by raydp
3 replies
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I just read a Bob Hope gag that brightened my day and wondered what your favourites were. I'm thinking of the short sharp gags like this:

"My parents taught me all about the birds and the bees. Liars! I dated a woodpecker until I was 21!"

Ray
  • Profile picture of the author Star69
    I tell ya, I get no respect, no respect at all. Last night the house caught on fire and I awoke to hear the wife telling the kids, "Shhh, don't wake Daddy!"

    Rodney Dangerfield
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  • Profile picture of the author HeySal
    I LOVE Groucho Marx - here's a few of my favs from him:


    I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THAT WILL ACCEPT ME AS A MEMBER.

    She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.

    I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
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    Sal
    When the Roads and Paths end, learn to guide yourself through the wilderness
    Beyond the Path

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    • Profile picture of the author Theresea Hughes
      A father told his son, Little Johnny, now aged 10, that it was
      time he talked to him about men & women eg: "the birds and the bees."

      "I don't want to know!" little Johnny said, bursting into tears.

      Confused, the father asked Little Johnny what was wrong.

      "Oh Dad," Johnny sobbed,

      • "At age 6 I got the 'There's no Santa'
        speech.
      • At age 7 I got the 'There's no Easter bunny' speech.
      • Then at age 8 you hit me with the 'There's no tooth fairy'
        speech!
      • If you're going to tell me now that grown-ups don't
        really screw, I've got nothing left to live for!"




      A man is only as old as the woman he feels. (Groucho Marx)

      I chased a woman for almost two years only to discover her tastes were exactly like mine - we were both crazy about girls. (Groucho Marx)

      Ten men waiting for me at the door? Send one of them home, I'm tired. (Mae West)

      My wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex, she objects. (Les Dawson)
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      >> Parenting Toddler Tips <<
      ** Elvis Presley Forever! **
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