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Are Your Standards For Your Child Higher Than For Yourself?

by thunderbird
10 replies
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I realize that I have a number of differing standards for my son than I do for myself. There are things I have done and things would try doing if I could relive my life that I definitely wouldn't want my son to do. For example, if I could relive my life, I would try MMA despite knowing how dangerous it is and that I wouldn't have much chance of getting very far in it, but there is no way that I'd want my son to do it. As a teen I had my fun with older women (who would probably get arrested for it nowadays if caught) but I wouldn't want that for my son.
  • Profile picture of the author ThomM
    They're pretty much the same.
    Be honest, try your best, and don't intentionally harm anyone.
    I also taught them that no matter what they do, success or failure depends on them.
    As long as what they wanted to do met those criteria I supported them.
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  • Profile picture of the author Halcyon
    Of course my standards are higher, they're supposed to be.

    But I know what I know because of my life experiences. I can't deny my kids their own experiences. The good and the bad, makes us who we are.

    I have a plan and I push it but in the back of my mind I know that if my kids are anything like me, they will go their own way when they're ready. I'm not looking forward to it but I'm ready to accept the fact that my kids may not want to follow the direction that I wish them to.

    I hope that I've instilled a great moral and safety compass in them but when the time comes they'll each have to walk their own path.
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  • Profile picture of the author MoneyMagnetMagnate
    Maybe - But I think the cloning went off with 'relatively' few glitches....
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    • Profile picture of the author MissTerraK
      While raising my kids, my standard for them was the same as mine because in no way did I want to appear as a hypocrite to them. That only instills disrespect and rebellion.

      I also did my best to steer them in the right direction by giving them the option to choose what they would do by offering suggestions as to what could happen with either route they chose.

      I tried to make a poor decision have dire consequences and a good one seem heavenly. But I ultimately left the decision up to them in realizing they had a lot of me in them and unfortunately, I just had to learn some things the hard way, lol! But when I did learn that way, I learned it real well!

      Terra
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      • Profile picture of the author thunderbird
        Originally Posted by MissTerraK View Post

        While raising my kids, my standard for them was the same as mine because in no way did I want to appear as a hypocrite to them. That only instills disrespect and rebellion.<snip>
        As a responsible adult, I'll make sure that my child does not witness any of my hypocrisy or double standards
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        • Profile picture of the author Kay King
          I think a parent's job is to help the child become what he can be - not repeat or improve on the parent's experiences. To do this you allow them to try things that interest them and expose them to as many experiences as possible (even if that means holding your breath until they arrive at the top or bottom safely).
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          • Profile picture of the author thunderbird
            Originally Posted by Kay King View Post

            I think a parent's job is to help the child become what he can be - not repeat or improve on the parent's experiences. <snip>
            Yeah, it is not healthy for parents to try to vicariously live their own personal dreams through their children. I don't want a "mini me." I'm already seeing my toddler going in his own direction. It looks like music will play a major part of his personal landscape, but I was never good at music. He's hitting the milestones that kids are supposed to reach around his age and I am happy about that.
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        • Profile picture of the author MissTerraK
          Originally Posted by thunderbird View Post

          As a responsible adult, I'll make sure that my child does not witness any of my hypocrisy or double standards
          Haha TB!

          I didn't mean to imply you were either of those.

          It's just that while in my teens, I had friends who found out things about their parents they had been hiding and my friends became very rebellious, wild even, because of this new found info.

          My parents always told us stuff up front and gave reasons on why we shouldn't do what they had done and I did the same with my kids.

          It's one thing to present yourself a certain way to your kids while withholding information to the contrary, and another to present yourself the same way but sharing experiences in the past as to why. Age appropriate, of course. Do you know what I mean?

          Terra
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          • Profile picture of the author thunderbird
            Originally Posted by MissTerraK View Post

            <snip>

            It's one thing to present yourself a certain way to your kids while withholding information to the contrary, and another to present yourself the same way but sharing experiences in the past as to why. Age appropriate, of course. Do you know what I mean?

            Terra
            That is totally reasonable.
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  • Profile picture of the author Wotz
    Banned
    I just teach my kids to believe in themselves and pursue what they love to do. It was the same things my parents taught me, so I just pass it on to them. I am a pretty flexible person and I also try to give my kids space to do their own thing so long as it is good for them. I don't impose, but I do suggest and give advice. Parents are just supposed to guide their children to be the best people that they can be, not have them live OUR dreams for us.
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