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The Silly Questions Tourists Ask...

by Thomas
17 replies
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According to the US National Parks Guides, Visit Scotland, Visit Britain, English Heritage, and the Australian Tourist Board, these are real questions that have been asked by tourists (I particularly like no. 6... are you reading this Bev!? ):

  1. "Are there any lakes in the Lake District?"
  2. "In what month is the May Day demonstration?"
  3. "What is the entry fee for Brighton?"
  4. "Why on earth did they build Windsor Castle on the flight path of Heathrow?"
  5. "Is this where Sharon and Ozzie actually live?" - Asked a visitor to Osborne House, Isle of Wight
  6. "Is Wales closed during the winter?"
  7. "Can you tell me who performs at the circus in Piccadilly?"
  8. "Why did they build so many ruined castles and abbeys in England?" - Asked a tourist at Whitby Abbey, North Yorkshire
  9. "What time do you switch the mist off?" - Asked a visitor to Dover Castle and the Secret Wartime Tunnels, in Kent
  10. "Do you have any information on (former Page 3 girl) Samantha Fox?"
  11. "Which bus do I get from the Orkney Islands to the Shetland Islands?"
  12. "What time of night does the Loch Ness monster surface and who feeds it?"
  13. "Is Edinburgh in Glasgow?"
  14. "Can I wear high heels in Australia?"
  15. "Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round?"
  16. "I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks?"
  17. "Which direction is North in Australia?"
  18. "Was this man-made?" - Asked a tourist at the Grand Canyon National Park
  19. "How much of the caves is underground?" - Asked a tourist at the Carlsbad Caverns National Park
  20. "Do you know of any undiscovered ruins?" - Asked a tourist at the Mesa Verde National Park
  • Profile picture of the author ThomM
    Well living near a city that for years had no businesses in the business district even though they left the signs up, and put up signs that said "Welcome to Troy, the home of Uncle Sam" the same year they tore his house down, I can see asking the first question.
    The rest just prove what Ron White always says, "You can't fix stupid".
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  • Profile picture of the author HeySal
    Out in Colorado it was "How old are the deer when they turn into elk".

    But it was fun as I was on the Continental Divide. As you may or may not know - water flows in different directions on either side of the divide on the West flowing toward the Pacific - on the East toward the Atlantic. So what is a fun thing to do with tourists? Yep. Tell them to stand on the divide and throw water over their heads. They, of course, are somewhat startled when they get wet. Go figure.
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    Sal
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  • Profile picture of the author Kurt
    As a former Las Vegas cab driver, I was asked this question at least 20 times:
    Do you live here?

    I wanted to respond:
    No, I actually live in Chicago and fly my private jet to Las Vegas daily just so I can haul your buffet butt from casino to casino. Where do you think I live?

    I had a cruise ship worker tell me he was constantly asked a similar question:
    Do you live onboard?

    I've even had tourists, that ventured off the Strip, see a Vons or Albertsons (grocery stores) comment:
    You have grocery stores here?

    I guess they think that everyone that lives in Las Vegas always eats out and has no need for grocery stores...


    And my favorite:
    Where can I win?

    A. Listen lady, if I knew that I wouldn't be driving this cab 60 hours a week, hauling your buffet butt from casino to casino.

    Now I remember why I love IM so much!!!!!!!
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  • Profile picture of the author derekwong28
    I have asked questions like these before!
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  • Profile picture of the author HeySal
    Gee Derek -- from you we'd expect more of the lines of:
    "Any interesting viruses around this time of year?"
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    Sal
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  • Profile picture of the author derekwong28
    No, I think my worse ones was along the lines "Do you eat turkey in Turkey?"
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  • Profile picture of the author artwebster
    Many of the beaches in southern Spain are washed away by winter storms and new sand has to be imported every spring.
    I well remember one tour guide telling his group "Look how careful we are - we even send the sand away to be washed!"
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  • Profile picture of the author andr102
    When I traveled in Europe by bus our turists always asked guide "Where are we? What money are here"
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  • Profile picture of the author Thomas Wilkinson
    People come to the south from "up north" and think because we talk more slowly
    and don't jibber jabber 100 miles an hour not to mention saying "Yes Ma'am and
    "No Sir" occasionally that we are all stupid. The one expression I hate the worst
    is "we don't do it that way up north" to the point where I have a bumper sticker
    on my work truck that says "We Don't Give A Rats Ass How You Do IT Up North."

    Sal: One of my coolest long time memories is going from late summer in Durango
    to late fall up on Wolf Creek Pass in an hour. I spent a couple of hours there one
    day in the park right on the top of the Divide. There are springs there where the
    water swirls around trying to decide whether to flow east where the Rio Grande
    begins or west where the Chaco River begins. At the east end of the park the Rio
    Grande is about 6 inches wide and maybe 3 inches deep.

    Tom
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    • Profile picture of the author ThomM
      People come to the south from "up north" and think because we talk more slowly
      and don't jibber jabber 100 miles an hour not to mention saying "Yes Ma'am and
      "No Sir" occasionally that we are all stupid. The one expression I hate the worst
      is "we don't do it that way up north" to the point where I have a bumper sticker
      on my work truck that says "We Don't Give A Rats Ass How You Do IT Up North."
      Even though I am a northern boy I never got that one either.
      But then I had already worked with a couple of southern chef's and was used to it. I also noticed that after a couple years down there in that humidity and heat I started talking real slow myself
      What bothered me down there was telling some one I was from Upstate New York. Always the first comment would be New York City?
      It got to the point I had to carry pictures of where I live to prove we had trees and streams and actual country in NY.
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      Getting old ain't for sissy's
      As you are I was, as I am you will be
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      • Profile picture of the author Thomas
        Originally Posted by ThomM View Post

        It got to the point I had to carry pictures of where I live to prove we had trees and streams and actual country in NY.
        I was amused to hear an American tourist a few years back remark that she didn't expect it to be "so city-like" when she landed in (the middle of the biggest city in) Ireland.
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  • Profile picture of the author Jared Alberghini
    Thx for the laugh Thomas, here's my favorite:

    "Which bus do I get from the Orkney Islands to the Shetland Islands?"

    All I can think of is: screen doors on submarines...
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  • Profile picture of the author HeySal
    Been there Tom - uh....didn't try to toss it over my head though, LOL.

    I've always wondered about tourists who carry on about "different from home". Duh...if you didn't want something different from home, why the hell didn't ya just stay there.
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    Sal
    When the Roads and Paths end, learn to guide yourself through the wilderness
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    • Profile picture of the author weegie
      Here are some more.....


      At Grand Canyon National Park:
      "Was this man-made?"
      "Is there an elevator to the bottom?"
      "Do you light it up at night?"
      "Is the mule train air-conditioned?"
      "Where are the faces of the presidents?"

      At Carlsbad Caverns National Park:
      "How much of the caves is underground?"
      "So whats in the unexplored part of the cave?"
      "Does it ever rain in here?"
      "So what is this, just a hole in the ground?"
      "How many ping pong balls would it take to fill it up?"

      At Everglades National Park:
      "Are the alligators real?"
      "Are the baby alligators for sale?"
      "When does the two o'clock bus leave?"

      At Yosemite National Park:
      "What time of year do you turn on Yosemite Falls?"
      "What happened to the other half of Half Dome?"

      At Alaska's Denali National Park:
      "What time do you feed the bears?"
      "How often do you mow the tundra?"
      "How much does Mount McKinley weigh?"

      At Mesa Verde National Park:
      "Did people build this, or did Indians?"
      "Do you know of any undiscovered ruins?"
      "Why did they build the ruins so close to the road?"
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      • Profile picture of the author Kay King
        In a Brussels hotel, a couple overheard my accent and introduced themselves as also from the U.S.

        I had just checked in and they had been out shopping. Riding up in the elevator, the woman remarked:

        "I can't believe how unAmerican the shops are here - some of these people can't even speak English."

        I managed to avoid them for the rest of my stay....

        kay
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        • Profile picture of the author myob
          My second son was born while I was stationed with my family in Ramstein Air Force Base, Germany in 1973. To this day, whenever asked where he was born (applications for job, credit, bank, and even in casual conversation), nearly every time he is also asked "Oh, is that in East or West Germany?" The funny thing is, these people are not even tourists!
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  • Profile picture of the author reiselaender
    I think that thing regarding high heels in australia is a bit pathetic. But I notice most are being asked at national parks, I guess park guides are now used to these types of silly questions.
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