I Just Posted My First Song On Youtube.... Take A Listen!

Hmmm...okay, let's see. Please understand that these comments are coming
from a 25 plus year songwriter.

I'm not a big fan of songs where the verse and chorus have the same
harmonic structure, which this has. There isn't enough variation between
the verse and chorus melody so the song is quite monotonous, which is a
common problem for first attempts when people write. My first songs were
dreadful...just doing the same thing over and over and over. I got ripped
pretty good for them.

On the plus side, you have a pleasant singing voice, unlike mine which I
hate with a passion. If I could sing as well as you, I think a lot of my songs
would go over better. But God didn't bless me with a cool voice by any
stretch of the imagination.

Your playing is decent enough to get the idea across well enough for
people to listen to it.

As for the lyrics, I have no idea what you were singing about because
the monotony of the song just bored me to tears so I really couldn't pay
too close attention. IMO, only folks like Bob Dylan can get away with
songs that are the same thing over and over because he is such an
amazing lyricist AND he really gets the words across. That's a problem
with your singing. While your voice is nice, you kind of slur your words.
You don't enunciate well. Also, the singing was recorded too low for the
playing...another problem with live acoustic recordings.

I suggest you get a book on songwriting. Work on adding a bridge to your
songs to break them up a bit.

Also, try different structures like Verse, Pre Chorus, Chorus, Repeat, Bridge,
Chorus, Out.

I don't know what your goals are. If this is something you want to
someday do seriously, you have a lot of work to do. I didn't hear a killer
hook in this tune by any stretch of the imagination, so that's something
you're going to have to work on if you want to have a hit.

You're probably wondering who the heck am I and what my credentials
are.

Well, I've gotten 2 honorable mentions from song contests and have had
2 songs published. Nothing recorded yet, but I'm working on it. This year
I'm going to be submitting a lot of material and hoping for the best.

There is talent there, but it needs to be refined and you need to get out
of the generic songwriting mode that you're in right now. It may take some
time, especially if this was your first song.

If you want to hear some of the stuff I've done, my YouTube channel is
Wagtunes. If you ever want to write to me and ask me questions, I'll
be more than happy to answer them.

Good luck.