Tut, they had a thriving Origami club out there in the woods until you refused to supply more paper, Then it folded.

              I like Origami. But I rather enjoy cutting paper into erotic shapes, with a partner. It's called scissoring.
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              • Profile picture of the author TimPhelan
                Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

                But I rather enjoy....scissoring.
                Ummm. Claude, you do realize only lesbians partake in that activity? Is there something you haven’t shared with us?
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                • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
                  Originally Posted by TimPhelan View Post

                  Ummm. Claude, you do realize only lesbians partake in that activity? Is there something you haven't shared with us?
                  He used to have a few of those scenes in his movies but stopped it as a few accidents occurred when the director yelled "Cut"
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                • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
                  Originally Posted by TimPhelan View Post

                  Ummm. Claude, you do realize only lesbians partake in that activity? Is there something you haven't shared with us?

                  That's sexist talk. Next thing you'll be telling me, is that I can't get pregnant because I'm too old.

                  And that's ageism.
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                  • Profile picture of the author positivenegative
                    Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

                    That's sexist talk. Next thing you'll be telling me, is that I can't get pregnant because I'm too old.
                    Heaven forbid.


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                    • Profile picture of the author tagiscom
                      Originally Posted by Princess Balestra View Post

                      Way I see it, any accurate measurement of Circumference Doom gonna depend on schlongitude.
                      And a tape measure with mm on it?


                      Originally Posted by lanfear63 View Post

                      He used to have a few of those scenes in his movies but stopped it as a few accidents occurred when the director yelled "Cut"
                      Yes, this movie was based on the best selling book, by Claudette, (alias) and was a best seller for years.

                      Well, Playboy issue 1988 -1991, in the back, somewhere?



                      They never made a sequel since, since the overuse of Viagra in the dunuts and spiked egg-nog, got this movie banned?

                      Some of the audience where also found hanging from the rafters afterwards, certainly enough to put the Hunger Games to shame!

                      Arrrr, memories!


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              • Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

                I like Origami. But I rather enjoy cutting paper into erotic shapes, with a partner. It's called scissoring.
                Guess you need a sharp paira scissors here so the paper don't snag on the blades.

                Jus' gotta watch out for gettin' carried away with overzealous slicin'.

                Those blades get outta control, an' you could lose an eyeball.
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              • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
                Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

                I like Origami. But I rather enjoy cutting paper into erotic shapes, with a partner. It's called scissoring.
                I just found out why you would not give them any paper, you hate Cat Litter.
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          • Profile picture of the author TimPhelan
            Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

            No. One cat actually asked for paper, but I figured that he was teasing me.
            Hmmm. I bet you are the tease. You come out with the bucket and the cat thinks he's going to actually get some chicken. smh

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  • Profile picture of the author Kurt
    Something isn't right with this whole story and I still have my suspicions...I think Claude killed the cat and the other cats saw Claude try to hide the body in the dumpster.

    I heard one of them shout to Claude, "You dirty rat! You're the guy that killed my brother!"

    Now the surviving cats are plotting...they're making Claude give them cat food and chicken as payola to not tell the coppers.
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    • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
      Originally Posted by Kurt View Post

      Something isn't right with this whole story and I still have my suspicions...I think Claude killed the cat and the other cats saw Claude try to hide the body in the dumpster.

      I heard one of them shout to Claude, "You dirty rat! You're the guy that killed my brother!"

      Now the surviving cats are plotting...they're making Claude give them cat food and chicken as payola to not tell the coppers.
      "I heard one of them shout to Claude, "You dirty rat! You're the guy that killed my brother!"

      That would be Cagney the Cat, wanted in 4 states for Rat-eteering, a Tom.. His kid is even more dangerous and owns a Tom-son Sub-Machine Gun.

      Bottom of barrel scraping sounds
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    • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
      Originally Posted by Kurt View Post

      Something isn't right with this whole story and I still have my suspicions...I think Claude killed the cat and the other cats saw Claude try to hide the body in the dumpster.

      I heard one of them shout to Claude, "You dirty rat! You're the guy that killed my brother!"

      Now the surviving cats are plotting...they're making Claude give them cat food and chicken as payola to not tell the coppers.
      I'm going to schlong the surviving cats.

      "Schlong" is a very common political term, that means "defeating them".

      I just found that out. We can now use the word "Schlong" in our everyday conversations.

      Call me Donald.
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      • Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

        I'm going to schlong the surviving cats.
        Yipes!

        From an editin' perspective, I really wish I had a hand on your schlong right now so I could pull it out.
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      • Profile picture of the author PaulSch
        Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post


        "Schlong" is a very common political term, that means "defeating them".

        Call me Donald.
        I thought that's what everybody called Donald.






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        • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
          Originally Posted by PaulSch View Post

          I thought that's what everybody called Donald.


          Get my new WSO - Helpful translation of Yiddish words and phrases to avoid embarrassment on public forums. Only $5k today.

          "Get my new WSO - Helpful translation of Yiddish words and phrases to avoid embarrassment on public forums. Only $5k today."

          Inventive.
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      • Profile picture of the author TimPhelan
        Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

        I'm going to schlong the surviving cats.

        "Schlong" is a very common political term, that means "defeating them".

        I just found that out. We can now use the word "Schlong" in our everyday conversations.

        Call me Donald.
        Where were you earlier, Claude? You disappeared! Oh, I know. Disgusting! Ewww. Yucky yucky. Disgusting. Patooie.
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        • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
          Originally Posted by TimPhelan View Post

          Where were you earlier, Claude? You disappeared! Oh, I know. Disgusting! Ewww. Yucky yucky. Disgusting. Patooie.
          Tim; Get your mind out of the gutter. I have it on the highest authority (just ask him) that this word is perfectly OK, and means nothing sexual.

          On a side note (and I'm not kidding), I told my wife about the post I wrote, and she said, "What's a schlong?"
          She had no idea. I said, "It's a Jewish word that means "kitten".

          I'm going to put that gem in my pocket and use it on Christmas dinner.

          I'm going to see if I can get my brother-in-law to spit out a drink through his nose.
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          • Profile picture of the author TimPhelan
            Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

            Tim; Get your mind out of the gutter. I have it on the highest authority (just ask him) that this word is perfectly OK, and means nothing sexual.

            On a side note (and I'm not kidding), I told my wife about the post I wrote, and she said, "What's a schlong?"
            She had no idea. I said, "It's a Jewish word that means "kitten".

            I'm going to put that gem in my pocket and use it on Christmas dinner.

            I'm going to see if I can get my brother-in-law to spit out a drink through his nose.
            No, I wasn't referring to your use of Schlong, which of course is a perfectly acceptable word to use in any sort of social setting, especially Xmas dinner.

            I was referring to what you were doing before you logged in here this morning. You know what it was. I'm not going to say it though because it's disgusting. I just threw up in my mouth thinking about it. Yucky.
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            • Profile picture of the author bizgrower
              Originally Posted by TimPhelan View Post

              No, I wasn't referring to your use of Schlong, which of course is a perfectly acceptable word to use in any sort of social setting, especially Xmas dinner.

              I was referring to what you were doing before you logged in here this morning. You know what it was. I'm not going to say it though because it's disgusting. I just threw up in my mouth thinking about it. Yucky.
              Even inquiring minds don't want to know.
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          • Profile picture of the author bizgrower
            Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

            Tim; Get your mind out of the gutter. I have it on the highest authority (just ask him) that this word is perfectly OK, and means nothing sexual.

            On a side note (and I'm not kidding), I told my wife about the post I wrote, and she said, "What's a schlong?"
            She had no idea. I said, "It's a Jewish word that means "kitten".
            Thanks a lot, Claude. I really don't need a gender identity issue this late in life.
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  • Profile picture of the author Kurt
    The code name for the cat with half an ear and Claude is "Puss and Boots". I'm not totally sure why they refer to the cat as "Boots".
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  • Way I see it, any accurate measurement of Circumference Doom gonna depend on schlongitude.
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    • Profile picture of the author TimPhelan
      Originally Posted by Princess Balestra View Post

      Way I see it, any accurate measurement of Circumference Doom gonna depend on schlongitude.
      Schlongitude and fatitude. Don't forget the fatitude.
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      • Profile picture of the author positivenegative
        Originally Posted by TimPhelan View Post

        Schlongitude and fatitude. Don't forget the fatitude.
        I'll save Claude the pressure on his stubby typing finger:

        Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

        Your remarks are very offensive. I have a glandular condition. I'm glad you think it's funny.

        I'm very sensitive about my weight.
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      • Originally Posted by TimPhelan View Post

        Schlongitude and fatitude. Don't forget the fatitude.
        Weird thing is, the fatitude belts become more like thinnitude closer to the poles.
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        • Profile picture of the author positivenegative
          Originally Posted by Princess Balestra View Post

          Weird thing is, the fatitude belts become more like thinnitude closer to the poles.
          They take a lot of the jobs over here but other than that I've no issues with the Polish.
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