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Is this readable to you? (UPDATED as per your advice)

by bizousoft
12 replies
  • OFF TOPIC
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It's a blog I've started about my trip to Japan

Imperial Palace and Perverted Akihabara | My trip to Japan

never written a blog b4 so I'm not too sure
  • Profile picture of the author Alex Barboza
    The fonts are hard to read for me
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  • Profile picture of the author Kim Davis
    yey you need to change the font for sure
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  • Profile picture of the author thunderbird
    I can read it, but it would be easier to read if you ended sentences with a period instead of a comma, and started new sentences with a capital letter.
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  • Profile picture of the author KenThompson
    It looks like you've addressed the font size. No problems reading it, or
    seeing it, rather.

    It seems ok. But if it's a travel blog, then I'd recommend more pics.

    Also, not trying to give you a hard time. But I recommend going through
    the paragraphs and doing some editing. There are too many sentences
    that are run-ons. What I mean is you have two sentences, or sentence
    ideas, in one long-ass sentence.

    I mention it because it will help make it more enjoyable for people to read.
    It's a little rough reading in the present state.

    Perhaps you can have someone edit it for you. If you want to do something
    with this, like monetize it, then I would definitely have someone fix it or you
    can do it yourself.


    Ken
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    • Profile picture of the author bizousoft
      Originally Posted by KenThompson View Post

      It looks like you've addressed the font size. No problems reading it, or
      seeing it, rather.

      It seems ok. But if it's a travel blog, then I'd recommend more pics.

      Also, not trying to give you a hard time. But I recommend going through
      the paragraphs and doing some editing. There are too many sentences
      that are run-ons. What I mean is you have two sentences, or sentence
      ideas, in one long-ass sentence.

      I mention it because it will help make it more enjoyable for people to read.
      It's a little rough reading in the present state.

      Perhaps you can have someone edit it for you. If you want to do something
      with this, like monetize it, then I would definitely have someone fix it or you
      can do it yourself.


      Ken
      yeah I tried trimming it into shorter sentences, but I guess you're write. Do you mean this paragraph specifically?

      "“Ok let’s go man, I’m hungry…”. Thing with my best friend is that food for him is not just food, it’s a sacred process. Any time Ivan chooses a place to eat he will pace back and forth from one restaurant to the next, discuss the various advantages and disadvantages of each place, then think out loud for about 5 more minutes, then say “no I just ate Chinese 3 days ago” and finally walk into a completely random place. Trick is to say “ok let’s go to this one” at that point he’ll definetly say “ok, no not that one for sure, so let’s go here!”"

      As far as dots go they're not commas, I think the font may be the reason why you think those are dots
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      • Profile picture of the author KenThompson
        Originally Posted by bizousoft View Post

        yeah I tried trimming it into shorter sentences, but I guess you're write. Do you mean this paragraph specifically?

        "“Ok let’s go man, I’m hungry…”. Thing with my best friend is that food for him is not just food, it’s a sacred process. Any time Ivan chooses a place to eat he will pace back and forth from one restaurant to the next, discuss the various advantages and disadvantages of each place, then think out loud for about 5 more minutes, then say “no I just ate Chinese 3 days ago” and finally walk into a completely random place. Trick is to say “ok let’s go to this one” at that point he’ll definetly say “ok, no not that one for sure, so let’s go here!”"

        As far as dots go they're not commas, I think the font may be the reason why you think those are dots
        I read parts of it but not all of it. I could have been talking about that one, but I
        don't really remember.

        Ok, here's a quick rewrite for part of the above paragraph.

        Any time Ivan chooses a place to eat he will pace back and forth from one restaurant to the next, discussing the various advantages and disadvantages of each place. He'll think out loud for about 5 more minutes and say, “No, I just ate Chinese 3 days ago.” Finally, he'll walk into a completely random place.

        Carefully compare the two. You'll notice that you had some missing periods in the
        quote at the end of your original. The first sentence could be made cleaner, but
        it's better. It could be made into two sentences if you wanted and it would be
        fine.

        A good rule of thumb is to gauge how saying the sentence outloud feels. If you
        find that you run out of breath before a comma or a period occurs, then the
        sentence is getting too long. That's one thing. The other concerns too many ideas
        in the same sentence.

        Other than that the blog looks fine, and I think you have a good idea.

        Another thing to keep in mind is the difference between formal, academic writing
        and something informal like what you're doing. It's ok to fracture a few rules, but
        don't let it get too out of hand.


        Ken
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        • Profile picture of the author bizousoft
          Originally Posted by KenThompson View Post

          I read parts of it but not all of it. I could have been talking about that one, but I
          don't really remember.

          Ok, here's a quick rewrite for part of the above paragraph.

          Any time Ivan chooses a place to eat he will pace back and forth from one restaurant to the next, discussing the various advantages and disadvantages of each place. He'll think out loud for about 5 more minutes and say, “No, I just ate Chinese 3 days ago.” Finally, he'll walk into a completely random place.

          Carefully compare the two. You'll notice that you had some missing periods in the
          quote at the end of your original. The first sentence could be made cleaner, but
          it's better. It could be made into two sentences if you wanted and it would be
          fine.

          A good rule of thumb is to gauge how saying the sentence outloud feels. If you
          find that you run out of breath before a comma or a period occurs, then the
          sentence is getting too long. That's one thing. The other concerns too many ideas
          in the same sentence.

          Other than that the blog looks fine, and I think you have a good idea.

          Another thing to keep in mind is the difference between formal, academic writing
          and something informal like what you're doing. It's ok to fracture a few rules, but
          don't let it get too out of hand.


          Ken
          Yep the new version's easier to read you're right.

          Thanks Justin I appreciate it
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  • Profile picture of the author newbie2011
    It is small font change your template.
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  • Profile picture of the author JustinDupre
    It's a nice blog that are easy to follow and well organized.
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  • Profile picture of the author bizousoft
    What do you think of this latest post? I tried to break it all down to shorter sentences and put lots more pictures and even a video:
    Imperial Palace and Perverted Akihabara | My trip to Japan
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    • Profile picture of the author KenThompson
      Originally Posted by bizousoft View Post

      What do you think of this latest post? I tried to break it all down to shorter sentences and put lots more pictures and even a video:
      Imperial Palace and Perverted Akihabara | My trip to Japan
      Wow. Total transformation. 100% better. That will do just fine.

      One suggestion, more pics of attractive and cute local flora and
      fauna.

      Have fun.


      Ken
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      • Profile picture of the author bizousoft
        Originally Posted by KenThompson View Post

        Wow. Total transformation. 100% better. That will do just fine.

        One suggestion, more pics of attractive and cute local flora and
        fauna.

        Have fun.


        Ken
        Hehe thanks Ken appreciate it! I'll try to post a couple
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