Australian Bricklayer's Report

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This is a bricklayer's accident report, which was printed in the
newsletter of the Australian equivalent of the Workers' Compensation
Board. This is a true story. Had this guy died, he'd have received a
Darwin Award for sure.

Dear Sir,

I am writing in response to your request for additional information
In Block 3 of the accident report form. I put "poor planning" as the
cause of my accident. You asked for a fuIIer explanation and I trust the
following details be sufficient .

I am a bricklayer by trade.

On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new
six-story building.

When I completed my work, I found that I had some bricks left over
which, when weighed later were found to be slightly in excess of
500 lbs.
Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in
a barrel by using a puIley, which was attached to the side of the
building on the sixth floor.

Securlng the rope at ground I went up to the roof, swung the barrel
out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went down and untied the rope,
holding it tightly to ensure a slow descent of the bricks.

You will note in Block 11 of the accident report form that I weigh
135 Ibs.

Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost
my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I
proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building.

In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel, which was now
proceeding downward at an equally impressive speed. This explained
the fractured skull, minor abrasions and the broken collar bone, as
listed in section 3 of the accident report form.

Slowed only slightIy, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until
the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the puIley.
Fortunately by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was
able to hold tightly to the rope, in spite of beginning to experience
pain.

At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the
ground and the bottom feII out of the barrel. Now devoid of the
weight of the bricks (that barrel weighed approximately 50 lbs) I refer you
again to my weight.

As you can imagine, I began a rapid descent, down the side of the
building. In the vicinity of the third fIoor, I met the barrel coming up. This
accounts for the two fractured ankles, broken tooth and several
lacerations of my legs and lower body.

Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel
seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the
pile of bricks and fortunately onlv three vertebrae were cracked.

I am sorry to report, however, as lay there on the pile of bricks,
in pain unable to move, I again lost my composure and presence of mind
and Iet go of the rope and I lay there watching the empty barrel begin
its journey back down onto me. This explains the two broken legs.

I hope this answers your inquiry.

Kevin Roben
Wagga Glass e Aluminium Pty Ltd
PO Box 5004 (11 Dobney Ave)
Wagga Wagga NSW 2550
  • Profile picture of the author ThomM
    That's funny, sad, and painful to read
    It's funny because he was so stupid.
    It's sad because he was so stupid.
    It's painful because I could be so stupid.
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    Life: Nature's way of keeping meat fresh
    Getting old ain't for sissy's
    As you are I was, as I am you will be
    You can't fix stupid, but you can always out smart it.

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  • Profile picture of the author HarveyJ
    Banned
    [DELETED]
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    • Profile picture of the author Ron Kerr
      Originally Posted by HarveyJ View Post

      Funny story, but Ron, you know what makes me suss that this isn't an Australian story?
      We haven't used imperial measurements for over 30 years. Those bricks would have been weighted in kg.
      Also, it would clearly state it's from the WorkCover newsletter.
      Furthermore, there are very few Australian sites on which this was listed. Stuff like this would certainly have appeared, at least in excerpt, on News.com.au as the HWT LOVES to print stories about idiots hurting themselves.
      Finally, I've seen this before as a physics puzzle.
      I didn't say how old it was.
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      • Profile picture of the author Rob Perks
        It reminds of a tru ozzy icon....Paul Hogan and one of his hilarious skits.

        Onya.
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  • Profile picture of the author Jared Alberghini
    That was hilarious, I'm still laughing... going to read it again...

    Here's my favorite part:

    Here my luck began to change slightly....(more unlucky and unfortunate stuff happens here)... and fortunately only three vertebrae were cracked.
    - Jared
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    • Profile picture of the author Kyle Tully
      This is an old story going back a long time. Myth Busters did a thing on it to see if it were indeed possible. From memory it was not very likely
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  • Profile picture of the author HeySal
    Wow - remind me not to tell a humorous story in here.......
    Who wants to go rip the Santa story thread apart. I'll bet he doesn't even drink rum.
    Signature

    Sal
    When the Roads and Paths end, learn to guide yourself through the wilderness
    Beyond the Path

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    • Profile picture of the author Dave Patterson
      Originally Posted by HeySal View Post

      Wow - remind me not to tell a humorous story in here.......
      Who wants to go rip the Santa story thread apart. I'll bet he doesn't even drink rum.
      Some folks just take life too friggin serious...
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      Professional Googler
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