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Toddler Home Crasher

by thunderbird
9 replies
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My wife relayed to me that our 3-year-old toddler was so playing with a young girl a couple of years older than him at the playground and they were having a merry old time. Then when the girl left with her mother, he started following them. My wife held him back, but he got so upset that the girl and her mother invited them over for a visit.

Once at their home, our toddler proceeded to walk around their home, inspecting every room, opening every door, even opening their refrigerator. The girl's mother was so amused she took him on a tour of her home. He was treated with nice snacks as well and the girl shared her toys with him.

This is not the first time this has happened. Similar things have transpired with other kids and their mothers. It's been when he's just with his mommy, not me (that would be awkward). I'm not totally sure what to make of this. It is kind of funny, though.
  • Profile picture of the author Kay King
    I think it's easy to see what to make of it. Your toddler is running the show. Understandable to be upset if a playmate leaves the playground - but he's learned if he makes enough fuss he might get to go with the playmate (you say it's happened more than once).

    He's learning, with Mom at least, that if he is upset "enough" he gets what he wants. Further, Mom seems to exert no discipline or control as he should never be allowed to simply access anything he wants in someone else's home.

    You've got a really cute little guy and he's obviously smart as a whip. However, you don't do him any favors when you don't set boundaries for him. What is cute and funny at 3 won't be cute at 6 and will be a real pain by 10. What you see as funny and precocious at 3 will be a problem for HIM when he goes to school.

    Children are master manipulators naturally. If you don't permit tantrums and demands - he doesn't pull that with you because it won't work. If your wife gives in to his fussing - he'll do it every time with her. Kids are smart that way - which is why parents have to be smarter.

    What's sad is I've seen parents who were highly permissive and gave in to every little demand or tantrum. It's the child that suffers as other parents begin to view him as a "brat" and that's not fair to him.
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    • Profile picture of the author Joe Mobley
      Kay,

      I find your second-nature perception of the merely obvious refreshing. Add to that the easy manner with which you address the problems head on without offering offense to anyone. Amazing.

      I, on the other hand would have thought something like...

      You need to address the discipline issue with the child in this situation... then straighten out the toddler.
      It seems I have a lot to learn yet.

      Joe Mobley


      Originally Posted by Kay King View Post

      I think it's easy to see what to make of it. Your toddler is running the show. Understandable to be upset if a playmate leaves the playground - but he's learned if he makes enough fuss he might get to go with the playmate (you say it's happened more than once).

      He's learning, with Mom at least, that if he is upset "enough" he gets what he wants. Further, Mom seems to exert no discipline or control as he should never be allowed to simply access anything he wants in someone else's home.

      You've got a really cute little guy and he's obviously smart as a whip. However, you don't do him any favors when you don't set boundaries for him. What is cute and funny at 3 won't be cute at 6 and will be a real pain by 10. What you see as funny and precocious at 3 will be a problem for HIM when he goes to school.

      Children are master manipulators naturally. If you don't permit tantrums and demands - he doesn't pull that with you because it won't work. If your wife gives in to his fussing - he'll do it every time with her. Kids are smart that way - which is why parents have to be smarter.

      What's sad is I've seen parents who were highly permissive and gave in to every little demand or tantrum. It's the child that suffers as other parents begin to view him as a "brat" and that's not fair to him.
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    • Profile picture of the author thunderbird
      Originally Posted by Kay King View Post

      I think it's easy to see what to make of it. Your toddler is running the show. Understandable to be upset if a playmate leaves the playground - but he's learned if he makes enough fuss he might get to go with the playmate (you say it's happened more than once).<snip>
      We're addressing this issue. He finds ways of enlisting other kids mothers to achieve his objectives -- by holding their hands, smiling at them, even told one mother that she was "cute," or maybe looking all sad and dejected -- since it is the other kids mothers who invite him in. If he was a cartoon, the audience would see right away what he's up to, lol.
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      • Profile picture of the author MissTerraK
        Originally Posted by thunderbird View Post

        We're addressing this issue. He finds ways of enlisting other kids mothers to achieve his objectives -- by holding their hands, smiling at them, even told one mother that she was "cute," or maybe looking all sad and dejected -- since it is the other kids mothers who invite him in. If he was a cartoon, the audience would see right away what he's up to, lol.
        Well, you don't always have to say yes when an invitation is extended. Maybe if you instead, set another date and time to both be at the park, it would help curb your son's "laying on the charm" to get what he wants.

        Terra
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        • Profile picture of the author thunderbird
          Originally Posted by MissTerraK View Post

          Well, you don't always have to say yes when an invitation is extended. Maybe if you instead, set another date and time to both be at the park, it would help curb your son's "laying on the charm" to get what he wants.

          Terra
          That's a good idea. He doesn't attempt his "lay on the charm" strategies when I'm around. I think he's actually sizing up adults to ascertain what strategies to implement, what would work with whom.
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          • Profile picture of the author Kay King
            since it is the other kids mothers who invite him in
            .....because he knows his Mom won't say "no"...and apparently she doesn't.

            Joe -

            The discipline issue isn't with the child...it's with his Mother who has a hard time saying "no" and seemingly has no rules for behavior.

            The child can manipulate his way to an invitation - but his Mom can say "no, we can't go there today". On a visit in someone else's home, Mom can prohibit her son from inspecting things/rooms he wasn't invited into.

            I think he's actually sizing up adults to ascertain what strategies to implement, what would work with whom.
            Of course he is - but why does his mother allow or encourage this kind of behavior?
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            • Profile picture of the author thunderbird
              Originally Posted by Kay King View Post

              .....because he knows his Mom won't say "no"...and apparently she doesn't.

              Joe -

              The discipline issue isn't with the child...it's with his Mother who has a hard time saying "no" and seemingly has no rules for behavior.<snip>
              That wouldn't be accurate. She draws a hard line when it comes to his safety and health or how he treats other kids. I guess the social situations kind of confuse things.

              Edit: While I don't condone it and will steer him away from acting like that, one positive outcome of his behavior is that it did open doors to friendships that otherwise would probably not have been opened.
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              • Profile picture of the author Kay King
                That wouldn't be accurate.
                Opinions were based on your original post.
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                • Profile picture of the author thunderbird
                  Originally Posted by Kay King View Post

                  Opinions were based on your original post.
                  That is understandable. So I felt the need to clarify things a little, to be fair.
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