Lost Weekend

What a weekend.

Last week I get approached by a guy do his copy. I spend some time with him going over his site and suggesting things. But from the questions and answers I'm getting I could tell he wasn't going to be a good client. So I tell him so. Tell him if he can't afford me he's better off doing it himself or going eleswhere. I actually said to him words along the lines of "I don't think we're a good fit. I'm afraid you're going to be what I call "a high-maintenance client" and frankly at the moment I don't need that." So then I find he's contacted at least one colleague over the same gig and to the guy's credit he said "Go with Malkie - he'll do a good job for you".

So then the guy comes back to me with "Have a look at my site. Seeing as though I've done some of the changes already would you consider working for half your fee". I look at his site. See he's taken what I've told him and made a few changes. Not correctly but its better than what he had before. So I email back "Dude it still sounds like you can't afford me. Saw you applied some of my suggestions. No I won't work for half my fee. Nice try".

He writes back "I don't have enough money in my PayPal right now. Will you accept $XXX and the rest on completion of the job?"

I reply "No...my terms and conditions are blah blah blah". (I've been caught before so I always ask for payment up front these days. Tends to sort the sheep from the goats.)

Long story short, I discount my fee by $300 because I fall for his sob story and cut him some slack. Write him what is possibly some of the best copy I've ever written and...you know what's coming next don't you?...he rejects it. Even though I've gone to the trouble to warn him that its a bold concept and he mightn't understand it blah blah blah.

But I also say "Look there's no worries if you hate this. I know for a fact I can sell this to an existing client for book rate. And then I'll just write you something else". So I do. Sell it, I mean. In two seconds flat. The guy loves it. Says "I-want-that-copy...do not let that other guy have it" and pays me toot sweet. Book rate.

Then first matey changes his mind. Re-reads the copy and say its a Frank Kern-like masterpiece (actually uses those words) and he wants it. "Too late" I say. Sold. No can do. The horse has bolted.

He begs. I tell him again its too late. "You sure?" he says. Again and again. In different begging emails and Skype messages. Then it starts to get irritating so I just tell him to keep some of the copy I've written for him and I refund his money. He sends it back. I refund it again. Then he PayPals what I originally quoted. He stills wants the copy. I tell him for like the Millionth time "I can't give it to you...you rejected it...I've sold the concept to another client and we'll modify the copy for his product. I offer to write him a similar piece of copy. With a similar concept. He agrees.

[you still here? It gets better, I promise]

So away I go again. Deliver the copy. He throws it up. Ignores my formatting so obviously it doesn't look too hot. I contact him with changes I want made. He does some of them. Even ignores some of my copy and drops in his crappy sub-par English (he's from the sub-continent). I tell him it won't do. Its important stuff. Every little thing is important. He's leaving in BS like ("Only 2 copies left") - its been there for weeks even though, judging from the comments, he's made more than 2 sales. I tell him its "misrepresentation" and the FTC could do him over it. Also tell him to add a earnings disclaimer to his site.

Today's Sunday. Supposedly the day of rest. Matey has been Skyping and emailing me all day. Driving me crazy. Asking advice and then ignoring it. Doesn't do what I tell him to do with the page formatting and the copy. Then he wants to "split-test" it. Wants to run my copy for an hour and then his to see which makes more sales. Some split-test eh?

This has gone on all day. I turn off Skype. He switches to email. I get one saying he's put his old copy back up, made two sales and therefore he feels my copy isn't working - "sorry it didn't work out, I've lost confidence in you, please refund my money".

You can imagine my reaction. "Yeah that's alright pal..you've just picked my brains for a week...applied some of my advice...mucked me around...wasted days of my valuable time - yeah that must qualify for a full refund. Tell you what...why don't I throw in a trip to Disneyland while I'm at it?" (I actually said none of this. What I did say to him is unprintable)

And this is a bit weird - I got contacted on Skype by some guy pointing me to his site. Came from here on the Forum. Seems he wants to go to college and needs to raise $2k to do it. Has bad credit so can't get a loan. Has the idea of sleeping in his car to save money on rent - while he works two jobs and blogs about it. Hopefully sending it viral. One problem - he doesn't have a car. Needs to raise $2k to buy one. But says "not trying to sell you anything or hustle you lol ...its all honest, I promise". Sure. He just wants to borrow $500 for six months.

There's an idea there somewhere. Says he was coding software apps in middle school and reading 1000 page books on software design. And is taking the GED test next week.

Funny thing is when I asked him if he wanted to build a website for me and I'd pay him, he says he doesn't do websites for other people. Then after some more banter says "Well I have to go search for partners".

Is this the latest scam? Seen this before? Maybe he's legit but he sure as hell is pitching it the wrong way.