Conspiracy theorists-need your ideas

MaskedMarketer, myob is taking the mickey out of conspiracists, as usual.

Just give him a slap.

First of all, I believe ALL conspiracies, for they all come from the same common source of humanity from connected neurons of consciousness. The human brain is the most complex organism in the Universe.

The reason the number 11 is so important is due to the power of the brain in what is called "Cognitive Dissonance" which generates powerful forces and energy if harnessed. In essence, belief works to render reality and power. The number 11 generates this energy far more than any other source

This research has been conducted at the Cognitive Dissonance Research Laboratory in Albuquerque, New Mexico since 1942. Scientists at the Cognitive Dissonance Research Laboratory announced recently the first successful test of a dramatic new method for generating clean, renewable energy using excess power from the human brain. The technique, dubbed Neural Oscillatory Telegenesis (NOT), employs, in the words of chief researcher Alonzo Pinq, "cognitive dissonance, the source of a nearly constant supply of powerful, unused human brainwave activity" to generate virtually limitless quantities of emissions-free electricity.

"While conventional global energy supplies such as oil, natural gas, coal, nuclear power and so forth have been dwindling or falling out of favor due to their impact on the environment, geopolitics, security issues, and the threat of global warming, a new resource has been growing astronomically," Dr. Pinq said.

"That supply is cognitive dissonance--the brain energy created when human beings attempt or are forced to hold two or more separate and contradictory thoughts or beliefs in the mind simultaneously. Living in a so-called state of denial is perhaps the most classic example. So are the thought processes behind most forms of advertising."

"The best part is that if not dissipated through rational inquiry or changes in behavior, as is most often isn't, this is completely useless brain energy--it's a by-product," Dr. Pinq continued. "It's like having a car with two engines and two pairs of drive wheels facing each other from the front and the back, each running at full throttle. We can insert our technology into the middle -- like where the center nine cupholders would be on an SUV, say -- grab this energy and use it to power a clean, emissions-free turbine. The brains involved won't notice a thing."

The NOT energy can be harnessed via a simple cap-like device worn on the skull above the hair; or, as in the case of many politicians, beneath a power toupee. Energy is transferred to a thin tube down the wearer's back and converted to a viscous "gray goop", according to Dr. Pinq, collected in a comfortable power pouch worn around the midsection.

"Dissonants who fail to consciously relate overeating and lack of exercise to their obesity will hardly notice it," Dr. Pinq said.

The gray goop, which has an energy content more than 10,000 times that of oil and is emissions-free, can then be collected and burned in retrofitted conventional turbines to generate electricity.

According to Dr. Pinq, political, religious, environmental, social and scientific developments over the past decade have combined to create "a level of dissonance unsurpassed in at least the previous century, if ever."

"The popularity of conspiracy theories is a perfect example," Dr. James Thimble, who performed early research for the study, said, "people continue to believe in conspiracy theories despite all the logical evidence to the contrary."

"For example, some believers cling to the theory that a figurative horde of millions of little green Martian scientists or something, technicians, environmentalists, politicians, businessmen, sane people, etc around the world are somehow working in a coordinated effort to dupe an obtuse and unsuspecting public."

A common reaction by most people to cognitive dissonance, at least in the past, would have been to seek out new information or ideas that can resolve the internal conflict in the brain, for instance when existing beliefs are proved wrong in the face of incontrovertible evidence. Alternative beliefs based on the new information provide a "consonance" that resolves the cognitive conflict, generally leading to happier, healthier mental lives and less erratic and irrational behavior.

"Luckily for those of us in the power industry, many Americans especially have by now been conditioned to accept a persistent conflict between what they choose to believe, and what is proven fact, as some sort of 'fact of life', or simply as a prerequisite for maintaining a kind of mildly schizophrenic comfort level within their social sphere. That's fine with us--more gray goop for the turbines," Dr. Thimble said.

Another example of cognitive dissonance, according to Dr. Thimble, lies in the multiple paradoxes inherent in many religious beliefs.

"When people experience a terrible disease, for example," Dr. Thimble said, "and pray for it to go away, and they are in fact cured, they may believe their prayers have been answered. They don't seem to consciously consider that if the omnipresent, omnipotent force to which they prayed did indeed possess the power and will to end the disease, then that same force, or God, or what-have-you, must obviously be the same one that caused or allowed them to be infected in the first place. Unconsciously, though, their brain goes right on working and makes that connection. Part of their mind knows, but their beliefs tell them otherwise. Bingo. Goop-time."

According to Dr. Pinq, intelligence is not a factor in the amount of energy that can be created by cognitive dissonance--in fact, in many cases, the reverse is true.

"Former president George W. Bush's cognitive dissonance alone, for example," Dr. Pinq said, "can produce about the equivalent of a small-scale hydroelectric plant, according to our preliminary measurements. If we can get him to wear the hat, that will have the happy side effect of increasing output even more, since he still won't believe it works even as we light up half of Kennebunkport with his goop."

The NOT project, however, is not without its critics. 2008 Republican presidential also-ran Mike Huckabee, who held a press conference together with failed 2008 Republican presidential candidate Sam Brownback to denounce the project, was vociferous in his opposition:

"This kind of NOT stuff is the same kind of heretical thinking that led us Americans to the tragedy that people in this day and age is allowed to teach our children--our children!--that we was descended from some kind of a monkey instead of created by God 6,000 years ago like the Bible says. I ain't descended from no monkey," former Governor Huckabee hooted from a chair back while distractedly nibbling on lice plucked from the toupee of Senator Brownback.

"About 82 potential kilowatts generated," Dr. Pinq said.

Members of the NOT project have formed a corporation that plans to produce and market NOT energy, initially during a small-scale, short-term startup phase.

"We're currently seeking high-output cognitive dissonants who would be willing, on a remunerative basis, of course, to participate in the initial rollout," Drew Shu, a vice president with NOT Energy Systems, said.

"We're particularly interested in the following kinds of individuals who have high NOT energy levels; believers in conspiracy theories".

Odd - I was thinking last night about various conspiracy theories I've seen mentioned here.

Seems to me we may be missing the big picture that is happening right here - right now.

Bush is lowering environmental standards with no fanfare, opening up huge areas of formerly protected tracts and forests to lease for drilling oil, writing directives that weaken the protection of endangered species, etc.
This is happening without fanfare as the media is still focused on obama.

At the same time, "our" government is throwing billions upon billions of dollars into banks (and now also into credit card companies) to save them from their own bad management. These are corporations that had huge increases in profits in the past 10 years or so - while ignoring common sense business practices....and there is no end in sight to the bailouts.
There is no accountability and no oversight, either.

Every one of these dollars committed is borrowed money. The total in money spent and guarantees made in the past two months is equal to 1/2 of the total income of this country for a year. The amount committed is equal to $24,000 additional debt per citizen according to one Congressman.
Don't know if that is an accurate number - but it's a frightening one.

What happens if China and a few other countries that routinely buy our debt decides we aren't a good risk and stop buying? Chaos. We're told that won't happen - but we were told not long ago there was no problem with our banks or our economy.

What is happening now is more frightening than any conspiracy theory I've read anywhere.

kay