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Truly Bummed Out - Freak forum that doesn't follow thier own rules

by Sunnybeach7
19 replies
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So I've been focusing on just one website and working on building my blog up, and writing articles etc., trying to have everything ready to build my list, so that when I start my free trial with an auto responder, I won't be wasting any time.

So I've been looking for forums in my niche that I can have a signature for, and have been engaging in answering many questions on this forum. The problem is that there was one person there who was determined to devalue my opinion that was a thoughtful and courteous response to someone needing help.

After I tried to disagree with her and tell her how she has her opinion and I have mine, I had stated that anyone I have seen that claims to be a guru at something, usually is the farthest from one. (right under her user name was a phrase "xxx xxxxx xxxxxxx guru".

Anyway, I winked after that statement, she responded to me in a negative manner and not to long after that called me a "name" stating that she didn't give herself that title, the owner did.

Anyway, it says in the site rules that name calling and attacking others is forbidden.

I reported her for the name, and I got an email from her friend (a moderator) stating to take my signature out because it is not a "free advertising" forum.

Plus she penalized me for it. I did not advertise but only had my name and a link to my blog, which was not even a clickable link.

Nothing was done about the name calling, and her and her friends were attacking the person who made the post, making references to Jerry Springer and such, and attacking me... obviously it got around "somehow" that I reported their "friend" and they were all pissed off.

Anyway... I mailed a complaint to the support addy that it said not to respond to, as well as to the addy that I found for the owner... I emailed him twice, so far with no response.

I just can't believe that they can break the rules like that...anyway..like I said, my sig was not an add, but even if it was, it says right in the area where it describes your signature, that signatures include links to your site(s).

It seems like I just can't win. I know, I know, I am at a loss...just move on. But it really makes me bent, because people come to that forum with real problems that can totally affect their lives and instead of being treated with respect, they are attacked, and that truly pisses me off.

Have any of you experienced something like this before? Any good advice? My heart truly breaks for these posters who come there expecting help and that no one will judge them, and truly makes me sad.
#bummed #follow #forum #freak #rules #thier
  • Profile picture of the author VOnline
    Well if that forum is in your niche. Then you should release your own forum that is even more helpful and better than that one. Thus, helping those newbie/beginner posters that truly need help.

    Nothing much to do there on that forum. Seems like that person just has connections and/or is owning the forum is some way.

    I feel for you. Good luck!
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    • Profile picture of the author Sunnybeach7
      Originally Posted by VOnline View Post

      Well if that forum is in your niche. Then you should release your own forum that is even more helpful and better than that one. Thus, helping those newbie/beginner posters that truly need help.
      It's a good idea and one I may use in the future. thanks
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  • Profile picture of the author Joshua Rigley
    Banned
    Some forum's suck. You should leave them and move on to another. If you don't want to, don't give up. Keep reporting the member if she keeps breaking the rules. And if the mods break the rules, report them too.

    Try to find a mod who isn't completely biased and PM them asking for help.

    If push comes to shove, you may simply have to leave that forum and find a better one. It shouldn't be too difficult.
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  • Profile picture of the author Marvin Johnston
    Originally Posted by Sunnybeach7 View Post

    Have any of you experienced something like this before? Any good advice? My heart truly breaks for these posters who come there expecting help and that no one will judge them, and truly makes me sad.
    Yes, I've run into that before but I can give as good (or better) than I get . Still, it is a terrible idea to even get started with that kind of c**p.

    If there are enough disgruntled people there, starting another forum sounds like it would be along the lines of what you are trying to do.

    If not, find another forum that would appreciate your contributions.

    But all that said, you might make sure your actions were lily white or it could all come back to haunt you.

    Did I mention voice of experience ?

    Marvin
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    • Profile picture of the author Sunnybeach7
      Originally Posted by Marvin Johnston View Post

      Yes, I've run into that before but I can give as good (or better) than I get . Still, it is a terrible idea to even get started with that kind of c**p.

      If there are enough disgruntled people there, starting another forum sounds like it would be along the lines of what you are trying to do.

      If not, find another forum that would appreciate your contributions.

      But all that said, you might make sure your actions were lily white or it could all come back to haunt you.

      Did I mention voice of experience ?

      Marvin
      I could do pretty good myself, but I don't want to cause myself more anger and stress, plus then the good people would see that side of me as well.
      I don't like to spread negativity to others as well...it just gets me really angry to see people with such lack of feeling and compassion for others in that way.

      And I fear it would do not good, my comments would be moderated out within an hour while there's stay. At least two of the only moderators I've seen there are corrupt.
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  • Profile picture of the author Ofthemix
    This is called forum politics, and I've seen it in more forums than I can count. I would say 99% of forums and chat rooms out there, there are people who the owners and moderators favor. It doesn't matter what they do or how badly they treat other people, their s**t isn't going to stink. If no one listens to you, then the best thing that you can do is move on to another forum. Sad fact of life online, forum and chat rules typically only apply to people that the owners and moderators want them to. An owner of a forum or chat room can change the rules at any time for any reason. It's kind of like that sign you see up in little mom and pop restaurants that says 'We have the right to refuse service to anyone for any reason'.

    Sorry if this sounds horribly negative. I'm just speaking from my own personal experience. I'm sure other people would be inclined to disagree.
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    • Profile picture of the author Sunnybeach7
      Ofthemix ... I know what you're saying to be true. It all comes down to the decision of the highest in charge, if you can manage to find them.

      That's why if I don't hear from the owner, I won't be staying. I will just have to assume that he is part of it as well.

      One can always hope that someone may not know what is going on at their site...but I won't hold my breath, ya know.

      I didn't find your comment negative, but true. I'm already prepared to move on, as I don't expect anything to really be done.
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      • Profile picture of the author Kay King
        That's why if I don't hear from the owner, I won't be staying. I will just have to assume that he is part of it as well.
        Part of what? What do you expect the forum owner to do? Slap down long time members and a mod and tell them to play nice with you? Won't happen. More likely scenario is the owner will view you as a troublemaker not because of the thread but due to the complaints.

        The initial response to you could have been ignored or handled lightly as "I know others may not agree" but you took it further. No one can argue long with you on a forum if you don't argue back. That's a fact as after a few tries the other guy will begin to look foolish.

        Niche forums can be rough. The long time members and the owner are often passionate about the niche and the forum. They know each other and the interactions on some I've seen make the WF look like a play-nice group. It's up to you to find a way to fit in with the group when you are the newbie.

        You were trying to do the right thing in the niche - but you need to look at the results clearly and honestly so you avoid the same problems in the next forum. If you are going to be a newbie in tight niche forums - you need to toughen up.

        kay
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  • Profile picture of the author CDarklock
    Originally Posted by Sunnybeach7 View Post

    Have any of you experienced something like this before? Any good advice? My heart truly breaks for these posters who come there expecting help and that no one will judge them, and truly makes me sad.
    Here's the reality of every forum.

    Any idiot can start one.

    Once you realise "oh my gosh, this place is run by idiots" - just cut your losses and move on.

    Every forum also practices a degree of favouritism. The long-time members may get to skate by even when blatantly breaking the rules. What someone with 10k posts and four years on the forum can do with impunity, might very well get a "newbie" permabanned.

    This is just in the nature of how communities form and operate. People do this. It's the way they're wired. Some do it more blatantly than others, but the "respected" members of any forum can get away with things YOU almost certainly can't.

    Comes with the territory. You just shrug and move on. There are plenty of forums in pretty much every niche.
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  • Profile picture of the author tpw
    It is a typical "big fish in a little pond scenario".

    I have run into this kind of problem at two other forums.

    The best thing to do is to just smile and move to greener pastures.
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  • Profile picture of the author MarkWrites
    Most forums are like junior high. If you aren't part of the "in crowd" then there are different rules for you. You can sometimes still operate in some that are like that, but most often it isn't worth the time. Take the high road and stay classy, the other members who may not be brave enough to speak up will notice you for it and also give you major respect.
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    • Profile picture of the author AprilCT
      I think you are better off to leave and start over somewhere else. Every forum has it's members that say outrageous things with impunity. There are others out there in cyberspace that are pretty decent as well. It's really a question of finding a home for yourself.

      If you have been helping others, let them know you feel the need to move on...and maybe the ones that are struggling themselves will get the hint and move on as well to find a better place to get the assistance they need.

      Take time to just read postings in forums before you join because it really isn't worth your time to establish yourself and then realize it's the wrong place.

      Note that forums can become a tremendous amount of time wasted that should otherwise be put to better use. I had to leave one because it just became too great a time commitment. There were others quite capable of taking the place I held. It made me feel bad to do it, but my other commitments in the real world were more pressing.
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      • Profile picture of the author Paul Myers
        At least two of the only moderators I've seen there are corrupt.
        adj - Definition of CORRUPT
        1a: morally degenerate and perverted : depraved
        b: characterized by improper conduct (as bribery or the selling of favors)

        Interesting choice of words. Or, more accurately, deliberately inflammatory rhetoric. As is the notion that the owner of the place must be "part of it" if they don't see things your way. Which leads me to wonder if the story is as neat and one-sided as you're portraying it.

        The situation my well be as you've described it. My bet is there's more to it, and that "more" may include things of which you're not aware. Forums can involve very complex networks of groups, and patterns can emerge over time that indicate to the members that certain things are afoot. Few, if any, of those patterns are conclusive, but you often have to take the smaller collateral damage in order to avoid big time problems in the cases where the patterns do hold.

        There's something else you might find useful to consider. Forums are private spaces. The owners can set whatever policies they want. If they choose to have an insiders' group, and stamp out anything that looks like disagreement or divergence with the groups' norms, they can. While that's not my preferred dynamic, it's their group, and it's their right.

        That doesn't make them corrupt. It just makes them different.


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        • Profile picture of the author darrenmonroe
          Wow Paul thats an interesting perspective. Especially with the history of interesting people who have frequented this forum LOL
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          • Profile picture of the author CMCarlin
            It is like this in many, many forums. There is always a core group or two (or the 'good 'ol boys' as one person I know calls it). Forums can be a tight knit community and outsiders can be turned into a villain, regardless of rules.

            Just move on.

            Honestly, reading this thread, I felt like I was reading over some high school drama story from a teenager. No offense, but I do hope that my statement puts into perspective of how much this is bothering you, and why it shouldn't. Build your business, don't get involved with forum politics.
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  • Profile picture of the author christopher jon
    A good example of why it's better to ignore than engage those types of people.

    Best course of action is to lay low for a while and forget about it. Don't post for a couple of months and let the fire die down.

    Kissing up to the in-crowd isn't necessarily a bad idea when it comes to forum marketing. You're goal is to promote your website and business not get into fights, even if you didn't start them. You want the people with reputation and influence to be on your side even if you don't like them.

    Forum marketing is in a lot of ways like politics. Play the game and you'll have more success.
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  • Profile picture of the author HeySal
    I'm thinking they may see you as the hostile intruder. A long time member had the word "guru" describing her and you said what about "gurus"? I'm sure they were all able to read the inference correctly. You picked a very aggressive way to handle the situation. Perhaps logic would have gone a long way further than a counter-attack on someone else's home territory.
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  • Profile picture of the author Dennis Gaskill
    Here's another thought for you ... look how much time and emotional energy this has already cost you. Is it worth it?

    Point is, not everything is worth fighting, even if you win. We need to pick and choose wisely which battles are worth our time. This one doesn't seem like it will pay off in anything positive for you even if you win. Sometimes it's better to stay above the fray.
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    Just when you think you've got it all figured out, someone changes the rules.

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  • Profile picture of the author Sunnybeach7
    Thank you all very much for your thoughts. Even though most suggestions here are different, you have all made excellent points.

    I have so many different thoughts and ideas now, I'm going to try to focus on the one's I feel would be most productive at the moment, to keep things moving.
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