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In the spirit of helpfulness that is the WF.

Here are some useful tips found on the net.

1. If you're choking on an ice cube, simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat. Presto! The blockage will instantly remove itself.

2. Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold the vegetables while you chop.

3. Avoid arguments with the females about lifting the toilet seat - use the sink.

4. For high blood pressure sufferers ~ simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure on your veins. Remember to use a timer.

5. A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. Then you'll be afraid to cough.

7. You only need two tools in life - WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

8. Remember - everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

9. If you can't fix it with a hammer, you've got an electrical problem.

10. Some people are like slinkies - not really good for anything, but they bring a smile to your face when pushed down the stairs .



home depot scam

A"heads up" for those men who may be regular Home Depot customers.

Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends.

Here's how the scam works:

Two seriously good-looking 20-21 year-old girls come over to your car as you are packing your shopping into the trunk. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts. It is impossible not to look.

When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say "No" and instead ask you for a ride to another Home Depot. You agree and they get in the backseat. On the way, they start undressing. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet. I had my wallet stolen November 4th, 9th,10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, & 24th 29th. Also December 1st, 4th, twice on the 8th, 16th, 23rd, 26th, 30th, three times last Saturday and very likely again this upcoming weekend.

So tell your friends to be careful.

P.S. Walmart has wallets on sale 2.99 each




















Disclaimer: these are jokes, don't try these at home and no Alpaca's were hurt in the production of said jokes..ok Bill?
  • Profile picture of the author KimW
    Jim, you are one sick mofo.
    That's why I like you!
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    • Profile picture of the author Roaddog
      Originally Posted by KimW View Post

      Jim, you are one sick mofo.
      That's why I like you!
      I saw these and I thought they were funny...so your probably right...

      I hate when this happens but,................just to cover your a$$, should you include a disclaimer here???
      You know Jody, that actually crossed my mind that someone could be that gullible...:p
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      • Profile picture of the author Bill Farnham
        Originally Posted by Roaddog View Post

        You know Jody, that actually crossed my mind that someone could be that gullible...:p
        Gallup Poll says 41.5%...
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  • Profile picture of the author waterotter
    I hate when this happens but,................just to cover your a$$, should you include a disclaimer here???
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    • Profile picture of the author KimW
      Originally Posted by waterotter View Post

      I hate when this happens but,................just to cover your a$$, should you include a disclaimer here???
      No disclaimer needed, he has duct tape!
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  • Profile picture of the author waterotter
    Cover your butt Jim......just sayin'!

    Can I have the name of your attorney? :p
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  • Profile picture of the author KimW
    "no Alpaca's were hurt in the production of said jokes..ok Bill?"

    What is this about?? Does KJ have Alpacas and didn't tell me??
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    • Profile picture of the author Roaddog
      Originally Posted by KimW View Post

      "no Alpaca's were hurt in the production of said jokes..ok Bill?"

      What is this about?? Does KJ have Alpacas and didn't tell me??

      No that was more for, "don't try these at home"....












      Discalimer for above joke, I know Bill is about the last one I would have to sweat that about.

      How about a 'What's your favorite disclaimer' thread...lol
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    • Profile picture of the author waterotter
      Originally Posted by KimW View Post

      "no Alpaca's were hurt in the production of said jokes..ok Bill?"

      What is this about?? Does KJ have Alpacas and didn't tell me??
      Kim, ya could check out the 'what's your favorite.......?'

      ...just sayin' lol
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      • Profile picture of the author KimW
        Originally Posted by waterotter View Post

        Kim, ya could check out the 'what's your favorite.......?'

        ...just sayin' lol
        Hey, I already posted waterotter was my favorite animal!
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        • Profile picture of the author waterotter
          Originally Posted by KimW View Post

          Hey, I already posted waterotter was my favorite animal!
          Kim, there's a fine line between truth and fiction.....you gotta cover your a$$ regardless!
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          • Profile picture of the author Roaddog
            Mother in law

            We were dressed and ready to go out for the New Years Eve Party. We turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on, covered our pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard. We phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and we opened the front door to leave the house. The cat we put out in the yard, scoots back into the house. We didn't want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to eat the bird.

            My wife goes out to the taxi, while I went inside to get the cat. The cat runs upstairs, with me in hot pursuit. Waiting in the cab, my wife doesn't want the driver to know that the house will be empty for the night. So, she explains to the taxi driver that I will be out soon, "He's just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother."

            A few minutes later, I get into the cab . "Sorry I took so long," I said, as we drove away. "That stupid bitch was hiding under the bed. Had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off, so I grabbed her by the neck. Then, I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked! I hauled her fat ass downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!"

            The cab driver hit a parked car...














            no Mother in Laws were actually poked with a hanger...blah, blah, ..and blah
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  • Profile picture of the author waterotter
    ...and no son-in-laws were killed in the process....blah, blah, and blah!!!

    (sorry, just couldn't resist Jim 8-))
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    • Profile picture of the author Bill Farnham
      A guy is asked by his neighbors to watch their house while they are away for the weekend, when all of a sudden he sees his dog with their pet rabbit in its' mouth. The rabbit is dead.

      He checks inside his neighbors house and sure enough the rabbit cage is empty and the trap door is open.

      So he hurries down to the local pet shop and buys a rabbit that is a dead ringer for his neighbors rabbit and puts it in the cage.

      He greets the neighbors when they come home and is outside on the porch playing it cool talking to the husband when suddenly the wife lets out a blood curdling scream from inside the house.

      They both rush into the house to see what is causing the panic and the wife who is pale as a ghost turns to him and says in utter disbelief, "My God, our rabbit died the day before we left and we burried him in the back yard!"
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  • Profile picture of the author Patrician
    So there's this fellow with a parrot. And this parrot swears like a sailor, I mean he's a pistol. He can swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself.

    Trouble is, the guy who owns him is a quiet, conservative type, and this bird's foul mouth is driving him crazy.

    One day, it gets to be too much, so the guy grabs the bird by the throat, shakes him really hard, and yells, "Quit it!" But this just makes the bird mad and he swears more than ever.

    Then the guy gets mad and says, "OK for you," and locks the bird in a kitchen cabinet.

    This really aggravates the bird and he claws and scratches, and when the guy finally lets him out, the bird cuts loose with a stream of invective that would make a veteran sailor blush.

    At that point, the guy is so mad that he throws the bird into the freezer.

    For the first few seconds there is a terrible din. The bird kicks and claws and thrashes. Then it suddenly gets very quiet.

    At first the guy just waits, but then he starts to think that the bird may be hurt. After a couple of minutes of silence, he's so worried that he opens up the freezer door.

    The bird calmly climbs onto the man's out-stretched arm and says, "Awfully sorry about the trouble I gave you. I'll do my best to improve my vocabulary from now on."

    The man is astounded. He can't understand the transformation that has come over the parrot.

    Then the parrot says, "By the way, may I ask what the turkey did?"



    @$#&%#@!
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