Who Is Horace Bartholomew Schmidt?

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According to handwritten notes in his mother's journal, great Internet marketer Horace Bartholomew Schmidt was born somewhere between Isbijab and the furthermost regions of Farganah. What his parents were doing there remains unknown. Likewise, no one is certain if he was born in Russia or China. He presently lives under a pseudonym in Alabama and is known to frequent online forums.
  • Profile picture of the author Dennis Gaskill
    That's amazing. I heard his favorite color is plaid.
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    • Profile picture of the author thunderbird
      Originally Posted by Dennis Gaskill View Post

      That's amazing. I heard his favorite color is plaid.
      Well, that would explain his plaid suits. But having his female assistants wearing plaid from head to toe seems a bit much, never mind the horse being similarly decked out.
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  • Profile picture of the author Dave Patterson
    Originally Posted by thunderbird View Post

    According to handwritten notes in his mother's journal, great Internet marketer Horace Bartholomew Schmidt was born somewhere between Isbijab and the furthermost regions of Farganah. What his parents were doing there remains unknown. Likewise, no one is certain if he was born in Russia or China. He presently lives under a pseudonym in Alabama and is known to frequent online forums.
    Maybe this explains the strange little man across the street...
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    • Originally Posted by Dave Patterson View Post

      Maybe this explains the strange little man across the street...
      I thought he was talking about you, Dave! 'Dave Patterson' is just your stage name -

      Whomever this Schmidt is...a nom de plume is certainly in order -
      He'll never sell books with that moniker...

      btw: can you legally get your name changed to 'Pseudonym' ?

      At least it's not Johann Gambolputty de von Ausfern -schplenden -schlitter -crasscrenbon -fried -digger -dangle -dungle -burstein -von -knacker -thrasher -apple -banger -horowitz -ticolensic -grander -knotty -spelltinkle -grandlich -grumblemeyer -spelterwasser -kürstlich -himbleeisen -bahnwagen -gutenabend -bitte -eine -nürnburger -bratwustle -gerspurten -mit -zweimache -luber -hundsfut -gumberaber -shönendanker -kalbsfleisch -mittler -raucher von Hautkopft of Ulm...:rolleyes:
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  • Profile picture of the author KimW
    Isn't he John Jacob Jinglheimer Schmidt's brother?
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    • Profile picture of the author thunderbird
      Originally Posted by KimW View Post

      Isn't he John Jacob Jinglheimer Schmidt's brother?
      Yes, however much Eunice Schnitzelburg-O'Connor Schmidt may deny it. She still gets in a rage over the unfortunate events that transpired at the Shoal Creek Golf and Country Club.
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      • Profile picture of the author KimW
        Originally Posted by thunderbird View Post

        Yes, however much Eunice Schnitzelburg-O'Connor Schmidt may deny it. She still gets in a rage over the unfortunate events that transpired at the Shoal Creek Golf and Country Club.
        Which was not to be spoken of ever again.......
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      • Profile picture of the author mattlaclear
        Originally Posted by thunderbird View Post

        Yes, however much Eunice Schnitzelburg-O'Connor Schmidt may deny it. She still gets in a rage over the unfortunate events that transpired at the Shoal Creek Golf and Country Club.
        I told Eunice a millions times already that the golf cart I struck her with had faulty brakes and that the club mechanic Jimmy Spizzlefing was the one she should be drawing charges on.

        That woman just will not listen to reason. But if anyone sees her in the next couple of days let her know I'll have her new wooden leg finished up by the end of next week. Currently needs a couple extra coats of poly is all.
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  • Profile picture of the author thunderbird
    Horace Bartholomew Schmidt sighting. His assistants in the foreground, he is the male figure on the far left in the background.

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  • Profile picture of the author ravi13efw
    This is a funny thread, is he really a real person or am I just opening up myself for abuse haha
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    • Profile picture of the author Dennis Gaskill
      Originally Posted by ravi13efw View Post

      This is a funny thread, is he really a real person or am I just opening up myself for abuse haha
      He's real, but we're going to abuse you anyway, just for asking.
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  • Horace Bartholomew Schmidt is an alias Alan Smithee uses when even he does not want to be recognized...
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