Two Questions Regarding Marriage

12 years ago

Originally Posted by highhopes

1. Why do people consider it necessary to marry? Why don't people continue in cohabitation/de facto relationships?

My wife and I were perfectly content living together for 15 years. When she could no longer work she was going to lose her insurance and mine wouldn't cover her unless we were legally married.

2. What is the point of marriage/why does it exist?

To further separate ourselves from animals?

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Don Schenk

12 years ago

Originally Posted by highhopes

What is the point of marriage/why does it exist?

To have a big party
To keep photographers, videographers, florists, and musicians in business
To have a place to which one can wear the rental tuxedo
To allow dress shops to sell really expensive dresses to people who wouldn't otherwise buy really expensive dresses
To let churches think they still have power over parishoners
To create a venu at which organists can play classical music
To give in-laws a something over which to fight, and a venue at which to do so
To allow clergy to earn money
To create an all day event during which a group of friends and some family members can become quite drunk
To give them a reason to do so
To create a reason to go on a nice, romantic vacation - honeymoon

Unless of course, he (or she) wants to spend a large sum of money to moon his (or her) honey.

:-Don

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HollyStar 12 years ago

Marriage is a business. We pay so we can be legally attached to one person, then pay even more to be free again. (great concept!)

We do it because our families have been doing it throughout our history, and most feel the need to keep up the tradition.
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crucita 12 years ago

Marriage is a symbol, a meaning to both (couple). The most important is share this idea of marriage, believe this. Just so you would have some assurance that will last or at least will make every attempt to works for a long time. It is not a guarantee

I have almost 14 years with my husband and I love him more every day . We have done more together than we would have achieved alone. We enjoyed everything protocol that involved to do the wedding. I would do it again without doubt.

Think about it , a formal marriage is something that is truly to do a once in life with the person who you love. Marry by the law can do it whenever you want but by the church only once in life , So why not do it , if it means something important to both.
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KimW

12 years ago

Marriage is a religious ceremony joining a man and woman in the eyes of God.
Of course answering this may get this thread deleted,but that is what it is.
Our government has made it into a business.
They should have stayed out of it.
Of course,saying that can make this thread political and get it banned.
But Dave has also stated one of the current reasons for some to get married.
The government lets companies refuse insurance coverage unless you and your partner are joined by the legal aspect,not the religious aspect or marriage.

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Dave Patterson

12 years ago

Originally Posted by KimW

Marriage is a religious ceremony joining a man and woman in the eyes of God.
Of course answering this may get this thread deleted,but that is what it is.
Our government has made it into a business.
They should have stayed out of it.
Of course,saying that can make this thread political and get it banned.
But Dave has also stated one of the current reasons for some to get married.
The government lets companies refuse insurance coverage unless you and your partner are joined by the legal aspect,not the religious aspect or marriage.

Exact quote from my insurance company customer service rep when I inquired about adding my (now) wife to my health insurance..."I'm sorry sir, we do not recognize common law marriage NOR do we recognize homosexual relationships."

Yes, exact words.

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ThomM

12 years ago

Originally Posted by Dave Patterson

Exact quote from my insurance company customer service rep when I inquired about adding my (now) wife to my health insurance..."I'm sorry sir, we do not recognize common law marriage NOR do we recognize homosexual relationships."

Yes, exact words.

So Dave did you explain to them what a common law marriage and a homosexual relationship looked like so they could recognize them in the future?

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KimW

12 years ago

Originally Posted by Dave Patterson

Exact quote from my insurance company customer service rep when I inquired about adding my (now) wife to my health insurance..."I'm sorry sir, we do not recognize common law marriage NOR do we recognize homosexual relationships."

Yes, exact words.

Well, looks like my wifes company at the time was more progrssive than yours...lol.

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Sumit Menon

12 years ago

Originally Posted by Dave Patterson

Exact quote from my insurance company customer service rep when I inquired about adding my (now) wife to my health insurance..."I'm sorry sir, we do not recognize common law marriage NOR do we recognize homosexual relationships."

Yes, exact words.

So, when you say wife, Dave, it's a woman, right?

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Dave Patterson 12 years ago

Originally Posted by Sumit Menon

So, when you say wife, Dave, it's a woman, right?

Very much so...
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nejuwebtech 12 years ago

Yes Friend...
You said it....
This is the perfect answer for this thread question..
I support you in this matter.......
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- Dave Patterson 12 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by nejuwebtech
  
  Yes Friend...
  You said it....
  This is the perfect answer for this thread question..
  I support you in this matter.......
  
  So, I take you're NOT married?
  
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Halcyon

12 years ago

These days I don't think it's necessary to marry unless your religion or personal moral code compels it. But in my opinion, getting married out of obligation is a sure fire path towards resentment and a miserable life.

People choose to get married for a variety of reasons, some good some silly. But it's like asking people why they go to church, the reasons will differ.

I chose to marry because I loved my boyfriend (now husband) and we wanted to create a new family unit. This could've been accomplished without us getting married but he wanted the official commitment. I guess he thought I was going to run off or something.

but after 15 years I'm convinced that I made the right decision.

Everyone is different. What brings me joy may be someone else's hell.

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ThomM

12 years ago

My youngest just got engaged and they are planning on getting married next summer. I haven't sat and talked to them about it yet, but will and it will be interesting

As soon as they told me, the conversation turned to what I would wear to walk her down the isle and what I was allowed to say and do and not say and do

She started with me in a tux, I countered with jeans and a t-shirt.
She then went with me in a suit, I countered with clean jeans and a clean button down shirt. I figure if that was good enough for when I got married to her mother it was good enough now.

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Halcyon

12 years ago

Originally Posted by ThomM

My youngest just got engaged and they are planning on getting married next summer. I haven't sat and talked to them about it yet, but will and it will be interesting

As soon as they told me, the conversation turned to what I would wear to walk her down the isle and what I was allowed to say and do and not say and do

She started with me in a tux, I countered with jeans and a t-shirt.
She then went with me in a suit, I countered with clean jeans and a clean button down shirt. I figure if that was good enough for when I got married to her mother it was good enough now.

Agree with you on this. These days reality tv has made marriage more about the wedding than the marriage.

How about a tie with the clean button down shirt?

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ThomM

12 years ago

Originally Posted by Halcyon

Agree with you on this. These days reality tv has made marriage more about the wedding than the marriage.

How about a tie with the clean button down shirt?

That's what sent up a red flag with me. The whole first conversation was just about the wedding.
That would work, I still have some around here that belonged to my father that he bought in the 30's

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kenmichaels

12 years ago

Originally Posted by ThomM

My youngest just got engaged and they are planning on getting married next summer. I haven't sat and talked to them about it yet, but will and it will be interesting

As soon as they told me, the conversation turned to what I would wear to walk her down the isle and what I was allowed to say and do and not say and do

She started with me in a tux, I countered with jeans and a t-shirt.
She then went with me in a suit, I countered with clean jeans and a clean button down shirt. I figure if that was good enough for when I got married to her mother it was good enough now.

Thom, just curious, did your future son in law , ask for your daughters hand?

I married into a japanese family, i had to ask permission from her father.
to this day, it was one of the scariest / hardest things i have ever had to do.

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KimW

12 years ago

Originally Posted by highhopes

With respect Kim, marriage is religious to some people but not all. If you were an evolutionist and non believer in god, for example...you have to respect their stand also, as they yours.

Highhopes, Marriage is a religious thing.I've had this argument many times over the years. Just because someone wants to change what it is to suit their views doesn't change the facts of what it really is. That's a major problem in todays society.They think they can mold anything into what they want and make it acceptable to themselves. It doesn't work that way.

And I have to agree with Thom who said:
"But shouldn't they also respect the church and it's views also?
Seems to me they where making a mockery of the church and what it stands for."

Originally Posted by kenmichaels

Thom, just curious, did your future son in law , ask for your daughters hand?

I married into a japanese family, i had to ask permission from her father.
to this day, it was one of the scariest / hardest things i have ever had to do.

Ken,
My (soon to be ex son-in-law) actually did ask me for my daughters hand in marriage. I was shocked and amazed at the action,but it did make me feel better about him as a person.

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jacktackett

12 years ago

Originally Posted by kenmichaels

Thom, just curious, did your future son in law , ask for your daughters hand?

I married into a japanese family, i had to ask permission from her father.
to this day, it was one of the scariest / hardest things i have ever had to do.

I asked a girl to marry me - and she said no (the nerve of some people

). Well two years later we were married. I like to think of myself as determined - she calls me a stubborn SOB. But I took care of the whole permission thing - when we started dating again I told her she'd have to ask me this time and she damn well better have a ring.... - which she did! here's to another 20 years....

--Jack

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thunderbird

12 years ago

Originally Posted by highhopes

1. Why do people consider it necessary to marry? Why don't people continue in cohabitation/de facto relationships?

For at least 50% of people, it would probably be best not to get married.

2. What is the point of marriage/why does it exist?

1. A lot of people do just live together, even have kids together, without getting married.One of my sisters married her boyfriend to get him out of Zimbabwe after that murderous nutcase got in power. Their marriage is still working out after a good number of years, so there you go.
2. There are many possible scenarios that would be possible origins of marriage, but the most likely one is simply to have children and provide them with a stable environment. Other than that, I guess it's to provide companionship and make a strong and meaningful commitment.

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KimW

12 years ago

My first marriage was a total disaster.
My 2nd and current,and will be the last wife,we lived together for years until a situation like Dave mentioned came up. In my case it was my children that wouldn't have had insurance.
And it was ridiculous, the company would give insurance coverage to two gay people even though they were unmarried,but a man and a woman couldn't get it if they were unmarried. :rolleyes:

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seasoned

12 years ago

Originally Posted by highhopes

1. Why do people consider it necessary to marry? Why don't people continue in cohabitation/de facto relationships?

2. What is the point of marriage/why does it exist?

Dave and Kim are right.

Marriage is MARRIAGE! It is recognized by EVERYONE! There is NO "de facto marriage". As for relationships? EVERYONE has them ALL OVER! Probably 99.999 percent of relationships have NOTHING to do with sex or marriage. Common Law marriage takes time, and isn't as recognized.

Marriage does NOT exist for what many claim. If it did, it would not be NEARLY as old as it is or as widespread, and vary really based on religion and/or piety. Marriage as far as the ceremony, is RELIGIOUS!

BTW it is SUPPOSED to be a contract of sorts. That is recognized EVERYWHERE! HECK, many animals recognize it in the same way. If you are married, you are supposed to live with and treat the other person as if they were a part of you.

The REAL question is, given all this, WHY would homosexuals WANT to get married? Become a part of a hypocritical church? why?

Steve

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TLTheLiberator

12 years ago

Of course it's not the only reason to get married but...

Some people marry because they don't want their children born out of wedlock.

It's not as frowned on as it once was but some people still don't want it for their kids.

All The Best!!

TL

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HeySal

12 years ago

Marriage is supposed to be a spiritual celebration and declaration of undying love and faith.

The gov saw it as another source of revenue. Financial corps see it as a loophole that saves them money. Other corps see it as a way to make money.

Marriage gives children security and a bound household - which I am all in favor of. Children really do benefit from having two parents. I have friends who went through a formal spiritual union, but never legally registered it with the government because they felt that it's none of the gov's business. I can agree with that one.

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evawj

12 years ago

A study has shown that married people live longer, they have someone to talk to fight with so it keeps them busy and on tough time someone to count on.

Well it also helps create a better society married people are more respected,in jobs like in government positions.

Marriage has been on since way back as first created by God Adam & Eve

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jacktackett 12 years ago

Originally Posted by evawj

A study has shown that married people live longer

Nope - just feels like it.

Remember folks, in the US 50% of all marriages end in DEATH.

--Jack

ps I'm actually quite happily married - for 20 years this June....
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Dennis Gaskill

12 years ago

I got married because I slowed down with age and couldn't outrun the chicks anymore.

Hey Thunderbird, how long has that phrase been under your forum name, and why? :confused: Did HeySal make you do it?

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highhopes

12 years ago

Marriage I think is not necessarily religious any more.
I have friends who would not been interested in religion, in fact are atheists, but have married in a church.. ( because it would be oh so lovely with the bride and brides maids and the pomp that goes with this) I opted to marry by the state, registry office.
If i was religious then i would find myself doing the right thing and going to a church to marry.
Nevertheless, the fact that you give your kids the best start by being born in wedlock is important i think.

Equally, there are more and more couples in the UK, about 4 million now who are just living out of wedlock and the trend is increasing.

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KimW

12 years ago

Originally Posted by highhopes

Marriage I think is not necessarily religious any more.
I have friends who would not been interested in religion, in fact are atheists, but have married in a church.. ( because it would be oh so lovely with the bride and brides maids and the pomp that goes with this) I opted to marry by the state, registry office.
If i was religious then i would find myself doing the right thing and going to a church to marry.
Nevertheless, the fact that you give your kids the best start by being born in wedlock is important i think.

Equally, there are more and more couples in the UK, about 4 million now who are just living out of wedlock and the trend is increasing.

So,they are hypocrits? I pesonally find it morally offensive that they would call themselves aitheists and yet marry in a church. And especially for the reason you stated: ( because it would be oh so lovely with the bride and brides maids and the pomp that goes with this) Again,talk about hypicritical.
Marriage IS a religious event, .The fact that the governments have *******ized it to there own intent doesn't change that fact.
While neither of my marriages were done in a church, they were officiated over by an ordained minister of the church.

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highhopes

12 years ago

Originally Posted by KimW

So,they are hypocrits? I pesonally find it morally offensive that they would call themselves aitheists and yet marry in a church. And especially for the reason you stated: ( because it would be oh so lovely with the bride and brides maids and the pomp that goes with this) Again,talk about hypicritical.
Marriage IS a religious event, .The fact that the governments have *******ized it to there own intent doesn't change that fact.
While neither of my marriages were done in a church, they were officiated over by an ordained minister of the church.

With respect Kim, marriage is religious to some people but not all. If you were an evolutionist and non believer in god, for example...you have to respect their stand also, as they yours.

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ThomM

12 years ago

Originally Posted by highhopes

With respect Kim, marriage is religious to some people but not all. If you were an evolutionist and non believer in god, for example...you have to respect their stand also, as they yours.

But shouldn't they also respect the church and it's views also?
Seems to me they where making a mockery of the church and what it stands for.

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simon15

12 years ago

Don't do it

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TLTheLiberator

12 years ago

Marriage Situations...

"I'm not talking to you either."

LOL!

Then someone finally gives in.

I know a married couple who sets a one week limit on not talking to each other when they have become mad at each other.

TL

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TLTheLiberator

12 years ago

Marriage Situation...

"I'm not talking to you either."

Then someone finally gives in.

But...

I know a couple that sets a one week limit of not talking to each other if they decide they are angry with each other.

TL

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KimW

12 years ago

Originally Posted by highhopes

With respect Kim, marriage is religious to some people but not all. If you were an evolutionist and non believer in god, for example...you have to respect their stand also, as they yours.

Highhopes, Marriage is a religious thing.I've had this argument many times over the years. Just because someone wants to change what it is to suit their views doesn't change the facts of what it really is. That's a major problem in todays society.They think they can mold anything into what they want and make it acceptable to themselves. It doesn't work that way.

And I have to agree with Thom who said:
"But shouldn't they also respect the church and it's views also?
Seems to me they where making a mockery of the church and what it stands for."

Originally Posted by kenmichaels

Thom, just curious, did your future son in law , ask for your daughters hand?

I married into a japanese family, i had to ask permission from her father.
to this day, it was one of the scariest / hardest things i have ever had to do.

Ken,
My (soon to be ex son-in-law) actually did ask me for my daughters hand in marriage. I was shocked and amazed at the action,but it did make me feel better about him as a person.

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KimW

12 years ago

Ha Ha jack, My current wife had a laove/hate relationship for years. We loved each other but hated the idea of marriage.After being together for a few years,we were shopping in Coscto (believe it or not) and she pointed to a set of wedding rings in their jewelry case and said to me:"The day you can afford to put those rings on my finger is the day I will marry you).
Stupid words on her part because right after that I sold my house and bought the rings. And while we aren't quite at 20 years, some days it feels like out 50th anniversary!

PS: I am glad she never reads my posts.

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highhopes

12 years ago

Originally Posted by ThomM

But shouldn't they also respect the church and it's views also?
Seems to me they where making a mockery of the church and what it stands for.

On reflection i suppose you are right from the church establishment point of view, but as they don't believe in god, they feel it does`nt matter how they want to get married.
you would be surprised how many people i know say the only times they go to church is for funerals and weddings. This indicates a non belief in practicing a religion within the parishes where i am, and indeed across the UK. That is plain to see when you consider the amount of churches closing down, being sold off. there is no real religious culture with the masses anymore in the UK. I think the reverse is true for the USA, they still have a devotion towards religion.

Originally Posted by KimW

Highhopes, Marriage is a religious thing.I've had this argument many times over the years. Just because someone wants to change what it is to suit their views doesn't change the facts of what it really is. That's a major problem in todays society.They think they can mold anything into what they want and make it acceptable to themselves. It doesn't work that way.

And I have to agree with Thom who said:
"But shouldn't they also respect the church and it's views also?
Seems to me they where making a mockery of the church and what it stands for."

Ken,
My (soon to be ex son-in-law) actually did ask me for my daughters hand in marriage. I was shocked and amazed at the action,but it did make me feel better about him as a person.

you cannot change the mindset of anyone in a free society. If the clergy are happy to marry them, so be it! If the non believer wants to get married in a church because they like say the sound of the organ, the choir, the setting inside an historic building, who can say they don`t deserve to be there because of the ambiance and setting? Don`t forget also, many of the guests may be non atheists, so they would also be performing a good will gesture on many of the guests preferences to a church weddings.

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ThomM

12 years ago

Originally Posted by highhopes

On reflection i suppose you are right from the church establishment point of view, but as they don't believe in god, they feel it does`nt matter how they want to get married.
you would be surprised how many people i know say the only times they go to church is for funerals and weddings. This indicates a non belief in practicing a religion within the parishes where i am, and indeed across the UK. That is plain to see when you consider the amount of churches closing down, being sold off. there is no real religious culture with the masses anymore in the UK. I think the reverse is true for the USA, they still have a devotion towards religion.

Going by the reasons you stated earlier as to why they choose a church, I still think it was disrespectful.
But also when it comes to two people I don't know getting married, it doesn't matter what I think

As long as they are happy together then it's all good.
I'm one of those people who only goes to church for weddings and funerals, so I can relate.
I do believe in a God, just not organized religion.
The first time I was married it was in the church I had been going to since I was born (I was a Methodist).
The second time it was in the country under a Maple tree in the front yard of a Justice of the Peace who had played a significant role in keeping me out of prison years before.

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KimW

12 years ago

" Don`t forget also, many of the guests may be non atheists, "

I would assume most would be non atheists.

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Two Questions Regarding Marriage

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