These Guys are The Worst Email Marketers EVER

[Ron Douglas]

And the award for the worst email marketers of all time goes to - Spammers.

No, not Internet Marketers who send out emails to an opt-in list twice per day. I'm talking about real Viagra and Penis Enlargement pill peddling spammers.

You would think that with so much experience sending out emails, they would get better at it. But no, 99% of the Spam emails I get are immediately identifiable as Spam and get deleted quick. The subject line usually gives it away.

I don't even open them because they filter their lists by people who actually open the emails. They want to know that they're sending to a real email account with an owner who opens his mail. The more you open them, the more emails you'll keep getting. Plus, even if you do open them, it's not like you can unsubscribe.

However, today there is one email in my Inbox that I can't just delete. I'm 95% certain that it's Spam, but I must open it. The title is:

"Client is mad"

I'm going to turn off the modem right quick and then open it. This way the it doesn't confirm that it was opened. All this to reduce spam. I'm really tempted to get Spam Arrest or another similar service.

Some other common ones to not open are:

- customer service notice, order #9411
- refill notice alert
- your order has expired - urgent
- real university diplomas
- enlarging your male tool will be the best revenge for your ex

LOL, they aren't even good at spamming. Has anyone received a bunch of emails with these subjects?

[Aitor Astobieta]

Yes, I have received some about enlarging my "tool."

Do you know that some of those viagra peddlers actually make money? A lot of people online don't want to go to the pharmacy to get their dose of viagra.

Truly sad....

But the ones I receive the most are about people who have died and are leaving their inheritance to me....

Why on earth would anybody leave their inheritance to someone they don't even know?

Spammers need to become more creative.

[Steven Carl Kelly]

Originally Posted by Ron Douglas

- enlarging your male tool will be the best revenge for your ex

So are you saying that this would NOT be the best revenge for my ex?

[la dominatrix]

it is even more irritating as a female to get constatn emails on enlarging my tool, I mean why would I need it?

[cconlan]

These emails are truely irritating. My first email account got bombarded with that kind of junk. How do they manage to get your details? Once you get one you seem to get them all.

[Steven Carl Kelly]

Originally Posted by la dominatrix

it is even more irritating as a female to get constatn emails on enlarging my tool, I mean why would I need it?

I read this, saw the link in your sig, and had to laugh out loud.

[Bill Farnham]

Originally Posted by Ron Douglas

I'm talking about real Viagra and Penis Enlargement pill peddling spammers.

Has anyone received a bunch of emails with these subjects?

Yea Ron, I get these all the time...

You wouldn't believe how big my penis has grown just from opening those kinds of emails.

If I ever gave a testimonial to those folks the FTC would shut them down immediately for touting a flagrant violation of the laws of physics.



~Bill

[Ron Douglas]

Apparently all the big penis talk got this thread moved to the Off Topic forum lol.

[Steven Wagenheim]

I don't have an ex.

Can I still get a bigger tool? I'm sure my wife won't mind.

All kidding aside, yeah, you'd think spammers could learn something about how
to actually market to a prospect with an effective email format.

Maybe I should try to sell them my book on email marketing.

I got it!

"Hey Spammers...Want To Get YOUR Emails Read?"

Get my book on Email Marketing Secrets and you TOO can have loads
of untargeted prospects ignore your latest crap offer.

Okay, I gotta stop now because this is becoming too much fun.

[Ron Douglas]

Originally Posted by Steven Wagenheim

I don't have an ex.

Can I still get a bigger tool? I'm sure my wife won't mind.

All kidding aside, yeah, you'd think spammers could learn something about how
to actually market to a prospect with an effective email format.

Maybe I should try to sell them my book on email marketing.

I got it!

"Hey Spammers...Want To Get YOUR Emails Read?"

Get my book on Email Marketing Secrets and you TOO can have loads
of untargeted prospects ignore your latest crap offer.

Okay, I gotta stop now because this is becoming too much fun.

LMAO, you should def use that as an autoresponse message for an account that gets nothing but spam.

[KenThompson]

I seem to have been sold to the lists of all those foreign diplomats,
high powered bankers, and various dignitaries of certain countries.
They all want to deposit millions in my bank account.

Oh man, I wish I saved an email I got just a few days ago. It was a
first.

It was from some guy who was a soldier or mercenary and had been
fighting in Iraq. Well, seems he had acquired many millions in bounty
and spoils of war, and he chose ME to help him bring it back into this
country. All he needed was my bank account number.

Have to admit, that was a different tact.

EDIT: This is SO great. I received the following email while I was
writing this post. Just have to share this with you.

Ya see what I gotta deal with? Hey Steve, I'll send them your link
to your email marketing course! Whaddya say?


我有新的電郵地址！

你現可電郵給我：cbrunelle555@yahoo.com.hk



- Attention Dear!!!

I have been waiting for you since to come down here and pick your package box which contents your 1.5MillionsUSD but did not heard from you since that time. Then I went and deposited the package with FEDEX DIPLOMATIC COURIER SERVICE COMPANY BENIN here in Benin Republic , because I traveled to Iraq to see my boss and will not come back till next month end.

You can stop any communication with any one because you fund is now registered with this company. I want You to contact the FEDEX DIPLOMATIC COURIER SERVICE COMPANY BENIN to know when they will deliver your package. I have paid for the delivering charges and insurance fee.The only money you have to send to them is there security keeping fee which is $175.00 Us Dollars to received your package.

BELOW IS CONTACT INFORMATION OF THE COMPANY
Contact Dr.PAUL MARTIN
Director FEDEX DIPLOMATIC COURIER SERVICE COMPANY BENIN
Republic. E-mailfedexenquirydept@sify.com)
Tel.........+229 9869 6298 or +229 9318 4753

Try to contact them as soon as possible to avoid increasing the security keeping fee. For your best information don't let their diplomatic agent knows the contents of this package, Is only they director Dr.PAUL MARTIN knows the contents of this package as he is the one helps me to cash your bank draft in bank. I gave them your delivering address but you have to reconfirm it to them again to avoid any mistake on the delivering.

Send them the below information
YOUR FULL NAME--------
YOUR TELEPHONE NUMBER------
YOUR OFFICE TELEPHONE--------
YOUR ADDRESS--------
COPY OF YOUR PICS FOR IDENTIFICATION-------------

And below is the registration information.
YOUR COMPANY REGISTRATION NUMBER--------7KR81GF
THE CODE NUMBER----------------478HT45

Let me know immediately you receive your package and Check the contents whether the complete of the total 1.5MillionsUSD You can even told the diplomatic agent that is Africa material is inside of the package in-case if they ask you the contents.

Regards
Chris Brunelle

[Matt Wolfe]

Man I got an e-mail the other day that had this subject line...
"Item #1249071022 - Notification of Payment Received from someone's name (email@email.com)"

Of course I opened it because I get these all the time

...and IT WAS A SPAM E-MAIL!!!

That really pissed me off...

Matt

[pierro]

I hate the subject lines that read; " CONGRATULATIONS! you have just made a commission!
The first time I received one of them I quickly opened it, but after seeing the motive behind it well, it kind of pissed me off, so now all these emails are blocked.
jean

[Gail Fernley]

I, too, truly detest the multiples of emails I receive each day only to press the "delete" key several hundred times a day... Most of them I filter to a known "bad email" folder, others slip past the filter(s) somehow and I hand delete them, BUT...
...what really gets me about all the "spam" I get is the SOURCE of it... let me explain...

I use several email addresses (I have a Comcast account with possible 7 email addresses, 5 of which I use). I also have a gmail account and in some of these "sub" email accounts (addresses) I use a several variations of my middle name. Now, everyone here should know, from seeing the familiar optin forms which have landed all of us on various Internet Marketers' email lists, the famous phrase of which there are variations, but which all state words to the effect that "your privacy is important to us... we hate SPAM, too, and will never sell, rent, or otherwise abuse...blah, blah, blah..."; ...well, you get the drift, right?

Anyhow, I have signed up with some of the biggest "gurus" on the planet and some of the smaller ones too, and I use the variations of my middle name with several of the email addresses I have...

What has happened in short order, coming from one or two of the supposedly reputable marketers out there, is the deluge of SPAM not only from the Viagra marketers, but from the lottery winning marketers, and a bunch from the oldie but goodie "foreign funds" scammers...

Now, I'm not saying the reputable marketers I have identified are actually THE front line marketers who are SENDING the mail, but I am saying they are THE MARKETERS who have SOLD my name, my email address, and any details captured from me had I purchased any products, including my phone number (which I get 'SPAM' calls on a daily basis from people who have "bought" my details from the very same marketers I had put my trust in some time ago on an optin form where the promise was made NOT to share my info with ANYONE else!!!

These are the people I truly get P.O.ed about... the other spammers who inundate my inbox with their trash are just stupid and are buying wholesale lists garnered from those services that make it a point know every email address ever recorded by any ISP in the entire world... The marketers, though, have let me down--big-time; and I can only strike back by not doing business with them in the future... they HAD my trust and broke it...


gail

[Profit-smart]

These guys operate on the "Sucker a minute" principle.

They might have a 0.000001 percent conversion rate, but so what; they send out 1000000 emails.

The sad thing is, there already breaking anti-spam laws. If they just learned to market properly (Albeit illegally) they could make a whole lot more money.

Oh well, I guess there in it for easy. Push button marketing.

good thing you cant reach that button from Prison!

[jmidas]

Ron,
About 2-3 months ago I started getting hundreds (really - several hundred) emails a day - all in Russian (all from .ru addresses). I have no idea what any of it says, but it was driving me nuts. About half of the subject lines are just a line of question marks, which makes even less sense to me - what are the chances anyone will open something like that?

So, I got Spam Arrest. I am really happy with it - it has made a huge difference. The only downside is that I still need to log in every day or so and wade through all the russian crap to see if I am missing anything I want.

[AvidAZ]

This is why I end up with a new email address every 12 months or so.

[Buddd]

Hi Ron,

I used to get loads of spam, penis enlargement, you won money, I'm going to die and on and on. So one afternoon I spent an hour and emailed a whack of them, told them how interested I was and to send more info. Then, I gave them each others email addresses.

I'm not saying this was the reason, but it all pretty much stopped cold. I probably still get 8 to 10 a month, but that's it.

Bud

[Michael Motley]

Yeah, make fun of these guys now...but just wait until i come back from my cousin's funeral in s. africa where all his wealth will be transferred to me via my bank account to keep safe...then we'll see who's laughing

[quixoticmarketing]

I still get the ones about the Prince of Dubai or a wealthy nun wanting to deposit $24,378,923 into my account from the Bank of Nigeria or someplace... They're great for entertainment value... But sometimes I wish I really was friends with the Prince of Dubai.... Sigh....

[PersonalAssistantChick]

I have received many spam emails with your regular see hot chicks getting naked, pharmaceuticals etc, but just two days ago I actually received not 1 but 5 spam emails of the you can inherit money type, the first I had ever received of this kind. Is any1 actually dumb enough to fall for these? There was also one from a girl overseas, "I am slim and sexy, have read through your profile and it was very intersting to me (yeah, so you're a lesbian then??) I want to love you and be in a serious relationship with you, please reply I have something I need to tell you thats a surprise- subject line, i need help. Sad that ppl get sucked in by this sort of idiocy.

[The 13th Warrior]

"....Improve your Tool...,"....

Looks like CraftsMan tools can steal this eye-catching slogan to improve on any slagging sales.

I see "legitimate" companies using the innuendo slant with less shame to get attention to their messages.

Surprised that is not considered public indecency or get some complaints.

Because there is one meat company I've seen that has as a slogan on the back of the truck, in quotes, mind you,:

"YOU CAN'T BEAT OUR MEAT", with some cow or bull smiling slyly at you.

Yeah, maybe I got a dirty mind, but come on, even church ladies know what that means, for cryin out loud.

The 13 th Warrior

[solardave]

Originally Posted by Aitor Astobieta

Yes, I have received some about enlarging my "tool."

Do you know that some of those viagra peddlers actually make money? A lot of people online don't want to go to the pharmacy to get their dose of viagra.

Truly sad....

But the ones I receive the most are about people who have died and are leaving their inheritance to me....

Why on earth would anybody leave their inheritance to someone they don't even know?

Spammers need to become more creative.

I get those ones too. The other day I just couldn't resist the temptation. I replied saying that I've had so much money given to me in the last year that I couldn't possibly accept any more. I explained I had a friend who might be interested and I forwarded it to him. His initials are F.B.I.

[sanjid112]

My first email account got bombarded too with those junks.
After that, I just left that email account, and make the new one.
I really SUCKS, getting those email.

Not just enlarging my "tool", but also email that said I won lottery or someone that need bank account to move out their money from their country because of some chaotic reason in their own country.

IT'S REALLY SUCKSSS....

[donnyg18]

Originally Posted by solardave

I get those ones too. The other day I just couldn't resist the temptation. I replied saying that I've had so much money given to me in the last year that I couldn't possibly accept any more. I explained I had a friend who might be interested and I forwarded it to him. His initials are F.B.I.

LOL this idea is nice i guess i will try to this myself and forward to my other friend as well having an initial of C.I.A. maybe they can exchange ideas about this kind of e-mails

[umaar.k]

yeah, i have been bombard by these spammers in my yahoo account, i had to finish my account, and email id was unique .
now i am with gmail ,and i am really happy that i am not gettin any more of these spam offers.

[rovad]

50-100 of these e-mails to my local web mail provider every day!

It was 200-300/day half year ago, but I guess they realized I don't open their e-mails, so they lowered.

[Artificer]

To be honest, everything from my "front-line" account is just forwarded straight to a gmail address. I let them handle the spam filtering for me, as their filter is honestly very good.

I do still check it manually from time to time, of course, but in general all it takes is a quick glance.

I barely bother with the actual email account at all. I think it has over 1300 unopened emails in it at the moment, until I sort out the very few that I need to keep.

Love it or hate it, Google has its positive aspects and I generally find myself forwarding most of my mail to gmail.

[pappyy3]

The classic is: "Here's Your Free DownLoad Link" which normally takes you to a sign up page

Sound familiar??