More jokes

I forgot I had this one on a computer. Found it again last evening. Enjoy.

:-Don


The Smiths had tried for years to have a child, and not
having any luck, they decided to use a proxy father to
start their family.

On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith
kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The man should be here
soon."

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby
photographer rang the bell, hoping to make a sale. "Good
morning madam. You don't know me but I've come to..."

Mrs. Smith cut in, "Oh, no need to explain. I've been
expecting you."

"Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good! I've made a
specialty of babies."

"That's what my husband and I had hoped. PLease come in and
have a seat. Just where do we start?" asked Mrs. Smith,
blushing.

"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub,
one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed.
Sometimes the living room floor is fun too: you can really
spread out."

"Bath tub? Living room floor? No wonder it didn't
work for Henry and me."

"Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every
time. But if we try several different positions, and if I
shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased
with the results."

"I hope we can get this over with quickly," gasped Mrs.
Smith.

"Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd
love to be in and out in five minutes, but you'd be
disappointed with that, I'm sure."

"Don't I know!", Mrs Smith exclaimed.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a
portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top
of a bus in downtown London."

"Oh my gosh!", Mrs Smith exclaimed, tugging at her
handkerchief.

"And these twins turned out exceptionally well when you
consider their mother was so difficult to work with." The
photographer handed Mrs. Smith the picture.

"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.

"Yes, I'm afraid so I finally had to take her to Hyde Park
to get the job done right. People were crowding around
four and five deep, pushing to get a good look."

"Four and five deep?", asked Mrs. Smith.

"Yes," the photographer said. "And for more than three
hours too. The mother was constantly squealing an yelling.
I could hardly concentrate. Then darkness approached and I
began to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began
nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in."

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "You mean the actually chewed
on your, uh...equipment?"

"That's right. Well, Madam, if you're ready, I'll set up
my tripod so we can get to work."

"Tripod? Mrs. Smith looked extremely worried now.

"Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's
much too big for me to hold while I'm getting ready for
action. Madam? Madam? ...

Mrs. Smith had fainted.