Free Will

This is part of a conversation I had with my Wife’s nephew at a family gathering. It’s edited slightly, for brevity.

My wife’s nephew told me, “God gave us free will, to decide for ourselves”. (Honestly, I no longer remember the context of the conversation)

I said, “No”. He said, “You mean you don’t think it was God?”

I said, “That, and we don’t have free will. None of us, not even me”. And that’s how it started.

Him, “What do you mean? I can decide anything I want”.

Me, “No. Your conscious thoughts are just the end result of electrical signals in your brain. He have no choice in what they are. They are determined by genetics, brain chemistry, your experience, and instinct. You really aren’t choosing anything. Neither am I”

Him; “I just decided that I want this piece of chocolate”

Me, “But what happened just before you realized you wanted the chocolate? What process happened just before you spoke?”

Him; “I don’t know. It was unconscious”

Me, “Yes. And we do not choose what happens unconsciously. It’s automatic, mechanical”

Him; “But I decided that I wanted the piece of chocolate”

Me, “But did you decide that you like chocolate? Was that a decision? Or did you just discover you liked chocolate, after you tasted it? What made you decide that you wanted a piece of chocolate?”

Him; “But I choose what I like”

Me, “Really? Let’s test that. Do you love your children?”

Him, “Of course”

Me, “Ok. Pick one. For the next 5 minutes…don’t love your child. You don’t have to say anything, nobody will know. Just stop loving your child for 5 minutes”

Him; “That’s ridiculous”

Me, “No. It’s impossible. You have no control over how you feel. How you feel, isn’t a decision…it’s a discovery. “


Him, “You mentioned loving my kids. But I decided to love my wife”

Me, “No. Sorry, but no. Again, stop loving your wife for 5 minutes. Can you do it?”

Him, “I don’t want to. That’s a choice”

Me, “But what makes you not want to? What makes the thought undesirable? All of this happens deep down in the subconscious. Way below our conscious ability to choose. Our subconscious tells us what to think, and then our conscious awareness is informed what that thought is. Our conscious mind isn’t making decisions, it’s receiving decisions made unconsciously. Mostly by instinct and emotion”

Him. “I decide who my friends are”

Me, “Your friends are people you enjoy being with. Am I right? You cannot choose what you enjoy. Enjoying someone is a response…not a decision”

Me again, “Am I irritating you with his conversation?”

Him, “Yes”

Me, “That feeling of irritation…. Can you stop it? Just consciously stop being irritated for a minute…and then go back to being irritated again?”

Him, “That’s not how it works”

Me, “That’s right. We have no control over how we feel, what we believe, who we like, and even how we respond”

Him, “I choose the words I say”

Me, “Your words were decided on, just before you said them, the entire process your brain goes through to choose your thought, and then the words you use…is all done without conscious thought. In fact, do you only speak English?”

Him, “Yeah”

Me, “So, your words are limited by the language you speak. You can’t choose to speak another language. And you can’t choose to use words you aren’t familiar with. The words you use are determined by how often you hear them, how often you have used them in the past, your emotional attachment to them, and your memory of how they are used. None of this requires making a conscious choice. It’s all done before you speak.”

Him, “You talk like we are all puppets. I suppose you’re different”

Me, “Nope. Every word I say is determined by what you just said, and a quick algorithm in my brain that determines how I respond. Every like, dislike, passion, prejudice…..are just part of me. I have no choice. And we are all puppets, even me. I’m just a puppet that can see the strings”


It’s a rough draft. I may use it as part of a chapter in a book I’m thinking of writing.

Enjoy, or don’t.