Do you ever have a problem with your computer, programs, wordpress or need tech support...

[Bev Clement]

xkcd - A Webcomic - Tech Support Cheat Sheet no affiliate link not my site, but you can become the next expert

[tj]

Originally Posted by Bev Clement

xkcd - A Webcomic - Tech Support Cheat Sheet no affiliate link not my site, but you can become the next expert

Bev, it will become handy very soon - my Mother-in-law got a new computer last week - but still cannot use it for a A+ certification.

Timo

[cheesy]

Haha, awesome diagram Sure did help me, taught me to give up and ask someone else xD

[Roger Mayne]

Great Bev, just destroyed my IT support business!!! Now my users know my secrets!!

[JazzOscar]

Excellent cheat sheet for creating some work for us IT professionals to earn our living.

I especially like the iterations that causes an unknowledgable computer user to test out different menu choices and googled advice, that he/she may not be qualified to follow, for half an hour before giving up.

Before those iterations the cost of having a professional fix the problem might have been $50-100. I might even fix it for free if my customer called me and we could get things to work over the phone in 5-10 minutes.

After those iterations, the support cost easily ends up at $200-300.

[SimonHarrison]

Originally Posted by Bev Clement

xkcd - A Webcomic - Tech Support Cheat Sheet no affiliate link not my site, but you can become the next expert

Failing that, simply insert a high level power interupt.

[Turn it off and then onagain]

2 months ago I cudn't even spell IT ingeneer, now I are one.

[MeTellYou]

Now, that's funny You seriously made me laugh. I am sending that to my friend

[Kevin Riley]

I have a problem with my computer Can they fix personal differences?

[rosetrees]

I LOVE it. I'm going to print it out and take it with me!

As for "turn it off and turn it on again" (SimonHarrison) - I have clients who think I'm a GENIUS because I've told them to do just that and it works!!

Carol

[Lou Diamond]

Hello,
I have two teenage sons that do my it work,
thats what teenagers are for.

[Mary Gallivan]

Nice one Bev!!!

I've been looking for a simple solution like this for a long time. Now I'm an expert - and in just a few minutes. Wonder if I can make it into a book???

Mary

[SimonHarrison]

Originally Posted by rosetrees

I LOVE it. I'm going to print it out and take it with me!

As for "turn it off and turn it on again" (SimonHarrison) - I have clients who think I'm a GENIUS because I've told them to do just that and it works!!

Carol

I was an IT engineer running an internal helpdesk for a corporate for 3 years, trust me .. I know ... :-)

[Bev Clement]

Originally Posted by Kevin Riley

I have a problem with my computer Can they fix personal differences?

Only one answer for your problem Kevin, contact hamster support or mail slave

[JazzOscar]

Originally Posted by SimonHarrison

-----[Turn it off and then onagain]-----

I have an even more impressing action that will leave the ones you help with the impression of you being some kind of a healer with "warm" hands.

Example follows;

• A customer calls me telling me that his server has stopped for some reason
• The customer tells me he has tried to push the on/off button without anything happening
• I ask the customer to leave the server alone and to detatch the power cable
• I turn up at the customers site 30-45 minutes later
• I attach the power cable to the server, touches it with my "warm" hands and then push the on/off button
• The server starts up as it should

Power supplies sometimes hang, probably caused by some voltage hangup in their internal circuitry. So, alas, it's the time passed detached from the power cable that does the trick, not my "warm" hands.

[seasoned]

HEY, that is what I do if I don't have the answer and am FORCED to use X! You CAN'T call tech support! IT DOESN'T EXIST!!!!!!!! You CAN'T go to a company like Geek Squad. I described a problem I had, and EVERY answer they gave ignored the basic premise! They never DID give anything that even had a CHANCE of having a CHANCE to work. So what can you do?

What I do, if I think it might be an option(follow obvious options, then not so obvious ones).

What I do if I DON'T think there is an option, or it is impractical(google).

What I do if THAT fails? try "tech support". They almost ALWAYS fail, but you NEVER know.

What I do if THAT fails, or they are more convenient? Ask a friend.

What I do if THAT fails? change the basic premise. If someone asks me to do it in perl, and I know how to do it in say C, I will use C. If the problem is with a piece of hardware, I will try to change it. etc...

Steve

[Patrician]

Very funny, Bev.

When I first started in tech support in the 80's, I learned that the first question you need to ask is:

Is your computer plugged in?

Believe it or not that solves a lot of problems!

[seasoned]

Originally Posted by JazzOscar

I have an even more impressing action that will leave the ones you help with the impression of you being some kind of a healer with "warm" hands.

Example follows;

• A customer calls me telling me that his server has stopped for some reason
• The customer tells me he has tried to push the on/off button without anything happening
• I ask the customer to leave the server alone and to detatch the power cable
• I turn up at the customers site 30-45 minutes later
• I attach the power cable to the server, touches it with my "warm" hands and then push the on/off button
• The server starts up as it should

Power supplies sometimes hang, probably caused by some voltage hangup in their internal circuitry. So, alas, it's the time passed detached from the power cable that does the trick, not my "warm" hands.

There are only TWO ways power supplies "hang"....

1. Heat can cause components, and thus supply tolerances, to go out of spec. Unplugging, or turning off for a period, will cause them to cool down, and work for some period before possibly failing AGAIN!

2. Power is VERY unstable, and computers need it PRECISE, so power supplies can have HUGE capacitors. Unplugging, or turning off for a period, will cause them to be drained. Assuming other circuitry on the board has been stalled by a surge, or something, the voltage falling below a certain point can rectify things.

NEITHER case requires it to be unplugged. The on/off switch generally turns off the power INTO the powersupply.

Steve

[KimW]

Originally Posted by Patrician

Very funny, Bev.

When I first started in tech support in the 80's, I learned that the first question you need to ask is:

Is your computer plugged in?

Believe it or not that solves a lot of problems!

And of course the next question is: Is it powered on?

[Michael Oksa]

They could add a box to the diagram....

"Did your computer melt?"

Make BOTH options "NO" and put it back into the loop.

I think that's the main difference: fear of "breaking" the computer. The reason this isn't a major issue is that the people who are the most worried about it, are the least likely to know how to get to the registry, open the Run dialog, type "msconfig" (or similar).

All the best,
Michael

[Patrician]

Originally Posted by KimW

And of course the next question is: Is it powered on?

Oh, now you want to confuse me, eh?

How in the hell would I know? Power shmower.

HAY! You mean that light thingy? No it's not on.


I still always laugh at the one where the

Lady calls up and is screaming that she can't print her document.

Tech: Well can you tell me what steps you have taken?

Lady: I have been sitting here for 30 minutes holding the paper up to the screen and nothing happens!

[seasoned]

Originally Posted by Michael Oksa

They could add a box to the diagram....

"Did your computer melt?"

Make BOTH options "NO" and put it back into the loop.

I think that's the main difference: fear of "breaking" the computer. The reason this isn't a major issue is that the people who are the most worried about it, are the least likely to know how to get to the registry, open the Run dialog, type "msconfig" (or similar).

All the best,
Michael

You don't ************************EVER********************** ***** want to tell a stranger how to do ANYTHING destructive! DON'T speak about the registry, because they may wipe it out, or change it. SAME THING with msconfig. OK, true story time! Is everyone comfortable?

I'll wait......

OK? Good!

Maybe most people here don't remember, but there USED to be a set of codes called ASCII. They covered not only 0-9 and a-z, but various commands which were called things like escape, C/R, and CONTROL CODES! The CONTROL CODES did special things. ^J(aka control J) was linefeed, ^M was CR, ^I was tab, ^S was PAUSE transmission(XOFF), ^Q was start transmission(XON), ^@ was do nothing(null), and ^C was TERMINATE PROGRAM. Perhaps some have used ^C(hold down the control key while pushing C) to terminate a LINUX or UNIX program here. BTW M/S wants to do things differently, so windows uses this as the COPY TO BUFFER command. 8-(

Well, I had only been programming a decade or so, and hadn't yet learned how stupid some people can be. So I went out on a support call. I had to stop a process, and I made a BIG mistake. Someone was near me when I hit ^C! I left, and things were working FINE!

A couple days later, we got a call. Things weren't posting. I thought IMPOSSIBLE!!!!!!! NO WAY!!!!!!! Eventually, I found that they hit ^C right after the invoices printed! ON PURPOSE! I asked why, and they said that it made things run faster! All they wanted were the invoices!

I told them that we WEREN'T trying to slow things down. It was actually doing stuff!

Anyone here want to guess what it was doing??????????

YEP, POSTING!!!! And WHAT is the point of printing invoices if you don't track them anyway?

Steve

[seasoned]

Originally Posted by Patrician

Oh, now you want to confuse me, eh?

How in the hell would I know? Power shmower.

HAY! You mean that light thingy? No it's not on.


I still always laugh at the one where the

Lady calls up and is screaming that she can't print her document.

Tech: Well can you tell me what steps you have taken?

Lady I have been sitting here for 30 minutes holding the paper up to the screen and nothing happens!

Yeah, how CAN you tell if it is on? I mean most computer makers don't even trust us to have a power switch! I think the last computer I bought with a power switch was about 12 YEARS ago! TODAY, they have a switch that tells the COMPUTER to power down. And there is not necessarily ANY indication from the "power switch" unless it has a light. And they USED to say on/off, THEN they said 1/0, NOW they look almost like the tire pressure idiot lights in cars.

Speaking of which, WHO STOLE OUR RESET SWITCHES!?!?!? Computers used to have RESET switches! It was practically LAW! Heck, when my blackberry first failed, I had to use its reset switch to fix THAT!

Of course, I say half this stuff in jest. I learned to live with decisions made in a FEEBLE attempt to help others. Still, I HATE it!

As for the document print deal, is that REALLY something someone seriously did? I mean without SPECIAL paper in a DARK room, and special developers, that wouldn't work AT ALL! Even THEN, it would be slow, tedious, and low resolution process. WHO would think otherwise?

Steve

[JazzOscar]

Originally Posted by seasoned

-----2. Power is VERY unstable, and computers need it PRECISE, so power supplies can have HUGE capacitors. Unplugging, or turning off for a period, will cause them to be drained. Assuming other circuitry on the board has been stalled by a surge, or something, the voltage falling below a certain point can rectify things.-----

Your #2 alternative was just what I meant, I just couldn't remember the english word capacitor, so I found it easier not to go into the finer details. Funny, when you don't have a language as your first language, how well you understand a word but how easy that word is to forget when you want to use it yourself.

Originally Posted by seasoned

-----NEITHER case requires it to be unplugged. The on/off switch generally turns off the power INTO the powersupply.

Steve

I know, but I think this server had an extra on/off switch which I didn't bother having the customer crawling around searching for amidst a multitude of cables.

[seasoned]

WOW, I didn't know they were called kondensator there. Ironically, the less capable ones USED to be called condensers in English. Don't ask me why!

Anyway, I was REALLY taken aback by you stating that you had the customer wait for you to plug it back in. YIKES! HERE, that often costs like $50!

Steve

[Patrician]

[Patrician]

[Patrician]

[Michael Oksa]

Not sure if you got my point or not Steve. What I'm saying is that the ones who most afraid of wrecking their computer are the ones least likely to know enough to do so.

~Michael

[seasoned]

Originally Posted by Michael Oksa

Not sure if you got my point or not Steve. What I'm saying is that the ones who most afraid of wrecking their computer are the ones least likely to know enough to do so.

~Michael

I understood! I was just emphasizing that you should NEVER help them out there! People fall into pretty much three groups.....

1. Those that intuitively know a lot, and know what they DON'T know! I, for example, won't even open another persons computer without their permission and their knowing the risks, and NEVER without the proper precautions. I will try to research when needed. If I use a transformer on a laptop. I try to make sure it is IDENTICAL. If I have no choice, I try to make sure the voltage and amperage are the same, and that the polarity is right.
2. Those that are scared to go farther, and will ask almost anything!
3. Those that think they can do anything without any fear. I have seen people switch transformers, etc... and FRY systems.

I used to not know that #3 was such a large group. My story was about such a group.

Steve

[CDarklock]

Originally Posted by Patrician

When I first started in tech support in the 80's, I learned that the first question you need to ask is:

Is your computer plugged in?

No, no, no! That doesn't work anymore! They say "of COURSE it's plugged in, I'm not an idiot!" - so you have to be sneaky.

"Sometimes dust gets in the outlets. Unplug your computer, blow in the outlet to clear the dust, and then plug it back in."

Idiot moron on the phone goes down there thinking you're pulling his leg, and sees that it's unplugged. He thinks "oh crap, I'm an idiot," but realises you don't know this! So he makes loud blowing noises in the outlet, then plugs it in. Which, of course, solves the problem!

"Hey, thanks, that did the trick."

This also works with keyboard cables, mouse cables, monitor cables, USB ports...

[CDarklock]

Originally Posted by seasoned

Speaking of which, WHO STOLE OUR RESET SWITCHES!?!?!? Computers used to have RESET switches!

Yeah! And every once in a while, the cat would see the hard drive light flickering, and reset my computer! So the first thing I did with a new computer was crack the case, trace the reset switch, and pull the freaking jumper off the motherboard!

Now we don't have them. That's a few minutes of my life back. Thank you very much for trying to waste them again, JERK.

[seasoned]

As I told you earlier, tech support no longer really exists. It was nice for a while but, now, FORGET IT! Anyway, I got bored, and read a site that is always funny. SUPPOSEDLY this stuff is all true, and I HAVE seen worse, so I figured I would flip things over on you!

Microsoft Vissa, Hey That's Ours, & More Support Stories - The Daily WTF

Granted, some show how the user can be to blame, but get a load of the first one! Does dell have ANY software that is not 3rd party!?!?

Steve

[KimW]

Steve, That is so very typical of a Dell support call!

[Patrician]

Ah yes, the other side of the coin.

The world-wide GNARLY customer/technical support.

... and yes Dell is notably BAD.

So much so that I raised so much trouble that I got a refund on my Service Contract.

- It took about 10 phone calls but I did get $189 and I have no doubt the only reason was so I would stop calling to complain to every department on their endless telephone loop.

I have no doubt that heads rolled and shortly after I noticed they were publically rebuked en masse and changed their tune to some degree.

[Mohsin Rasool]

Hi Bev,

Thanks for sharing, this is great diagram.... However i think, only computer savvy can follow this
picture with dare LOL

Regards,
Mohsin

[CDarklock]

XKCD won my eternal loyalty with this one.

xkcd - A Webcomic - The Sierpinski Penis Game

I just giggle insanely about this, and people look at me funny.