I am in crisis. I need my Warrior family

by Scott Burton

Posted: 14 years ago 9 replies

OFF TOPIC

I just received word from a dear friend of mine. Her ex has decided that now is the time to take her daughter from her, by suing. This precious 2 year old girl is my god daughter.

I have to find a way to help her keep her daughter. But with the economy being the way it has been, I am very strapped for cash, and she's come to me as a last resort.

I don't frequent a lot of places where I can look to others for help. I've already put out calls to the few people I know who might be able to do something to help, but I need to put this out there for my brother and sister warriors to see.

I need help, and I'm desperate. I've been struggling over these past several months, and now, when there's finally a glimmer of light ahead, I find myself confronted with yet another traumatizing experience.

If anyone can offer advice, moral support, or any other kind of assistance, I would be greatly appreciative.

To complicate matters, my god daughter and her mother are both a few thousand miles from me.

In case anyone wants to try to offer legal help, it's complicated by the fact that I am an American in the USA, while my god daughter, her mother (and father) are in South America, and are all nationals of Colombia.

I know my friend very well, and I know my god daughter. I know without a doubt this is no ploy, scheme, scam, etc.

Any insights, support or help will be greatly appreciated.

Bill Farnham

14 years ago

Originally Posted by Scott Burton

I just received word from a dear friend of mine. Her ex has decided that now is the time to take her daughter from her, by suing. This precious 2 year old girl is my god daughter.

I have to find a way to help her keep her daughter. But with the economy being the way it has been, I am very strapped for cash, and she's come to me as a last resort.

I don't frequent a lot of places where I can look to others for help. I've already put out calls to the few people I know who might be able to do something to help, but I need to put this out there for my brother and sister warriors to see.

I need help, and I'm desperate. I've been struggling over these past several months, and now, when there's finally a glimmer of light ahead, I find myself confronted with yet another traumatizing experience.

If anyone can offer advice, moral support, or any other kind of assistance, I would be greatly appreciative.

To complicate matters, my god daughter and her mother are both a few thousand miles from me.

In case anyone wants to try to offer legal help, it's complicated by the fact that I am an American in the USA, while my god daughter, her mother (and father) are in South America, and are all nationals of Colombia.

I know my friend very well, and I know my god daughter. I know without a doubt this is no ploy, scheme, scam, etc.

Any insights, support or help will be greatly appreciated.

Hi Scott,

Consider this my best attempt at 'tough love' as I realize you mean to do good...

But as an advocate for fathers rights I think you are making this too much about you and perhaps need to take the time to consider the fathers' position in all this.

It doesn't look like you are thinking about that aspect, and while I can't vouch for the father, I find your stance a little unbalanced.

Perhaps helping the parents find a way to share joint custody may be in the long term interest of the girl. As it is now you could be mistaken for a meddling third party who is more interested in your concept of a good outcome than what may truly be in the families best interests.

I know that is not what you wanted to hear, but that is my take as a father of two daughters.

I sincerely hope it works out for the benefit of all, not just you, but the little girl and both her parents.

~Bill

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Scott Burton

14 years ago

Originally Posted by Bill Farnham

I appreciate your perspective, and I realize that my post involves a lot of I and MY.

I am very emotional about this, and I will ackowledge this and attempt to be as objective as I can about this.

I have been more of a father figure to this child than her biological father.
HE is the one who walked out on my friend when she was pregnant.
HE is the one who has never lifted a finger to provide for his daughter.
HE is the one who has never even sought to visit his daughter.
HE is the one who chose to leave.
HE is the one who chose to ignore any attempt at communication made by the mother of his daughter.
HE is the one who decided that when his ex was having troubles, that it was the time to make his first effort to be in his daughter's life.
HE is the one who decided the best way to hurt his ex further was to try to take his daughter from the only family she has ever known

So I think you will understand why I believe it is in my friend's best interests, and in my god daughter's best interest for mother and daughter NOT to be abused in this manner, and for them NOT to be seperated.

So, yes, I do take this personally. I take family extremely personally. I do not believe that the purpose of a child is to be used as a weapon to hurt someone. I believe that if you want to be a part of a child's life, you should be there through good and bad, without regard for your feelings for the other parent. If you choose to abandon your child before she is born, and then you refuse to have contact with her or her mother... The first time you choose to take an interest should NOT be by going and getting an attorney and trying to take her away.

Just my thoughts.

And if this seems unbalanced, I apologize. What I am seeking is any advice to help me to HELP HER.

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Kay King

14 years ago

If you choose to abandon your child before she is born, and then you refuse to have contact with her or her mother... The first time you choose to take an interest should NOT be by going and getting an attorney and trying to take her away.

There's nothing unbalanced in that statement and I agree.

Have you spent a significant amount of time with this two year old child? Though I fully understand your concern for your friend and her daughter, the fact remains you are not a blood relative.

If the father has had no contact - how does he know the mother is having problems? Why do you not believe the family court will also take a dim view of a non-participating father suddenly asking for custody of a child he doesn't know?

Unless the mother's problems are so severe they endanger the well being of her daughter, why would a court do more than award visitation to the father?

Your concern is understandable but your role in the outcome is limited. It may be all you can do is provide emotional support for your friend and encourage her to try to arrive at a solution that will provide the child with both a mother and a father as she grows.

kay

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Scott Burton

14 years ago

This is not an American court that the battle will take place in.
It is, sadly, a country where because he is a man, he is 'entitled' to much more consideration from the government and the courts.
The only impact I can have is by offering my financial support to my friend for her contention for her daughter.
As the courts in their country typically behave, if she loses her daughter to the father, there is very little hope that she will even get to SEE her daughter again unless it is at the whim of the father.

I'm kind of surprised that no one here has bothered to realize that my primary concern is for my god daughter, and that in 2 years and 6 months since he found out he was going to be a father, he wanted nothing to do with either the daughter, nor the mother of his child.

She has been supporting her daughter on her own for 2 years, he refused to meet his daughter. He refused to support his daughter. He has never wanted anything to do with his own daughter until now.

I guess maybe I thought too highly of the Warrior Forum. I thought MAYBE someone would actually give a @#% and actually want to do something other than basically say "You ain't the baby daddy. You ain't got no say."

It also surprises me that no one bothered to pay attention to the facts from the first message in this thread which state:

EVERYONE INVOLVED IS A COLOMBIAN NATIONAL (mother, father and daughter)
THE COURTS IN COLOMBIA WILL MAKE THE DECISION (USA Law, USA 'family court' does not apply)
I AM LOOKING FOR ADVICE, MORAL SUPPORT, ETC. (telling me how my post was "I" centric, or how my role in the outcome will be limited doesn't really help)

Let's face it. If I don't help FINANCIALLY... She can't win. She has no representation without money. As it stands right now, we have DAYS (not weeks) to respond, because of the delay between when HE decided to file, and when SHE was notified. (Again this is not an AMERICAN court. The rules are quite different)

Maybe the Forum has gone downhill. It used to be that one could find people here who actually cared about the people they were talking to.

Maybe I've come to expect too much from warriors. Maybe I set the bar too high.

If I have to, I will give up every last thing I have left to fight for my friend and her daughter, because I firmly believe the 'father' is NOT in her best interests.

Thankfully, this is something I believe the 'father' doesn't realize. He will know very soon. To be quite frank about it. My friend, Myself, and my god daughter ALL regard me as the closest thing she's ever had to a father. My friend and I have BOTH discussed at great lengths the prospect of my adopting my god daughter. But right now, she is my god daughter, which leaves me with no legal standing.

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Kay King

14 years ago

EVERYONE INVOLVED IS A COLOMBIAN NATIONAL (mother, father and daughter)
THE COURTS IN COLOMBIA WILL MAKE THE DECISION (USA Law, USA 'family court' does not apply)
I AM LOOKING FOR ADVICE, MORAL SUPPORT, ETC. (telling me how my post was "I" centric, or how my role in the outcome will be limited doesn't really help)

You are making assumptions - I was reading up on international law and on Colombian law as it applies in family court. Of course the courts are in Colombia as are the people - and you are in the US or Romania or somewhere other than Colombia.

The courts may favor fathers but that's not how the law of custody is described for the country. I know there have been some odd custody judgments in several South American countries and it's possible that the parent with the most money wins. To me, that is another reason for the mother to propose a settlement that allows time with both parents rather than fighting for sole custody if she thinks the court will be against her.

My friend and I have BOTH discussed at great lengths the prospect of my adopting my god daughter.

That comment strikes me as odd unless you are planning to marry the friend and think the father would renounce his paternity which seems unlikely. You did not answer the question of how much time you have physically spent with the child. If you are willing to use all of your own resources to help your friend, that is admirable and I hope it helps your friend in court.

Any advice by members here is useless because we don't know the people involved. You may not like the answers to your post - but at least some people took the time to read your thread, think about your comments and offer their viewpoint.

kay

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Saving one dog will not change the world - but the world changes forever for that one dog

***

Dear April: I don't want any trouble from you.

January was long, February was iffy, March was a freaking dumpster fire.

So sit down, be quiet, and don't touch anything.

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HeySal

14 years ago

Originally Posted by Scott Burton

And everything here is beside the point because.................HE IS the father. And it sounds to me as if, no matter that he left, is back for her.

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Emily Meeks

14 years ago

Well... if you're willing to do whatever it takes to keep her, and you've already talked about it, what's stopping you from adopting her?

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derekwong28

14 years ago

Originally Posted by moneysoapbox

Well... if you're willing to do whatever it takes to keep her, and you've already talked about it, what's stopping you from adopting her?

An adoption will not be legal unless the girl's natural father agrees. If you are planning to take her out of the country, this will be regarded as child abduction and could lead to an "international incident"

My ex-girlfriend in the UK is going through a divorce and custody battle for her son at the moment. Likewise, she is in quite a state and is worried about all sorts of untoward things that may happen, which includes her son being abducted out of the country.

Scott, I think your friend in Columbia is getting into a rather irrational state and is pulling you down as well. Both of you really need to calm down. Looking at the details you provided, I don't think there is much chance that the girl will be taken from her, although her ex-husband may be given visitation rights. I think the best course of action would be to work this out and ask for child support if possible.

I don't know what sort of services are available in Columbia. I would seek advice from social workers, charities and the local catholic church first.

Derek

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Emily Meeks

14 years ago

Originally Posted by derekwong28

Ah... thank you for the clarification.

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I am in crisis. I need my Warrior family

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