Wanna laugh? 35 Funny Quotes to LOL with...Enjoy!

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1. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first. And, whatever you hit, call it the target.

2. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

3. Mobile phones are the only subject on which all boast about who’s got the smallest.

4. You’re beautiful until your Photoshop 30 day trial has gone.

5. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

6. The last thing I want to do is whacking you – but it’s still on the list.

7. Light travels faster than sound. That’s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

8. If I agree with you then we’d both wrong.

9. I want to kill the sexiest person alive, but they say suicide is a sin.

10. Those who like me, raise your hands!!
And those who don’t like me, RAISE YOUR STANDARDS.

11. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.

12. Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back!

13. I said “no” to drugs, but they just wouldn’t listen.

14. Don’t you find it strange that after Monday(M) and Tuesday(T), the rest of the week says WTF?

15. Some people come into our lives and leave footprints on our hearts, while others come into our lives and make us wanna leave footprints on their face.

16. Why go to college? There’s Google.

17. The only way to make your PC go faster is to throw it out of a window.

18. Don’t be so humble—you’re not that great.

19. Oh Lord, give me patience, and GIVE IT TO ME NOW!

20. If someone makes you so angry take a deep breath, count on ten and kill him immediately.

21. If Con is an opposite of a Pro, then is Congress an opposite to Progress?

22. Under capitalism – man exploits man. Under communism it’s just the opposite.

23. I was sued by a woman who claimed that she became pregnant because she watched me on television and I bent her contraceptive coil. (Uri Geller)

24. Worry kills more people than work because more people worry than work.

25. A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.

26. I saw six men punching and kicking mother-in-law. My neighbor said "won't you help?". I said "no, six should be enough".

27. They’ve finally come up with the perfect office computer. If it makes a mistake, it blames another computer.

28. A good lawyer knows the law; a clever one takes the judge to lunch.

29. I’ve got problem for your solution.

30. I wish there was a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence. There’s a knob called ‘brightness’, but it doesn’t work.

31. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

32. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

33. Arguing about whether the glass is half full or half empty misses the point, which is this: the bartender cheated you.

34. If vegetarians eat vegetables, then what do humanitarians eat?

35. A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove you don’t need it.


(credit to funnyquotes4u.net)
#funny
  • Profile picture of the author Drakuul
    Clever! Love #11!
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